Measure a life
by edwardfiend
Summary: The story of Tonks and Lupin if they had grown up together and gone to school together.Stretches from 1973 to 1998.
1. Prolouge

She felt like her heart had stopped beating. Her breath came in short gasps and all she wanted to do as she saw him fall to the rubble-strewn ground, a ground that they had walked so many times before, was scream. This couldn't be it. Not now that they had all they had ever wanted; they hadn't fought so hard for it all to end like this. As his assailant laughed manically a cold rage came over her. Never before had she wanted to kill so badly. The man ran off and she started to follow but was stopped by another cold laugh, one she knew all to well.

"Mourning your half breed hubby?" it cackled. "Don't worry you'll be with him soon enough!"

She turned back and sent up a shield before firing back. They fought fiercely, the two witches, neither one gaining the upper hand. All around them the grounds were lit up by the spell fire of other fighters, whose yells and screams drowned out any noise. She heard none of it. Even while she fought, deadness was building inside and it was a struggle to just keep pushing on. The only thing that kept her going was the knowledge that he would not want her to give up.

"Expeliarmus!"

As her wand went flying time seemed to slow down and even as she knew what was coming next she felt no regret except for their beautiful baby who would have to grow up with out them.

She felt no pain as the spell hit her and the last thing she saw before the unknowing took over was his face, looking peaceful. The face of the man she had loved for what seemed like her whole life; the other half of her soul.


	2. First meeting

**AN 2010: I do not own or have the rights to the Harry Potter books.I am simply playing around with the concepts and characters.I wouldn't mind owning Remus though ;) AN 2012: I am editing some of the chapters, but there will be no major changes to the story, just in grammar and such. Its been driving me mad. :/  
**

Remus Lupin, Werewolf, Marauder and Third Year flopped down in his usual seat at his usual table in the Hogwarts Library and sighed in dejection. He needed quiet, and that day the incessant antics of his three best friends were driving him crazy. He had just stormed out of the common room after making a few cutting remarks and now he was regretting it. The full moon was in two days and he felt tired, rundown and irritated. Impatiently, he pushed the fringe of his sandy hair out of his amber-brown eyes and tried to focus on rewriting his Defense Against the Dark Arts essay.

He was able to write three paragraphs before the quiet of the library was pierced by the sound of someone crying. It was muffled, as if whoever it was, was attempting to hold in their sobs, but he could hear it none-the less. No one else seemed to have taken notice though. Looking up Remus saw a girl sitting at a table across the room. The table was half hidden behind a set of shelves and the girl had her head resting on it, her arms underneath for support. Her hair was blinding he noticed, an eye smartening yellow. Sitting there watching her cry made him feel like some sort of peeping tom, as if he was intruding on some tableau moment.

Slowly, almost hesitantly, he rose and went to the girl's table. Upon closer inspection he saw that she was quite small and a bit younger then he first thought. Probably a first year, he mused.

"Do you mind if I sit here," Remus asked kindly.

The girl didn't look up from the table although she was now trying to hold her sobs in. Slowly she shook her yellow haired head.

He sat opposite her and for a few minutes the only sound from either of them were her soft sniffles.

"Are you alright? He finally asked, then cursed himself. Of course she wasn't, why else would she be crying. "That is to say, why are you crying back here?"

The girl had yet to look up at him, but she mumbled, "I'm fine. Bad day is all."

Her accent, he noticed, was harsher than his. Like Sirius' and his own fathers. Probably lives in London, he mused.

"Well I know we don't know each other, but can I ask what happened? It's just that I was sitting over there and I heard you crying…."he trailed off. She finally looked up at him. Her eyes, a deep grey colour, were puffy and red ringed. And her heart shaped face was pale and streaked with tears.

"Sorry," She said sadly as she sniffed. "I didn't mean to disturb you, really."

Remus frowned. "No, its fine really. I wasn't really doing anything, but I heard you and couldn't help wondering what was wrong."

She was still sniffling although her tears had stopped. "Here," he said, reaching into the pocket of his robes and pulling out a handkerchief. She smiled slightly as he handed it to her.

"R.J.L." She read looking at it; she then wiped her eyes and handed it back to him. "What's that stand for?"

"Oh. Remus Lupin," he said. How had he come over here and not introduced himself? Really what had gotten into him today? First yelling at Sirius and now introducing himself to strange girls with even stranger yellow hair. He then realized he hadn't even asked her name.

"I'm Tonks," she supplied, drawing a pattern on the table with her finger.

"Tonks?" he asked curious. He knew that name…

"Yeah. Tonks. Just Tonks. Your friends with my cousin yeah?"

"Uh…" he thought for a moment. Her cousin. If her name was Tonks, or just Tonks or whatever she had said, then...

"Oh. Your Sirius' cousin, yes?"

She nodded. Her complexion was now clearing and she hadn't shed a tear since finally looking up.

"Yup. Haven't seen him yet though. He talks a lot about you, that's how I knew who you where when your said your name."

"So, your Nymphadora."

She scowled. "Don't call me that. Please. Its just Tonks, ok?"

Remus smiled. "Ok, just Tonks."

She rolled her eyes but smiled slightly.

"So why are you back here crying?" he asked gently, leaning forward and putting an elbow on the table.

Tonks sighed. "Its stupid. I mean I'm ashamed of myself for even crying, just had a really bad day you know? And I was handling it fine until Shannon Finnegan made a comment about me being a freak. Normally that doesn't set me off you know? But I was feeling a bit tetchy already. Besides," she said bitterly, "she's probably right. Everyone in my house thinks I'm some kind of dark creature or something because I'm a Metamorphmagus."

Remus felt a spasm of anger. Dark creature…. he knew what that was like. If anyone ever found out about him he would receive the same treatment. He was lucky his friends had accepted him so easily after finding out. But he knew not everyone was like them.

"You are not a dark creature," he said vehemently. "Far from it. And I doubt your whole house doesn't like you. This Shannon Finnegan, did you say her name was? She is most likely just jealous or she doesn't understand. When people don't understand something they can act more harsh then they normally would."

She was looking at him skeptically now.

"You really have nothing to be ashamed of," he said more gently. "Everyone has there quirky traits; yours is just more obvious then others. And it makes you unique. You have something that no one else has. So of course they are going to be jealous. Not everyone thinks that way though. Just try and brush it off."

Tonks seemed to be thinking so he said no more, instead, looking around the library. He really should find a book to help with that essay on cheering charms while he was there.

"Thanks Remus." She was looking a lot better now and she smiled genuinely at him. It was a pretty smile, he thought. A little crooked, but still pretty.

"So," he said smiling as well. "You mean to tell me that you've gone half a year without enjoying the pleasant company of your cousin?"

Tonks laughed. "Pleasant is one way to put it. Me, I would have used a more descriptive word. "

"He can be a little crazy at times," Remus conceded, still smiling. Now that she was no longer sobbing he was really enjoying talking to her.

Tonks snorted. "Crazy is putting it mildly. But yeah, I've wanted to talk to him but I never seem to catch him. Oh well, I'll see him this summer probably. He always comes to visit mum."

"What house are you in? I don't even remember seeing you being sorted." He glanced at her hair. He was sure he would have remembered someone so colorful.

"Well I had my natural appearance then. Mum insisted." She rolled her eyes. "I'm in Hufflepuff. My dad went crazy when he found out. He was one too."

They lapsed in to silence and Remus was just thinking that he should probably go and apologize to Sirius, or else he would make dinner miserable with his sulking, when she suddenly said, "thanks, for coming over here I mean. You didn't have to. And under normal circumstances I would probably being talking your head off. In fact next time we meet I probably will. Then you'll be cursing your self and saying why did I ever talk to that Tonks girl, she's mad!"

Remus laughed and received a nasty look from Madam Pince. "Well, you have given me fair warning so I really can't complain." He looked at his watch. "Are you going to dinner? I have to go find Sirius."

She nodded and stood gathering her things. "Why do you need to find him?"

Remus sighed. "I may have bitten his head off earlier," he said a little guiltily. He really did feel bad. After all it really had been James fault.

"Git probably deserved it," she said happily as they left the library. "What did he do?"

"Well it was more James' fault really. You've heard of him too yes? Well he made a comment about this sixth year Sirius Fancys and they got into a bit of a tussle. Sirius went flying into the table that I had my homework on and sent it flying over."

"That's not that bad."

"No. But the table was the one close to the fire. Lets just say that I am now down two essays and a text book."

Tonks laughed heartily at that. He really didn't think it was that funny, but it was better than how she had been acting half an hour earlier.

"Well I better go," Tonks said. They had reached the great hall. A tall black haired girl had just spotted Tonks from the Hufflepuff table and leaned over to whisper to her friend "I'll see you later then."

"Remember, try not to worry about what she says." Remus indicated the girl with a tilt of his head. Some how he knew this was Shannon.

"I'll try." She smiled slightly at him and made her way to the Hufflepuff table. Remus quickly headed for his own house table.

"Here he is," Peter said as he sat down.

"Where'd you go?" James was shoveling potatoes on to his plate and didn't look up as he asked this.

"Library."

Remus turned to Sirius who was sat opposite James. "Sirius I…"

"Don't worry about it mate," he said as he too shoved potatoes on to his plate, no doubt on his second or third helping. "Know how you get around this time of the month." He said this more quietly so that no one who was eavesdropping could here.

Remus nodded gratefully and started on his kidney pie. "I just met your cousin Nymphadora."

"Oh, please tell me you called her that," Sirius said a gleam in his eye. "She hates it."

"So I found out. She was in the library, a bit upset."

"Is she ok?" while Sirius couldn't stand his family, Tonks was part of the only decent part of it. He didn't like to think of anything happening to her.

"I think she is now. A girl in her year, Shannon Finnegan, was giving her trouble. I think she may have it handled now."

"Shannon Finnegan?" James said overhearing. "Isn't she Mark's sister?"

"Mark?" Peter asked through a month of pie.

"Keep your mouth closed Peter," Sirius said as some pie hit his nose. "She's that bird with the legs right?"

"She's only in first year Sirius, and every girl is that bird with the legs to you."

Sirius smirked. For being only just turned 14 he was already cultivating an appreciation for the fairer sex.

"Who's Mark?" Peter asked again, somewhat impatiently.

"That Hufflepuff beater. You now the one who Sirius knocked off his broom last match?" James said starting on the treacle tart.

"Oh yeah." Sirius grinned. "That was a good hit. He was out for a least three hours."

And then the three of them were off discussing Quidditch, or rather James and Sirius discussed it and Peter listened with rapt attention.

Remus just smiled and shook his head. It always led back to Quidditch. He glanced over at the Hufflepuff table and saw Tonks was no longer there. He hoped she would take his advice.

It really was nice talking to her, he mused as both James and Sirius broke into raucous laughter over something one or the other had said.

Part of him hoped he could do so again soon. He had a feeling that he and Tonks would get along rather well.


	3. Summer 1975

**A/N: Anything recognizable is not mine!**

"I can't believe your wearing a long sleeved shirt!" James exclaimed when he saw Remus come out of his house. "It's got to be 100 degrees out here mate." He himself was wearing a loose black t-shirt with the image of a wasp on it and kaki shorts.

Remus shrugged. "It's not that hot out," he said nonchalantly looking down the lane. Sirius should be showing up any moment and he said he was bringing someone…

James took in Remus's peaky appearance and tired eyes and sighed.

"Bad full moon." It wasn't a question; more of a realization and James didn't expect his friend to answer; he knew what he could be like. When the others weren't around he and Remus often talked about it or at least as much as Remus was willing to talk. He knew not to push, though sometimes it was hard to tell what Remus was really thinking and feeling.

"Look, you know Sirius won't say anything and you could just tell…"

"It's fine James," Remus said shortly. He turned and looked at his friend and smiled slightly, his face giving nothing away. "Really. I'm used to it and I actually don't find it all that hot out. Besides we'll be near the water, it's always cooler down there."

James wasn't about to give up though. If he could hound Evans for four years and still not take no for an answer, then he certainly wasn't about to give up on his friend.

"You won't have to deal with it alone anymore soon," he said brightly, trying to take another tact. "Sirius and I reckon we've almost got the change down and I swear Peter had whiskers last time."

Remus smiled but didn't say anything. He appreciated what his friends were trying to do and if it helped than that was more than he could ever hope for. But at the same time he didn't want to get his hopes up too much; it would only make the dissapointment worse if they failed.

Just then a figure appeared on the lane. It was oddly misshapen and was walking rather quickly. As it got closer both boys were able to make out a shock of black and one of pink.

"Is he..?" James asked already cracking up at the sight.

"Yes he is." Remus too was trying not to laugh, although it was a near thing. For coming up the lane were none other than Sirius Black and Nymphadora Tonks, the later carrying the 13 year old on his back. What was so funny, aside from the fact that Sirius was acting as mule, was the contrasting looks on the cousin's faces. Sirius's face was red from exertion, and he looked like he was ready to murder Tonks in her sleep, while she was smiling serenely.

By the time Sirius made it to the Lupin's gate, James was practically rolling around having lost the fight with his amusement and given in.

"Oh yeah, its alright laugh," Sirius said sarcastically. "You didn't have to carry this great budge all the way from the village."

"Oh I'm not that heavy!" Tonks said hopping off his back and immediately falling backward. "Bugger." She cursed as landed on her rear in the dirt. "Wotcher Remus, James."

"There's your Karma for making me carry you." Sirius grinned. "I swear she made herself heavier on purpose."

"I did not. You know I can't do that," Tonks protested as Remus pulled her to her feet, but the look on her face suggested that she most likely could and had.

Sirius snorted. "Right." He turned to Remus. "When is your floo going to be fixed, that old bat at the pub in the village told me off today for getting ash on the floor. Not that it made much of a difference, she can't have cleaned it since the 40's," he muttered.

Remus shrugged. "Someone was supposed to come this morning but they're not coming till next week. End of the month probably."

"Where's Peter?" Sirius looked around as if he would see Peter hiding behind the begonias.

"Not coming," James said inspecting the bag Sirius had brought. "Oh, Fire whiskey;nice one mate. His mother won't let him, something about his gran. He owled me this morning."

Remus glanced at the sky. The sun would be setting in an hour or two. "We should go."

James stopped his inspection of the bag and glanced up too. "Oh yeah." He thrust the bag back at Sirius who gave a disgruntled "Oi!", but said no more as they set off down the lane towards the sea.

"So you do this every year then?" Tonks asked falling in step with Remus.

He nodded. "For the past three at least. Peter is usually here as well, but his grandmother was ill. He'll be upset he missed it."

"Yeah, we'll probably be hearing about it for days, eh James?" Sirius chuckled, rolling his eyes.

"Three at least," James agreed.

"So what do you do?" Tonks tripped over a rock and Remus reached out a hand to steady her.

"Thanks," She said blushing slightly. Sirius noticed and nudged James nodding at their friend and his cousin. They shared a look and James raised a brow shaking his head. He knew what his best mate was at and he didn't think Remus would go for it. He had already sworn he would never enter into a relationship; he didn't want to expose any one else to his "Furry problem".

"Well, it's nothing really. We go down to the beach there, down by the tidal pools, build a large fire and take turns drinking a shot. It used to be butter beer, but evidently Sirius has decided we're ready for stronger stuff."

"Live a little Remus!" Sirius said from behind them. "We're not gonna get pissed or anything!"

Remus snorted derisively. Some how he doubted that. "Any way you drink your shot and make a resolution for that year at school. If the resolution comes true then the others in the group owe you a galleon. If it doesn't then you drink three shots in succession."

"Drinking games and gamboling? I'm shocked at you Remus Lupin. And I always thought you were the good one." Tonks said teasingly shaking her head in disbelief.

"Oh Lupin's a good boy alright. At least compared to us."

"Yes well, anyone is good compared to you two," Remus said as they headed down the path to the beach. " 20 detentions last year, I don't know how you find the time to get anything done."

"Us?" James asked grinning. "What about you? Half those detentions you should have been there with us. At least five of them you were."

"It's not my fault you two are so easily caught," Remus grinned.

"Well that'll change soon," James said under his breath. They almost had the map ready. Maybe in a few months…

"So, I don't have to ask you Sirius, I know what your answer will be, but did either of you two make perfect?" Tonks asked curiously. She thought she knew what the answer would be, since meeting Remus two years ago she had been observing the Marauders.

"Perfect? Yeah right, that's a laugh. Although my mum would have been really happy," James mused.

"Yeah. But it would be nice to have an in you know? Someone who can get us out of detention. Peter wouldn't have gotten it though. He's too timid. He'd go to tell a first year off and the first year would end up telling him off."

"Bet you Evans is one," James said as they reached the two logs that were placed together like benches around a fire pit.

"Probably. What do you think Remus?"

"Well," Remus said avoiding his friend's eyes. "I guess I'll find out into two days seeing as I was made one."

For a moment James and Sirius stood there stunned. Watching them Tonks had to stifle a laugh. James' mouth was hanging open and Sirius just kept blinking.

"Am I hearing things or did he just say he was made a perfect?"

"Couldn't be. I heard him too."

The two of them then started laughing hysterically.

Remus scowled. "For Merlin's sake it's not that funny!"

"Oh but it is," Sirius said wiping his eyes and clapping Remus on the shoulder. "It's bloody hilarious. Looks like we'll be getting in a little less trouble this year mate."

"Oh yes, just assume that I'll get you out of detention."

"You know you will Remus." James was extracting the bottle of Fire whiskey and four shot glasses from Sirius' bag.

Remus didn't protest but gave his friend a sour look, which made Tonks finally loose the battle to hold her laughter back. By the time she had calmed down again they had a large fire going in the pit. The flames were blue and green from the driftwood they had used.

"Right, so James has to drink three shots, seeing as his resolution to get Evans to talk civilly to him fell through."

"This year will be the year, I can feel it. She will say yes." James said after downing the shots; his eyes were watering.

"So we know what James resolution will be, no surprise," Sirius rolled his eyes good naturedly. "And Remus and mine came thru so we all owe a galleon."

"What was yours?" Tonks asked Remus. She had sat beside him, something that didn't go unnoticed to Sirius. "Oh. To stop worrying so much and be a bloody teenager, as Sirius would say."

"Something he succeed greatly with I think." Sirius Poured Fire whiskey into the glasses and handed them around. "Mine was to get Laura Prince to kiss me. Which I did, with interest," He said wagging his eyebrows.

"You are such a git," Tonks shook her head.

"So I'll go first yes?" James asked. The other three nodded. "Right, so this year I resolve that I'll get Lily Evans to not only talk civilly to me but to also agree to go out with me." He raised his glass then threw it back, now looking a little tipsy.

"No more Fire whiskey for him," Remus warned as Sirius raised his glass. "This year I resolve to cause more trouble then before. Especially if it involves snivillous, the greasy git." He downed his shot.

"I resolve to keep you two from getting expelled, as you surely will at the rate your going." Remus threw back his shot, trying not to cough as it seared his throat.

"You're just asking to get drunk there," Tonks said happily as she raised hers. "Right, so I resolve to try and be nicer to Shannon Finnegan and to not steal her thong and put it on the statue of Bormey the fearless like I did last year."

"That was you?!" Sirius laughed as she drank. "That was brilliant! The whole school was talking about it for days; I've never seen McGonagall go so red."

Tonks bowed a little causing her to fall off the log. "Bugger!"

"So can I come again next year?" She asked some time later as they were headed back to Remus'. Sirius was in front of them supporting an intoxicated James which was not working out too well as he himself was inebriated.

"You want to?" he asked surprised. "I mean you don't think we're being silly."

"Nah. Watching Sirius and James get pissed was fun. But yeah, I want to come again."

"Well then you can," he said, slightly pleased. He liked the idea of her being there, it felt right.

They had now reached the Lupin's gate and Sirius and James were doing a resounding and off key performance of God Rest Ye Merry Hippogriffs.

"I better get this one to bed." Remus said gesturing to James. They had agreed he should sleep off the alcohol at Remus'.

'"Yeah, I better get Sirius home. His mum is gonna love this. Maybe I can convince mine to let him stay, he doesn't need any more trouble then he gets." She slung Sirius's arm around her shoulders and started to half drag him down the lane.

"See you at school!" she called back, waving once before disappearing around the bend.


	4. Rainy day interlude

**A/N: Not mine. I will take Remus and Sirius though. Two for one package deal,haha!**

The rain was coming down hard, drenching everything and everyone who was unfortunate enough to be out in it. Tonks was one of the few, but unlike her class mates she didn't run for cover, instead trudging slowly up the hill from the green houses, apparently lost in thought. What do I do? She wondered miserably as she got nearer to the castle. I mean it's not like he'll ever ask me out or anything. She thought back to just before Herbology and shuddered. You're such an idiot Tonks! She cursed herself. There you are asked out for the first time, by a cute boy no less, and all you can do is stammer and say you'll have to think about it. He probably hates me now. So distracted was she with her thoughts that Tonks didn't see the figure standing under a tree just to her right.

"Nymphadora?"

She stopped and backtracked, smiling slightly when she saw whom it was. "Don't call me Nymphadora Remus," she admonished as she stepped under the tree.

He, like her, was soaked from the rain and the fringe of his sandy hair stuck to his face, obscuring the eyes she had come to love. They were like no other eyes she had ever seen before, a warm brown, that was so dark it was like Amber, with flecks of gold. His right eye had more flecks then his left she knew. Merlin, she thought as he pushed his fringe out his eyes and smiled at her, why does he have to be so beautiful?

"Taking a stroll in the rain?" he asked

"What?" she frowned shaken from her musing. "Oh no. I mean I guess. I was on my way back from Herbology. Got too caught up in thinking I suppose. What're you doing out here."

"Waiting for James, Sirius and Peter. Professor Kettleburn is yelling at them, something about causing a herd of unicorn to stampede."

Tonks raised a quizzical brow. "I thought Unicorns were studied in third year?"

Remus raised both brows at her, as he did very often and suppressed a grin. "They are."

Then they were both laughing. It was moments like this that made her not want to consider going out with someone else. If she was being quite honest with herself she knew that she had a rather large crush on Remus.

"I've been thinking," he said after their laughter had died down. "You really do have a lovely name."

Tonks snorted and rolled her eyes. "Now you're just taking the piss. No one could ever think Nymphadora is lovely except my mother and I'm pretty sure she was high on PCP when she named me."

Remus shook his head, sending his fringe back into his eyes. He automatically pushed it away and said, "No I really do think its lovely. And as I had started to say, I don't really like calling you Tonks. It seems impersonal somehow."

Tonks thought about this for a moment. "Everyone calls me Tonks though, except for my parents. What's wrong with it?"

"Nothing," Remus said assuredly. "And if we were only acquaintances I wouldn't care, but we're friends and it doesn't feel right to me. I mean I don't call Sirius, Black or Peter just Pettigrew."

She could see the logic behind that, but she didn't know what to suggest he call her. Definitely not Nymph, that was almost as bad as Nymphadora.

"Got any suggestions then?"

Remus appeared to be thinking. "What about Dora?" he asked at length.

Dora. It was what her father called her and never before had she let anyone else. But it didn't feel wrong for Remus to call her that. Yes, it would definitely be okay.

She smiled. "Fine. You can call me Dora." She rolled her eyes and punched him in the shoulder lightly. "Only you would insist on using proper first names."

Remus only smiled, and she found herself thinking back to the incident before Herbology. Should she say something? After all he was her friend, and in many ways the closest she had ever had. Even if she did fancy him.

"Michael Collagen asked me out before Herbology," Tonks found herself blurting.

For a moment Remus stared at her, seemingly shocked at her abrupt announcement.

"And I wanted to say yes, sort of. Maybe. But all I could do was stammer like some fool and basically stick my foot in my mouth and tell him I would think about it," She rambled even though her brain was telling her she should shut up.

"And I… he's really really cute and good at Qudditch, which would just make Cally rant if I went out with him cause he's her rival, but it's the first time anyone has ever asked me out, but you know what that's like yeah? I mean tons of girls must be after you, and I don't even know why I'm telling you all this." She finished seeing that his dazed look had been replaced with one of amusement.

"Dora," He said laughing. "I honestly didn't understand a word of what you just said except something about Michael Collagen asking you out and your friend Cally and Qudditch."

Tonks blushed scarlet, and her hair turned the same colour as her cheeks. "Sorry, I was rambling a bit wasn't I?"

"A bit? Dora you didn't stop to breath once. Now as to your Collagen issue you should say yes, if I understood you correctly. It's only one date it won't commit you to him for life."

Over her shoulder he could see Peter heading up the hill and toward the tree.

"Right. I'll do that. It's only one date."

Peter had entered under the tree by then.

"Wotcher Peter." She said, her hair going back to it's regular pink.

"Hello Tonks," He turned to his friend. "They've got detention for a week starting after dinner tonight."

Remus raised a brow. "How did you get out of it then?"

Peter smiled. Tonks couldn't help noticing at that moment that there was something distinctly rodent like about him. "James told Kettleburn it was all he and Sirius' doing."

Remus sighed. "Where are they?"

Peter cast a look at Tonks as if to say not in front of her. She tried not to taek it personally, she had a feeling that Peter didn't like her.

"Ah." Remus nodded and turned to her. "I have to go Dora, see you later?"

Tonks nodded, a little confused, but she didn't pry. Remus was allowed to have his secrets. She knew there was a lot of stuff he kept from her.

"Yeah. See you later." She watched as the two boys headed back out into the rain before she herself headed back up to the school.

Time to find Michael, she resolved. After all, it didn't look like Remus had any inclination of her true feelings toward him. It would probably be best to keep it that way. Besides, she told herself almost bitterly, he wouldn't want to go out with you any way.


	5. Anamagi at last

**AN:Not mine** **:) I just wanted to say thank you to all those who reviewed or added me to their favourites or to story alerts. It made me feel good after a long day.**

"Psst!"

Remus rolled over and snuggled deeper in to his pillow. He had been having the strangest dream involving a Sirius that looked like the Mad Hatter from the Muggle book he had borrowed from his mother.

"Psst. Reeeemusss." Now James was there as the March Hare and they were trying to force tea on him.

"Oi! Lupin!" Remus felt himself being wrenched from his bed and only just stuck an arm out as he landed on the floor in a tangle of blankets.

"What in the name of Merlin's sagy Y fronts are you doing?" he asked hotly as he tried to stand and detangle himself from the blankets.

"Peter, go help Remus," Sirius ordered as he sat on the edge of Remus's bed.

Peter complied right away, grabbing an end of the blanket and pulling. Sometimes Remus thought that Peter would jump off the astronomy tower if James or Sirius told him to.

"They just came for Mary," James said quietly as he too came to sit on Remus's four-poster. "We heard McGonagall in the common room. She didn't even tell us off for being out of bed."

"What happened?" Remus had finally managed to work his way out of the blanket, and now all four of the Marauders were sitting on the bed.

"Death eaters, I reckon. I heard McGonagall say something about the Dark Mark," Sirius said bitterly, thinking of his cousin Bellatrix and her husband Rudolphas.

"They got her family?" Peter asked shivering. He had not been in the common room at that moment.

"Her mum," James said sadly.

"Is this why you woke me up?"

Sirius actually smiled. "No. But we figured we better get the bad news out of the way first." Now he was grinning and James and Peter also looked pleased.

"You three look like the cat that swallowed the canary. What is it?"

"We've done it mate," James said clapping him on the shoulder. "We've become animagi."

Remus didn't know what to say. After three years he hardly believed it was true. "Can I see? I mean is there room enough for you to show me?" he didn't realize it but he sounded dazed.

"There should be. You go first James."

James stood up and moved away from the bed so he had more space. Then with one last smile at Remus, he closed his eyes, and began to change. Remus stared. Before him, where his friend used to be, stood a great white stag.

"My turn." Peter hopped off the bed and then closed his eyes like James had. In less then minute a rat sat where he had stood, it's long skinny tale twitching like a pink worm.

"Bloody hell," Remus ran a hand through his hair.

Sirius laughed and clapped him on the back. "Just wait mate, there's more." He then proceeded to close his eyes as well. Soon a large black dog was sitting beside Remus. The dog barked and then licked Remus face.

"Oh, Sirius did you really have to?" James asked, having just turned back.

Instead of changing back Sirius leaped off the bed and at Peter who squeaked and ran across the room.

"So," James sat beside Remus. "what do you think?"

"I think I have the most amazing friends anyone could ask for," Remus said now coming out of his daze. He still couldn't believe it. They had actually done it. To help him. Never did he think he would have friends like them, it just wasn't fathomable being what he was. And yet here they were breaking the law for him.

"Your more then just our friend Remus," James said seriously, a rare thing for him. "Your our brother. We would do anything for you, just like we knew you would do anything for us."

"Oi, you two stop being so mushy over there. You know how I love a feel good moment," Sirius exclaimed as he dropped on to his own bed. Peter had now also returned to his normal self.

'Well if you weren't so busy padding around the room after Peter, you could have participated."

"Padding? I do not pad," he scoffed.

"You do. In fact if I didn't know you were there I wouldn't have ever heard you," Remus said smirking at the affronted look on his friends face.

"Are you calling me light of foot? Just because I'm good looking does not mean I'm a poof. Padfoot indeed," he grumbled rolling over.

"Padfoot. Hmm it does have a certain ring to it eh Remus?" James asked biting back a smile.

"Absolutely."

"Right. So from now on Sirius will be known as Padfoot."

Sirius sat up, an evil twinkle in his eye. " Fine. But If I have to be Padfoot then you all have one too."

"Nicknames?" Peter asked dropping on to his bed. It was three in the morning.

"Right. James can be Prongs."

"Prongs? What for?"

"Because of your antlers," Remus supplied catching on.

"Exactly." Sirius grinned. "No need to think of what to call Peter. That tail of his is so long and pink you'd think it was a real worm."

"Wormtail." James grinned too, getting into the spirit of the conversation.

"So that only leaves Remus," Peter yawned. "What'd we call him?"

"I've always been partial to loopy," Sirius chuckled, grinning.

"Please don't. It's bad enough when Peeves calls me that," Remus said making a face. In truth he didn't mind when Peeves called him that but he wasn't about to let his friends pick it up.

"Has to be something to do with his furry problem," James said thinking.

"What about something to do with the moon?"

Sirius thought too. "What about Moony?"

"Yeah, I like it. What do you think Peter? Moony a good name for Remus?" James asked.

"Peter?" There was a loud snore from the corner bed.

Sirius shook his head. "Useless. He's gone to sleep.'

James shrugged. "Doesn't matter. From now on we're the four Marauders, Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs."

"Well when you say it like that I guess it does have a certain ring to it," Sirius conceded.

Remus just shook his head. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. He had to agree with Sirius it did indeed have a certain ring to it.


	6. Breaking up with a Quidditch star

"Visit to Hogsmead," Cally gushed excitedly as she plopped down beside Tonks in the common room.

Tonks smiled at her friend's excitement but didn't quite feel it herself. She had been to Hogsmead many times with her mother as a child. Andromeda liked to shop away from the main stream of Diagon Alley if she could. While she liked the village well enough, it was her up coming date with Michael that had her dreading the excursion. Why didn't she just say she was planning on being sick that day? Right. Because you can't just plan to be sick, you idiot, she told herself. There's that plan shot.

"Tonks? What's the matter?" Cally asked finally noticing her friend wasn't sharing in her excitement.

Cally came from a family of 10, as such over the years she had developed strong observational skills. It came from watching to make sure no one stole her breakfast, among other things. She could tell when something was bothering her friend.

"It's that Michael Collagen isn't it? I told you not to go out with him."

"He's just so boring Cal. I mean all he talks about is the greatest Quidditch moves ever made by him, the greatest player Quidditch has ever seen!"

"Don't hold back love," Cally said smiling with amusement. "Tell me how you really feel."

"He doesn't even know how to laugh!" Tonks said not even noticing her friend had said anything. "His idea of a joke is that the Chudely Canons are in first place. He's obsessed with his looks; the other day he freaked out cause a snowflake was in his hair. And if I have to hear one more bloody question about changing different parts of my body, I'm going to punch him!"

"He asked you that?!"Cally asked outraged. "Dump his sorry arse! You're too young for a serious boyfriend any way."

"You know what?" Tonks said standing, looking determined, "I will. I'm going right now. He's probably out on the Quidditch pitch regaling his fans with 10 ways he saved Hufflepuff from loosing the last game."

Tonks was right. When she reached the Quidditch pitch Michael was talking to a gaggle of girls. He smiled widely when he saw her coming toward him, not even noticing that she did not return his greeting.

"Tonks, your just in time to hear about my-"

She didn't let him finish. "That's great Michael, but I need to talk to you. Away from your fan club."

"Well I'm really quite busy, can't you just say what ever it is now? Besides isn't that friend of yours waiting for you somewhere? You know that shabby one. What's his name, Lupin?

Tonks smirked. He really shouldn't have brought Remus into it. It had been one of the things that annoyed her the most about him. She wasn't allowed to have male friends but he could have a gaggle of girls following him and it was okay.

"If you really want me to. Look Michael, the thing of it is us going out just isn't going to work. You see you're an egotistical prat. And since you're so consumed with you, yourself and Quidditch, I just don't think there's room for me. Goodbye Michael." She started to walk away leaving him with his mouth hanging open.

When she was about six feet away she turned back and yelled so every one could hear. "And yes, foot odor is a problem! It is not normal if your feet smell like goat cheese!"

She then resumed walking feeling happier then she had in months.+++

"You said that? In front of all of those people? You are officially my hero!" Cally expunged. "What did his face look like? I wish I was there, that's something I want to fix in my memory."

"Well he provoked me. I didn't plan on insulting him in front of everyone, but honestly he had it coming."

They were sitting by the fire in the common room. They were the only people left; the rest had gone to bed over an hour ago.

"You're still going to Hogsmead though; Zander won't mind if you hang out with us." Zander was Cally's fifth year boyfriend. He was a bit strange, Tonks thought, and with her long black hair and black Irish looks Cally could have had anyone. Tonks had even seen Sirius eying her occasionally. But Zander seemed to make her happy, and really she supposed that was what mattered.

"No thanks. I have no desire to play third wheel. I'll just stay here and do homework or something." She glanced out the window at the full moon. "It's late. We should probably get to bed."

The next day Tonks said good-bye to Cally and made her way back to the Hufflepuff common room. As soon as she got back she decided that maybe it wasn't the best place to be. The common room was unusually packed for a Hogsmead day, but that didn't stop her from seeing Shannon Finnegan talking up Michael. Quickly, before either of them could spot her, Tonks ran for her dorm and grabbed her cloak and some mitts. Being outside in the cold was a far better alternative then listening to her ex- boyfriend and her archenemy flirt.

When she got outside, snow was falling; whirling in white spirals through the air. Tonks inhaled and sighed, throwing her head back and sticking out her tongue to catch the flakes. She and her father used to do this when she was a small child and it was a habit she could never seem to break.

"Your tongue will freeze if you stay like that," said a hoarse voice. She smiled and opened her eyes, straightening up.

"Maybe I want it to. I'm trying to make a toungcyical. Wotcher Remus."

Remus smiled, but it didn't fully reach his eyes, which had an exhausted look to them. In fact, now that she looked at him fully she realized that he was pale and wane looking.

"Are you alright? You look like shit."

He laughed and the sound echoed in the cold air. "You are definitely related to Sirius. He said the same thing to me this morning. I'm fine. I've just been a little sick that's all."

Tonks frowned. "A little sick? You look like death warmed over. Why aren't you in the hospital wing?"

"I convinced Madam Pomfrey that what I needed was fresh air, not an easy feat to be sure. I was surprised to see you here. Why aren't you in Hogsmead?"

Tonks was not fooled, nor was she distracted from the original topic. She could tell he was in pain just by looking at him. But if he didn't want to talk about it then she wouldn't push. She knew he would tell her what was really going on when and if he was ready.

"Didn't feel like going. I broke up with Michael yesterday."

"I'm sorry," he said in sympathy, even though he wasn't. He had never liked Michael.

Tonks snorted. "Don't be. I'm not; he was a complete arse. If I had to hear one more time about 100 greatest plays by Michael Collagen then I think I would have done myself in."

"Well then, I'm not sorry in the least, it sounds like he got what he deserved. I heard that you had dumped him. I believe something about his feet smelling like goat cheese was mentioned." He reached into the pocket of his cloak and pulled out a bar of Hunydukes. "Chocolate?"

"What is with you and chocolate?" she asked accepting a piece. "And yeah, I may have let slip that he has an embarrassing foot fungi problem."

"Yes, his admires did seem a little more reluctant to get close to him this morning. Of course that didn't stop them from following a few feet behind."

Tonks shook her head and the snow that had been accumulating there fell off, showering her in a cloud of white. "It won't last."

They stood there for a moment in companionable silence, the snow blowing around them.

"Do you want to walk a bit? I don't feel like heading back in just yet." Tonks asked peering at him through the hair that had blown in her face.

Remus nodded and the two of them headed out toward the lake.

"He was a wanker anyway," Tonks said continuing their previous conversation. "Do you know, he actually asked me if I could change different parts of my body? Really suggestively too. I'm not even 14 yet. What did he think was going to happen."

"I'm not…" Remus started to say in a controlled voice, when a shout from behind him interrupted him.

"Remus!"

Both he and Tonks stopped and looked back. Coming toward them was a tall fair skinned, red haired girl and trailing just behind her, looking sullen was Severus Snape.

"Oh Merlin," Tonks muttered when she saw him. He never failed to make a snide remark when around her. She was sure it was because she was Sirius' cousin, therefor guilty by association.

"How are you?" the girl asked quietly so only Remus and Tonks were sure to here her, as Snape was still a few meters behind. Tonks couldn't help but feel there was more than just polite interest behind the question.

Remus smiled. "I'm fine, thank you Lily. Hello Severus."

Snape nodded, his lip curling. "Lupin."

"I love your hair," Lily said to Tonks, ignoring the snide tone in her friend's voice.

"Oh, thanks," Tonks said uncertainly. She was used to people being sarcastic when they referred to her appearance, but maybe Lily was being genuine.

Lily must have sensed this because she smiled and said, "I really do, it's very vibrant. Don't you think so Sev?"

Snape smirked. "Yes it's er… certainly colourful."

"We're on our way to Hogsmead, are you going?" Lily asked, again choosing to ignore her friend.

"No, I've decided to keep Remus company, he's been a bit under the weather."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Remus said, realizing for the first time that he hadn't introduced his two friends, but also trying to steer the conversation away from his condition. Lily had known since third year, but she didn't know that he hadn't told Dora yet. "Lily this is Nymphadora Tonks."

"Don't call me Nymphadora Remus!" Tonks hissed.

Remus tried not to grin. It got her every time. "Who prefers to go by her sur- name only. Dora this is Lily Evans.

"Oh! So you're the one James is always going on about. He's right, you are pretty," Tonks said without preamble.

"Thanks," Lily said, not sure if she should accept it as a complement. It had been Potter that said it first after all.

"We should go Lily," Snape said in his cold way.

"Sure. See you later Remus. Nice meeting you Tonks."

"You too!" Tonks called after them as they walked away. "Did you think I was rude?" she asked Remus as they resumed walking. "I was rude wasn't I? I didn't mean to be. I mean I just say these things, it's like I have a lack of filter between my brain and mouth. Instant word vomit."

"No Dora," Remus said patiently. "I don't think you were rude."

Tonks sighed and linked her arm through his. "Good, cause I liked her. Anyone who can put up with Severus Snape and live to tell the tale is good in my books."


	7. The Map

**AN:Here's another chapter. Right now I have about sixteen chapter's written up, so updates will be coming frequently. Oh, and the characters and anything else recognizable from the Harry Potter Series are not mine, however much I might wish it to be so.  
**

Remus sat by the window of the dormitory looking out onto the grounds, but not really seeing them. It was just past midnight and the only sound that could be heard was Peter and Sirius snoring. All four of the Marauders had opted to stay at school for Christmas Holidays. They, along with two first years, were the only Gryffindor's that had stayed behind and it seemed strange for things to be so quiet when they were usually so noisy.

What had Remus so distracted was the Marauders map; while essentially finished there was something missing. What if one of them were to leave it out or to drop it and someone were to find it? Especially if that someone was Filtch or ,Merlin forbid, Snape? They had worked too long on it to just loose it to something like that. No, there had to be something they could do. James and Sirius had given up, and said that they would leave the problem in his "capable" hands and to his "Brilliant" mind or some such rubbish. Peter had just followed along like he always did.

"What to do," he muttered to himself, tapping his wand on the window ledge absently. "How do we hide it while still insuring that anyone who found it would not be able to figure it out? A simple concealment will not work."

Over two hours later he had it. Not even feeling the tiredness that had ailed him a half-hour before, Remus began tapping the map with his wand, muttering to himself. When he was sure he had it, he rushed over to Sirius' bed, it being the closest to where he was, and pulled the hangings back shaking him roughly by the shoulder.

"What the hell! Moony! It's got to be three in the bloody morning! What are you… why are you smiling?"

Remus didn't answer; instead he strode over to James' bed and proceeded to wake him.

"Waz It?" James asked groggily.

"I've done It!" he exclaimed as he woke Peter, who practically screamed and fell out of bed when he saw Remus standing over him.

"Done what?"

"Gone Mental is what he's done." Sirius groaned, rubbing a hand over his handsome face.

Remus ignored him. "I've finished the map."

This announcement was met with a rustle of bed cloths and a few oaths on Sirius' part, as the other three stumbled out of their beds in haste to examine Remus' work.

"It took some doing. I mean a basic concealment would be easy to break and then anyone could use it," Remus explained as they stared at the now blank piece of parchment. "But if it were made to only recognize a specific phrase or person then it would be virtually inaccessible to anyone else."

"What're you going on about?" Peter asked, not comprehending.

"He's made it so you have to have a password Wormatil. Keep up," Sirius said half in irritation. Sometimes Peter could be so slow.

"A password? Why didn't we think of this before. It's brilliant." James said examining the map. "I knew you'd think of something mate. What do we have to do?"

Remus laid the map on his bedside table, smoothing it out so it was completely flat. "Tap the map with your wand, like this" he tapped it quickly. "And say I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

Before them appeared the map they had spent three years toiling away on. A dot labeled Albus Dumbledore could be seen pacing his office. Another labeled Argus Filtch was in the fifth floor corridor. Each name was in Sirius'clear script. He had the best writing of all the Marauders and so they had agreed that it should be his hand that gave ink to the map.

"When you're done," Remus continued, gratified by his friends looks of approval. "You simply say, mischief managed." The map went blank, looking like nothing more then a spare bit of parchment.

"You said it could recognize a person too?" James asked thinking.

"Well, it could be made to. The spell is the same. What do you have in mind?"

James grinned. "Well, say it did fall into the wrong hands and they did try to get it to work? Shouldn't we leave them a little encouragement?"

"Yeah," Sirius said catching on to what he meant right away. "A little bit of each of us to greet whoever thinks they are up to the challenge of cracking our map."

"What do we do?" Peter asked, already agreeing with James and Sirius.

A few hours later, the sun was peeking through the windows weakly and they all sat on James' bed, their task complete.

"Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs Purveyors of aids to magical mischief makers are proud to bring you the Marauder's map." Remus read, stifling a yawn.

"Just in case anyone ever does crack it," James said. "They'd have to think like us to do it. If they got that far they deserve to use the map."

"Shall we test it?" Sirius asked clearing the map.

"I'll do it," Peter volunteered, grabbing his wand. He tapped the map and said, "I Argus Filtch demand you show me what your hiding."

Words began to appear on the map.

"Mr. Prongs bids Argus Filtch a good day and would like to register his astonishment that Mr. Filtch ever learned how to use a wand."

"Mr. Padfoot agrees with Mr. Prongs and would like to add that he thinks Argus Filtch is a sadistic git and should spend less time oiling his whip."

"Mr. Wormtail sends his regrets that Mr. Filtch is stuck with that face and would like to pay his condolences to his last girlfriends eyes."

"Mr. Moony agrees with both Mr. Padfoot and Mr. prongs and sends his compliments, and hopes Argus Filtch will invest in a tooth brush and spare the students his rank breath and fungi ridden teeth."

The map went blank and they all laughed. "Yes, I'd say it worked alright," James looked at his watch. 'Think we have time for a little sleep before breakfast Sirius?"

"Probably." He was already pulling the curtains closed around his bed.

"Hey, Moony. Wake us in two hours yeah?" James asked, yawning.

"Oh, and what makes you think I'll be awake?" He had been up all night.

"You will be." Sirius said assuredly. "Even if you do fall asleep, you'll still wake up before us."

"You've got this weird internal clock that lets you know when exactly you need to wake up." Peter supplied, for once in the know about something. "It's kind of bizarre really."

With a sigh, Remus collapsed on his four poster. Within moments he was asleep.


	8. Truth Suspected

**Anything or anyone recognizable do not belong to me**

Spring came on that year with a series of furious storms. For three weeks everyone and everything was permanently soaked and Mr. Filtch could be seen muttering in an infuriated state as he constantly moped out the halls of the water and mud brought in by the wind blown students. It was weather that no one would want to be out in.

And so it was a surprise to Tonks, one Saturday evening, as she passed a window that looked out on to the grounds and saw two people hurrying through the driving rain.

She had just come from a detention with professor McGonagall. Personally she thought that Shannon looked infinitely better with buckteeth and green hair, but McGonagall had not found it all that amusing when she had come upon them in the corridor. She had given an impressive lecture, reversed Shannon's appearance and warned Tonks that she would be sending a letter to her parents. Tonks didn't really mind. Her father would shake his head, but would really think it was amusing, if only slightly, and her mother would write her a letter that would lament her behaviour and suggest it was a by-product of letting her listen to that Muggle punk music and her cousins influence. The same thing occurred every time.

Now, after two hours of scrubbing scorch marks off the desks in the charms classroom, by hand, she was standing at a window in the 4th floor corridor, her eyes straining to see in the weak light of the storm. Who would be going outside in this weather?

She pressed closer to the window;they were now directly in her line of site. One seemed shorter than the other and walked with two quick strides to keep up with one of the others. They were headed toward the whomping Willow and walked with what appeared to be urgency. They can't be headed there, she told herself. Must just be headed toward Hagrid's. Yes that's it. Besides it's none of my business really. With that thought she started to turn away. Just as she was pulling her eyes from the window, a flash of lightening illuminated the sky and the grounds at which she had just been gazing and she was able to catch site of the two hurrying figures.

What she saw made her snap her full attention back to the window instantly. It was definitely Madam Pomfrey, she surmised. She knew the matrons profile well, having spent many days in the hospital wing over the years due to her clumsiness. It was who was accompanying her that made Tonks stare. Tall, lanky, broad shouldered. Could she be mistaken? She stared harder as they got nearer to the tree. No, there could be no mistake.

"Excuse me, but it's almost curfew, you should be in your common room."

Tonks whipped around and came face to face with Lily Evans, who smiled when she recognized who she was.

"Tonks right? It's almost time for everyone to be back in their common rooms, you should go before a teacher comes."

"Oh, right. I was headed down there I just…" her eyes strayed back to the window.

"What are you looking at?" Lily came up beside her to look out the window too. There was nothing there now except the rain pounding the ground and the twisted movements of the Whomping Willow. Whoever had been there before was gone.

"I thought I saw somebody that's all."

A startled look passed through Lily's eyes before she could mask it. "Oh? Who did you think it was?" her tone was curious, but again Tonks sensed that there was more then idle curiosity there.

She shrugged. "Don't know. Probably nobody, the light in these storms can play tricks on the eyes. I'll just be going then." She smiled, and Lily seemed relieved somehow, as if expecting her to say something else.

Tonks turned and began walking down the corridor again, as Lily walked in the other direction, before she reached the corner she turned back. An idea had struck her. "Lily?" she called back.

Lily stopped and turned back.

"Isn't Remus supposed to patrol with you?"

"Yes," She answered quickly.

"I haven't seen him in a while, can you tell him to come find me when he has time?" She asked, studying her face for any look that would give anything away.

"I won't be seeing him for a few days," Lily supplied. "McGonagall came and got him earlier, his mother is very ill and he had to go see her."

Tonks recalled that McGonagall had left shortly before the end of her detention, saying she would return shortly. Could this be what had taken her away?

"When he returns I'll be sure to tell him though," Lily assured her, as she silently hoped she hadn't given too much away. She was sure she knew what Tonks had seen at that window, but she also knew that Remus hadn't told her yet. If this girl was as smart as Remus said she was than any comment not made carefully could alert her to the fact that all was not as it seemed.

Tonks smiled at her again. "Thanks. Well goodnight then." She began walking again, all the while thinking. Lily knew what was going on. Of that she could be certain. If she knew then so would James, Sirius and Peter. Remus would never disclose something to another before telling them; they were like his brothers. Could she go to Sirius with this?

Immediately she knew the answer was no. He would scoff at her fears, for they were fears. If what she suspected was true…his mother was ill. Hmm.

Tonks had entered the Hufflepuff common room now. Cally waved to her, but she was in deep conversation with Nathan Conner her fellow chaser and Tonks didn't really feel like joining in. Not when she felt she was finally on to something. She waved back and ascended the stairs to the Girls Dormitory where she lay on her bed and stared at the hangings.

What Lily didn't know was that two months ago Tonks had been looking for Remus whom she had noticed was looking ill again, and had run into Peter in the library at Remus's usual table. When asked where Remus was Peter had stammered that someone had come to get him; his mother was deathly ill and he had to go see her.

Tonks had accepted the explanation and if not for Peter's odd behaviour she would have left it and not said anything to Remus when she saw him, looking thinner and grey in the face, four days later. When she had expressed her hope that Mrs. Lupin was feeling better he hadn't seemed to know what she was talking about. Then he smiled that guarded smile of his and simply thanked her. Later when she had tried to ask if he had been sick again, he skillfully changed the topic like he always seemed to.

Tonks was not stupid, despite what a lot of people thought of Hufflepuff being duffers. She was a Black, if only half, and the Blacks where nothing if not shrewd. It had not escaped her attention at what time of the month Remus always seemed to disappear and looking out the window tonight, coupled with her meeting with Lily, had only served to confirm her suspicions. Despite the rain, the glorious full moon could still be seen in the sky.

After an hour of staring at nothing she came to two decisions. The first of which was she would not confront Remus. Yet. If by this summer he had not said anything to her then she would consider it. The second was that it didn't matter; no matter the outcome it wouldn't change anything. He would still be Remus Lupin, the most considerate and compassionate person she had ever known. He would still be her friend.

Before him she had had no one; not even Cally had been her friend then. She would not abandon him. As she thought this, words he had spoken to her over three years ago echoed through her mind.

"You really have nothing to be ashamed of," He had said. " Everyone has their quirky traits…"

No. He would still be Remus and she would still be Tonks. They would go on as they always had. And she had a feeling once the truth was aired between them, things would be a lot more open.


	9. Moral Dilemma or an Encounter with Snape

**Ok. I want to say two things, the first of which is that I have borrowed heavily from J.K. Rowling for this chapter. All things recognizable are her property. The second point I would like to make is that I am using Canadian spelling. I am Canadian, and I am part of the Canadian Media. This means that I use Canadian press style. I have received some comments stating that my spelling and grammar and sentence structure are not correct and I just wanted to clear up any discrepancies. Thank you to anyone who has reviewed even if it was not complimentary. Feedback is highly appreciated.**

Remus sat in the great hall, slowly scratching his chin with his quill as he read through what he had written on his exam. Had he covered everything? He was determined to get an outstanding on his defense OWL. He still wasn't sure what he would end up doing after he finished school in two years, who would want to hire a werewolf? But he knew that he wanted to do something with defense. It was his best subject and he loved studying it.

"Quills down, please!" Squeaked professor Flitwick. "That means you too Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! Accio!"

Remus watched, trying not to laugh as professor Flitwick was knocked off his feet by the rolls of parchment he had just summoned. Several students helped him back to his feet.

"Thank you…thank you," he panted. "Very well, everybody, you're free to go!"

Remus collected his materials and joined his friends in the push to leave the room.

"Did you like question ten, Moony?" asked Sirius as they emerged into the entrance hall.

"Loved it," Remus replied briskly. "Give five signs that identify the werewolf. Excellent question."

"D' you think you managed to get all the signs?" said James in tones of mock concern.

"Think I did," he said seriously as they headed out onto the grounds. "One: he's sitting on my chair. Two: he's wearing my cloths. Three: his name is Remus Lupin."

They all laughed at this except for Peter who looked worried. "I got the snout shape, the pupils of the eyes and the tufted tail," He said anxiously, "but I couldn't think of what else."

"How thick are you, Wormtail?" Asked James impatiently. "You run round with a werewolf once a month."

"Keep your voice down." Remus implored him. Who knew who could be listening in on them. Snape had been just behind them.

They headed toward their favourite beach tree. "Well, I thought the paper was a piece of cake," Sirius said. "I'll be surprised if I don't get outstanding on it at least."

"Me too." James said putting his hand in his pocket and taking out a struggling golden snitch.

Remus didn't doubt that they would get outstanding. For never opening a book, James and Sirius always did very well.

"Where'd you get that?"

"Nicked it," James said casually as he let it go and caught it again, while Peter looked on in awe.

They had now reached the beach tree and they all four settled on the ground underneath. Remus pulled out his transfiguration text book and proceed to read, ignoring his friend's antics. Sometimes he wished James wouldn't lead Peter on so. Peter was now applauding and gasping as James made catches and it was getting annoying.

"Put that away will you, before Wormtail wets himself with excitement." Sirius said. He had been looking at all the people around them, but Peter's antics were wearing on him as well and Remus could only be grateful that he had said something.

Peter blushed, but James grinned. "If it bothers you." He stuffed the snitch back into his pocket.

"I'm board." Said Sirius. "Wish it was a full moon."

"You would." Remus replied darkly. They weren't the ones that had to go through an agonizing transformation. "We've still got transfiguration, if you're board you could test me. Here." He held out his book to his friend who snorted.

"I don't need to look at that rubbish, I know it all."

Remus sighed and went back to his studying.

"This'll liven you up, Padfoot," said James quietly. "Look who it is."

Out of the corner of his eye Remus saw Sirius turn and look. "Excellent," he said softly, "Snivellus."

Both James and Sirius stood, but Remus remained sitting, although he was no longer reading. He knew what his friends were up to. Just the other day he had told them off for hexing Severus in the hall. They had told him to lighten up and laughed hysterically about Snape's fate. He frowned. Should he stop them? Although they were his best mates, like his brothers in many respects, Remus always feared that one day they would turn against him and this had stopped him from stopping them many times.

He glanced up. Peter was watching them with a look of avid anticipation. This made him frown more. Peter always egged them on, as if he got some kind of pleasure from watching them torment Snape, while he himself steadfastly tried to ignore what was going on. He took no pleasure from others pain.

"All right, Snivellus." Said James loudly.

Snape pulled his wand but James was quicker. "Expelliarmus!"

Snape's wand went flying and Sirius let out a bark of laughter. "Impedimenta." He said as Snape dove for his wand.

People had now gathered to watch and glancing around Remus could see Lily over by the lake. James kept glancing to where she was but she hadn't yet turned to see what was going on.

Peter, now standing, edged around Remus watching the scene hungrily.

"How'd the exam go, Snivelly?" asked James.

"I was watching him, his nose was touching the parchment," said Sirius viciously. "There'll be grease marks all over it, they won't be able to read a word."

Several people were laughing by this point and Snape was struggling against Sirius's jinx.

"You wait," he panted staring up at James with a look of pure loathing in his eyes. "You wait."

"Wait for what?" said Sirius coolly. 'What are you going to do Snivelly, wipe your nose on us."

This caused Snape to let out a flurry of swear words and hexes, but of course nothing happened except James sending a "scourgify" at him, casing him to choke on pink bubbles.

"Leave him alone!" Lily had arrived and she was glaring at James as he messed up his hair with one hand.

"All right Evans?"

"Leave him alone." She repeated dislike dripping in her voice. "What's he done to you?"

"Well, it's more the fact that he exists if you know what I mean…"

Lily and Remus were the only ones who didn't laugh.

"You think you're funny," she told him coldly. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone."

"I will if you go out with me Evans. Go on, go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."

"Bad luck prongs," Sirius said briskly as he turned back to Snape. "Oi!"

Snape now had his wand and a second later had hexed James who now had a gash bleeding on his face. James wasted no time in levitating Snape so he hung upside down his underpants in view.

James, Sirius and Peter roared with laughter.

Let him down!" Lily said her voice controlled.

"Certainly." Snape fell in a heap on the ground and Sirius quickly cast a petrificus Totalus.

"Leave him alone!" Lily shouted as she pulled out her own wand. James and Sirius eyed her warily.

"Ah, Evans, don't make me hex you." James said earnestly.

"Take the curse off him then!"

James sighed and muttered the counter curse. "There you go," he said as Snape struggled to his feet. "You're lucky that Evans was here snivellus."

"I don't need help from Filthy little mud bloods like her!" Snap snarled.

Lily blinked, and then said coolly, "Fine I won't bother in the future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you _Snivellus_."

"Apologize to Evans!" James roared, his wand pointed at Snape.

"I don't want you to make him apologize!" Lily shouted rounding on James. "You're as bad as he is."

James protested but Lily would hear none of it. She continued to yell at him, calling him fat headed and ending with, "You make me sick!" before turning and storming away.

"Evans!" James shouted after her. "Hey Evans!" but she didn't look back.

"What is with her?" James asked no one in particular, trying look as though it didn't matter to him.

"Reading between the lines I'd say she thinks you're a bit conceited, mate." Sirius said.

"Right." Said James looking furious. "Right."

And then with a flash of light Snape was once again hanging upside down in the air.

"Who wants to see me take off snivelly's pants?"

The crowd gave a roar of approval. Remus had had enough. Standing he shoved his book into his bag and strode over to his friends placing a hand on James's shoulder.

Both James and Sirius turned to look at him. "Enough. Let him down now James. You've humiliated him enough." His tone was firm and unyielding, and his eyes as he looked at his friend were hard.

"Come on Moony." Sirius said. "It's Snivellus."

"I don't care if he's the Merlin blessed queen. Let him down."

Both could see that Remus was serious so with an upward flick James ended the spell and Snape fell to the ground.

"Remus-"

"We're going to be late for Transfiguration." Remus said ignoring the other three Marauders. "Come on."

He strode through the crowd then toward the castle, not caring if they were actually following. At that moment he didn't know who he was more disgusted with, his friends or himself.

**Please Review. While I do this for my own enjoyment, it is always nice to here what anyone who might be reading thinks of this. Even if it's one word or a character. I will do my best to reply to all comments, complimentary or otherwise.**


	10. Truth Revealed

**AN: This chapter takes place in the beginning of summer 1976. I hope you enjoy:) oh and i'm still not J.K. Rowling.;)**

Tonks fell out of the fireplace in the hanged weasel pub, with a loud thud. Wincing she stood gingerly, brushing soot off of her purple hot pants, and white sex pistols tee. The old woman who ran the pub sniffed disapprovingly from behind the counter and seemed scandalized when Tonks shook out her hair, which was a white blond, with violet highlights and styled in a bowl cut that day, and greeted her with a cheeky "wotcher." As she headed for the door. She knew that the old woman was staring after her as she headed toward the lane that would take her to the Lupin's, but she didn't care. She was used to receiving disapproving looks for her odd attire and hairstyles. While the cloths she wore were acceptable in the Muggle world, in the Wizarding world it wasn't quite that accepted.

It was just past eleven in the morning and the day was quickly warming up, looking as if it would be rather hot by noon. The closer she got to the Lupin's though, the cooler it got, as a light breeze came in off the sea. The heat didn't bother her. She was too preoccupied with what she would say to Remus. She had waited for him to say something, just like she'd promised herself months ago, but he hadn't. That morning when she woke up a resolve had come over her; she would wait no longer. The night before had been the full moon and while she knew that if her suspicions were true Remus would be quite tired, something told her this was the right time to take action.

What would she say though? "I can't just blurt it out." She muttered to herself. In the near distance she could see the Lupin's small house. " That will go over smashingly. He'll probably look at me like I have two heads and think I have no tact." She had reached the gate. "Right." She took a deep breath and pushed through it and made the short walk to the door. "I'm just gonna have to wing it." Then before all resolve left her, Tonks knocked three times on the door.

She only had to wait a moment before a tall woman answered. She was willowy with auburn hair that was pulled back in a twist at the back of her neck and the same amber brown eyes as Remus.

"Yes?" Mrs. Lupin asked kindly when she saw Tonks. If she was disturbed by her appearance she gave no notice.

"Hello Mam." Tonks smiled, not wanting to come on too strong. "I'm Tonks. I'm a friend of Remus's from school? I was just wondering if he's home."

Mrs. Lupin smiled and gestured for Tonks to come in. "Yes dear, he is. He's feeling a bit down today I'm afraid, but I'm sure he would love to see you. Does he know your coming?" Her voice was lilting, definitely Irish, and soft.

"Oh. No." she said sheepishly. "I just woke up this morning and fancied a chat with him you know? And before I knew what I was doing I was on my way here."

Mrs. Lupin smiled more and tried not to laugh. Remus had told her about this girl and she was every bit as exuberant as he had said. "Yes I know exactly what you mean. Just wait here a moment and I'll go and get him." She headed up a set of stairs and Tonks sat on the edge of the couch looking around.

The inside of the house was comforting, painted in soft blue tones. All the furniture looked like it had seen better days but it too gave off a sense of comfort. On the mantle of the fireplace were pictures of Remus at various stages of life. One of him and a tall man with his build and hair colour caught her eye. In it Remus looked to be about five years old. His hair was lighter then it was now and he kept glancing up at the man as if looking for approval before looking at where the camera would have been and smiling showing he was missing a tooth. The man, who could only be Mr. Lupin smiled widely and ruffled his son's hair.

"Here we are dear." Tonks looked away from the pictures to see Mrs. Lupin had returned. Behind her dressed in a brown house robe and soft blue pajama bottoms was Remus looking utterly exhausted.

"I'll just go fix some lunch shall I?" Mrs. Lupin said, gently pushing her son forward. "Would you care for anything Tonks? Have you eaten yet?"

"Oh, thanks, yeah. I haven't eaten since six this morning."

She smiled softly again and exited to the kitchen leaving Remus and Tonks alone.

"Dora." Remus sighed as he slowly sank onto the couch beside her. "I wasn't expecting to see you for a few days." He rubbed a hand tiredly over his face and pushed his fringe back. She noticed his hand was shaking slightly.

"Yeah well, I couldn't wait to see you. You know me. Impulsiveness is a fault I just can't seem to beat."

"It's not always a bad thing." He leaned back and closed his eyes.

Tonks bit her bottom lip. She would need to go about this carefully. Perhaps bring it up gradually. "Sirius left home, did you know?"

"Yes." Remus laughed quietly. "He owled me. He's living with James now. Apparently his mother threw a few family heirlooms at his head as he was leaving. One caught him right above the eye. He was amazed by how good her aim was."

Tonks laughed too. "Oh, she was right pissed alright. He stopped over at mine yesterday and told my Mum the whole story. I don't think I've heard her laugh so hard in my life."

"He's talking of buying a flying motorcycle now that he's not at home. I think I may have him convinced to wait until after we're done school, but knowing him he'll probably show up here grinning like a fool and riding the thing."

Tonks snorted and absently hit his shoulder as she laughed. She didn't miss the wince he tried to cover up.

"Lunch is ready." Mrs. Lupin came out of the kitchen. "I thought we could eat out in the back, it's lovely out there today."

Remus stood slowly and Tonks followed. The back of the Lupin's house opened onto a large garden. There was a myriad of flowers all bright and welcoming. Again Tonks felt a sense of comfort. Mrs. Lupin had set a small table with a tray of sandwiches and a large pitcher of Butter beer.

The hour that followed was very enjoyable. , Mrs. Lupin or Sarah, as she asked Tonks to call her,Mrs. Lupin was her mother in law thank you, was easy going and even easier to talk to. She laughed freely and smiled a lot and the banter that passed between her and her son had Tonks almost rolling on the ground in fits of laughter. After they had finished their Lunch she suggested that Tonks and Remus go for a walk down to the beach. It was much too nice a day to be inside.

They set out immediately. Remus didn't even bother changing; he doubted anyone would see him.

"Your mum is fantastic." Tonks declared hooking her arm through his like she usually did if they were simply walking just for the sake of it.

"She is." He agreed. Sarah was the most important person in Remus's life and his attachment to her ran very deep. She had never treated him differently after he had been bitten, never tried to cuddle him or make him feel he was different. She pushed him to do well and was always there, no matter the time of day, if he needed to talk. It had been she more than his father who had pushed for him to be able to attend Hogwarts.

Tonks took a deep breath of sea air. She could smell the brine and salt and the combination mixed with the dry hot dirt of the road was very appealing. For a while they didn't say anything just walked until they reached the water. They stopped there, at the same place where they had made their resolutions the summer before.

She sat on one of the old logs and Remus stood looking away from her and out at the water. "Remus?"

"Hm?" he didn't turn away from the water. Its rolling movements calmed him and made him feel centered like nothing else could.

"I want to ask you something. Only I don't want to just blurt it out like I usually would."

He glanced back at her. Tonks looked unusually solemn and that look told him he probably wouldn't like what was coming. He looked away again.

"I'm having trouble deciding the best way to ask you see."

"Well," he said slowly, "Perhaps the best way is just to blurt it out. Sometimes things are much easier that way. Then it's out there and you can't avoid it any more."

Tonks inhaled deeply. Her heart was racing and she felt like she was going to throw up. "Remus are you a werewolf?"

Remus closed his eyes. This was it. The issue he had tried to avoid since they had met. You knew she'd figure it out eventually, he told himself. Dora is far from stupid; it was only a matter of time.

"Yes."

One simple word and yet it sent a chill down her spine and left an ache in the pit of her stomach.

He still hadn't turned back around. Somehow it was easier to talk if he didn't see her face. "How long have you known?"

"Since March, that's when I thought it for sure, but I've suspected for a while now."

Remus sighed. Sadness was growing in him. He was sure he knew how this conversation would end and he didn't want to put it off. "Do me a favour Dora? Please don't tell anyone. It would ruin any chance I have. I only have two years left of school. I understand if you don't want to be around me anymore, but I need to get through those last two years and then you won't ever see or hear from me again."

Finally he turned to look at her. Tonks sat on the log bench, her arms curled around her. She looked horrified. That look told him everything. This was it. He had just lost his friend like he had always feared he would.

"What do you mean not want to be around you anymore? Never hear or see you again?" There were tears forming in her large grey eyes. "Are you mental Remus Lupin? How would I get on with out you?" she stood and crossed to where he was standing looking shocked. Dora never cried. "You're my friend." She said quietly as she wrapped her arms around him. "I love you. And love means excepting a person no matter their differences or faults."

They stood there, the short spunky Metamorphmagus and the tall reserved werewolf, holding each other for what seemed like forever.

Remus couldn't believe what she had said. He had been so sure when he saw the look on her face that that had been it. But here she was telling him that it didn't matter. He felt like a great weight had been lifted off of him.

"It's so bloody unfair." She said vehemently when they finally pulled apart. Remus chuckled and she eyed him questioningly.

"That's what Sirius said when he found out."

Tonks shook her head and wiped her eyes. "How did it happen?"

He gestured to the log bench and they both sat down. He then proceeded to tell her about how his father had offended Fenrir Greyback and Greyback had bitten his son in return for the slight. He told her about how he had dragged him into the woods that outlaid the other side of the village and savagely ripped at his shoulder and leg. He said how he had awoken in 's five years old, alone and in pain, because the healers were too afraid to get close to him. He told her how his mother had yelled at them until one brave woman had stepped forward and given him something to take the pain away. He continued on in this vain for almost an hour, detailing the events that had taken place after ward and how to this very day his father still couldn't look him fully in the eye because of the shame he felt for causing his son to bear this burden. He told her how Dumbledore had let him come to Hogwarts and how every full moon he entered the shrieking shack through a tunnel under the whomping willow so he could transform. Lastly he told her how Sirius, James and Peter had become animagi in order to help him through his transformations.

Afterwards they sat in silence, while Tonks mulled it all over. "Can I see your scar? Where he bit you I mean?" she asked tentively.

Remus hesitated, but then pulled off his robe to reveal his bare right shoulder. The scar reached almost to his neck and the skin was raised. She could even see the marks where Greybacks teeth would have sat. Slowly she reached out and touched it gently then pulled her hand back and he pulled the robe back up. Then he lifted his right pant leg and showed her the raised marks on his calf.

"Do they hurt?"

"Only when I transform. And after wards as well." He said lowering his leg. "I have more scars, all self inflicted, but those two are the ones that give me trouble."

Tonks shuddered when he said about hurting himself during his time as a wolf. It was horrible. No wonder everyone thought the shack was haunted.

"Thank you for showing me." She said leaning her head on his shoulder. "You could have just told me to bugger off."

"No, I couldn't. Knowing you, you'd keep at me till I gave in. You can be annoyingly persistent when you want."

She glanced up to see he was smiling and that made her smile and poke him in the ribs. "Git."


	11. Summer 1976

**I do not own the characters or anything else that might be recognizable in this story.i am simply having fun.:) **

The summer went by quickly, and for Remus it passed with a flurry of visits from Tonks, she seemed particularly keen to escape her home for his, and to the Potters where James and Sirius were camped out, plotting away full moon adventures and new pranks to pull. The two full moons that passed were more difficult than usual and Remus could only conclude that it was the absence of his friends that caused this.

"Don't worry Moony." James assured him after he came out with a bad gash in his side after the last one. "Everything will return to normal when we get back to school. Padfoot and I won't let you hurt yourself. Or anyone else." He added under his breath.

And so the 30th of August came and the Marauders plus Tonks could once again be found sitting around the fire pit on the beach, toasting the new school year. Unlike the year before, Peter had been able to come, and he was now hiccupping from the Firewhisky he had drank. Sirius had declared that since he had missed the year before he had to drink three shots any way for the past years resolution. Peter of course had complied and now he was looking like he had drank too fast.

James pounded him on the back. "Breath Wormtail before you hyperventilate. You'd think you'd never drank before."

After Peter had calmed his breathing down and his hiccups had subsided, Sirius picked up James's glass and poured him a finger of Whisky. "Right Prongs. Drink up. That's three shots. Not only did Evans not talk civilly, she admitted that she would take the giant squid over you. I think it may be time to move on.'

James gulped his shot and raised his glass for the other one. "Never!"

Sirius gave a bark of laughter and saluted him as he downed the second one. Then the third.

Tonks held out her glass. "Pour some here. I failed miserably with my resolution. Shannon Finnegan is just too good at sneaking up on me." The only reason Tonks ever retaliated was because Shannon would try to jinx her first. Oh well, she thought downing her third shot, no permanent damage done.

Remus and Sirius were the only two who didn't have to take the three shots but after making his resolution Sirius downed another four for "Luck" he said.

By the end of the night Peter's hiccups had returned, Sirius was singing some punk song he had heard at Tonks's and Tonks herself was drunk.

"Your mother is never going to let you come back." Remus told her as he carried her up the lane. She had jumped on his back on the beach and refused to move.

"She'll never know." Tonks whispered in a loud voice. "I'll just stay with you tonight key?" her breath stank and it was all Remus could do not to gag as she leaned around his shoulder.

All five of them made their way into the Lupin's house to use the floo. Peter went first; he seemed to have his hiccups in hand followed by James who said he should go first to make sure Sirius made it out ok. After he had gone, Remus threw some powder into the fire and called out the floo direction before pushing Sirius who was still singing, in.

"Dora?"

There was no answer. He shook her legs a bit, but all she did was mumble incoherently.

"What?"

His only answer was a snore. She had passed out still on his back. Sighing, but amused, Remus headed for the stairs that would take him to his room and was met at the foot by his father. John Lupin had not yet met Tonks, having been at work whenever she was over, so he stared curiously at the girl with the pink hair who had her nose pressed into the back of his sons head. Even more curious was the fact that Remus seemed to be carrying her off to his room.

"Do I want to know?" he asked as Remus stepped around him.

"No Dad." Remus said now highly amused by the absurdity of it all. "You really don't. See you in the morning." And he thudded up the stairs Tonks bobbing slightly with each step.

When he reached his room he dumped her on the bed. Her only reaction was to curl into a ball, pulling her knees inward and to let out another snore. Laughing quietly Remus scribbled a quick note to her parents then quickly sent it off with the family owl. Then he pulled the old mattress he kept under his bed, usually used by James or Sirius, and promptly fell asleep after making sure that if Tonks was going to vomit she was pointed away from him.

"Remus love?" Sarah stood in the doorway of her son's room. When she spoke the lump on the bed didn't move, which was unusual. Remus was always prompt. Her answer came instead from behind her. "I'm here mum."

She turned, confused. Remus stood behind her fully dressed, his shaggy hair dripping into his eyes.

She looked at the bed again. "Dear, who's in your bed?"

"Oh, that would be Dora." He said nonchalantly, moving around her. "She passed out on the way back here you see. I couldn't wake her, so I owled her parents. They're going to meet us at the station with her trunk." He then went over to the bed and lent down "Dora."

Tonks rolled over and moaned but didn't open hr eyes. "Dora." He shook her shoulder, but again she only moaned. Finally Remus placed his mouth near her ear and blew in it.

Immediately she shot up, her hair tousled and her eyes looking red rimmed. "Merlin's saggy sequined thong!"

Remus chuckled and Sarah still in the door tried not to laugh. It would only embarrass the poor girl more.

"We have to go soon." Remus told her "You've got time for a quick shower I think. I've made you breakfast but you'll have to eat it on the go."

Tonks groaned and stumbled off in the direction of the bathroom. 10 minutes later she was down stairs, red eyes gone, looking as if she had not gotten drunk the night before.

As Remus handed her the napkin with her toast in it she sighed. "Promise you'll marry me someday." She pleaded. "You take better care of me then my mum."

Sarah who was used to Tonks excentracies by now, simply laughed although she couldn't help thinking that if things progressed like she thought they would that that could very well be the case one day.

John Lupin, who didn't know this girl from eve, shook his head and said he'd be waiting in the car.

Over an hour and half later they had arrived through the barrier at platform nine and three quarters. Tonks thanked the Lupin's for letting her stay, although only John had really been aware that she was there, and ran to her own parents.

"Strange girl." John mused. "Well son, see you at Christmas?" he hugged Remus quickly but Remus didn't mind. His father was shy of public displays of affection.

Sarah pulled him in and grasped him tightly. "Have a good year love. Stay out of trouble, you know what I mean. We'll see you at holiday."

Remus smile at both of his parents once more then boarded the train and went to go find his friends. They were in their usual compartment towards the back.

"Don't open the door so loudly." Sirius groaned as Remus entered. "My bloody head is pounding."

"Well, that's what you get when you drink a bottle of Fire whisky, plus five shots." Remus said without sympathy.

"It wasn't the whole bottle." Sirius muttered as they train started to move.

"It was mate. Sorry." James laughed. Sirius groaned and closed his eyes.

"At least you didn't pass out before you got home."

"You passed out?" asked Peter, staring at Remus in disbelief. He didn't think he'd had that much to drink.

"No. Dora did."

Sirius's eyes snapped open. "Bet Andy and Ted didn't like that." He sounded almost gleeful.

Remus raised a brow and rolled his eyes. "Well they didn't find out. I sent them an owl saying that Nymphadora had fallen asleep and I didn't think it would be best to wake her."

"She stayed with you. At your house. In your room?" Sirius wigged his brows suggestively.

The look Remus shot him was scathing, causing Peter and James to crack up.

"Get your mind out of the gutter. She's your cousin, you'd think you'd have a little more respect for her than that."

"Besides, she's only 14." James supplied. "Practically a baby."

"That's not what you thought when Lily was 14." Sirius jibed.

James went red but didn't rise to the bait. He wanted to take a new tactic where Evans was concerned.

In her compartment down the train, Tonks rested her head against the back of her seat. She might have not looked like it, but she was nursing a pretty good hangover. I'll never drink again. She told her self. Or at least until I'm 17.

"Bad night's sleep?" Cally asked. She was flipping casually through witch weekly.

"No. I got pissed at Remus's."

"You what?" Cally was now giving her friend her full attention.

"Got right drunk. I only had five shots. I think." She groaned. "Ended up staying the night and woke up to Remus blowing in my ear. Not a pleasant thing let me tell you. His father was there too, just my luck, the first time I meet the man I'm nursing a hangover."

"What do you care what he thinks of you; you don't care what anyone thinks. Besides it's no like you'll have to see the guy a lot, you're only Remus's friend. You don't need to impress him" She watched Tonks closely for any sign of emotion. She had suspected for a while that Tonks might Fancy Remus, but had never brought it up.

"Doesn't matter any way. His mum loves me." Tonks said dismissively. She wasn't about to admit that instead of lessening her crush on Remus only increased as she got older.

"Hm. Aren't you a little young to already be crashing in guys rooms?" Cally smirked.

"He slept on the floor if you must know. I do remember waking up to vomit and tripping over him. Or maybe I vomited on him? I don't know. That would just be fantastic. God I'm never touching another drop of fire whisky." And she closed her eyes ignoring Cally's snickers of laughter as the train moved steadily on.


	12. Of deaths and jealousy

"Homework," Professor McGonagall declared. "Three feet of parchment on Animagus transformation. Yes , three feet. Do not roll your eyes Potter. This is NEWT level transfiguration. If you cannot handle the workload I suggest you get out; I have no time for lallygagging." She stared severely out at the class. "You may all go."

"Three feet of parchment on Animagus transformation." Sirius said as they headed to Lunch, "I don't know. We might have to hit the library for this one."

"Definitely." James said in mock serious tones. "Pity we don't know any Animagi. This could take all night."

Peter just laughed, but Remus said nothing. He had received a letter from his mother that morning and was still preoccupied thinking about it. In the letter she had informed him that Hannah and Joseph Finley and their daughter Morgan had all been found dead in their home the day before. The dark mark had been over their house. The Finley's lived in the village that the Lupins lived just outside of and had been friends with his parents for years.

He did not want to have to think they were dead, imagine what it would have looked like. Their daughter had only been Ten. She had been so sweet, so friendly, always saying hello to him when others in the village shied away. He did not want to think that that sweet little girl had died for no other reason than her father wouldn't give into the Death Eaters and by extension Voldemort himself.

While his sadness over such waste of life was deep what worried him most was that his own family could be next. His mother was Muggle born, married to a pure blood wizard. His parents were both sided against Voldemort and his Death Eaters and that was known. His own aunt had been a death eater before Aurors killed her in a fight. John Lupin did not like to talk about his sister, but she had been deep in the circle of death eaters back in the very early days when Voldemort was just gaining power. By simply being what he was Remus also made his family more undesirable. They were definitely not the type of people wanted in this new world that Voldemort was trying to create.

He looked at his friends who seemed so light, so happy at that moment. Suddenly a thought occurred to him. Would he loose them before this war was over? Would they all become casualties in the fight for good?

He shook his head, as if to dislodge the thought. It was not something he wanted to dwell on. Better to focus on the lighter moments for now; he had a feeling that darker days would be coming soon enough.

The first few months of school passed quickly filled with endless homework, Quidditch practices, late night forays into the world outside and inside Hogwarts and full moons.

These had become somewhat easier for Remus since his friends had figured out how to join him. He was able to remember who he was more and his injuries had decreased significantly. But it also made it harder on the nights when they couldn't be with him for some reason. His wolf craved their company then. In November there was a blue moon, three full moons one after the other.

On the mornings after those transformations Remus felt so drained that all he could do was sleep. His body constantly ached and he could hardly stomach any food, resulting in frequent trips to the washroom to throw up. By the end of it when he was finally gaining his strength back he had lost a significant amount of weight and looked so pale that he could have passed for a vampire instead of a werewolf.

During those months Remus hardly saw Tonks except for brief glances at the Hufflepuff table in the great hall. Her absence in his everyday life left him feeling strangely empty after the closeness that had developed over the summer.

Tonks too was missing her friend. She would find herself thinking something and wondering what Remus would have to say in response. Most likely something very dry and witty if it was something funny or reasonable and calming if it was something that was upsetting her. The problem was she had started going out with Liam Semple a seventh year Hufflepuff in September. Despite the three-year age difference Liam didn't treat her like she was a child. He was funny, in many ways had the same sense of humor as she did and he was attentive. Best of all he didn't go on about how good he was at Quidditch like Michael had. Liam was the keeper on the Hufflepuff house team and was also the captain of the team. The only thing that bugged her about him was that he a little possessive.

Remus, she knew didn't like him. He had not said anything to her, they hadn't had a chance to speak in almost four months, but she knew. It surprised her because Remus was courteous and polite to everyone, yet the one and only time she had spoken to him that term in Liam's company she had thought she'd seen something pass in his eyes. A wolfish look that sent a chill down her spine. The look had been at Liam.

Now it was December and for the first time in what seemed like forever Tonks found herself able to seek out Remus. It was Saturday a week before the Christmas Holidays would begin. Liam had called one last practice so both he and Cally were outside in the winter cold.

Tonks made her way to the library. Somehow she knew that that was where Remus would be found. She couldn't help smiling when she saw him at his usual table engrossed in a book. As he read he absently scratched notes onto a piece of parchment and leaned forward as if to absorb the words in the text. As she watched him she was struck with a feeling that swept her breath away. Ignoring it she sauntered over to his table making sure she came from behind him. She then placed her hands over his eyes. "Guess who."

Under her hands she could feel his eyes crinkle as he smiled. "Hm. Well only one person would give me a greeting like this. It must be Professor McGonagall."

Tonks whipped her hands off of him and sunk into the chair beside him. "She better not greet you like that. She better not greet anyone like that. Unless she has a beau." She fluttered her eyelashes and made her eyes look bigger. "That's just to much to think about really."

Remus tried not to laugh out loud; he knew Madam Pince would kick them out. "That's an image I could have really done without. Thank you Dora."

Tonks nodded gravely, while her insides squirmed happily. No one had called her Dora in months. Not even Liam called her anything but Tonks. "Your very welcome. It was my pleasure. So what have you been up too these past months? Not getting into trouble I hope." She asked in tones of mock concern.

"Well I have managed to avoid detention with James and Sirius. Mostly I've been planning their escapades and studying. And recovering from the moon." He added more quietly.

She nodded. " I read up on that. Blue moon right? That must have been awful. Are you alright?" there was no pity in her voice nor in her eyes when he looked at her and he was grateful for that. He hated pity.

"I'll live. It was bad yes, but only after wards. I couldn't eat for days. Thankfully it only happens every few years."

He turned so he could see her better. She looked different, her hair, which usually reached to just below her ears, was long, although it was still pink. He knew she got in trouble for having her hair outrageous colours yet she persisted. It was who she was and she refused to conform. It had always secretly impressed him.

"What have you been up to?"

She shrugged. "Homework, detention, watching the Quidditch games and the occasional practice. Hanging out with Cally and Liam."

He kept an expression of interest on his face and tried not to frown when Liam was mentioned.

"Do you not like him?" she asked curiously studying his face for a reaction.

"Who?" he asked pretending he didn't know who she was speaking of. It would just lead to an argument.

"You know who."

He couldn't resist. "Well I was under the impression that no one liked him except for the death eaters. In fact the general consensus is that he's deranged."

"Remus!" she hissed hitting him lightly on the arm although grinning and trying not to laugh. "I meant Liam. So let me rephrase. You don't like him."

Remus sighed and looked into her large grey eyes. "Yes."

She nodded. "Why?"

He shook his head.

She frowned. "Remus, you have to tell me. I don't like my best friend disapproving of my boyfriend and I want to know why you do." She said determinedly.

"I've known Liam Semple for a few years Dora," he said. She wanted the truth and he was going to give it her. "His father works with mine, has since they both started at the ministry. His father is cold, possessive, ruthless and hard to please. I know you shouldn't judge a person on their family, but in this case the apple doesn't really fall far from the tree. Liam is, I know, possessive, hard to please and honestly a little conceited. He hides it well, but it's there."

Tonks felt floured. It wasn't really what Remus said, it was the way he said it as if it was a simple fact and he was just stating it. "So," she said slowly. "Basically my boyfriend is a prat, is what your saying."

Remus was looking down at his book again his fringe falling forward to cover his eyes. He made no move to push it away. "If you want to put it like that, then yes, I believe that is what I am saying."

Tonks took a breath. "Right. Well your wrong, you know. Liam is very sweet, not at all like you've said."

Remus didn't look up. "I don't want to argue with you Nymphadora." He said. "You're going to see him how you wish to see him. Nothing I or anyone else says will change that."

Tonks stood feeling an angry frustration come over her. "Fine. We won't argue. In fact we won't even talk." She stormed off then, but not before yelling back. "And don't call me Nymphadora!"


	13. Apology

**AN: another chapter! i was having trouble getting new chapters uploaded so in celebration of trying for three days and it now working, i will be uploading another chapter after this one.:) anything recognizable belongs to J.K Rowling.**

Tonks lay in her bed, trying to hold on to the vestiges of sleep and to not think about how she had effectively ended her friendship with Remus almost two weeks ago. At first she had been so annoyed with him that she hadn't even considered that she would have to ride the train home with him. The ride had been horrible. She had sat in the corner of the compartment only talking when someone said something to her and when she did her tone was clipped so after a while the marauders stopped saying anything to her at all. Remus seemed to be taking her declaration that they would never talk again to heart and he hadn't even greeted her on the train or wished her a Merry Christmas as he left the station with his mother.

Sarah had smiled when she saw her and waved yelling, "Merry Christmas dear."

Tonks had waved back and wished her the same, but Remus had simply headed straight for the barrier after greeting his mother and wishing his other friends a happy Christmas. He hadn't even glanced her way. Tonks had felt a stabbing pain as she watched him leave, but also a fierce annoyance. He had no right to be mad at her. It was he, not her that had attacked Liam's character.

It wasn't until she was home that night and her mother had asked what was wrong that she began to regret how she had acted. She told her it was nothing, she was just tired and headed up to bed.

Andromeda had eyed her daughter skeptically but hadn't pried. She knew she would tell her when and if she was ready.

Now Tonks lay in her room, mind agonizing over what she should do.

She heard her door open and quickly closed her eyes again. "Wake up sleepy head." Her father breathed reaching under the blanket and tickling her toes. "It's time to open presents."

Tonks tried not to, but soon she was giving into a fit of giggles. "Ok, ok. I'm up Dad!" she sat up and smiled at Ted Tonks. He smiled back and bent down and kissed her forehead. "Merry Christmas Dora."

"Merry Christmas Dad. I'll be down in a minute."

"Don't take too long kid." He said going to the door. "Your mother has been cooking since sun rise and if were not all at the table for breakfast in five minutes I think she may just throw a fit."

Tonks rolled her eyes "we can't have that. I'll be down I promise."

After Ted had left she got out of bed and grabbed up a piece of parchment. She wrote quickly before she had time to change her mind and chicken out. She then read over the note. There. She could at least try to enjoy the day now knowing she'd tried. It was up to him what happened next.

"There's a letter for you." John Lupin told his son as he entered the kitchen. He indicated a hastily folded piece of parchment that sat on the table where it had just been dropped. Remus noticed the owl perched on top of the cabinet and knew who it was from right away. Sighing he picked up and unfolded the letter.

Remus

She had written in her usual scratchy scrawl.

I don't really know what to say but that I'm sorry. I'm so bloody sorry that it's been eating at me for days. I shouldn't have gotten mad just because you told me what you thought. I pushed you to tell me, I know. Merlin knows I say things, worse things all the time, just because I don't know how to stop myself form blurting them out and you never get angry with me. You're too important to me to loose over a petty disagreement and I miss talking to you. I'm going to stop now before I start rambling.

Your friend (hopefully)

Dora.

Ps. Merry Christmas. Xo

"Who's it from Love?" Sarah asked as she put a plate of toast on the table.

"Dora."

"Oh so are you two on speaking terms again then?"

Remus glanced up at her. "I know when something's bothering my son. Are you going to reply or just leave the poor girl hanging?"

Remus shook his head, but he was smiling as he ripped off the bottom of the parchment and penned a reply.

Dora

Apology accepted. I'm sorry I upset you. That was not my intention and yes you did push me to tell you what I thought, but I could have not. I knew it would just cause an argument and yet I said it anyway. It's not my business whom you date nor does it matter what I think of them. If you like Liam then that is enough for me. I will see you on the train in a few weeks and I promise you can talk my ear off, like you usually do. Merry Christmas Dora.

Remus.

When Tonks received his reply a relief swept threw her. She immediately felt lighter and danced around her room frightening her owl who had just delivered the letter. The idea of never talking to Remus again had terrified her.

On her bed a letter from Liam sat unopened and forgotten.


	14. Kissing you is like breathing

**AN: This is my favourite chapter so far :) **

**It all belongs to J.K. Rowling.**

Spring came again, cool and wet. It began raining in March and everyday until early May seemed colder and wetter then the day before. When the sun finally came out and the ground finally dried it was half way through May. The students could be found outside after this at every chance they got soaking up the sun and the warm weather.

One particular day found Tonks sitting down by the lake. She sat with her knees pulled up to her chest, eyes closed and face tilted back into the sun. She was trying to warm her self after coming from potions in the dungeons. She knew she should be taking advantage of the break to be studying, the exams were coming up in three weeks, but she couldn't force herself to open a book.

A shadow fell across her, blocking out the sunlight. She opened her eye's slightly to see a handsome face with the same grey eyes as her smiling down at her.

"You're blocking my light." She said lazily, leaning back to look at him.

Sirius flopped down beside her pushing his long black hair out of his face. Nearby some girls saw him and started twittering to each other, giggling. Sirius didn't seem to see or hear them.

"Shouldn't you be studying?" he asked in mock sever tones.

Tonks snorted. "Yeah that's a good one coming from you. I've never heard of you ever opening a book."

"Yeah well Remus studies enough for all of us doesn't he." He grinned. "In fact I just escaped him. Had to leave James behind though, but he understands. It's every man for him self when it comes to Remus's study schedules. He might not mind it so much this time Lily was going to study with them."

"Is she talking to him now then?"

Sirius laughed his bark like laugh. "If you call short sentences and half glares talking. Think she might be warming up to him though. She's stopped hanging out with Snivellus; that's got to help some. Best thing she could ever do really." He said coolly.

"I heard you stopped seeing that Semple prat."

Tonks glanced at him "Why does everyone think he's such a loser? I mean yeah he did turn out to be conceited and he was possessive but he's really not that bad." She sighed. "At least Remus can be glad he was proven right. He told me Liam was a berk."

Sirius looked at her shrewdly. "He said that eh? Well he would."

"What'd you mean? He didn't want to say anything but I kinda pushed him."

"He was bloody jealous is what I mean. You're a fairly smart girl Tonks." She frowned at that. Sirius just laughed and continued. "You must have realized that our dear friend Remus would love to be more than friends with you." He wiggled his eyebrows. "In fact I'd say he wants to be very good friends."

Tonks shook her head. She'd been half in love with Remus since she was a tiny little first year. Never in the almost five years that she had known him had she ever seen any indication that he returned the feeling.

"Your imagining things Sirius. He doesn't like me like that and he never will." She didn't realize that she sounded depressed and resigned as she said this.

"I've known Remus since he was a terrified firsty with a weird aversion to wearing socks. It's true," he added seeing her look. "He would not wear socks even when it was below zero. But that's not the point. I've shared a dorm with him for almost seven years and he has become like my brother. Certainly more then the one I have. I've seen him after his worst transformations barely able to stand and sick for days. I've seen him pissed off his face and I've even seen him cry; not something I want to experience again. He tells me things. Merlin knows why since he knows I'll just take the piss out of him after wards but he does. I know he fancy's you because he's all but stood up and declared it to all of Gryffindor tower."

"If he likes me so much, then why has he never said anything?" Tonks demanded feeling cross. "What's he so bloody afraid of?"

Sirius gave her a significant look. "You've nailed it right there. He's afraid. He's got it in his head that he doesn't deserve the happiness that other people have. He thinks that because of his problem he's unworthy. It took us two weeks to convince him we didn't think any less of him because of what he is. Some how this fear has been ingrained in him. He tried to push you away when you found out didn't he?"

"He said that he'd understand if I never wanted to see or speak to him again. I told him he was being a fool and was mental to think I'd just go off and abandon him like that." She was still finding it hard to believe that Remus could fancy her. It seemed unfathomable.

"I think you should confront him, see how he reacts."

She looked at her cousin like she thought he was the one that had gone mental. "Confront him? What just go up to him and say hey Remus I was just wondering if you fancied me at all cause I really really like you and if it's not at all awkward would you care to snog? Yeah that'll go over smashingly. I'll just look like a fool and he'll try to let me down nicely like the fine caring bloke that he is and I'll just feel even more horrible."

Sirius laughed loudly at that causing the girls who had been staring at him to jump which caused them to go into another fit of giggles. "You don't know until you try." He said after he had calmed down.

Tonks sighed and looked out at the Lake. The giant squid had some tentacles poking out of the water as if trying to sun them. "I guess. Thanks. Who knew you could be so serious for so long."

Sirius smirked a gleam in his eye as he opened his mouth to say something.

"Don't," she warned. "If you say I'm always 'Sirius' then I may just have to punch you."

He laughed again. "Fair enough. Besides," he said standing. "I don't need to say it, you just did it for me." And he walked off toward the castle whistling as he went.

Tonks stood soon after and headed in to get her books. Should she try and see if Remus returned her feelings? It wasn't like she was a little girl anymore, she was fifteen and she knew that what she felt was not just an infatuation likely to go away. It had been growing for years. Could she just ignore it and go on as she had just being the best friend? Could she stand by and watch someone else come along, someone who was beautiful and accepted him for who he was. No. It would kill her to see someone else holding his hand, looking at him with adoration, kissing him… Merlin now she was envisioning kissing him!

She shook her head furiously. She could risk it, but a part of her felt like it was too much. A nasty voice in her mind kept saying why would he want you? Your obnoxious, too fat, and walk around with pink hair. Never mind him being unworthy, it was her that should have the real fear of rejection.

But still, what if Sirius was right? He did know Remus better then she did, she had to admit. What if Remus did fancy her? Her heart seemed to give a little leap at that thought. She needed to find out, she decided. But again it was how to go about it that was the problem.

The thought tugged at her for the rest of the day until late that night when she was laying in bed listening to Cally snore. Staring at the top of her four-poster she thought, screw it. Life is too short to play games trying to see if someone fancies you or not. I'm just going to have to come right out and ask him and then we'll see. We'll go from there.

Tonks didn't get a chance to put her new resolve into action until the end of May. The final Quidditch match of the year had just been played; Gryffindor Vs. Hufflepuff, and both James and Cally had been injured and ended up in the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey had declared that both would be fine and kicked all concerned parties out of the room. Sirius and Peter had gone to join the party in the Gryffindor common room, Gryffindor had won, and left Tonks and Remus together. Remus said he wanted to get a bit of studying in before he joined the party and Tonks trailed behind him feeling that this was it. This was her moment to say something. The halls were deserted so if she were turned down no one but Remus would witness her mortification. Of course he might just be one person too many.

"How are you doing, since you broke up with Liam?" he asked abruptly before she could say anything.

"Oh, um fine I guess. I realized that I didn't like him as much as I thought I did, you know. No chemistry." She paused then seeing this as her opening.

"There is someone else though. Some one who I've liked for awhile now."

"Oh?" he asked trying to sound only remotely curious. "Who is it then? It's not that Arthur Milton is it? I've seen him eyeing you for a couple weeks now." He glanced back at her and smiled.

"Has he been?" she asked surprised, then quickly said. "No it's not him."

"Who then." Remus didn't really want to know, it would just be some other poor bloke that he would end up having less then friendly feelings towards.

Tonks took a steadying breath. "You."

Remus stopped walking abruptly causing her to have to try and maneuver around him at the last second and to end up tripping over her own feet. "Owe." She winced rubbing an elbow and looking up at him from the cold floor. "Warn me next time you decide to stop dead yeah?"

"You don't." he said, his lips seemed to be barely moving.

"Don't what? Fancy you? Yeah I'm pretty sure I do."

He reached down and pulled her to her feet, avoiding looking her in the eye. "Dora you don't. We spend so much time together you think you do, but you don't. You can't."

She straightened her robes and put her hands on her hips. "And why can't I? What is there that says Pink haired Metamorphmagus can't like unreasonable Werewolves?"

"I'm not being unreasonable. I'm telling you the truth." He said still not quiet looking at her.

"No." she said stubbornly. "You are telling me how I should feel. I know how I feel Remus Lupin. Just because you say that I can't possibly fancy you doesn't mean I don't. Here I am airing out my deepest feelings, feelings that I've kept hidden for years and all you can do is tell me that I don't know what I'm talking about? The least you could do is tell me if you fancy me too, because I'm already mortified enough as it is and I'd really like to end this. And would you stop trying not to look at me? I didn't grow two heads and a horn while I was on the floor you know."

"Dora…" he trailed off and finally looked her in the eyes. His eyes seemed more guarded the usual, as if he was trying not to give something away. "I'm a werewolf. No one in their right mind would ever want to be associated with me in that way, I've known that for years."

"Right." She said feeling angry. "So now not only do I not know my own feelings, I'm mental too? You know if you don't feel the same way Remus all you have to do is say so." She turned and began walking away. I will not cry, she told herself fiercely. I will not let him turn me into some silly girl that cries because a boy doesn't like her.

Remus stood and watched her walk away in indecision. He had always thought he was meant to be alone, always. It was one of the things John Lupin had made sure his son was aware of after he had been bitten. Werewolves did not marry, they did not have children. He should not inflict his curse on someone else. Remus believed this, felt it was right. So he had never considered dating, in fact he had resolved that he never would. It would just lead to heartache and rejection when they found out what he was. But Dora was different. She knew, had known for a while and yet here she was declaring her feelings for him. If she could do that, actually feel that way despite his issues, then who was he to deny what he felt? what he had felt for a while now.

"Dora."

She stopped but didn't turn. "Look if you're just going to tell me how silly I'm being then you can go…" she started to say vehemently, but didn't finish. For at that moment Remus put his hand on her shoulder and turned her quickly. Before she could utter another syllable he was kissing her.

It was like no other kiss she had received before. It sent a thrill down her spine and made her toes tingle. He kissed her softly, not demanding like Liam had, but giving instead. From that one kiss she could tell that kissing him would be like breathing. She would need to do it again and again. There would be no surviving without it.

When he finally pulled away her cheeks were pink and her eyes were wide almost disbelieving. Slowly she smiled and wrapped hr arms around his neck.

"Sorry." He said sounding more hoarse then usual. "I should have asked first."

She leaned closer so their foreheads were almost touching. "You don't ever have to ask." She too sounded a bit hoarse. "Feel free to do that whenever you want." She then leaned up and kissed his smiling lips again, feeling as if she never wanted that moment to end.


	15. Betrayal of truth

**Another Chapter. I don't own anything.**

The news that Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks were dating spread quickly through out their houses. Neither one was overly known, Remus was simply known as being that tall fellow who was always with James Potter and Sirius Black, and Tonks was known for her wild hair, but Peeves had come upon them while they were still lip locked in the sixth floor corridor and had proceeded to go around the school singing rude songs about "loopy Lupin" and his kissing prowess.

Neither Tonks nor Remus could find it in them to care although it did get rather annoying when Sirius ad James stood outside Remus's four-poster at odd hours and serenaded him with Peeves song.

They had been going out for a week, when the full moon dawned again. It was a Friday evening, exams were coming in a week, and Tonks again had detention, although this time Shannon Finnegan was there for company. They were in a green house with professor Sprout cleaning after that weeks lessons. As she bent to deposit some clippings in the compost heap a particularly vicious looking plant tried to grab Tonks.

"Enough of that you!" Professor sprout admonished briskly hitting the plant which let go of Tonks's arm and slunk back like a chastised puppy. "Keep your eyes sharp," Professor sprout warned both girls. "You don't…"

Whatever it was she was going to say was cut off by the sound of yelling on the grounds. As the voices got closer professor Sprout pulled out her wand and advanced to the door. "Stay here." She warned as she exited the green house.

As soon as she was gone Tonks dropped the mandrake leaves she was holding and followed her.

"What're you doing?" Shannon hissed. "She told us to stay here!"

Tonks glanced back. "You can if you want, but I'm going to see what's going on." She then exited the green house and stepped out onto the grounds, her wand palmed securely in her hand. In the dark it took her a moment to see where the commotion was coming from and where it was Professor Sprout had gone. Finally she spotted her and three other figures down by the whomping willow.

Fear gripped her. Was something wrong with Remus? She moved closer until she was close enough to hear what the raised voices were saying, but not close enough that she could be clearly seen in the dark.

"Mr. Snape I urge you to please calm down!" Professor McGonagall was saying sounding as if she was winded from running down from the castle. Tonks could just imagine the furious glare that would be on her face.

"Potter?" Professor Sprout was saying, "What is the meaning of this? What are you doing out here near this tree?"

Before James could answer Snape was exclaiming, "He tried to kill me! He and Black. They sent me out here, told me how to access this tree, knowing what I would find in the tunnel underneath it. Knowing that Lupin would be waiting to attack me!"

There was a silence then and the tension in the air was palpable. Finally James said, "Professor McGonagall? Maybe we should go see Professor Dumbledore."

"Yes Potter, I think that is just what we will do." She said sounding surprised he had suggested it. "I will fetch Mr. Black as well. Is Mr. Lupin quite closed in down there?" she asked almost gently considering the situation.

"Yes Professor. I closed the door."

They began moving and Tonks quickly backtracked to the green houses. She arrived back to find Shannon sullenly throwing stems into the compost pile. Quickly she picked up her leaves and began throwing the on to the pile as Professor Sprout reentered. "Bad business." She was muttering to herself. "You may leave girls. Mind you head straight back to the common room."

Tonks waited until she was sure Shannon would have reached the castle and then followed. She had no desire to walk back with her.

She couldn't believe James and Sirius would do something like that. What were they thinking?! It was Remus's worst fear almost realized. How could they do that to him? Behind her she could hear pained howls and it made her feel like crying. She knew that he was probably hurting himself now in rage over missing the prey that had walked in on him. His wolfish instincts would have kicked in and that was going to make it all the harder to convince him that it wasn't his fault.

First thing the next morning Tonks headed for the hospital wing where she knew Remus would be. When she arrived she found she wasn't his first visitor. James and Sirius were there, the later looking furious. Sirius looked pained and was talking quickly to Remus who was sitting up in the bed looking horrified. Behind them all lurked Peter looking nervous.

" I'm really sorry Remus." Sirius was saying. "I didn't think, I just …"

"No you didn't." Remus's voice sounded hollow. "You never do. Just go." He closed his eyes, as if to block the world out. Sirius hesitated seeming to want to say more but James shook his head slightly and gestured for peter and him to follow. As they passed Tonks James nodded, but Sirius wouldn't even meet her gaze. After they had gone she silently approached Remus's bed. He had his head in his hands and looked as if he was trying to hold himself together.

"Wotcher." She said softly.

Remus raised his head and their eyes locked. He looked exhausted as usual but there was also something else. It was a look that one gets when they feel as if they have been betrayed.

"You don't have to tell me what happened." She told him sitting in the chair beside the bed after pulling it as close as it would go. "I had detention with Sprout, I heard the whole commotion that happened after."

He shook his head. "It was Sirius." He said without emotion. "He told Snape what to do, if James hadn't stopped him…" he shook his head.

She reached out and grasped his hand in hers. "But he did. What's going to happen now?"

"That is what I am here to discuss Ms. Tonks."

Both she and Remus looked behind her. Professor Dumbledore smiled at them both, his blue eyes twinkling. "Am I right in assuming that you know of Mr. Lupin's condition?"

Tonks nodded. She always felt like fidgeting when Dumbledore's gaze fell on her. "Yes sir. I figured it out about a year ago."

"I daresay I do not have to ask you not tell anyone. You seem to be doing a good job of that yourself. You are very lucky in your friends Remus . As to "

"Is Severus alright?" Remus interjected. Tonks squeezed his hand trying to reassure him.

"He will recover from his shock. I have instructed him not to tell anyone of what transpired last night. I have the greatest confidence that he shall comply with my wishes. I fear he shall nurse a deep resentment though. Many are not comfortable in owing another their lives."

"I don't have to leave then?" Remus sounded shocked, he had been sure that this was going to be the end of his time at Hogwarts.

"No. You do not. Unless you wish to of course?"

Remus shook his head. "No sir.'

Dumbledore beamed. "Very good. I shall leave you in Ms. Tonks's capable hands although I daresay Madam Pomfrey would like to have a look at you."

Indeed, Madame Pomfrey had been lurking a few feet away looking as if she would very much like to see to her patient.

Dumbledore left then, as quietly as he had come and Madame Pomfrey bustled forward. For once she didn't try to kick Tonks out while she checked over Remus's wounds and for that he was grateful. Having Dora there was giving him a comfort he desperately needed.

Remus stayed in the hospital wing for the rest of the weekend and then rejoined his classes on Monday. Tonks kept trying to get him to admit he was angry, she didn't think it was good for him to keep it locked up, but he refused to so mush as poke Sirius.

She kept waiting for the moment when he would blow up to come, but it didn't arrive until after the exam's.

The last exams of the year had just ended and everyone was taking advantage of the hot weather to spend a last few hours on the grounds. Tonks sat with Cally by the lake and James and Peter were near by. James was chatting up Lily and for once she was talking back without glaring or calling him big headed. Sirius had gone to pilfer Butter beer from the kitchen and Remus had disappeared up to Gryffindor tower.

"There you are!" James called loudly when he saw Sirius coming. "What took-what the hell happened to you Padfoot?!"

This exclamation caused everyone to look to where Sirius was. He was grinning widely, but his nose was bleeding and he looked like he would have a black eye.

"Was it Snivellus?" Peter asked when Sirius had reached them.

Sirius laughed and shook his head, causing blood to fly, as he handed out bottles of Butter beer. "It was Moony!" he said gleefully.

'Remus?" Lily asked shocked. He had never seemed the type to use violence.

Sirius nodded. "He's got himself a mean right hook let me tell you. Think he may have broken my nose."

Both James and Peter were laughing as if this was the funniest thing they had ever heard. Sirius was still grinning like a fool and Lily now had her wand out and was attempting fix his nose.

"Epesky."

"Thanks Lil's." Sirius touched his nose gingerly.

"Moony!"

Everyone turned again to see Remus ambling down from the castle. Tonks was surprised to see he was smiling. "Since when do you go around starting fights with people who are bigger then you?" she admonished teasingly when he reached them.

"Since they deserve it," he said placing an arm around her. "I didn't break your nose did I?" he asked Sirius.

"No worries, Lily fixed it. Where the hell did you learn to punch like that?"

Remus smirked. "You. Last time you were drunk you insisted on showing me the proper way to fight someone muggle style. Merlin knows where you learned it."

Sirius laughed. "I'm too good a teacher. I'm not even going to go get this fixed." He said pointing to his eye. "It hurts like hell but the girls will think it's damn sexy."

James was still laughing and this admission sent him off again.

Sirius looked at Remus again. "We good mate?"

Remus nodded. "We're good."

Cally stood and leaned into Tonks so she could whisper in her ear. "Your friends are crazy."

"I know." Tonks said happily, as all four of the marauders were now laughing. "They're completely mental."


	16. Love is a gift

**AN: I am avoiding work right now, a story on the city council meeting, so i decided to update to help relive the tension. All things recognizable belong to J.K. Rowling**

Tonks stepped off of the Hogwarts Express on to Platform 9 and ¾ and promptly tripped over someone's trunk knocking into the person to whom the trunk belonged. Before she could right herself and apologize for her clumsiness, she felt herself being pushed roughly back. Before she hit the ground in what was sure to be a spectacular fall two muscular arms wrapped around her waist steadying her.

Leaning back she met Remus's smiling eyes before he looked at whoever had knocked her over. "Was that really necessary?" he asked calmly.

Tonks straightened a bit so she could see to whom she owed her lose of foot. Liam Semple was glaring back at her. Instead of answering Remus's question he said cuttingly, "I can't believe you broke up with me for the half-breed " He glanced coldly at Remus. "I won't forget this Nymphadora." He then stormed away, his trunk levitating behind him.

"Well isn't he just a bloody ray of sunshine." Tonks said trying sound like Liam's words had no effect on her. "I think the sorting hat made a mistake there. That's one bloke that should have definitely been in Slytheran."

Remus had yet to let go of her and he didn't say anything.

"Um, Remus love, as much I love standing here wrapped in your lovely arms, which really are surprisingly muscular I must say, shouldn't we be going? People are starting to stare."

That seemed to get his attention. After making sure she was indeed on her feet Remus relinquished his hold. Tonks straightened her shirt and held out her hand for him to grasp. "Don't worry about what Liam said. He's just a loser is all. Did I tell you about the huge scene he made when I broke up with him? Too bad I was the only one there to see it. No one would believe me; he always seems so calm and self assured."

They crossed through the barrier. Ahead Tonks could see her parents. Her mother was dressed impeccably as always, as if her cloths had been designed just for her. When she saw her daughter holding hands with Remus she leaned into her husband and spoke quietly to him.

"It's not what he said." Remus said stopping and turning to face her. "I'm going to have to become accustomed to it; it's how most wizards think. It was the way he said it." He grasped both of her hands in his.

"What, you think he has it out for me now or something?" she scoffed.

He didn't smile and the look in his eyes told her he was troubled. "Just be careful alright?"

She nodded, feeling worried now because he was. "Yeah, ok."

Remus glanced around then trying to find his parents and spotted his mother. Of course he thought. Of course his father wouldn't be there. Probably working over time.

"I should go." He sighed and smiled slightly when she pouted. "You owl me everyday." She told him sternly.

"Everyday?" he asked raising his brows, now grinning.

"Ok. Not everyday, but every three, even if it's only to say that the cat sneezed."

Remus laughed and impetuously leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. "I promise if his tail even twitches you'll be the first to know."

" Excellent. Ok you don't have to owl every three days, but once a week maybe. I don't want you think I'm one of those stalker girlfriends that has to know what her boyfriend is doing all the time."

He shook his head and let go of her hands after giving them a squeeze. "You a crazy stalker girlfriend? Never. Maybe a little crazy…"

She frowned as he started to wheel his trolley away. "I'll remember that one Lupin." She called so everyone could hear. "Just see if you get so much as a peck on the cheek out of me the next time we meet!"

Remus just turned and shook his head. Everyone was now staring at Tonks, including her own parents. Not feeling embarrassed at all she ran after Remus who had just reached his was one more thing she had to do before he could leave. "What…" he turned feeling a small hand on his shoulder and she wrapped her arms around his neck and planted a long kiss on him.

When she pulled away he felt slightly dazed and confused. People were staring even more now. Old women were clucking their tongues in disapproval of the brazen youth and Ted Tonks looked like he didn't know if he wanted to Murder Remus or laugh. Behind them Sarah Lupin had given into laughter and was whipping her eyes from the tears it caused.

Tonks smiled cheekily at him. "That's just to show you what you're going to be missing." She winked and stepped back, detangling her arms. "Ta." She turned and sauntered happily over to her parents.

"Nymphadora!" Andromeda admonished. "Did you really have to?" she didn't sound distressed by the scene at all and was even trying not to smile.

"Yes mum. I did."

Ted shook his head. "You remember what it was like to be 15 Dromeda. Not that that means you should go around kissing boys." He told Tonks quickly, glancing significantly over at Remus. "Especially when you haven't introduced them to your father."

"Well then. You'll just have to meet him won't you?" she asked smiling happily. "Then I can snog him without you feeling guilty for not doing your fatherly duty. I should warn you, he doesn't intimidate easily." She then started pushing her trolley toward the exit leaving her laughing mother and slightly red in the face father to follow her.

Sarah didn't say anything about the scene at the station until they were home and she made sure not to say anything in front of her husband. John was a good father she new, a good man. But ever since Remus had been bitten he had tried instilling a belief system in him. One he thought his son should live by if he was going to survive in Wizarding society. Part of that was that Remus shouldn't get involved in a relationship.

As much as she loved her husband, Sarah didn't and couldn't agree with this. If there were someone willing to love her son, to be with him despite the stigma then she would not discourage such a relationship. Her only wish for Remus was that he was happy. The day he was bitten she had made herself a promise as she stood over his tiny body in his hospital bed. She would never discourage her son from living a full happy life. She would always treat him as normal; it was why she had pushed so hard for Remus to attend Hogwarts. And now she was glad she had.

"Tonks knows everything I suppose?" she asked quietly that night as she and her son sat in the back garden.

Remus had his eyes closed and was breathing in the sea air deeply. It was like a cleansing; it made him feel calm. "She figured it out a year ago. Since then she's been reading anything she can get her hands on about Werewolves." He laughed, "I had to steer her away from the more bestial literature. After she found one book on werewolf anatomy she wouldn't look me in the eye for a week. I was surprised the library would have something like that. Although I suppose Sirius probably slipped it to her."

"He's a devil to be sure." Sarah agreed, smiling. "You know I don't agree with all you're father has told you." She said more seriously. Remus met her gaze and nodded. "Tonks is a sweet lass, for all she's a little strange. While you may never be able to get married, and I'm not just talking about her I mean to any one, I want you to allow yourself to have happiness you find someone who accepts you don't push them away. The wolf controls you one night of the month; don't let it dictate your actions for the rest of your life. I know your father's got you believing that you can't have normal relationships but I don't think he should dictate what you can and cannot do, not when it comes to love."

Remus looked up at the sky at the moon that would soon be full again. It was so beautiful up there, so luminescent and ethereal. Yet the sight of it always sent a chill through him. "But do I have the right to inflict that on someone else?" he asked pensively still looking at the sky. "Can I ask someone to give up the life they know to live a half life with me on the fringes of society?"

"Love," Sarah said gently cupping his cheek and making him face her. He looked so like his father she mused and yet they are so different. "If it's the right person, you won't have to ask. They'll do it and do it gladly if it means being with the one they love."

Remus sighed and smiled sadly. "I don't know mum. I don't think it's possible. Who would want that? Not Tonks. I mean if our relationship even makes it that far, which I highly doubt it will, I could never consider letting her give up everything. She wants to be an Auror. It's been her dream since she could walk practically. If she was associated with a werewolf then she would be jeopardizing all of that."

Sarah didn't say anything. She suspected that Remus was wrong. If he and Tonks did stay together, which she was sure they would, there was no doubt in her mind that that girl would not give up and fight him with everything she had. Sarah just hopped that she could convince Remus of that. The right person only comes along once. To be blessed with such love was a gift. One she was determined her son would hold on to.


	17. Dinner with Dora's parents

Remus was out on the beach, shoes off walking in the surf, when the owl found him. It hooted from above and shading his eyes from the glare of the sun he recognized it as his owl Bethan. She landed on his shoulder and held out her leg, hooting softly.

"What have you got for me girl?" he asked as he untied the letter. Bethan hooted again and nudged his cheek with her head. "I don't have anything for you, I'm sorry. Go to the house and bug mum for some treats." Bethan took off then spreading her wings gracefully.

Remus opened the letter and saw Dora's writing.

Remus,

What were Sirius and james thinking? They actually spent the night in a muggle jail. I'm not going to lie love I'm slightly in awe. Of course it would be all Sirius fault, only he would start a bar brawl. I'm glad you decided not to go with them, although visiting you in the pokey would have been interesting. It would have made my summer. Anyway, My parents want you to come for dinner. A formal, introduction dinner. I pointed out that they already knew you, but my dad said not as my boyfriend, so that was the end of that. I think he wants to interigate you. Lay on the whole you be good to my daughter or I'll break your legs in you're sleep lecture. Don't worry though, I don't care what my parents think of you, their not the ones that have to snog you. I know you're trying not to laugh now, it's ok I have that effect on people.

Remus was indeed laughing at that point.

So put on you're best robes(I don't care if you show up in a pair of holey jeans and a band shirt, but mum's pickey) and be at mine for 7 tomorrow.

Missing you like crazy, can't wait until I can kiss you again.( I know your blushing now, you sensitive guy, you)

Dinner with Dora's parents. While he had met them briefly a few times, he had never actually had to have a conversation with them. What would he say? He knew Dora wouldn't have told her parents about his condition, at least not without asking him first, but he had a feeling he knew what kind of questions Ted Tonks would be asking him. Well, he thought, refolding the letter and pocketing it, this will certainly be an interesting night.

Tonks was standing in front of the mirror in her room, examining her hair. It was her natural brown and it made her feel dumpy. Why does mum always insist I have my hair a normal colour at home? She wondered disgustedly to herself. It's not like it's going to change anything , I'll just change it the first chance I get.

Andromeda Tonks while accepting of her daughter's genetic quirk hated when she wore her hair in any other colour then natural. She said if she had accept the loud punk music, the holey jeans and tight shirts then she was drawing the line when it came to pink hair.

It was a fight that Tonk had been having with her mother for as long as she could remember. Every time it would be brought up Andromeda would give her haughty look, a look that Tonks refered to as the Black look, and said, "When you no longer live under my roof, you may do what ever you wish with you're hair Nymphadora. But while you are here I would appreciate it if you would respect my wishes." She would then smile and add, "besides darling your hair is such a lovely brown. I don't know why you always cover it up."

Tonks twisted a shoulder lenghth strand around her finger, then let it flop back with a sigh. There was nothing she could do. Maybe though… she scrunchd up her face and concentrated on giving her hair a slight wave. When she opened her eyes she sighed again. "Well, it's slightly better."

"Nymphadora!" Andromeda called up the stairs."Remus has just arrived."

Tonks peeked at her apprearence one last time, made sure her magenta robe was in order and decended the stairs. Her Dad was just letting Remus into the house when she arrived at the looked good, she observed as Ted shook Remus's hand. Better then good. His robes were dark blue and just nice enough for a dinner but not too dressy.

"We're glad you could come Remus." Andromeda was saying.

"Thank you for having me." He replied politely. He was feeling nervous and hoped it didn't show. "My Mother sent this for you." He added handing Andromeda a covered plate. "I hope it's alright, I apparated here."

Andromeda took the cake garasiusly and smiled. "I'm sure it will be fine. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." She exited to the kitchen leaving Tonks, Remus and Ted together.

Tonks caught Remus's eye and smiled, trying to put him at ease. She knew he was probably nervous. If there was one thing about Remus it was that he liked to be liked;probably a bi product of his condition she thought.

"Why don't we go in the living room." Ted suggested. Remus and Tonks followed him and settled on the love seat while Ted sat in his favourite chair. Andromeda hated that chair, it sqeecked awefully but Ted would not let her get rid of it.

"You're journey here went well?" Ted asked conversationally. "Dora said that you live out at the coast."

Remus nodded. "Yes sir. It can be a bit hard to find a place to apparate without being noticed, the viallage that I live outside of is starting to become more populated by muggles and they wander out by our place more often then the wizarding folk."

Ted nodded, looking a little less intimidating then he had when he answered the door and Tonks squeezed Remus's hand In reasuaence that it was going well.

"Dinner is ready," Andromeda said from the door way.

All four of them headed to the dineing room and settled around the table. Andromeda had prepared a roast, potatoes and carrots and it all looked they had all dished out their food Ted continued his questioning.

" You're in Seventh year now?"

Remus swallowed the piece of potato he had been eating and said, "Yes."

"What are you planning on doing after you are finished school?" Andromeda questioned forking more roast on to Ted's plate.

"Well i-"

"Remus wants to continue studying after he's done at Hogwarts." Tonks interjected. Remus smiled slightly at her and she smiled back, winking.

"Yes I would like to continue studying Defensces against the dark arts. I had planned on traveling a bit to other counries to observe their dark cratures, cappa's and the like, but I'v been offerd a tutoring job next year by one of the women who works with my father. Her youngest is to start at Hogwarts but she would rather keep her at home she says. At least for the time being, she may change her mind yet, Hogwarts is easily the safetest place to be right now."

They had now progeresssed to desert, a sumptius looking treacle tart. "Yes, people are panicking all over now." Ted said shaking his head. "Things are just going to get worse before they get better I'm afraid." He glanced at his wife and seeing that she looked pained at the topic of converstion asked, "Is teaching something you would enjoy?"

"I think I would. It would be hard, but the rewards far out way the negatives."

Ted nodded and the convertion progressd forward. At a couple of her parents questions Tonks interjected, sometimes in outrage, but Remus seemed more relaxed and talked easily. By the end of the night she felt as if it could not have gone better.

"I just can't believe he wants to endanger himself like that." Andromeda was saying. Now that the inqestion was out of the way the topic had got around to Sirius and his most recent antics. "It was bad enough he got himself arrested. A flying motor bike will just arise more trouble."

Remus laughed. "Yes well Sirius doesn't always think too clearly. I'm afraid by this time next Summer he will be riding around with abandon and offering us all wild rides."

"You will not be getting on any motor bikes, especially if Sirius is driving." Andromeda warned her daughter.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Yes mum."

Ted smirked. "There was a time when you wouldn't have hesitated to get on a motor bike with a boy," he teased his wife. Andromeda glanced at him sharply, but it was obvious she was fighting a laugh.

The clock over the fire chimed and Remus glanced at it. "I should be going." He said almost regretfully.

"I'll see you out." Tonks said right away. She wanted a minute or two alone with her boyfriend.

Neither one of her parents protested perhaps sensing this.

"Thank you for dinner," Remus said. "It was delisious."

Andromeda smiled. "Thank you Remus. It was lovely having you."

Ted nodded, "Don't hesitate to come back anytime. I think Dora, particularly, would like that."

"Dad!" Tonks admonished as he pushed Remus into the hall. The sound of her parents laughter followed them as the door closed.

"Finally," Tonks sighed. Without hesitatin she reached up, standing on her toes slightly and pulled him down for a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her and deepened the kiss slightly making her press closer to him.

"Well," she gasped when the kiss had ended, "I think tonight went well don't you?"

Remus laughed. "Yes I'd say it did." He fingured a lock of her hair. "Pink clash to much with you're robes?" he teased.

Tonks scowled in mock injury."What, my natural hair isn't good enough for you? I see how it is." She changed her hair to pink quickly. "Is that better?"

"Dora, I wouldn't care if you decided to walk around with Polka dotted hair and a wart on you're nose. I like you're natural colour, though it does make you look like you're mother."

"Don't tell me you find my mother attractive." She asked in tones of horror.

Remus shook his head. "I really should go." He leaned down and kissed her again. "I promise you you're the only girl I have eyes for.' He breathed. "Good night Dora."

Then he was outside and with a pop had dissaperted off her front step.

It took a moment for Tonks to recover herself enough to rejoin her parents.

"Well Dora," Ted said when she reentered. "I think you may have found a keeper."

Funny, Tonks thought, that was just what I was thinking.


	18. First Duel

**AN:This chapter starts out very silly, i admit. I was going to change it but decided to just leave it in. Remus is allowed to have his moments of strangeness just like anyone else. Hope you enjoy the chapter! oh, and i'm not J.K. Rowling **

"I can't believe it."

Remus glanced up from his essay and seeing that it was James that was the one that was disturbing the quiet of the library with his exclamation left it Sirius to find out what was going on.

"What can't you believe?" It was Peter who asked instead of Sirius who for once was also putting an effort into his homework.

"Evans, I mean Lily." James sunk down into the chair beside Remus right on top of his essay for charms. "Hey. Watch what your doing." He groused pulling his work out of harms way.

"Oh. Sorry Moony." James said dazedly. He was staring in an almost dreamlike state at the wall.

"What about Lily?" Sirius finally asked finishing his defense homework with a flourish. "What happened this time?" Since James had been made head boy, something the other Marauders found hilarious to no end, he had been spending a lot of time with Lily Evans helping her to plan out the patrol and other duties that required the head boy and girls attention. Remus had thought they were getting along well but perhaps not.

"Are you going to tell us what happened? Or do we have to guess?" Remus asked somewhat impatiently for him. "I have to meet Dora in fifteen minutes and I would really like to get this done before then." He said all this while still writing furiously and without looking at his friends.

"What happened? What happened is that she finally said yes!" James exclaimed beaming at his three friends. Remus looked up at this. Sirius was grinning, Peter looked utterly bemused and James's hair was standing up more than usual. This coupled with the huge dazed grin on his face made him look somewhat deranged. Remus couldn't help it. He started to laugh. It was a loud laugh and although he didn't know why he was laughing he couldn't stop.

"What's the matter with him?" James asked watching his friend gasp for breath.

"I don't know," Sirius said doubtfully. "I think he may have finally cracked form all the stress."

"It's only been two weeks!" Peter said eyeing Remus warily.

Remus was finally able to reign himself in and stop laughing. He was surprised Madam Pince hadn't descended on them all to demand they leave before they defiled the sanctity of the library any further.

"I'm sorry." He told his bemused friends. "It was how you looked there for a moment James, I don't know what came over me."

"Well I know he's a scrawny git, but that's no reason to loose your head."

Remus ignored Sirius and said, "Please continue what you were saying about Lily. She agreed to go out with you?"

James smiled again. "yeah. I couldn't believe it. We were just in the common room and I asked if she was going to Hogsmead and she said yes and then I asked if she wanted company and she said yes again. So then feeling slightly more confident then usual I asked if that company could be me."

"What did she say to that?" Peter asked hanging on to James's every word. He was practically hanging over the table.

"She just looked at me and said James if you're trying to ask me out just come out with it. But she was smiling so I said Lily will you go out with me? And she said yes then said I should do my homework before I failed out of the year."

Sirius shook his head. "Well Prongs you're hooked now, next thing you know we'll hear you're getting married. I guess we each owe you a Galleon." Like every year previous James had resolved that he would get Lily to go out with him.

James shook his head. " I don't know Padfoot. I'd say Moony will be the one who gets married first."

Remus snorted. "I doubt it." He rolled up his essay and began shoving his materials into his bag. "I have to go, see you later."

As he was walking away he heard Sirius ask, "Will you guys name you're first kid after me?"

The first Hogsmead visit that year was on Halloween and the day was cool with a slight taste of winter in the air. Tonks set off for the village with Cally bundled up in her cloak and a long Hufflepuff scarf wrapped around her neck. Remus had landed in detention with Sirius, his first detention since he was made a perfect. Sirius had been attempting a prank on some sixth year Slytherans and Filtch had caught him. Remus had been given detention because he happened to be walking by at that moment and Filtch assumed he was in on it. Or so he said. Tonks had her doubts; Even if he didn't get in trouble often Remus was still a Marauder.

"Lets go into Hunydukes." Cally suggested leading the way. As Tonks browsed the shelves looking for chocolate she could bring back to Remus, how he ate so much she could never understand, she saw James and Lily. She watched them out of her peripheral smiling slightly. It had taken years for this to finally happen and from the looks of it things were gong well.

After buying their candy, Cally and Tonks wandered around the village eventually making their way to the Three Broomsticks. As they were approaching the establishment a commotion broke out in the street behind them. Both turned as people ran past them in panic. Three masked people in black robes had appeared in the street. Two of them blasted into a near by house and appeared a moment later dragging a struggling woman.

"We need to get out of here." Cally hissed sounding scared, she pulled on Tonks shoulder trying to steer her away from the Death Eaters.

"What about that woman?" she asked fighting her friends hold. "They can't just take her away, she'll die!"

"Tonks! Someone will take care of it. Come on!" Cally began pulling and Tonks began to reluctantly follow. She didn't want to leave that woman to the mercy of the Death Eaters. But what could she do; it made her feel helpless.

They had almost reached safety when a shot of green light whipped past them, just missing them. Instinctively Tonks pushed Cally down. "Get you're wand out!" she told her friend as they ducked down. She turned back to see the third Death Eater advancing toward them. The other two had already seemed to have disaapperated and the street was now empty everyone having fled in fear.

As the Death Eater approached Tonks felt a thrill of adrenaline. She couldn't let anything happen to Cally, was her first thought. The second was how they were going to get out of there alive.

"Cally, can you make it over to that shop?" Tonks whispered. The Death Eater didn't seem to be in any sort of hurry.

Cally glanced at the shop and nodded. "I think so."

Tonks nodded. "Good, go to that shop. Put a shield charm up and run for it. I'll follow as fast as I can."

Cally nodded again and stood quickly casting a shield and ran for the shop. The Death Eater didn't even raise his wand to stop her.

"Right." Tonks gripped her wand more tightly and began to rise only to have to duck down again as the Death Eater sent another curse at her.

"Not so fast Half Blood freak!"

She knew that voice she realized as she swiftly sent a stunner back at him.

The Death Eater moved out of the way and laughed. "You can't beat me." He taunted. "I know spells that you've only dreamed of."

"Impedimenta!" her spell missed again, but only just. The Death Eater laughed again. He was almost on her. "Give it up little girl." He hissed, "Just make it easier on your self."

Tonks was now standing fully feet planted firmly. "Oh yes and you're such a big man hiding behind you're mask." She taunted back. "I know who you are. You might be able to hide you're face but I'd know that voice anywhere." She sent another spell at him this time hitting him in the chest. He was blown back but quickly regained his feet and blasted her back. It missed her by inches and she was able to move closer to the shop.

"Too bad you won't be able to tell anyone who I am!" he advanced on her again, wand raised. "Unfortunately the dead do not talk. Avada Kedvra!"

Again Tonks was able to duck the spell but only just. Another half an inch and she would have been dead.

There was a series of pops around her then and four men in Auror robes appeared. Their wands were out but they were too late. With another pop the Death Eater disapparated.

"Fan out." Growled one of the Aurors. He had long sandy coloured hair and a hard look about him. "See what you can find."

He turned to Tonks who still had her wand raised. She felt like she had run a marathon and her breath was coming in gasps. "You alright lass?" he asked fixing two black eyes on her.

Unable to speak for a moment, Tonks simply nodded.

"What were you doing fighting off a Death Eater? You don't look more the 14." He growled, his eyes scanning their surroundings.

Tonks bristled. Now that she was calming down she was beginning to feel annoyed. "I'm 15 and he attacked me. I didn't wake up this morning and decide that it was a good day to take on a deranged masked man!"

The man glanced at her sharply. He had many scars on his face and his look was intimidating. Tonks wasn't intimidated though, She stared back defiantly. Finally the man smiled slightly. "Well you've got spunk. Why was he attacking you?"

"Because he's my ex boyfriend and I'm assuming from today's activities he wants me dead."

The man was still glancing around his wand held aloft. "You're ex boyfriend eh? What makes you so sure?"

"I know that voice." She aid defiantly. "His name is Liam Semple. He must have joined over the summer." She wasn't particularly annoyed with the Auror, he was only doing his job after all, but the whole situation was beginning to irk her. She had just almost died and that was starting to sink in.

"Liam Semple?" he asked sharply. "Are you positive girl?"

She nodded tiredly. "It was him."

The man's eyes seemed to gleam. "I've got you now, you piece of filth." He muttered to himself. Something about the situation seemed to please him.

"Moody." One of the Aurors had returned. He was young, probably just out of training. "The house up the street has been blasted. The neighbours, the ones that were willing to talk, said the woman who lives there, Elvira Fortuna, was dragged off by Death Eaters.

"Take down everyone's statement Dawlish." Moody ordered. "If someone so much as scratched their bum while this was going on I want to know about it."

Dawlish took off back up the street.

Moody pulled a flask out of his pocket and took a swig. "How many death eaters were there?"

Tonks was still clutching her wand. Her fingers were clenched around it in a vice like grip. "Three. The first two took off with that Woman, Liam stayed and decided it was a good day to play chicken in the middle of the street." Her voice came out sharper then it usually would.

"Hmm." Moody looked at her more fully. The girl looked shaken he observed but not scared. She was still clutching her wand in the same position it had been when he arrived and she was glancing around sharply. That was good; he wished some of his Aurors were as vigilant as her.

"What's you're name?"

Tonks scowled. Did she really have to use her full name? "Nymphadora Tonks sir."

"Well Nympahadora, you and I are going to head up to the castle. I expect Dumbledore will want to know his student is alive."

"My friend…" she glanced over at the shop where Cally was. She could see her pressed against the window staring out fearfully.

"Go get her." Moody said gruffly. "Make it quick."

The news that Tonks had taken on a Death Eater and lived to tell the tale spread quickly through out the school. People kept wandering by the hospital wing where Madam Pomfrey was giving her a thorough going over trying to get a look at her.

"Attacking a child." Madam Pomfrey was muttering to herself. "What is this world coming to?"

Professor Dumbledore entered the room closely followed by Remus. When she saw him Tonks felt herself let go. Since the attack her body had been tense and her mind racing. Now all she felt like doing was crying.

"I have brought Mr. Lupin with me." Dumbledore was saying. "You will not object, Poppy, if he stays until Miss Tonks goes back to her house?"

Madam Pomfrey pursed her lips but shook her head. "Of course not head master."

"Very good. I must get back to my office now; Alaster is waiting to speak with me." He turned his twinkling gaze on Tonks. "Well done today Miss Tonks."

She nodded tiredly and Dumbledore left. Madam Pomfrey bustled into her office saying she would return in a moment. Silently Tonks reached her hand out for Remus to take. He grasped her hand tightly and sat beside her. He looked shaken but didn't say anything only let her lean against him as she stared into space.

"It was Liam." She said quietly. "It was Liam, Remus. He's joined Voldemort. If Those Aurors hadn't shown up when they did…"

"I know." He said in a controlled voice. He was angry but he knew that wouldn't help her right now. Still he felt like hunting Semple down.

"This isn't the last time I'll see him, I guarantee." Tonks murmured. "And I'm telling you, if that bastard is still wandering around by the time I become an Auror I won't stop until I've hunted him down and turned him over to the Dementors personally."


	19. Deaths Ravishing Touch

**Here is another chapter. I was only going to do one update today but i'm going to be fairly busy until the weekend and i really wanted to get this chapter up. Hope you enjoy.**

By the time Christmas holidays came around Tonks was fed up with all the fantastic stories that had come out of her encounter with Liam. One second year Hufflepuff claimed she had taken on five Death Eater's single-handed. Another boy from Ravinclaw was sure he had seen Voldemort himself there.

"It's ridiculous." She complained to Remus. They were on the Hogwarts express on their way home for the holidays and already four people had walked by their compartment trying to catch a glance at her. "Its all been blown way out of proportion, if it had been a fully qualified Death eater I probably wouldn't be sitting here now."

"I really wish you wouldn't talk like that." Remus muttered to himself as he continued to read. Lily had lent him a muggle book and he found the story fascinating.

"Don't worry Tonks," Sirius supplied. He was stretched out languidly and was ignoring James's pokes to "budge up". "Give it a few more weeks and you'll go back to being that crazy pink haired girl that everyone wants to avoid."

"You're one to talk." She replied smiling slightly. "If anyone is crazy it's you."

"Well madness runs in the family. Just look at my mother and you're dear old aunty Bella."

Tonks shuddered involuntarily. "Don't bring her up please. Mum's terrified that she's going to show up any day and try and do us all in."

Sirius shrugged. "She's probably too busy licking Voldemort's boots to do any real damage."

"Why do you always have to use his name?" Peter whined from his seat beside Remus.

"Scared Wormatil?" Sirius smirked. "It's just a name."

"You shouldn't give him such a hard time." Lily admonished leaning around James so she could see Sirius. "Everyone's afraid now. He might come from a pure blood family but there's no telling what could happen next, or who it could happen to."

Everyone seemed somber after that. It was an ominous declaration and no one really knew what to say.

"On that happy note," James finally said trying to sound light, "Who wants to play exploding snap?"

By the time they had reached the station evening had fallen and it had begun to snow. At the barrier they all wished each other a Merry Christmas and Lily hugged everyone, even Sirius who winked at James over her shoulder.

Tonks had written her parents that Remus would bring her home and he had already shrunk their luggage down to pocket sized to make it easier to apparate.

"Have you ever apparated with someone who can't do it before?" she asked him as they watched their friends go through the barrier.

"No." he admitted, laughing at the startled look on her face. "But I think we'll be alright."

He opened his arms for her and she eyed him skepticly. "Well I suppose so. But if I splinch anything you're paying for my hospital bill."

She stepped forward and held on to him as he wrapped his arms around her. "Hold on tight." He breathed and then they were turning. Tonks felt an unpleasant sensation in her stomach and then they landed again with a pop like noise.

"Merlin!" she tried to step away from Remus but ended up loosing her balance.

"Are you ok?" he inquired as he grabbed her arm to steady her. Tonks nodded and looked around. They were in bushes of some kind and the area around them was pitch black. "We're in the park adjacent to your house." Remus explained. "Come on before we catch cold." He helped her out of the bushes and they set off up the block towards her house.

"Do you want to come in for a bit?" she asked after he had re-enlarged her trunk and they stood on the front step.

Remus shook his head. "I should get home." He stepped closer and bending down kissed her briefly. "Merry Christmas Dora."

She sighed and smiled brightly at him. "Merry Christmas Remus."

He smiled back and stepped off the steps. Glancing around to make sure no one was watching he turned on the spot. Just as he was disappearing an urge came over Tonks. But it was too late. Before she could voice it he was gone.

Feeling slightly out of sorts she opened the door and hauled her trunk inside slamming it behind her.

"Nymphadora?" her mother appeared in the hall hands on hips. "How many times have I told you not to slam the door."

Before Tonks could come up with a cheeky answer Andromeda rushed forward and grabbed her into a hug.

"I was so worried about you darling." She said almost tearfully. Tonks was surprised, her mother hardly ever cried. "I was sure no matter what they told me that that Death Eater had done something to you. When that Auror showed up at the door…"

"Moody came here?" Tonks asked struggling to breath with her face pressed against her mother's bosom.

"Yes." Andromeda released her and pulled a handkerchief out of her skirt pocket. "Strange man. He inspected all the teacups before he would let me give him a cup of tea. He said that you took that Death Eater on and held him off for at least ten minutes before help arrived."

"Was it that long?" Tonks asked distractedly. Since Remus had left she had felt uneasy.

Andromeda shook her head. "I'm just so glad you're alive, I don't know what I would do if he had killed you."

They moved into the sitting room and Tonks sat on the edge of the couch and began fiddling with a lose thread in her jumper. Something was not right, she could feel it.

"Where's dad?" she asked abruptly.

"Still at work. He should be home soon; they had him on over time today."

Andromeda caught the worried look on her daughters face and glanced up at her hair. It was shifting colour between pink and brown. She had been so glad to see her that she hadn't noticed until now.

"What's the matter?" she asked kindly. This only happened when Nymphadora was really upset or worried.

Tonks looked at her mother as if she wasn't really seeing her. "I don't know mum. I think I'll just go lye down for a kip."

"I'll make you some tea."

Tonks dragged her trunk up to her room and collapsed on the bed pulling her jumper off and kicking her boots to the floor. She closed her eyes and tried to clear her mind. It didn't work. The uneasiness was still there. What was it though? It started after I said goodbye to Remus, she thought to her self. Remus…

Tonks sat up like a shot and shoved her feet back into her boots. She dashed out of her room and promptly fell down a couple of stairs in her haste before she could right herself.

"Dora?" Andromeda stood at the bottom of the stairs a cup of tea in hand. "Dora what's the matter?"

Tonks rushed past her mother to the fireplace. "It's Remus." She gasped as she grabbed the pot with the floo powder. "Something is wrong. Something's happened to him."

Andromeda carefully sat the tea down on a side table and approached her daughter.

"Did he send you an owl?"

Tonks shook her head as she dunked her hand into the pot. "No. I just know something has happened though. I can feel it!" she looked at her mother desperately.

Andromeda seemed to think for a moment, then she nodded slowly. "Alright but I'm coming with you."

Tonks wasted no time. She threw the powder into the fire and called "The hanged Weasel Pub!"

Remus had landed just up the lane from his house. As he looked ahead to it two things struck him. The first being that the house was completely dark. The second was the twisting green glowing mark hovering above it.

"Oh god." He gasped. Let them have escaped, he thought horrified as he palmed his wand and began to run toward the house. Please let them be alive. Yet even as he thought this his rational self knew what he would find in the house. His heart pounding wildly Remus slowly pushed open the door of the house he had been born in and lived for almost 18 years.

Tonks fell out of the fireplace and quickly regained her feet. Without waiting to see if Andromeda was behind her and ignoring the calls of the bar maid she pushed her way through the pub and out into the frigid night. All she wore were her jeans and t-shirt yet the cold had no effect on her so focused was she on reaching Remus.

"Nymphadora!" Andromeda had made it out of the pub. She at least had grabbed a cloak.

"Hurry up mum!" Tonks yelled back as she began to run through the village. Andromeda had no choice but to follow. She had never been to the Lupin's before and didn't know how to get there.

Tonks ran hard reaching the lane in seconds. From there the ground became icy and she slipped a few times but quickly righted herself not caring about all the bruises she would have.

When the Lupin's house came into view she stopped dead. Her breath came in gasps and her heart felt like it would beat it's way out of her chest at any moment. "No!" she cried staring in numb horror. "Please no."

"Nymphadora." Andromeda had finally caught up with her daughter. She too stopped abruptly. " Dora we need to get help." Her voice sounded hallow to Tonks and she barely heard her.

"I have to see." She said deadly. And she began to move toward the house. Again Andromeda followed her daughter, but Tonks turned and stopped her. "Go get help mum. The Death Eaters are long gone."

Andromeda hesitated but in the end nodded. "Be careful darling. Keep you're wand ready at all times." She warned before she turned on the spot and apparated to the ministry of magic.

Tonks gripped her wand tightly as she neared the door. Her palm felt sweaty and she felt like she was going to throw up.

The house was dark and the only source of light was the open door. As she slowly advanced inside she looked around her sharply. Everything was a mess .The furniture was turned over and there were scorch marks from spell fire on the walls. As she neared the kitchen she tripped over something large and solid. Bracing herself so she wouldn't fall she murmured, "Luminous." And glanced down at what had tripped her.

It was John Lupin, his wand still clutched in his hand. She took an involuntary step back and ran into the wall. He was dead. Not able to look at him any longer Tonks turned and headed for the stairs. Outside she could here the sound of people apparating and then raised voices. Ignoring them she continued up the stairs. At the top of the landing she glanced into Remus's room fearing what she would see. It was empty. She slowly advanced down the small hall to what she knew to be Remus's parent's room. The door was closed.

Stealing herself Tonks turned the knob and pushed it open casting her wand light over the room.

At first all she saw were two bodies. One on the bed, the other on the floor. She wouldn't let herself look at the one on the floor in fear of who it may be. Instead she looked at the body of Sarah Lupin. She too still clutched her wand.

"She must have taken him out before they killed her."

Tonks whipped around her wand raised a spell already on her lips. Then just as quickly she lowered her wand slightly. He was sitting in the far corner wand dangling from his fingers staring at the bed and the body there as if he didn't really see it.

"It's the only explanation as to how he's dead on the floor and she is as well."

Tonks moved toward him carefully. She could hear voices downstairs and her relief at finding him alive was palpable. If he had been killed…

"Remus."

He didn't look at her just continued to look at the bed.

"Remus?" she knelt beside him and placed a hand on his shoulder. He seemed calm and distant and didn't respond except to close his eyes. They stayed there for what felt like forever until Tonks heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Come on." She moved his arm until it was over her shoulders and stood pulling him up. He moved without a sound as they headed toward the door. In the hall they ran into Dawlish and Moody.

Tonks could feel their eyes following her as she supported Remus down the stairs and out of the house. When they had reached the gate she stopped and looked up at him. He was staring up at the sky and seemed to be holding on to her now not so much for bodily support but for moral.

"You're going to catch a cold." He said quietly still not looking at her.

"So I catch a cold." She shrugged. Why was he talking about catching colds when his parents had just been murdered?

"Here." He let go of her for a moment and pulled off the cloak he still wore draping it over her shoulders. He then wrapped his arm back around her as if it were her that needed the contact.

Andromeda approached them then but didn't say anything. What did you say to someone that had just lost two of the most important people in his life? She knew that no words she spoke would help make sense of why this happened.

Eventually a tall black man approached them. He was young, not that much older then Remus. When he spoke it was in a slow easy voice.

"Remus right?" he asked.

Remus nodded and Tonks looked at the man curiously. How did he know him?

"Kingsley Shacklebolt. I was ahead of you in Gryffindor."

Remus nodded again. "I remember you."

"I have to ask you a few questions."

Remus nodded again and Tonks began to think that's all he was capable of doing at the moment.

"Can't this wait?" Andromeda asked. "This young man has just had a terrible night."

"I'm sorry Mam, but I've got to ask. It won't take long." He paused and when no one else interjected asked, "when you arrived home the dark mark was already over the house?"

"Yes." Remus answered deadly.

"Did you see anyone when you entered the house?"

Remus shook his head. "Only my Parents and the body of that Death Eater."

Kingsley nodded. "His name is Thaddeus Knot. Moody just identified him; he's been on our most wanted list for years."

He paused again and then clapped Remus on the shoulder. "You should go. We're going to be here for a while. Is there anything that you want from the house?"

Again Remus shook his head.

"Come on." Tonks said gently as her mother opened the gate and waited for them to follow.

Remus followed slowly still holding onto her. As they walked she kept glancing at him. She couldn't help feeling that something inside of him had died along with his parents.


	20. The Pain will Ease

**AN: have some down time so i thought i'd update. The Characters and anything else recognizable do not belong to me. Only the story idea. :)  
**

When they arrived at the Tonks's Ted was waiting and seemed confused when his wife and daughter appeared out of the fire followed by Remus. He started to say something, most likely to ask what was going on, but Andromeda shook her head and said to her daughter. "Nymphadora why don't you take Remus up stairs? I'm sure he's tired."

Tonks entwined her fingers through his and led him out of the room and up to hers. She was sure her mother had meant for him to go to the guest room, but she didn't want him to be alone.

Once in her room Remus sat on the bed and put his head in his hands. It was all so surreal. He felt like he was in someone else's body, like a scared child trapped in a man's body. All he wanted to do was curl up and hide from the world. And to cry. But he wouldn't.

"Remus?"

He looked up. Dora was leaning against the door looking unsure and helpless of what to do.

"Come here," he said more hoarsely then usual. How long had it been since he'd spoken last? Surely only an hour.

Tonks moved to the bed and sat beside him. Without hesitation she put her arms around him and pulled him over so he was leaning against her.

"How did you know?" he asked after a time.

She didn't have to ask what he meant. "It was a feeling. When you left I started to feel uneasy and I knew something was wrong. I don't know why or how but I just knew. So I flooed to the Weasel and mum followed."

The fell into silence again and eventually they fell asleep lying there together. That was how Andromeda found them the next morning.

Remus stayed with the Tonks's for the holidays. He seemed to be getting on fine and that worried Tonks. She kept expecting him to become upset, to break down and cry at least. But he never did. Not even at his parent's funeral. It was like he had built a wall around himself. It made her feel distant from him and that made her feel depressed and even more helpless. She had no idea what to do for him.

A Week after he had been there she had written to Sirius, James and Peter telling them what was happening. Within an hour Sirius and James had fallen out of the fire in the sitting room.

"Where is he?" Sirius asked. For once he was not smiling or smirking. He was totally centered in on the issue at hand and how somber it was.

"Upstairs in the shower." She sat on the coach and ran a hand through her hair tiredly. "He's completely closed himself off. I haven't been able to get more then one word out of him for three days! I just don't know, he says he's fine, but how can he be?"

They heard footsteps on the stairs and James said quickly, "We'll talk to him."

Remus entered the room to find his two best friends waiting expectantly for him.

"Remus." James said feeling awkward. What should he say? It was hard getting Remus to talk openly at the best of times.

"James, Sirius." He sighed sinking onto the couch.

They exchanged looks and then Sirius took charge. "Remus," he said without preamble. "You have to stop this."

Remus glanced up at his friend. "Stop what?"

"Stop bloody pushing everyone away is what."

"We know you're hurting." James added, "But it's not going to do you any good to keep it inside. We're your friends Remus, your brothers. We'll stand by you through the good and the bad; it's ok to let everything out."

"I'm not keeping it inside." Remus said almost angrily. He stood and started to pace. Tonks had never seen this side of him before, the agonized one that tried to rationalize everything. James and Sirius had seen it many times.

"Do you think I want to be like this? If I could cry or scream or do anything believe me I would be doing it. But I can't! And all I can keep thinking is that if I had let them meet me like they wanted to then this would never have happened."

"You can't know that." Tonks said firmly. "The Death eaters could have struck later and then you might be dead too!"

"Well we'll never know will we?" Remus turned abruptly. He was breathing hard and his eyes were hard. They had that wolfish gleam that rarely ever showed it's self.

"I'm going for a walk. I need air."

He then strode out of the room and in a second they all heard the front door close. Even when he's angry he can't slam a door, she thought shaking her head.

"Well you tired."

"It's a start." James sighed. "He's going to get worse I guarantee you."

James's prediction was only partially right. After his rant Remus seemed to be getting back to his regular self, yet there were moments when Tonks would catch him with a pensive far away look.

Two days before they were to return to school Remus found himself alone in the kitchen with Andromeda. It was early and they were the only two up, Andromeda because she was an early riser and Remus because he couldn't sleep. He hadn't been able to for some days.

Andromeda was moving serenely through the kitchen making breakfast and he was sitting at the table staring at the polished wood.

"You look tired." She said conversationally to him.

Remus glanced up to find her watching him. He smiled slightly. "I am."

"You should go back to bed, according to my daughter I'm the only one crazy enough to be up at six in the morning."

Remus smiled again but shook his head. "I can't sleep; haven't been able to for days." He said quietly.

"You need a cup of tea." She declared moving to the stove. It was her belief that tea helped all problems.

Remus laughed shortly. "My mother…" he sighed. "My mother used to say there is no problem too big that a good cup of tea can't help with."

She looked at him over her shoulder. Sitting at the table he looked worn down and forlorn. Suddenly he covered his face with his hands and his body began to shake.

It had hit him like a wave banging against his raw senses. Finally for the first time in weeks he was able to let it out. The grief, the anger, the constant bitter emotion that was eating at him from inside. Finally he cried.

Remus felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. Looking up through tear filled eyes he found Andromeda sitting beside him. It was her hand that was rubbing his shoulder in gentle soothing circles. She didn't say anything simply sat there with him until he had calmed down. Then she handed him a steaming cup of earl grey and returned to making breakfast.


	21. Advice

**Not Mine. So fricken tired right now, going to bed before i go crazy...oh wait i'm already there!haha. Hope you enjoy the chapter.**

Back at school Remus threw himself into his studies more so then usual. Many nights found him huddled down by the common room fire, pouring over large tomes and scratching notes down with a quick hand.

He seemed, however to be getting back to his regular self. Although somewhat more reserved then usual he was soon rejoining in the antics of his closest friends and the distance that had been developing between he and Tonks began to lessen.

As their closeness returned Tonks couldn't help feeling that something was still plaguing him. Something besides grief for his parents. Never one to beat around the bush, she broached the subject in early February.

The two of them were in the owlry, Tonks was sending a letter to her parents and as soon as the owl flew out of the window She turned to him. "What's bothering you?"

As soon as they had entered the large room Bethan had flown over and lighted on Remus's shoulder and begun clicking her beak for treats. Now Remus was staring out the window and rubbing her head lightly. "What do you mean?"

Tonks sighed and crossed her arms crossing over to him. She was tired of evasiveness. "Ok, I know what's wrong. What I mean is what besides that is bothering you?"

He didn't answer for sometime instead simply staring out at the growing winter dusk. Tonks was patient though; they would stand there all night if they had to.

"I keep wondering," he said slowly, "Why they had to die."

Placing a hand on his shoulder she reached for his hand with the other and interlocked their fingers. "I don't know. Nothing makes sense anymore."

He nodded and turned to look at her. His face was half shadowed in the dying light, but she felt that she could see every feature perfectly. "What I mean is why them. Why would the death eaters want to kill them besides the obvious that my mother was a muggle born?"

"You think there's more to it." It was more a statement then a question.

"I do. I know there's more to it Dora. I just don't know what it is."

She reached up and gently pushed his fringe out of his eyes. He smiled slightly and she smiled back, "Remus, I know that you feel…" she hesitated looking for an adequate word. "I know that you're feeling helpless, and I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through. The closest thing I have to compare it to is when I thought you'd been killed too. You want to know what happened to your mum and dad, I get that. I have every belief that you'll find out one day. But love, you can't let it consume you. I know you," she added when he frowned, "You will if you're not careful. You know your Mum and Dad, especially your mum, wouldn't want you live like that."

They looked at each other for a moment after she had finished speaking then he hugged her tightly and Tonks returned the pressure.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he asked quietly as they stood there.

She laughed lightly. "I don't know. It must have been something good though." Then in a more serious voice she said, "I love you, you know." After she said it she silently cursed herself. Why had she said it? Was it too soon?

"You don't have to say it back or anything." She said quickly when he didn't say anything. " I just wanted you to know."

"Dora." He said. "You never have to doubt how I feel about you. You are the most important person in my life."

Tonks sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. It'll do for now, she thought. One day, hopefully, he would tell her how he felt. She didn't need guarantees or I love yous necessarily. She just wanted him to open up to her.

The talk in the Owlry seemed to help. Things went back to normal and as the months progressed, full of full moons, new marauder adventures, Quidditch games, and school work Tonks worried less and less about how Remus was coping. She felt sure that with his friends support he would eventually move forward.

When April came a notice to all fifth years appeared in the common room. It stated that all fifth year students were required to meet with their heads of house to discuss future career plans.

"You're to meet Sprout on Friday at 3:00." Cally told Tonks as she sat beside her with a flip of her long black hair.

Tonks was reading an article she had found on Werewolves, the last full moon had been bad even though Sirius, James and Peter had been there, and the article said that research was being made into how to help werewolves through the transformations.

"Oh, I'll miss potions." She said distractedly as she scanned another paragraph.

"What are you reading?" Cally asked curiously.

Tonks looked up to find her watching her with a slender brow raised quizzically.

"It's nothing. Just an article I found interesting." She folded it and shoved it into her robe pocket. She then asked, as if she had not been trying to hide the article, "When's yours?"

Cally eyed her skeptically; she hadn't missed the hastiness in the departure of the article, but answered, "Thursday, 2:00. So do you know what you want to do yet? You've never said."

"Oh yeah. I want to be an Auror."

"Really?" Cally seemed a little surprised. "Even with everything that's going on?"

"Because of everything that's going on. I've always wanted to be an Auror but this war only reinforces it. I'm related to half the death eaters as it is. I'll do anything I can to help stop them."

Cally shook her head in wonderment. Tonks was her best friend, but there were times when she felt miles apart from her. This was one of those times; she couldn't see putting herself out there to fight against you know who and all the other dark wizards.

"Do you know yet?" Tonks asked sensing her friend's feelings.

Cally shook her head. "I thought about being a healer, but I'm not sure. What did Remus decide to do? He'll be done soon."

"Oh, he's going to travel for a bit. He wants to study more." Tonks said somewhat shortly. She couldn't tell her friend that her boyfriend had no real career path ahead of him; that would lead to explaining that he was werewolf. It made her mad just thinking about it. Remus was brilliant; he didn't deserve the segregation and discrimination he was going to receive.

On Friday Tonks made her way to Professor Sprouts office. The door was open when she arrived and Professor Sprout beckoned her in with a quick hand.

"Ah, Tonks right on time. Close the door and sit down please."

Tonks sat and Professor Sprout bestowed a rare smile on her. "Now we're here to decide what subjects you'll need to take in you're sixth and seventh years in order to pursue you're chosen career. Have you thought of what you'd like to do after you graduate?"

"Yes." Tonks said without hesitation. "I want to be an Auror."

"An Auror? Well that is a high goal." Professor Sprout extracted a pamphlet from a pile to her right and opened it to show her. "They haven't taken anyone in a few years now. Lets see. They ask for a minimum of five NEWTS, all Exceeds Expectations or higher. After finishing school you would need to undergo a further three years of training, after completing a series of character and aptitude tests at the Auror office." She glanced at Tonks to make sure she was listening and Tonks nodded.

"I would suggest that you continue with Potions. I see that Professor Slughorn had graded you with an exceeds expectations despite you're frequent accidents," Tonks blushed at this and Professor Sprout smiled slightly. "If you keep you're grade up you should have no trouble getting into the NEWTS potions. You'll also need Transfiguration. Professor McGonagall does not take students in her advance classes unless they have achieved Exceeds Expectations or Outstanding. You're currently leveling at Exceeds Expectations so you should be all right if you keep you're mark up. As well, I would suggest charms and Defense against the Dark arts for certain. You are currently doing quite well in defense, but professor Flitwick says that you are only averaging acceptable in charms. You'll have to bring that up for you're OWLs."

She paused, "Do you have any questions? No? Well are you still sure that this is the career path for you?"

"Yes Professor." Tonks said with conviction. "I'm sure."

"Very good Tonks. You may go now if you've nothing to ask. Remember what I told you about you're grades."

Tonks stood and headed for the door.

"Miss Tonks."

Tonks turned back. "Good luck. If you work hard I'm sure you'll accomplish your goal."

"Thank you professor."


	22. Celebration and a Proposition

**AN: Here's a new chapter! hope you enjoy. I still don't own anything that is recognizable from Harry Potter. I tried claiming Remus for my own but they just wouldn't go for it. Sigh. ;)**

"GRYFFINDOR WINS!!"

The crowd was going wild and under his feet Remus could feel the whole stands moving with the students who were jumping up and down in celebration.

"We won!" Lily was screaming in his ear. She had a hold of him in a death grip and was also practically vibrating with happiness. Never one to really be into Quidditch it seemed she had caught the crowds fever. "We won the cup!"

On his other side, Tonks was practically doing a dance. Hufflepuff hadn't made it into the finals and so she had pledged support to Gryffindor. She had even turned her hair scarlet for the occasion. On her other side a fifth year had grabbed Peter in her crazed euphoria and planted a smacking kiss on his lips. He now stood there looking dazed as she and her friends jumped around him. Out on the field the Gryffindor house team had made it to the ground and was in the midst of a group hug. Remus could see James and Sirius holding onto each other. Sirius appeared to be crying.

Grabbing Lily who was still screaming in his ear and Dora by the hands Remus dragged them through the crowd and out of the stands down to the field. Peter followed close behind looking so happy he could have wet his pants in his ecstasy.

"We won!" Sirius was shouting through his tears when they reached him and James. Dumbledore was making his way through the crowd with the gleaming cup and the sight of it sent him into fresh fits. "We Bloody won!"

Lily promptly let go of Remus's robes and grabbed James who had somehow lost his glasses in the fray and was grinning hugely as Professor Dumbledore handed him the cup. "You won!" was all she seemed capable of saying. Sirius who had until then still been latched onto James regained himself finally and spotting Tonks and Remus grabbed them both into an absurd three person dance. "Moony! We bloody won the cup!"

The absurdity of it all, especially the fact that all anyone seemed to be able to say was that they had won, was starting to get to him. It wasn't until he saw professor McGonagall sobbing unashamedly into a tartan handkerchief that he started to laugh hysterically.

"I know Padfoot! Can we please stop spinning? I'm getting dizzy!"

They stopped spinning and everyone was beaming as Sirius yelled, "Party in the common room!"

The party lasted until three in the morning when Professor McGonagall came back for the third time and told them all in the severest tones that if they didn't all go to bed that instant then they would all have detention.

Remus heard none of this. He had borrowed James's invisibility cloak and was at that moment escorting Tonks, whom they had snuck into the common room, back to her own house. Currently they were crouched under the cloak lip locked in a passionate snogging session outside of the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room.

"I really should go." He gasped when they finally came up for air. "Since Peter lost the map it's gotten harder to hide from Filch."

"He won't catch you," she told him breathlessly as she pulled him down for another kiss. "One more minute."

Just as they were deepening the kiss and it looked like one minute would turn into five, a noise behind them had Remus pulling away abruptly.

"What…"

"Shh!" he hissed looking around warily. Someone was there and it didn't sound like Peeves.

"You're not backing out now are you Snape?" An oily cool voice was asking.

Slowly so as to not make a noise, Tonks and Remus moved back into the shadows. Even though they were under the clock Remus didn't want to take any chances.

"Of course not Mulciber," came the snide tones of Severus Snape. "I merely…"

"Be quiet!" Mulicber hissed.

Both Tonks and Remus froze listening alertly. It wasn't long before they heard a third voice.

"Who's down there?"

It was Mr. Filch, which meant…

"Meow." Tonks looked down to see his kitten Mrs. Norris sitting at their feet staring at them accusingly.

"Scat you mangy cat!" she hissed trying to edge her away with the toe of her high top "Go."

"Quiet!" Remus breathed in her ear.

The next moment Snape and Mulciber were moving quickly past them and Mrs. Norris turned her attentions to them with Filch close behind.

"That was close." Tonks finally said after a few minutes of standing there. She hadn't realized it but she had grabbed Remus's robes and only now did she let go.

"What'd you suppose they were talking about?"

"I don't know," Remus replied in a whisper. "But whatever it was I'll wager it wasn't good. You should go now Dora before Filch comes back this way."

Tonks reluctantly agreed and whispered the password before slipping out from under the cloak and into her common room.

When Remus made it back to Gryffindor tower he told the other marauders about overhearing Snape and Mulciber and the near miss with Filch.

"See Peter, if you hadn't lost our map to Filch Moony would have known they were coming." Sirius grouched from his four-poster. "What were they saying?"

Remus shrugged as he pulled his shirt over his head. "Nothing substantial, although it did seem urgent and it must have been covert for them to be meeting down by the kitchens. Why not just talk in their common room?"

"It was probably something to do with Voldemort and his lot." James supplied maliciously. He despised the dark arts. "For all we know they could have joined up by now."

"Or are going to." Peter said shuddering as usual at the mention of the dark lord.

"My brothers going to join." Sirius said with disgust as he hit his pillow as if I had personally offended him. "My parents must be wetting them selves with pride."

No one said anything after that and soon Peter's snores could be heard through the dorm.

"Lupin." Professor McGonagall called as he followed James, Sirius and Peter out of the class. "A moment please?"

"Want us to wait?" James asked hesitating outside the door.

"No, go ahead to dinner, I'll be there soon." Remus assured before turning back and heading to McGonagall's desk.

"Yes professor?"

She glanced at him over her glasses. "Don't look so worried . Professor Dumbledore wishes to speak with you before dinner. You are to go to his office right away."

"Yes, of course Professor."

She indicated he should go and Remus left the room feeling confused. What could Dumbledore have to speak to him about?

Reaching the entrance to the stairs that would take him to the office Remus realized he didn't know the password. What would Dumbledore use? It was usually some sort of sweet, he remembered.

"Fizzing whizzby?" he tried not really believing it would work. To his surprise the entrance opened. Once at the top of the staircase Remus knocked hesitantly.

"Enter."

Dumbledore was sitting at his desk his hands tented in front of him as if he had been thinking. He beamed at Remus, his eyes ever twinkling, and indicted he should sit down.

"Ah, Remus. No doubt you are wondering why I have asked you here today?"

Dumbledore always called Remus by his first name, something that both puzzled and oddly comforted him.

"Yes sir, I am."

"I shall not keep you waiting then. But first would you care for a Sherbert lemon?" he held out a dish and Remus accepted one with a quiet thank you.

"I have asked you here for two reasons. I got to know your mother quiet well during her time at Hogwarts did you know? No? Yes she was one of the most exceptional transfiguration students I have had the pleasure of teaching. Very tenacious."

Dumbledore sighed and gazed at Remus over his tented fingers for a moment. "You're parents were involved in an effort to help stop Voldemort, which I'm sure they told you nothing about. You're mother was adamant that you did not know. It was I who approached them a few months before their deaths. I felt sure that I could count on their support and I was not disappointed. You have been wondering I'm sure why you're parents were killed. This is why Remus."

There was silence then as he processed this. His parents had been part of an organization that's purpose was to stop Voldemort; had died because they chose to fight instead of sit back like so many others were. Somehow this made him feel better then he had in months. Finally he knew why they had died.

"What was the other reason you wished to see me sir?"

Dumbledore seemed to be studying him before he answered. "I have observed you for seven years Remus. In those years I have found that you are unfailingly loyal, hardworking and even poses a certain disregard for the rules, that if I may say so myself can be very healthy for one. You are also level headed, which will help you a great deal in the years to come. Tell me, what are you're plans after you finish school?"

"Well, I'm not really sure. I had planned on traveling a bit, but other then that…"

"I would like to suggest something to you Remus, and I must ask that you understand any action I may take after you answer."

"Of course sir." Remus said. He trusted Dumbledore emphatically.

"I would like to extend an invitation to you to join the same group you're parents were part of. Since forming a few months ago we have gained a few members and I think you'll be an asset if you were to join. I want you to understand before you

answer that joining this group may very well cost you your life, but you would be working toward the betterment of our world."

Remus weighed Dumbledore's proposition in his mind for what seemed like many minutes. Join in the fight against Voldemort? This war had been going on for most of his life and everyday he feared that something would happen to someone else he loved. If he could help stop the madness that was consuming their world then he would. There was no other option.

"Yes sir. I will join."

Dumbledore beamed. "Very good!" He reached across the desk and grasped Remus's hand in his. "Welcome to the Order of the Phoenix Remus."

"Now, I shall be in touch in the near future with more information. For now I would like you to concentrate on finishing out the last two months of school. I daresay we have missed dinner but there may be some treacle tart left if you hurry."

Remus recognized this as a dismissal but as he stood a thought occurred to him. "Sir?"

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if …"

"If you may tell Mr.'s Black, Potter and Pettigrew of our discussion. I would like for you to wait Remus, I shall be addressing each of them tomorrow. I felt it prudent to speak to you alone about you're parents."

Remus nodded. "Thank you sir."

He started out the door then stopped again. "Can I ask one more thing?'

Dumbledore chuckled, "You just have, but yes you may ask your question."

"What did you mean when you asked me to understand any action you might take after I answered?"

Dumbledore chuckled again. "If you had not consented to join I'm afraid I would have had to perform a small memory charm on you. I felt sure, however that you would not decline."

Remus found himself laughing too as he finally exited the office. Only Dumbledore would speak of tampering with someone's memory so nonchalantly.

Within two days time Dumbledore had approached not only James, Sirius and Peter but also Lily Evans. All four consented to join the Order, although Peter did express some hesitation to Remus in private. Remus assured him he was doing the right thing and it was with the prospect of the uncertainties that lay ahead that they all pushed forward through their final two months at Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


	23. Graduation

**AN: I don't know if Hogwarts has any sort of graduation for their students, but for the purposes of this story lets just say they do. Also I was having a really hard time trying to figure out what the marauders should do for a last hurrah, it took me four days to think of anything and I'm still not happy with it.**

On the day they were to graduate, the day before they would ride the Hogwarts Express home for the last time, Remus was awoken by Sirius at five a.m.

"What's it?" he asked groggily as he tried to sit up and failed because Sirius decided to sit down.

"We have to get ready Moony. This is it, the swansong of the Marauders."

James was already dressed and was in the middle of trying to wake Peter, who as usual squeaked in alarm when he saw someone standing over him.

"Would you mind terribly getting off of my stomach Padfoot? It's beginning to get hard to breath."

"Oh, sorry mate." Sirius stood and Remus sat up throwing his covers back and standing.

"Is everything ready?" he asked as he changed out of his night cloths.

"Yeah. Prongs figured out the last bits. If this goes down right we'll be remembered for a while."

"At least by the staff." Remus muttered as he tied his shoes.

"Ah come on Moony." James exclaimed. "This is going to be great, we haven't done anything in ages. And we're leaving tomorrow forever."

Remus shook his head but smiled. They had been planning this for a while, and he had to admit he was exited to see if it would work.

Silently they slipped out of their dorm, down the stairs, through the portrait of the fat lady who was snoring in her frame and down to the great hall. It was empty and the ceiling above was reflecting an early dawn glow that promised to brighten into one of those days when it was a crime to stay inside.

"Right, Wormatail you keep a look out in the hall." Peter looked nervous and Sirius rolled his eyes.

"You can't get in trouble for being out there, it's morning, you have every right to be standing like a duffer in the middle of the hall if you want."

Peter reluctantly stood outside the doors and the other three set to work.

"Well gentlemen," James said after they had finished. "That's it. The last prank the Marauders will ever pull in these hallowed halls."

Quickly the four of them exited the room and headed back up to Gryffindor tower. Now it was just a matter of waiting until everyone would be gathered for breakfast.

"Remus?"

They were sitting in the empty common room, Remus had produced a book from somewhere; he didn't seem at all affected in anticipation, and now he found both Sirius and James watching him. Peter had fallen asleep.

"Yes?"

"Sirius and I have been talking, and thinking,"

"Never a good sign,"

James ignored him and continued, "We've been talking about it for a while. We know that with your furry problem you'll never be able to get a job, at least not one that's not under the table. We know it's going tot be hard for you sometimes and we want to be able to help you."

"What James is trying to say," Sirius interjected, "Is that if you ever need anything you can ask us. We'll be there to support you even when you're an old cantankerous werewolf with no teeth and lecherous eye."

Remus just stared at them, so James continued. "We both have more then enough money, and you're family, so it wouldn't seem right to let you have to suffer when you wouldn't need to."

"And before you say that you don't want pity and charity and all that faff, let me remind you that without you James and I would have been kicked out of this school a long time ago and right now be living as shiftless Muggles. We're not saying that we're going to treat you like some poor homeless bloke or anything, just if you need anything we'll be there."

Remus was touched and yes it had crossed his mind that this was too much like charity and that he could never accept. But they were his friends, his family. The only one he had. If the positions were reversed he would do the same for them. So he nodded his acceptance and both James and Sirius seemed relieved.

"Lecherous eye?" he asked raising a brow.

Sirius just laughed in his usual bark like manner causing Peter to jump in his sleep.

When the time finally came that the great hall was packed with chattering students the four of them sat down at Gryffindor table and waited with baited breath. It was going to be more of a spectacle really then anything but in true Marauder style it was going to be big.

"Wotcher gents." Tonks greeted as she pecked Remus on the cheek and stole Sirius toast.

"Hey get your own!" She had taken the toast right out of his hand.

She just smiled angelically as Remus pulled her down to sit at their table. She reached for his goblet and he shook his head. "I wouldn't drink that if I were you."

"What's up?" she asked eyeing them all suspiciously. They shook their heads and James turned to Sirius, "Well I think the halls full enough now, don't you Padfoot?"

Sirius nodded, a grin pulling at his lips "Oh I'd say so Prongs, what do you think Moony? Operation a go?"

Instead of answering, Remus discreetly pulled out his wand and flicked it ever so slightly.

A scream came across the great hall. As one it seemed everyone turned toward the Slytheran table. A first year girl was screaming hysterically as her goblet started to smoke. Professor Slughorn strode from the head table to his houses table and could be heard saying almost impatiently, "Now really Mildred it's only..." but whatever it was he did not finish saying as he had reached for the goblet at that moment and a shower of sparks had spurted out singing his moustache. He stood there dumb founded as the sparks shot into the air and became bigger forming into some sort of animal. The firework creature then charged down at the Slytheran table right at Snape who tried to duck out of the way.

All around the great hall fireworks were exploding in massive forms, with eye blinding colour. They were coming from the most unexpected places. One burst from a Ravinclaw girl's mouth as she opened it and she sat there looking shocked as the Catherine wheel rolled down the table making a beeline for the Ravinclaw Quiddittch captain.

Up at the head table the teachers were also finding that their food and beverages were exploding in Fireworks. At one point Dumbledore's hat began to smoke and whistle. Professor McGonagall reached up almost hesitantly and whipped it off his head. She then began to laugh, although it can be said that she tried very hard not to, as a red and gold firework that looked like a leprechaun began to do a sort of dance on Dumbledore's head. Dumbledore himself seemed delighted and as the leprechaun jumped off his head and began dancing down the table sticking its fiery tongue out at the teachers and pulling Professor Flitwicks nose, he laughed uproariously.

Meanwhile fiery creations of all sizes and shapes were zooming around the room and chasing students who were both screaming and laughing.

A large purple one that vaguely resembled a dog pursued a screaming Shannon Finnegan right out of the great hall. Her shrieks could be heard echoing down the hall for at least five minutes after.

"You guys are ridiculous!" Tonks gasped between fits of laughter as a small firework that resembled a pixie gave her a smacking kiss then danced away with a lude gesture. The image of Shannon Finnegan running away screaming her head off would stay with her forever.

After Twenty minutes, the marauders who had been laughing hysterically finally regained themselves and wiping his eyes James muttered, "Finite incatantum." With a loud bang all the fire works converged together to explode in a large multicolored M that hovered and crackled before dissipating.

"I couldn't resist mate." He told Remus who was trying in vain to breath normally now. "If we're going out we mise well leave our mark."

At first it seemed no one knew what to do after the display was over. People were still laughing, but soon they started to clap. Even the professors, including Professor McGonagall, clapped.

"Well I'd say you managed to do that."

Graduation at Hogwarts consisted of a small feast and celebrations were each graduate was presented with a hat, not unlike the one Dumbledore was so found of wearing. Parents also attended before leaving to let their children take the Hogwarts express for the last time the next day.

Neither Sirius nor Remus would have their parents there. But Andromeda had shown up unexpectedly, something that although he wouldn't admit it pleased Sirius a great deal. Somehow Tonks had managed to convince Professor Sprout that she had to attend to support Remus.

After the feast Dumbledore made a speech congratulating the students on their hard work and achievements. He wished them luck in their future endeavourers and expressed his hope that they would all always think of Hogwarts as home. He also expressed his hope that they would continue to use what they had learned over their seven years. Somehow everyone knew he didn't just mean what they had learned in their classes.

When it came time for the heads of house to present the hats to their students Tonks whistled loudly as each of the Marauders were called up and she cat called when Remus's hat was placed on his head.

As Professor McGonagall placed the star covered hat on his head, she said quietly. "You should be very proud of yourself Remus. I know that we all are, myself especially."

Remus was surprised; this was the first time that she had called him by his first name. He surprised himself further by giving her a brief hug. "Thank you Professor." He said simply, but heartfeltly. As he walked back his friends McGonagall readopted her usual professional manner, but a slight smile tugged at her lips.

"Well, how dose it feel?" Tonks asked pulling him away from his friends. James was being introduced to Lily's parents, who were there with special permission of the ministry and he looked like he was about to faint. Behind them Sirius was in deep conversation with Andromeda. Peter had disappeared somewhere. No one noticed them leave.

They made their way outside to walk the grounds together for what would be the last time as students.

"Being finished here?" he asked taking her hand.

She nodded.

"Strange. I feel sad that it's over, but at the same time I'm looking forward to the future."

Tonks sighed. "It's going to be so boring here for the next two years. What will I do without you?"

Remus smirked and raised a brow. "Actually get some work done?"

She laughed and elbowed him lightly. "I'm serious. I'm going to miss you. Cally might be fun to hang out with, but she doesn't kiss half as well as you do."

"Oh, and how would you know how well Cally Kisses?"

Tonks smiled devilishly. "Oh, wouldn't you just love to know."

They were nearing the Whomping Willow and Remus stopped them. For what felt like minutes he stared at it as it moved twistedly. So many nights spent going through that tunnel into his own personal hell. But it had also offered him safety. That tree would always stand as a reminder to him.

"Are you ok?" Tonks asked concernedly. "You've gotten all quiet and you have that brooding look on your face." She imitated the look perfectly and Remus laughed.

"I'm fine Dora. Lets head back inside." As they turned and walked up toward the castle Remus glanced at her. In the moonlight her pink hair was shinning and when she caught him looking at her she smiled back, her large grey eyes lighting up.

They always did that whenever she looked at him he had noticed. The depth of emotion he saw there scared him, yet he knew that when he looked at her it was probably the same way.

"I love you Nymphadora." He said as they reached the castle doors.

Tonks stopped him from walking any further and gazed earnestly at him for a moment. She then smiled and said, "I love you too. And don't call me Nymphadora."


	24. Evasiveness

**here is a new chapter. It took me almost a week to write this, but i was riding high after watching the gold medal win in the Men's Mogals.(first Canadian gold medal win on Canadian soil, even though we've hosted the games three time now!!!) so i decided that it was a good time to finish. Hope you enjoy!:) oh and as always anything recognizable is J.K. Rowling's.**

Remus pushed his chair back with a sigh and stood going out into the garden. It was the twilight hour and the garden was cast in long shadows that stretched at odd angles. Sighing again and running a hand through his hair which really could use with a bit of a trim, he decided, he thought of how this time last year he would usually find his mother sitting back here, basking in the pre moon glow.

After much deliberation Remus had decided to move back into his parents house, his house now that they were deceased. Even with the help of magic it had taken he and Tonks three days to get it back into livable condition. That had been the last time he'd seen her that summer. Eight weeks. Had it really been eight weeks since Sirius had shown up on his brand new motorcycle, which did fly, saying that he had to talk to Remus about something private and Tonks had left through the fire after a brief goodbye? Had it really been eight weeks since he started as an active member of the Order?

Remus rubbed the heel of his hand over his eyes tiredly. Since fully being inducted into the order at his first meeting, the same night Sirius had shown up, effectively pissing Dora off as he destroyed the mood she was trying to create, he had been going non stop. He had just come back from the sight of a Muggle attack. Moody had told the Auror office that he would investigate so that the Order could do so first. It had been horrible. The Muggles were terrified almost out of their minds and had not been able to tell them anything coherent before Moody took pity on them and performed a memory charm.

At least they weren't murdered, he told himself. That was something. And tomorrow he and Peter were supposed to be going to Bell End. Dumbledore had heard rumors of suspicious activity there. He wanted them to quietly scope it out and report back without giving away who they were or why they were there.

Remus leaned back against the doorframe and his mind again drifted to Dora. She had sent him a rather scathing owl the other day demanding to know why he had not yet answered any of her letters. He glanced over at the table were they were piled neatly. He really should get back to her before she became suspicious. She knew nothing of the Order and for the time being he wanted to keep it that way. He had a feeling that she would be involved soon enough as it was.

Moving back to the table he found a quill and began to write.

Dora.

I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you until now; the days seemed to have slipped by. I've been busy, tutoring the Adams girl, as you know.

It wasn't a lie. He really had been tutoring her; he had to feed himself somehow.

I promise I will come and see you before you go back to school; I'll even come see you off if you want. To borrow a phrase from you I "miss you like crazy". I can't really write more now, I have an early day tomorrow, the roof has a hole that I haven't yet patched up. It's amazing that a house can go into such disrepair in seven months. I suspect raccoons have made their home in the attic. I will write again soon.

Love Remus.

He reread the letter and sighed dejectedly as he went to Bethan's perch and gave her the letter. He watched her fly away and felt a small stab of Jealousy. She would soon be with Dora and he was stuck home.

Feeling exhausted he headed for bed. He really did have an early morning ahead of him.

"God damn it Peter!" Remus cursed as he fell through James and Lily's fire behind him.

"What's happened?" Lily asked almost fearfully from her perch on the coach.

"What's happened is we were almost killed."

Peter collapsed on the coach beside Lily. He was shaking and when he sat the vibrations of his body made the whole coach shake.

Remus looked at him and shook his head getting his anger in check.

"I'm sorry Peter. It wasn't your fault." He said in gentle tones. He knew it would do no good for them to be fighting or for him to be mad. They had figured out that the prominent village elder was a death eater, even if Peter had got them caught and almost killed.

"No, it was. I'm useless." Peter was practically sobbing. Lily and Remus made eye contact and she raised a brow as if asking what should I do?

"Lily, I wonder if you would mind making Peter a cup of tea?" he asked as he sat on Peter's other side.

"Of course."

Lily rose and went into the small kitchen of the flat. The sounds of water boiling could soon be heard.

"Peter, you're not useless. You're afraid, we all are."

Peter let out a derisive laugh. "You're not. You and Sirius and James aren't afraid of anything!"

It was Remus's turn to laugh. "Not afraid? There are days when I'm terrified. I'm afraid that you're all going to die, that something will happen to Dora. I'm even afraid of myself. As to James and Sirius, there are many things that they fear. It's a human emotion Peter, we all feel it. The difference is that we don't let our fear paralyze us. You can't let it take over."

Lily reentered carrying three mugs. She handed two to Remus and Peter then sat again watching them critically.

Peter took a small sip and smiled at Lily thankfully.

"I put firewhiskey in it." She explained drinking her own tea. "I thought we could all use some."

After a while Peter calmed down and he and Remus went to report what had happened. Afterwards He returned to James and Lily's and Remus apparated home. It was evening and he really did have to take care of that hole before it rained. As soon as he landed in his lane he saw her sitting on the gate. She looked as if she had been sitting there for a while and the look on her face left him in no doubt that he was going to receive an earful.

Just as he reached her and was preparing himself for the argument ahead one of the woman from the village came up the lane with her brood of children. They were obviously coming form the beach. When she saw Tonks she blanched and pulled her children away from that side of the road. The children seemed fascinated by Tonks hair and cloths and stared openly.

"Don't stare!" the woman hissed as she herded the children past. "Don't make eye contact. It only encourages them!"

Remus was having trouble keeping his amusement in and Tonks snorted before putting a hand over her mouth as if she had to hold her laughter in.

"Good evening Mrs. McKendrick ." Remus said to her as she walked past him.

The Woman looked shocked that he had spoken to her, as if she had never met him before, when in fact he'd known her since he was a child.

"This is my Girlfriend Nymphadora," he introduced.

She looked between them and then pushed her children forward. "Yes, well it was lovely running into you Remus, but I must get my children home. Long day at the beach." She moved on but not before he heard her say under her breath, "Your mother would be rolling in her grave if she could see the pink haired hussy you've taken up with. What is this world coming to!"

At this Remus really did laugh and Tonks gave up and joined him. Their laughter seemed to scare the women more and she practically ran down the lane pushing her children impatiently and telling them to hurry up.

"I've been called many things." Tonks gasped when she had finally calmed down, "But I think this is the first time anyone has called me a hussy."

"Well that dress is rather short."

She hopped off the gate, promptly fell forward and he caught her before she hit the ground.

"Yeah well it's hot out, and I've found that when you're on a mission to get the truth you do whatever you have to. Including flashing a lot of leg."

She was indeed flashing a lot of leg. A lot of shoulder too, Remus thought as he helped her straighten up.

Tonks readjusted her dress and looked up to see him staring at her.

"If you're checking me out, you can just wait until later mister. We need to talk." Her tone left him in little doubt that she would just let it go.

"We should go inside," he sighed.

She followed him still looking determined and once they were inside sat on the arm of the coach. Remus moved to the small kitchen and pulled out a bottle of firewhisky that he was sure had been there since 1960, but he didn't care. After the day he had had he would need it to get through the up coming argument. He took a long pull straight from the bottle and ignoring the searing felling in his throat turned to find Dora leaning in the doorway watching him with one pink brow raised.

"Long day?"

Instead of answering he asked, "What did you want to talk about?"

Looking at him in the fading light Tonks could see that he was tired, exhausted even. His hair was disheveled and as she watched him take another long drink straight from the bottle there was a slight shake to his hand, hardly even a tremor really but she noticed it just the same. She wouldn't let herself feel bad for bombarding him though. It was time for answers and she wasn't going to let up until she got them.

"You've been avoiding me." She said in her direct manner. "Why?"

"I haven't been avoiding you Dora. I told you in my letter that I've been busy." He sat the bottle down but continued to stare out the window where he had fixed his gaze after initially seeing her in the doorway.

Tonks snorted derisively. "Yeah, I know I read it. Rather vague don't you think? You managed to avoid every question I asked you. Of course I guess I shouldn't be surprised, evasiveness is one of your greatest skills."

Remus looked at her now. If she was trying to get him angry he wasn't going to give in to it. So he calmly asked, "What do you want me to say Dora? I've been busy. I've been working and I'm sorry I haven't been able to answer you back as quickly as you would like. I don't know what you expect."

Tonks crossed her arms. Her usually laughing eyes were livid and in her anger her hair had shifted from pink to red.

"What I expect is for you to talk to me. What I expect is for you to be open with me. I've always tried to respect the fact that there are things that you don't tell me, things you'd rather I didn't know, but you're closing me out now. And don't you dare try and tell me you aren't!" she cut across when he seemed about to say something.

"What do you think went through my mind that day that Sirius showed up in a great hurry and I was effectively thrown out? And to make it worse he shows for dinner last night and is all evasive when asked what he's been up to and if he's seen you. I know I may look like I don't have a lot going on upstairs but I know when someone is lying to me. Now what in the bloody hell are you not telling me?!"

"For god sake Nymphadora do I really need to tell you everything?" he asked his temper getting the better of him. "I have never lied to you, and if there are certain things that I don't wish to share with you then you should respect that. If something was going on with me that I felt you should know about then I would tell you."

Tonks stared at him feeling angry and hurt. Why couldn't he just trust her? There was nothing she wouldn't do for him, nothing she felt that she couldn't tell him. Why did he always have to keep himself so guarded?

"Fine. Don't tell me; I don't know why you find it so hard to trust me." They were practically glaring at each other by this point. "But if you want us to continue being an us then I suggest you figure it out. Until then I really would rather not see you."

She turned then and began to storm out of the room only tripping slightly over the dip in the floor that was the threshold.

Remus watched her leave feeling regret for his words and the fact that she thought he didn't trust her. He did, he just didn't want anything to happen to her. But to go on without her…the thought made him feel ill. Making a decision he was sure he would come to regret once he thought it through more he strode from the room quickly and out of the house.

She was half way up the lane already and had to run to catch her.

"Dora, wait."

Tonks stopped walking and turned slowly to face him. "Come to spout more bullshit?" she looked like she wanted to cry but was holding it in.

"No. You're right. There are a few things I need to tell you; would you please come back inside?"

After a moments hesitation she nodded and they headed back into his house. Once they had settled at the table and he had taken another large drink of whisky he proceeded to tell her everything. Why his parents had died, how Dumbledore had approached him to join the Order, how he had agreed. The missions he had been on in the almost eight weeks since finishing school. He didn't go into detail about these, she wasn't in the order after all, nor did he tell her that he had almost been killed that morning.

After he had finished Tonks didn't say anything for a while. She seemed to be thinking. "You could die." She finally said in the smallest voice he had ever heard from her. "I'm immensely proud of you for doing this, but…"she seemed to be stealing herself. "What am I saying? Any of us could die at any time with Voldemort and his vigilantly cronies running around." She shook her head and looked at him. "I want to join."

Seeing his frown, she added, "Not right now obviously. I know Dumbledore would never let me in I'm only sixteen. But after I'm finished school. Merlin knows this war will still probably be going on."

Remus didn't want to but he found himself agreeing with her. There seemed to be no end in sight to the mayhem that had taken over their world.

"If it's still going on, I'll mention it to Dumbledore." He conceded.

She nodded and reached across the table to take his hand. "Why did you feel you couldn't tell me? You know I won't tell anyone."

"I know Dora." He said quietly. "But…"

"You were afraid that something would happen to me if I found out," she surmised and he nodded. " So why did you tell me?"

"After our argument it felt like the right thing. I didn't mean what I said."

She smiled. "I know." She glanced over at the large clock that hung over by the door. It was designed to show the phases of the moon as well as the time. It was almost eleven at night.

"Can I stay here tonight?" she found herself asking.

He hesitated. "Won't your parents mind if you don't come home?"

She shook her head. "No. They won't even know. They're visiting dad's brother. I opted to stay home; he's a Muggle and never really took well to anything magical. They'll be back tomorrow evening."

Realizing then what his hesitation could be she stood and came around the table to sit in his lap and wrap her arms around him. "I don't hog the bed you know," she said softly. "Nor do I expect anything to happen, expect for a little snogging. I really have missed kissing you." Her face was very close to his now and so it was easy to lean forward and connect their lips. After so many weeks of not seeing each other or having physical contact it felt like they could happily stay sitting there forever in each others arms.

Finally they pulled apart and Remus said somewhat breathlessly, "you can stay."

Tonks let out a little squeal of happiness and leaned forward again to kiss him, cutting off his laugh at her reaction. This kiss was more intense then the previous ones and left them both gasping. Still locked in a deep embrace Tonks slowly rose to her feet and pulled him with her. She then began moving them out of the room, managing to not trip over the threshold like she usually did.

Remus didn't know where they were going, but at that moment he really didn't care. All he wanted to do was keep kissing her. Who knew when the next time they would see each other would be. He caught a glimpse of the living room then and realized they were nearing what he knew were the stairs when suddenly she fell back and pulled him with her. With a thud they landed at on the bottom landing.

"Oh, bugger." She cursed softly from her position under him.

"Are you ok?" he asked hoping he hadn't hurt her when he landed on her.

"Yeah," her eyes met his and she smiled cheekily. "I'd be better if you continued to kiss me though."

He laughed softly and brushed his lips over hers slightly causing a slight tingle to go down her spine. "You're incorrigible." He told her before kissing her face. Slowly he made his way back to her lips as she pulled him closer and began working her hands under the back of his shirt. It really wasn't that comfortable lying on the hard floor, she mused distractedly as he began kissing her neck slowly. But she didn't care, not when he was kissing her like that.

"We should move this upstairs." She said breathlessly. Somehow she had managed to get his shirt off and could now feel the slightly raised skin that indicated his scars.

Remus's amber eyes met hers then, his hair slightly in his face. He nodded his ascent and suddenly she felt nervous. Were they taking things to far? She loved him she knew, but…

He pulled her to her feet and silently they made their way up the stairs to his room. For a moment Tonks felt like running from the room and saying she had changed her mind and would sleep on the coach. Instead she turned and kissed him again before she could change her mind.

They were moving again, Remus vaguely realized as she maneuvered them further in to the room. His heart was pounding and he was sure she could here it. Definitely feel it.

They had reached the bed and she sunk down on to it pulling him down on top of her. They continued to kiss, now in a passionate frenzy.

Tonks became aware of his hands slowly making their way under her dress and up her back causing the dress to push up. Now's the time, her mind warned her. If you want to stop tell him now. The longing for him to touch her, skin to skin was getting stronger, taking over. She pulled away slightly.

Remus pulled back too so they were looking into each other's eyes. "Dora," he said hoarsely. "Do want to stop?" Both of them were breathing heavily.

She seemed unsure so he said gently. "I'll stop if you want me to. We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you into anything."

Tonks shook her head slightly. "I don't. And I don't want you to stop."

He gazed deeply into her eyes then, just to be sure she really meant it and wasn't just saying it because she thought that was what he wanted. When he saw nothing but determination he leaned forward, caught her lips in a searing kiss and began pulling her dress up and over her.

The soft material moved over her head and off of her and Tonks realized that this felt right. She didn't need to be worried about what Remus would think of her. He loved her and she loved him, more then she had ever thought it would be possible to.

As he slowly trailed kisses from her neck down to her stomach, she let herself stop thinking and surrender to emotion.


	25. Regret?

**A new chapter! This would have been up earlier but i've been stressed out and only now have week off, yeah!!! as it is this chapter is shorter then usual, but i promise the next one will be nice and long, i'm going to work on it as soon as i post this. So as usual i am not J.K. Rowling and i don't own the characters, only my own original ones. Hope you enjoy! more soon! ;)**

Tonks woke to sunlight on her face and to find herself wrapped in a soft blue sheet. At first she was confused as to where she was, but as her mind woke up it came back to her. She was at Remus's, in his room, in his bed. Involuntarily she felt herself flush, then chided herself. She had nothing to be ashamed of, after all it wasn't like they were complete strangers or had just decided to have a role in the sheets. They had been together for a year and a bit. But still a niggling feeling was pulling at her. Ignoring it she rolled over and glanced at the old alarm clock that was sitting on his desk. 8:00.

It was then that she heard the voices downstairs. One was definitely Remus, he had probably been awake for hours, he never seemed to be able to sleep past six anymore. She heard a bark like laugh and immediately realized who the other was. Sighing she pulled herself out of bed and headed to the shower. Once she was freshly scrubbed and smelling like some shampoo called Head and Shoulders which she assumed was a Muggle brand, Tonks pulled on her cloths and headed down stairs.

"I don't understand why you can't go bug Lily and James at ungodly hours. Why is it always me?" Remus was saying, although he sounded amused. He probably had that look on his face that was half severe and half amused. It was the look that often graced his face when dealing with Sirius.

"Well their getting all cozy aren't they," Sirius said. "James may be my best mate but I don't really want to walk in on that. And Peter still lives with his mum, nice lady that she is, and I didn't really want her fawning all over me like she usually does. Besides," and from the tone of his voice Tonks could tell that he was smirking, "I know if I come here I won't have to walk in on any intimate moments this early in the morning and you'll cook for me."

Indeed when Tonks made her way into the kitchen the frying pan was sizzling and Remus was doing something at the counter with toast and eggs.

When he saw her walk in, Sirius gulped on his coffee. "What're you doing here? I thought you were visiting Ted's brother."

"Morning love," Remus said over his shoulder. He was shirtless and she could see all the scars that she had run her hands over the night before. "French Toast?"

"What's that?" She asked, ignoring Sirius and sitting at the table opposite him.

"Basically it's toast soaked in egg and cooked in a frying pan."

Tonks shrugged. "Sure why not. I trust you not to poison me." Finally she turned to Sirius who was looking between her and Remus speculatively. "I decided not to go with my parents, so I stayed here last night." There was no use beating around the bush she knew. He would just tease them more.

Sure enough a wide grin broke over Sirius's face and he laughed heartily. "Well done then." He leaned toward Tonks and said with a wink, "I taught him everything he knows."

Despite herself Tonks found herself breaking into a loud laugh and laughing even harder when Remus threw a piece of soppy bread at Sirius and hit him in the face.

"Well," he said whipping egg off his face but still grinning, "I suppose I deserved that one."

"I' d say so." Remus dropped two plates on the table in front of them and she smiled up at him before digging in. She hadn't eaten since lunch the day before; she had been so keen on getting the truth out of Remus. He had been right when he surmised that she had been sitting outside his house for a while. It had been five hours. Of course half the time she had been pacing and silently cursing his name.

Sirius stayed until after Lunch, teasing them unmercifully the whole time, then left to do some Order business. Not that Tonks was supposed to know that was what he was doing. She and Remus saw him outside and he sat on his bike looking at the two of them. They were standing close together and Tonks was almost leaning on Remus.

He shook his head, but a smile was pulling at his lips. "Merlins's beard, before I know it you two'll be married with multicolored pups. First James and Lily and now you. I guess I'll be stuck with Peter then." He grimaced jokingly.

"I doubt that'll be happening any time soon Padfoot. And James hasn't even asked Lily to marry him."

Sirius grinned, kick starting his bike. "Oh, but he will. I give it another two weeks, you'll see Moony." He winked at Tonks who childishly stuck her tongue out at him causing him heartily as he tore away.

"Well that was fun."

She glanced up at him to see he was smirking. "Yeah, it was a barrel of laughs definitely. I've always wanted to be teased by my womanizing cousin for sleeping with my boyfriend. Really a dream of mine actually. He'll be going on about this for months you know. Every time I see him…" she shook her head. She loved Sirius but sometimes he was just too much.

Remus laced his fingers through hers and started leading her down the lane. "We should talk about that actually."

Tonks felt that niggling feeling again. He's going to chuck me she thought irrationally. Merlin Cally was right, they only want one thing.

"Look Remus," she said even though her brain was telling her to shut her trap, "If you're going to break up with me just say it."

Remus stopped walking and looked at her strangely. He had a resigned look in his eyes as if he had been expecting this. "Don't be ridiculous Dora. I don't want to break up with you," he said slowly, "Why. Is that what you want?" He should have known this was coming really, he mused. What girl would want to be with a werewolf? She was probably repulsed by all the scars and regretted what they had done. His father was right. He really shouldn't be with any one.

"Do I want to?" she sounded outraged. "Of course not! How many times have I said I love you? I don't just say it because I feel I have to or some such tosh. I regret nothing."

Remus sighed in relief. He had been so sure she was going to tell him to bugger off. He had watched her sleep this morning, she had seemed so small curled up there on his bed, and as he watched her breath steadily all he found himself thinking was that there was no way that someone like her was meant for him. It had been a mistake. But now she was telling him that she had no regrets.

"Do you regret it?" they had started walking again and as she asked the question he did not miss the hint of uncertainty in her voice and he realized that she had been just as worried as he had.

"No Dora. I don't. What we did…" he trailed off and looked at her sidelong. He was surprised to see she was blushing slightly.

"Was amazing." She finished for him. "You know what. Sirius can tease us all he wants, I don't care. I have never felt so right in my life."

Remus agreed. That's what scares me he thought, as they walked and she prattled on about some up and coming wizard punk band. It was so right that he was beginning to hope; to believe what his mother said was true. And that was a very dangerous thing because he knew that it couldn't last. He would have to let her go one-day.


	26. Injury

"Watch it!"

Tonks watched in silent horror as the potion she had just finished making tipped over and splashed Justin Rowle, who was unlucky enough to be sharing a table with her. Immediately large boils started popping up all over his skin.

"You stupid Cow!" he hissed as his friend tried desperately to wipe the potion off of him with her robes.

"Now, now Rowle. It was an accident." Slughorn tutted as he came over and accessed the situation. "Ms. Habershine could you please escort Rowle to the hospital wing?"

The girl wrapped her arm around Justin and glared viciously at Tonks before leading him away. The rest of the class, who had been watching avidly, abruptly went back to bottling their potions.

Slughorn sighed and glanced at her cauldron. "Looks like you have just enough left in there, hurry up and get it bottled my dear, class is almost over." He moved on then to one of his better students.

Tonks sighed and bottled the potion then cleaned up her mess. Slughorn didn't even bother to admonish her for her clumsiness any more. What a bloody perfect day this has been she thought as she followed Cally out of the class. First I accidentally set professor Flitwick on fire and now I've got Ravinclaw's out to get me for a potions accident.

"Tonks?"

They had reached the great hall and Cally was looking at her worriedly. "What's the matter? You've been off all day."

Tonks sighed and shook her head as she dished potatoes on to her plate. She appreciated Cally's concern but how could she tell her? She couldn't tell anyone.

That morning she had received an owl from Lily. The note had been short but it had frozen her blood. Remus was hurt. They didn't know what was going to happen, but she would keep her informed.

Keep her informed. Tonks felt like punching someone. She was Remus's girlfriend, she should be there. Instead she was stuck at school and he could be dying. She could guess what happened; Lily's note hadn't said and that was clue enough. He had ended up in a fight with death eaters doing something for the Order.

"I'm fine Cal. I just got some bad news this morning is all."

Cally eyes her shrewdly. "Is it your Mum? No? Your dad? Remus?"

Tonks almost nodded but caught herself in time. Still it was enough confirmation for Cally. "What happened?"

Tonks was staring at her plate, pushing her food around. "Don't know, all I know is that there was an accident and he's at St. Mungos ." she lied.

Cally reached out and took the hand that was pushing the fork around. "It'll be ok Tonks. He's going to be fine." She soothed. "The healers are the best."

Tonks nodded and squeezed her hand back before standing. "Thanks. I think I'm just going to go to the common room, I'm not hungry."

On the way out of the Great hall she got the feeling that someone was watching her and looked up. Dumbledore was sat at the head table and his eyes followed her gravely over his half moon spectacles. This more then anything made her feel like crying. If Dumbledore thought it was bad…

She hurried out of the hall and walked quickly toward the Hufflepuff common room. If she could only know that he was going to be ok, everything would be all right.

By the time Cally entered the dormitory Tonks had cried herself to sleep and didn't feel her friends gentle hand wipe her tears off hr cheek before pulling the covers over her.

It took two days for word to finally come that Remus was ok. As it was it came in the form of a very harassed looking Sirius Black. That morning another letter had arrived, this time from James who simply said that Remus was alive and that She was to meet Sirius in the Hogs head that night to find out the rest.

At 9pm Tonks entered the pub and sat at a table in the corner. Professor Kettleborn had almost caught her on the way to the secret passage that would take her out of the school. Remus had shown it to her, although she suspected it was only one of many he knew about.

Tonks had disguised herself, morphing to look like a haughty black haired woman with a mole on her cheek. She looked like enough of a black that Sirius would recognize her immediately, but not enough that anyone else would.

Five minutes after she had arrived Sirius entered. The first thing she noticed, as he went to the bar and ordered a bottle of Firewhisky, was that he looked worn out. There was a pinched look to his face and his eyes, which usually held a mischievous sparkle, showed the strain he was obviously feeling.

As she thought he would Sirius recognized who she was right away and casually strode over to join her.

"How is he?" she asked in an undertone as soon as he sat down.

He offered her the bottle and she took it in a pretense of looking like they were only having a casual conversation.

Sirius sighed and pushed his long black hair back. "Doing alright now. It looked bad for a while I won't lie to you." He sounded bitter and immediately Tonks knew there was something else going on.

"What is it?" she leaned forward a bit and stared at him in earnest.

"The healers is what. None of them wanted to go near him!" he laughed without humor. "Seemed to think they could catch his problem, if you know what I mean. Bloody idiots." He shook his head and took a long swig straight from the bottle.

Tonks felt anger bubbling up. Remus was one of the most caring gentle people she had ever met and would probably ever meet, despite his fears he would never hurt anyone and here were these people treating him like a pariah while he was dieing."Hypocrites more like. Aren't they supposed to take some kind of oath or something? To treat everyone in an unbiased way or something?"

Sirius nodded. "You've hit it on the head there coz. That's exactly what Lily said to them. Finally some young thing took pity and started working on him but even she was shaking like a leaf the whole time. I told James not to say anything about Remus's condition but it's required before they'll treat you. Would've found out any way I suppose."

She nodded, but her anger still hadn't subsided. Instead of letting it take over she asked calmly, "So what happened? I mean, who attacked him?"

Sirius raised a brow and she rolled her eyes. "I know everything ok. He told me, granted he didn't want to but I really didn't give him much choice. I would've thought he told you lot."

Sirius nodded and leaned closer. The hag at the table next to them seemed to be trying to listen in.

"Oh he did, it was Gibbon and Doloholv. You've heard of them yes?"

She nodded slightly and pretended to be drawing on the table with her finger as if they were talking about what they each had for tea that day and not about her boyfriend almost being killed while on a mission for a secret Organization.

"I was there when it happened, they hit him at the same time with some spell, don't know what it was. There was this girl with us; she had just joined a few weeks ago. Anyway we were holding our own until Remus saw she was in trouble. Being a bloody noble git he ran to help her, they got them both. He saw Gibbon but not Doloholv, there was no chance. I couldn't even get to them in time."

He smiled grimly. "Got a good hit in on Gibbon though before he dissaperated."

"What happened to the girl?" Tonks asked softly, not sure if she really wanted to know and sure she could figure it out already.

Sirius simply shook his head. "She didn't even make it to st. Mungos ."

They lapsed into silence and finally she stood. "I should go." He nodded and stood too and they left the pub for the cold night air. It had just begun to snow coating the houses and shops and making them look like a scene out of a Muggle Christmas card. Christmas would be coming soon. The air was crisp and Tonks pulled the hood of her cloak up causing her face to fall into shadow.

"Give Remus my love?"

Sirius smirked "Do I have to kiss him too?" he asked in a pho sappy voice.

She hit him lightly, smiling for the first time in what felt like years. "Knock yourself out, although if you did he might do it for you. Besides I didn't know you swung that way." She was only joking but Sirius shrugged and said, "Well I like to keep things a mystery don't I? If I couldn't surprise you what good would life be?"

Tonks raised one pink brow and stared agape at him. "You're not serious."

He just laughed. "I'm always Sirius love." Ignoring her pained look at the use of the pun he started to walk away whistling tonelessly.

"Don't you dare kiss him!" she yelled after him into the dark street. Her only answer was a bark like laugh before a pop sounded and he was gone.

+  
"How you feeling today?" Peter had just entered Remus's hospital room looking nervous, but Remus was barely curious as to the cause of it. He was used to Peter acting strange.

"Better," Remus answered as Sirius said at the same time "He's bloody brilliant Wormtail, how do you think you'd feel after almost dieing." He sounded a bit impatient and James who was leaning against the wall beside him chuffed him on the back of the head. "He's only showing concern Padfoot, at least he didn't try to kiss Moony."

Sirius smirked, "I told you, Tonks gave me permission. She wanted me to give him her love."

Remus rolled his eyes, although even that action made him wince in pain. He had only woken up the day before and his body was one big ache. It even hurt to breath. "Yes well I hardly think she meant for you to try and make out with me. Although," he added in a moment of Marauder like cheekiness, "it must be said that you are a rather good kisser."

They all laughed, even Peter who was looking less nervous and seemed to have ignored Sirius's jibe, and Sirius gave a little bow. "Anything to please. You don't think those girls come back for nothing do you?"

"And here I thought it was you're wonderful personality." Came a voice from they door way. It was Lily, her long red hair looking disheveled as if she had been running her hands through it frequently during the day.

"I got off work early." She supplied when they all looked at her questioningly. "The healer says you're feeling better today, I just ran into him in the hall." She frowned as she came over and kissed him chastely on the cheek. "They want you gone soon he says, probably in the next few days. He says you unnerve the staff and other guests."

She rolled her eyes and went to lean against James. "As if this is some resort and not a hospital."

"At least it got him his own room," James said smiling slightly. "He could have been stuck with the bird with the recurring fungus growing out of her nose."

"It was purple this time," Peter piped in. "Saw them pushing her down the hall."

"It was her boyfriend. Poor sod thought she was cheating." Sirius shook his head in mock derision.

"Oh she probably was," Lily said surprising everyone. "I caught her eying up James's arse yesterday."

They all laughed except Lily who looked deadly serious and James kissed her forehead. "Don't worry Love, my arse and the rest of me won't be going anywhere."

Lily seemed appeased after this and Remus found himself looking at the ring that had recently appeared on her finger. She and James would be getting married in the summer and she had never seemed happier to him.

He sighed and closed his eyes, closing out his friend's chatter and the harsh light of the ward. He was glad that his friends would be happy, that they were secure in each other, but part of him was a little Jealous. Yes he had Dora, and Merlin knew he loved her so much it scared him but they would never be able to stand up in front of their family and friends and declare that they belonged to each other. Her parents, despite their obvious like for him, would never accept it he knew. They would have to tell them he was a werewolf after all and he felt sure that despite their kind natures, Ted and Andromeda would not be alight with it. He didn't blame them really; he had a hard time accepting himself. But still, he thought opening his eyes and watching as Lily looked affronted at something Sirius had said and James and Peter laughed at her expression, it would be wonder full to always be together. Maybe at least that would be enough.

"What are you thinking bout Moony?" Sirius asked coming over to sit by his bed.

"Nothing Padfoot, nothing really."

"Hmm. You looked introspective." Sirius looked at him perceptively. Sometimes it surprised Remus how perceptive his friend could be, how he could just look through you sometimes. James, for all his quirks, was usually the more perceptive one, but he never looked at you as if he could see everything you were thinking.

"You know, Tonks was really worried, she looked like shit honestly, even when she was morphed." He frowned. "Of course she did look kind of like my mum when she was younger so that might be why…"

Remus laughed softly and shook his head. "I knew she would be, would have been more so if I hadn't told her about the Order."

Sirius nodded. "She's a strong kid, woman I guess really. But she has her fragile moments like all of us." He looked at him significantly. "I know you love her, it' s plain to all of us, but do me a favour mate?"

Remus nodded almost hesitantly.

"Don't jerk her around yeah? I've known you for half our lives almost and I know that you have you're insecurities and that you don't think you deserve a good life and all that. I was there when you're Dad spouted some of his bullshit don't forget. And yes it was Bullshit," he added seeing Remus's look. He was speaking softly so the others wouldn't here what he was saying.

"So all I'm saying I guess is that I don't want to have to see you hurt her because she gets her hopes up. And I don't want to see you hurt either. I don't ever want to see the look I saw in her eyes the other night again."

"Was it that bad?"

"Moony, she looked like someone was ripping her soul out until I told her you were ok. Then she just looked murderous when I told her how the healers were treating you. " He added more lightly. "Probably would've come up here and ripped them a new one if she could've."

Remus tried not to laugh. He could just see her storming in and calling the healers all sorts of incompetent.

He sighed tiredly and looked at Sirius in earnest. "Sirius, I promise I will never do anything to hurt her. And I won't, jerk her around was it? I love her too much to do that. I'd break things off before I did anything like that."

Sirius nodded and grasped Remus's shoulder for a moment. "I know. But I had to say something. If you're going to break things off, you should do it soon Moony. Before you get in as deep as those two." He jerked his head over at James and Lily then stood and declared that he had to leave.

I'm already in that deep, Remus thought sadly. If only you knew Sirius. I was stuck the first time she smiled at me.


	27. Unbreakable Bond, or summer 1979

Tonks sighed and leaned against the back of her seat as the Hogwarts express rocketed along. Why Cally was talking to Shannon Finnegan of all people was beyond her. Personally she thought she had taken complete leave of her senses.

She closed her eyes and wished she could close her ears to their chatter. Maybe I can make them smaller she mused and began to amuse herself by shrinking and enlarging her ears.

"What are you doing?" Shannon's voice inquired snidely. She put emphasis on what.

Tonks opened her eyes to see both Cally and Shannon looking at her. Cally looked amused and her lips were curling up at the corners. Shannon juts looked disgusted.

Instead of answering Tonks closed her eyes again and trained her thoughts on how she would be able to see Remus soon. Not that day sadly, but maybe the next. It had felt horribly long since she had seen him at Christmas, still slightly battered. She had gotten to spend four glorious days with him before they had to part again. One more year, she reminded herself.

As if she could sense whom Tonks' thoughts were on Shannon asked, "So how is that boyfriend of yours?"

Tonks sighed irritably; her reunion fantasy punctured, and opened her eyes again.

"Shannon, why the hell are you in here with us?"

Cally shot her look, for some reason she wanted Shannon there, but Tonks ignored her and looked at Shannon expectantly.

She smirked, which really wasn't that good a look for her. It would have been better if she glared superiorly. "Oh, I' m sorry _Nymphadora_ I wasn't aware that my presence bothered you. You still haven't answered. How is he? Or did you break up?"

Tonks rolled her eyes and shot Cally a look that said I will murder you, Calliope, if you do not shut this trollop up. Cally simply shrugged helplessly. "Shannon, I'm sure you don't want to here about Remus you don't even know him. Tell me how Mark is doing, he's playing for Ireland now?"

Shannon wasn't distracted though. Her favourite activity was bothering Tonks and she was getting into her stride. "Because I've been hearing rumors about him, from a family friend." She shook her head.

"Oh, I bet you have. Tell me Shannon doesn't Liam Semple have better things to be doing then going around spreading lies? I should think he would be too busy keeping his arse out of Azkaban."

"How dare you" Shannon hissed. "My Liam,"

Tonks laughed without humor. "Oh so now you've hooked up with a Death Eater? Really Shannon I thought you'd at least have some common sense."

"At least he's not an out of work, wer…" Tonks cut her off quickly by pulling out her wand. "Finish that sentence Finnegan," she hissed through clenched teeth, "And I will hex you so badly that you won't be able to tell your face from your ass."

Shannon paled slightly and stood. "Owl me over the summer Cally," she said as she headed out of the compartment. "I don't know why you continue to hang around with this freak. All it will lead to is trouble." She flipped her long silky locks and then was gone.

Tonks sat back down, having stood when she was threatening Shannon, and crossed her legs one booted foot tapping impatiently. "One of these days I'm going to show her what I really think if she's not careful." She glared out the window; they were almost to Kings cross.

"Why did you bring her in here any way? You know we can't be two feet in front of each other without it ending in a pissing match."

Cally wrinkled her nose at Tonks's Language but said, "I know you don't like her and I know she can be difficult..."

Tonks snorted. "Difficult? Cally she is the queen of the frigid bitchs."

"But she is my friend and I would like you to try and not get into it with her when I'm around."

Tonks shook her head, her lips pursed in anger. "That's like asking James Potter and Snape to have tea together. I'm not the one that starts it Cally and I'm not gonna sit here and take her snide remarks. I've been dealing with it for almost seven years."

Cally sighed; obviously knowing she was fighting a loosing battle. "What was she going to say before you threatened her?" she asked instead.

"I don't know," Tonks lied quickly. "And frankly I don't really give a rats arse. I just wanted her to sod off."

They were now pulling into the platform and they both stood and began collecting their belongings. "Come stay this summer?" Cally asked softly. She didn't want to fight with Tonks.

Tonks nodded briefly but embraced her best friend quickly. "I know I can be a bitch sometimes, I'm sorry."

Cally laughed. "I couldn't have put it better. Don't worry, its really Mark I was trying to find out about. He's been owling me lately you know."

It took them a bit to get off the train and when they did they said goodbye with another hug, Cally making Tonks promise that she would come and stay. When Tonks stepped through the barrier she got a surprise. Instead of her parents, whom she had been expecting as usual, she saw Remus who grinned at her.

Throwing all propriety to the wind she rushed forward and jumped into his arms, kissing him with abandon. Remus had to walk back a bit to steady them and when she pulled away to look at him he was laughing.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" she demanded beaming up at him. Her feet were dangling off the ground and she knew they probably looked ridiculous if the looks passers by were giving were any indication, but she didn't care. She was in Remus's arms again and not even the nasty look Shannon threw them as she walked by could ruin her happiness.

"And miss out on a reaction like this?" he teased. "I think not." He placed her back on her feet and Tonks reluctantly relinquished her hold around his neck in favour of taking his hand.

"I convinced your mum and dad to let me come meet you." He said as he pushed her trolley out to the parking lot. "I've recently learned how to drive. Legally." He added with a smile when he saw her look. "It wasn't that hard considering I've been driving for years without a license. Lily convinced me that I needed one though. Merlin knows why."

"Years?" she asked.

"Yes, since I was twelve actually. My mum taught me on the sly and then Sirius decided to take over. How he figures these things out I will never know."

She could just picture a 12-year-old Remus trying to drive while Sarah encouraged him from the passenger seat. It was bittersweet.

They had now reached a blue Ford Cortina that Tonks recognized as John Lupin's. It's Remus's now I suppose, she reminded herself. She could remember the one and only time she had ridden in that car, two summers ago and she had had her first hangover.

Tonks got in while Remus hefted her trunk into the back. "Seat belt," he said as he started the car. Tonks rolled her eyes. "Don't worry I've got it covered. If Sirius taught you, I'll defiantly need it."

Remus scowled in mock offense. "Ye of little faith."

Tonks had to admit as they pulled on to her street that Remus was a rather good driver, nothing like Sirius who drove like he had a vendetta against all the other motorists. Or her dad who shouted rude things when someone cut them off. Only once when they were on the motorway did Remus cuss vehemently when a woman in a red mini almost hit them.

"She's not even watching where she's driving!" he had exclaimed as Tonks tried to control her mirth at hearing him call someone an "ass wipe."

"Too busy putting on her lipstick I expect." She had gasped.

"Are you coming in for a bit?' she asked after he stopped the car.

"Yes I suppose so. I'll have to go soon though."

Remus ended up staying for dinner and it was rather late when he finally departed the Tonks's with a promise made to Dora that he would see her in a few days.

"No avoiding me this summer." She had whispered in his ear after breaking off a particularly passionate kiss made under the eaves so her parents couldn't see them through the window.

"No avoiding." He agreed.

+  
July 18 1979. It was a day that Remus would remember forever and years later look back on with mixed emotions.

The day dawned brightly promising beautiful weather; there was not a sign of a cloud in the sky.

Remus stood by the window in his kitchen sipping a cup of steaming tea as he stared out into the garden absently. The roses are coming in he mused, then smiled slightly. He remembered when his mother had decided to plant them; his father had not been pleased. He said that they would take over everything. Sarah had won out of course, she always did. He was right though, he thought as he heard footsteps come thudding down the stairs, they have taken over.

Sirius came in then and slumped into a chair groaning. "Coffee Moony. Give me coffee."

Remus pulled himself away from the window view and poured his friend a cup, which he then slid across the table and Sirius caught expertly. "Cheers," he said before taking a large gulp. "Ah," he sighed and finally looked at Remus.

There was a thud upstairs then followed by a curse and both men looked at the ceiling.

"D'you think he's going to make it?" Sirius asked with a slight smile.

"James? Yes. Of course if we don't get him to the church on time Lily will castrate us all."

Sirius nodded, "Well I'm quiet fond of my parts were they are thank you very much, so maybe we should get a move on."

"You've got his robes?" Remus asked as they headed out of the kitchen and upstairs.

"Moony, I might be irresponsible some times but not that irresponsible. Of course I have them." He paused and then said, "I sent Wormtail for them last night."

This caused Remus to laugh and roll his eyes. Of course he would get Peter to do it for him, some things never changed.

When they arrived upstairs they found James sitting on the floor looking dazed. "I can't go through with this." He said as soon as he saw them. "What if she doesn't show up?"

Sirius pulled him to his feet briskly. "Of course you're going to go through with it. You've only wanted to marry Lily since we were 12 years old."

"As to her not showing up, I don't think you have to worry about that. She's probably just as nervous as you anyway."

James groaned. "Not helping Moony. If she's as nervous as me neither of us will make it!"

"Right, Moony take his other arm."

Remus obliged and he and Sirius frog marched James into Remus's parent's room. "That's why you have us Prongs. To make sure you don't do a runner."

Peter arrived then and they began to get ready. At half past 11:00 they all left the house, Sirius and Peter to go with James who was still insisting that Lily would not show up, and Remus apparated to Dora's.

Andromeda answered the door when he knocked and she smiled warmly at him, ushering him inside. "Well don't you look handsome today."

"Oh, thank you." Remus was surprised to find himself colouring a little. He never could receive a compliment without it flustering him slightly. He had been working on breaking himself of it for years; he now had it down to a slight blush instead of the raging red face he would get as a child.

"And he doesn't look handsome any other time?" Tonks asked coming out of the kitchen. "Wotcher love. Mum stop checking out my boyfriend." She said cheekily.

Andromeda sniffed, the closest she would ever come to snorting. "I was simply giving him a compliment darling." She appraised her daughter's appearance then and Remus did the same. She was wearing pink dress robes that reached to her knees and her normally colourful hair was a deep chestnut. On her feet were white pumps, which Remus was sure she would not be able to walk in long before he would end up scooping her up.

"You look lovely darling. I'm glad you decided to take my advice and go with a neutral hair colour." She gently pushed back a piece of Tonks' hair and despite herself Tonks smiled. "Yeah well I guess you can be right sometimes. We should get going."

She and Remus exited the house and Andromeda watched them through the window, smiling when her daughter immediately wrapped her arms around Remus and kissed him. She's growing up so quickly, she thought sadly as she watched them disapparate, separately now since Tonks had gotten her license.

As soon as they reached the small wedding chapel, one of the only ones in the country that performed wizarding marriages, Tonks scrunched up her face and turned her hair bright pink.

Laughing when Remus raised both brows at her she said, "Lily asked me to keep it pink, I just couldn't convince mum and she wouldn't of let me leave if it was anything but brown."

They entered the building and immediately ran into Dumbledore and Moody who were conversing in the entrance.

"Ah, Remus, Nymphadora, May I say that you both look very nice today."

Tonks smiled and gripped Remus's hand tightly for a moment. She knew he was probably flushing, he usually did.

"Thank you professor. You look rather dashing yourself."

Dumbledore was wearing robes of periwinkle blue and his hat was of a same blue with his favourite pattern on it.

"Yes, I considered green robes but alas they made me look rather peakish. I dare say you remember Alastar?"

Moody grasped Remus hand briefly and nodded in greeting. "Lupin."

Tonks had to suppress the urge to giggle. Of course they had to act as if they hadn't just seen each other the day before at an order meeting, but it was still a little absurd.

When Moody turned to her she smiled brightly, to which she thought she saw his lips twitch slightly. "Yes I remember. I don't think I'll ever forget. How goes the Auroring?"

Moody moved closer, Remus was now in conversation with Dumbledore and a man in a purple top hat that had just entered.

"We've almost got that boyfriend of yours. Had him cornered along with four others yesterday. Bastard got away though; it's just a matter of time. Not too smart that one."

Tonks snorted. "Yeah well, he never was."

"I think it's time that we all gained our seats." Dumbledore suggested.

Moody looked around at the packed chapel his black eyes narrowed. "Don't know why Potter and Evans decided to get married now, too many people. Any one of them could be a Death Eater."

"Well then I guess its lucky you're here isn't it." Tonks said as Remus ushered he to her seat, Moody and Dumbledore were behind them. "Someone has to be constantly vigilant," she jibed remembering the speech he had made to her as he brought her and Cally up to the castle on the day she had dueled Liam.

She wasn't sure but she thought she saw Moody smile.

The ceremony was beautiful. Both Remus and Tonks thought Lily looked radiant in her dress and James couldn't stop beaming, especially after the wizard performing the ceremony pronounced them Mr. and Mrs. Potter.

Afterwards Tonks got separated from Remus as she was pulled into conversation with Lily's mother, whom Lily had apparently told that Tonks could change her appearance at will.

Just as she was being asked to change her nose for the fifth time, a glowing Lily Potter rescued her.

"I need to borrow Tonks for a moment mum, I'll be back in a minute."

As soon as they were away from Mrs. Evans Tonks embraced Lily warmly. "Congratulations! You look gorgeous."

Lily beamed. "Thank you." She then laughed and Tonks realized that she still had a pig snout for a nose. She changed it back with a laugh of her own.

"I'm sorry about my mother, my parents are really interested in all the stuff in our world. She nearly had a fit when I told her about you, she's wanted to meet you for ages."

"It's alright." Tonks shrugged, she was used to it honestly. The only person she had ever met that didn't ask to see her change was Remus.

"So, how does it feel, being married?"

The four Marauders had come into view now and were laughing as Sirius teased James, unaware that they were being watched or that someone was taking their picture.

"It feels…" Lily paused and there was a dreamy look on her face. "It feels amazing to know that we'll be together for the rest of lives. That we're bonded unbreakably."

She glanced at Tonks and smiled. "You'll know one day. It's hard to explain."

Tonks shook her head as she watched the four men interact. "I don't think so Lily. Remus will never ask me to marry him. He's too afraid, he tries to hide it, but I see it. And there is no one else for me."

Lily smiled at her again and Tonks felt bad. She didn't want to mar her happy day with her relationship issues. "I'm sorry I don't mean to be a downer."

"It's ok. And I think you're wrong, Remus will ask you one day. It may take a while but I' m sure it will happen."

James was beckoning now and with one last smile Lily went to join him and Remus came over to Tonks.

"They look so happy." She said watching James and Lily kiss in the middle of the dance floor.

"Yes, James hasn't stopped beaming since he saw her walk down the aisle. He was sure she wouldn't show up today."

Tonks didn't say anything just grasped his hand. "Dance with me?"

Remus smiled down at her and kissed her forehead. "Of course."

They moved onto the dance floor and Tonks wrapped her arms around his neck securely. It felt perfect, his hands on her waist, and the closeness of the hold. This is all I need, she thought as they twirled slowly to the music. Part of her couldn't help hoping though that what Lily said was true, that they would one day be bonded forever.

**An: I estimated when Harry would have been concieved (November) and decided that July would be a good time to get married. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, i know it's longer then usual, nine pages. oh and i have to say i don't own anything to do with Harry Potter as i forgot to at the beginning of the chapter. Reviews make my day, so please review! :)**


	28. Take my heart, rip it out

**Disclaimer:see previous chapter. this was a hard chapter for me to write, i hate angst, but it had to be done. don't hate me too much.**

Tonks was sitting on her bed, trying to figure out if she really needed to take another pair of socks or if she could get away with the 50 pairs her mother insisted she take with her to school. You'd think I was a child or something; she mused as she stared in to her half empty trunk. She really should get all her stuff together or she would be running around the next morning like a lunatic trying to get everything she needed and her mum would have that I told you so look on her face. Yes, she should definitely get a move on.

"Dora! Remus is here!"

It can wait, she thought, throwing her socks over her shoulder and hastening out of the room after making sure her shirt and pedal pushers were in order.

When she reached the landing her parents were standing talking to Remus. Andromeda frowned when she saw her daughter was wearing her boots, completely disregarding the rest of her outfit but she refrained form saying anything. Her hair though... no she'd let that be for now too.

"I wasn't expecting you." Tonks said, smiling. Remus returned the smile, but she noticed he seemed strained, and his eyes were guarded like they hadn't been for a long time.

"I don't have long, I wanted to see you though before you left. Do you mind if we go for a walk?"

Tonks could feel something was wrong even as she assented and they left her house. The sun was setting, painting the sky pink and red. Usually the colours comforted her, Twilight was her favourite time of day, but now it just made her feel ill. She didn't even reach out to take his hand like she usually would, feeling irrationally that it would burn if she did. She did not miss the fact that he didn't reach for her either.

They walked until they reached the park that they had apparated into the night that Remus's parents had been killed. He stopped walking after awhile and simply stood there looking at the sky. They had been silent the whole time and even now they remained thus. Tonks watched him as he looked up at the sky as if he wasn't really seeing it. They were standing close together, yet it felt like a distance was developing between them, one that radiated from him, pushing her away.

Gently she touched his shoulder, but when he finally looked at her she pulled away. Looking into those eyes that she had loved since first seeing them, she knew. And the knowledge slowly began eating at her.

"What's up?" she asked trying to infuse lightness into her voice. She wasn't all that sure she had succeeded. "You've got that brooding look again."

Remus didn't smile like he usually would, he simply sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I've been thinking. A lot recently actually."

"About what?" she asked warily.

He looked at the sky again. "About when we first met, how fragile you seemed. How strong you really are. You have a certain quality that is hard to express in words. Moody says its spunk, but that doesn't seem to really cover it." He still stared up at the sky as if he was unaware of her piercing gaze on him.

"You're strong too." She said softly.

He shook his head. "No, I'm not. Not like you. I try not to be afraid you know, I know it won't get me anywhere, just as I know there is no use in pretending."

He looked at her now and for just a moment she saw a vulnerability in his eyes, a wave of emotion that was begging to be let free. Then it was gone and it was like he had put a wall between them. Involuntarily Tonks wrapped her arms around herself as if for warmth even though the evening was still rather hot.

"What're you saying?" It came out in a small voice and she wanted to kick herself for sounding like a child.

"I'm saying that because I know that you are strong you can handle the truth. We've been living a lie Dora, a fantasy that I wanted so badly to believe. But it's time to stop pretending. I love you more than I ever thought would be possible. You've made the past three years the best of my life, and I'll always be grateful for that."

"No." she interjected her eyes prickling. "You can't do this Remus. Please."

Remus didn't seem to here her. "I have to leave Dora, I have to go away and there is a good chance I will not be coming back. I can't put you through what you'll have to go through if you stayed with me. Even if I did come back what kind of life would we have? I can never marry you; I could never ask you to subject yourself to a life on the fringes of society. It's better this way."

"Better?" she gasped wanting to grab him and shake some sense into him. "How is it better?! I love you. And you just told me not even a minute ago that you loved me. How is being apart from the person you love most make sense? How is that justifiable when you have a choice?"

She wanted him to get angry to show that this was hurting him as much as it was her, but he remained impassive.

"Just because you love someone Nymphadora does not mean you should be with them. Life isn't like that. Some people don't deserve love, some people are meant to be alone. Sometimes when you love someone you have to let them go even if it hurts, because that is what's right for them."

He turned away then. "You're young and I know you'll find happiness Dora, you have your whole life ahead of you. I won't be the one to hold you back. Goodbye, Nymphadora."

He began to walk away and she stood there stunned. What had just happened?

"Remus!" she called desperately. "Don't do this. Don't walk away from me! Please." She added quietly. "Don't leave me."

But he neither turned nor seemed to here her, even though she knew he could. He simply walked to the street and disapparated with a single pop.

Tonks sank on to a near by bench and held herself for what seemed like eons. Why did this happen? She kept asking herself. What did I do that was so wrong that he has to leave me? All her old insecurities came crashing down on her. She was too obnoxious, too fat, too imperfect, too everything. She wasn't enough for him. But even as these thoughts pushed there way into her head she knew that he felt these insecurities too. Not the same ones, but demons of his own. She knew that he had never thought she was imperfect, never thought she wasn't enough. It was just her mind being silly.

No, he thought he wasn't enough for her, hadn't Sirius warned her that this might happen? But, Merlin she had begun to hope that he was wrong. Hadn't three years shown him that she really did love him? She knew that he loved her, it was in his eyes, the way he would say her name, the gentleness of his touch. The way that he would kiss her giving her all of him and asking for nothing in return.

And where was he going that he might not come back? Was it for the Order? It must be, she surmised as she watched the stars come out. But where?

As she sat there feeling as if her heart had been ripped out of her chest, stomped on and put back in repaired shoddily with duct tape, a resolve came over her. She would not give up on him. She had every faith that he would come back from where ever he was going, despite his fears, and that he would come back to her. She would wait, even if it would be the hardest most painful thing she ever had to do. She would not let Remus Lupin go.

Because she knew that they belonged together, knew that she loved him whole-heartedly. She knew that despite his fears, and apparent lack of emotion that he needed her. That he loved her.

It was this thought that helped her get up the next morning even though she felt like curling into a ball and hiding in her bed. It helped her kiss her worried looking parents goodbye and get on the train. It made it easier to listen to Cally prattle on about how Mark Finnegan kept owling her and how she was sure that he wanted to ask her out even though he was rumored to be dating a chaser from the Harpies.

It helped her to accept her friends pitying look when she told her that Remus had broken up with her.

I will get through this, she kept telling herself. It was something that she began telling herself everyday, it was the only way she could get through not knowing what was happening to him.

**There will be another chapter very soon. I don't want to leave them on the isle of heartbreak, i don't like leaving things like that. so update soon.**


	29. it is better to hope then despair

**This is the last Tonks/Lupin angst for a while i promise. :) hope you enjoy the chapter :) see disclaimer on previous chapter.**

When she entered the Three Broomsticks Tonks didn't see the people she was meeting right away it was so packed. It wasn't until she heard someone call her name that she found them.

Sirius was sitting at a table in the very back accompanied by Lily whom Tonks was surprised to see. She had thought Sirius was bringing Peter.

"Wotcher." She said as she sat down, although it lacked her usual conviction. Sirius pushed a pint glass toward her right away.

"Drink up coz. Don't worry its only Butter beer. I know how high dosages of alcohol effect you."

"It was only the one time, I was 14 years old. I think I can handle it now thanks." She said shortly. "What are you doing here?" she asked Lily, hoping she didn't sound as rude as she thought she did. "Sorry, it's not that I'm not glad to see you two, it's just that…" she sighed. "Never mind."

"I didn't have to work today, at either of my jobs." Lily said significantly.

"What can I say, my mother always said I was only fit to lead a dogs life. I guess she was right." Sirius quipped.

Tonks snorted into her Butter Beer. "Your mum is a hag. Why'd you want to meet?"

Sirius laughed, but quickly sobered. "Feeling charitable today eh? I just wanted to see you, isn't that enough?"

Tonks rolled her eyes, but she smiled slightly.

"We wanted to see how you were." Lily added. "Your mum and dad told Sirius that they were worried, they haven't heard much from you."

Again Tonks rolled her eyes. "I'm 17, do I really still need to report in? I've been busy, working a lot you know? I have to do really well on my NEWTs if I want to be considered for an Auror. I can't stop now."

Sirius shrugged. "I told Andy that you were probably busy, but she didn't seem to believe it. Seems to think your pining."

Lily shot Sirius an annoyed look. Clearly she hadn't wanted to go into the subject like that.

"I'm not pining." Tonks said almost heatedly. She didn't want to talk about this; she didn't want to talk about him. "Why should I be? He's the one that's being the bloody idiot. Honestly I try not to think about it." It was a lie. It had been five months since Remus had broken up with her and while she tried to focus on school and listen to Cally's schemes to make the Hufflepuff Quidditch team winners, she thought about him a lot, and what he could be doing. It didn't take away from her work though; if anything she was pushing herself harder. She wasn't about to give up just because he was being a prat.

"You didn't even go home for Christmas though." Lily said gently. She herself was rather annoyed with Remus, but agreeing with Tonks wouldn't help anything, only fuel the fire. "I know he's being a prat about it, refuses to talk about it actually, but…"

Tonks looked at the two of them sharply. "You've seen him?"

Sirius for once looked guilty as if they weren't supposed to let this out. "Yeah, we saw him. A few times actually. He was at the last get-together."

Order Meeting, she thought. "So how is he?" she asked without emotion.

Sirius snorted derisively, "He's a bloody mess. Like Lily said he refuses to talk about you, he pretends that he doesn't want to know how you are, says he's better off that way. And half the time he comes back looking like a bag of bones instead of a man."

Again Tonks felt her curiosity being piqued. "What?" she asked sharply. "What d' you mean? What's going on?"

Lily aiming for Sirius apparently ended up kicking Tonks instead. "Sorry," she said as she glared at Sirius who looked back at her innocently. He leaned closer to Tonks conspiratorially; ignoring the pointed look Lily was giving him, and spoke in low tones.

"Dumbledore's got him on a mission, an on going one. He's been working on it since June."

"June?" she was surprised. She hadn't caught a hint that anything was up; he had even managed to spend more time with her that summer, before breaking up with her at the end of August.

Sirius nodded. "He looks like shit every time he comes home."

"What's he doing?" she asked in low tones of her own.

"Sirius, don't." Lily warned. "No one is supposed to know. How you found out is a mystery, although it's not surprising, but he wouldn't want you to tell her."

"Moony doesn't know what he wants Lily. He's been messed up as long as I've known him, buying in to some moral code that his father laid down for him. That's why he's doing this. Tonks deserves to know. If it was James you would want to know wouldn't you?" he asked shrewdly.

Lily didn't say anything, so he continued. "I don't understand why it's supposed to be a big secret, all keeping it hidden will do is lead to trouble." He looked at Tonks to make sure she was listening. "Like I said Dumbledore has him on a mission, one only he can do if you understand my meaning."

Tonks repressed the urge to gasp. He wouldn't, not even Dumbledore would subject someone to something like that, would he?

"He's… with others like him?"

Sirius nodded and she felt her heart clench. "He's not living with them is he?"

This time he shook his head and she felt a wave of relief. Imagining Remus with the other werewolves, the ones like Greyback was horrifying.

"He's meeting with some of them though, has to do it on the sly so Greyback doesn't figure out what he's doing. He looks at Remus as his personal property." Sirius said bitterly. "If he knew, then he'd go after Remus for sure. As it is Greyback holds too much power with the werewolves."

"Remus thinks he might be catching on to him." Lily added quietly. "He's run into him a few times and he's always pressuring him to join the pack. They had a fight not to long ago, on the full moon." She shuddered. "He has a scar on his side now that reaches almost to his hip."

Tonks clutched her tankard although it was now empty. "Does he have to change with them?"

They both nodded. "He says its one of the only ways to gain their trust. Short of actually joining the pack and Dumbledore doesn't want him to do that."

Tonks shook her head as if to clear it. She was feeling a cacophony of emotions.

"We shouldn't have told you." Lily said softly. "But Sirius is right, for once," she said smiling slightly at his offended look, "You have the right to know."

Tonks stared down at her hands for a moment, not really seeing them. "No, I'm glad you told me. I've wanted to know what he meant when he said he had to leave, I" she paused and looked at the two of them. "Thank you. I appreciate it. So," she asked lightly, even though she felt like throwing up, "What's new with your lot?"

She talked with Sirius and Lily for another hour, in which time she found out that Lily and James were expecting a baby, sometime in July, Peter had finally moved out of his mother's and Sirius had met, gotten together with and dumped a Romanian witch.

"She was a little too crazy for me. I mean there's crazy, and then there is just plain nuts you know?"

They did not speak of Remus again, for which she was grateful. As she trugged up to the castle, watching the lights from the windows becoming brighter, Tonks was finally able to get a hold of the emotions that had been storming through her since sitting down in the Broom Sticks. She hoped that Remus knew what he was doing. In some ways it was better to know what was happening to him, but it would also cause more worry. I don't want you to have to go through that, he had said. Was this what he had meant?

Tonks continued to immerse herself in her studies, to listen and try to show the interest she would have had before when Cally went on about the improvements she was making as the Hufflepuff captain, and to give the overall appearance that all was well. She didn't want to see anymore pitying looks from Cally, jut because her long distance relationship was working out and Tonks was apparently still battling heartache. Cally had even taken to trying to set her up with all the eligible males in their year, something that gave her a real laugh at first, these boys were really just that; boys who cared about Quidditch not stopping madness from taking over the world. She compared them all to Remus, which really wasn't fair she knew, so they were all found lacking.

In May, just after her 18th birthday, Professor Sprout informed her that Professor Dumbledore wished to see her in his office at her earliest convenience. That night found her frustratedly trying to get the statue to let her in.

"Cockroach Cluster!" she practically screamed at it, her usual patience running thin. To her surprise and partial glee it moved to let her by.

"About time." She grumbled as the stairs brought her up to the door of Dumbledore's office. She had hardly knocked when a voice called, "Enter."

Tonks pushed the door open and was greeted by Dumbledore's warm smile and twinkling gaze.

"Nymphadora, please come in and have a seat. I daresay I wasn't expecting to see you so soon."

She didn't bother to correct him on her name, it seemed disrespectful, but did wonder when she had gone from being Miss Tonks to Nymphadora.

"Toffee?" he offered as she sat down.

"No thank you professor."

Dumbledore nodded and tented his hands holding her gaze for what seemed a long time. She got the impression he was reading her mind, which really wouldn't have surprised her.

"Am I right in assuming that Remus has informed you of the Order of the Phoenix?" he finally asked. He didn't sound particularly angry that Remus would have told her, and his eyes still retained a twinkle so she nodded.

"Yes sir he has."

Dumbledore seemed pleased for some reason. "I thought as much. He has expressed to me your interest in joining and I must say that I would like nothing better. That is if you still wish to join?"

"Yes," she said quickly. "I do."

"It will be hard for you if you do indeed join the ministry as an Auror, which is your plan yes?"

Again she nodded.

"Yes, I did not think you would change your mind. Once you set your mind to something you are unfailing in seeing it through I have noticed. A good quality to have in these times. You will have to lie to the ministry, they are more in favour of covering things up then anything else I'm afraid. Do you think you can do this?"

"Yes, I know that it's right, so yes I can lie if I have to."

Dumbledore beamed. "Then welcome to the Order of the Phoenix Nymphadora."

Tonks smiled slightly back at him and if he noticed her reaction wasn't at its usual voltage he said nothing of it.

Just as they were parting and Tonks was heading out the door Dumbledore stopped her.

"One more thing. I may call upon you soon to assist in a small matter."

Tonks nodded, her curiosity piqued and departed the room.

It was the second week in June, one week before Tonks would graduate when Dumbledore called upon her. She had just completed her final exam, Defense against the Dark arts, and when she went to exit the great hall with the other students Professor McGonagall who had been over seeing called her back.

"Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you. The password is Sherbet Lemon."

Tonks hastened right away, only stopping briefly to dump her bag in her dormitory.

"Ah, Nymphadora come in, quickly."

Tonks did as she was told and quickly sat in front of his desk.

"You wanted to see me?"

"Yes." He looked at her somewhat critically she thought.

"I have need of your particular skills. It seems that Remus has gotten himself for lack of a better word sucked in by the Werewolves. His mission, which I am sure you are aware of as it was supposed to be a secret so naturally, the whole order knows, has come upon an impasse. He has become unresponsive to my summons and I fear that his prolonged exposure to the others with his condition has caused him to despair. You have every right to refuse what I am about to ask of you, but you may very well be the only one who can accomplish this."

"You want me to go and convince him to come home? To give up his mission?"

Dumbledore beamed. "Yes exactly! I cannot go myself, I would be far too recognizable and I do not wish to endanger him by having him associated with me. We need someone who would not be memorable, that is where you come in."

"Where is he?" she asked already planning out how she would morph.

"Inverness."

***

The thirsty cleric, which really rang true Remus thougt; all the clerics he had met had indeed had a drinking problem, was a dinghy hole in the wall pub. The werewolves had taken a liking to it because the proprietor had no problem in serving them as long as they paid, and so he could be found there most nights with the others in the "pack".

That particular evening he was sitting at the bar, drowning himself slowly in beer and whisky. He had started out with a butter beer, which his new "friend" Erin had laughed at, but soon he had moved on to harder liquor. He was now on his fifth shot of Firewhisky and after that planned on moving on to that Muggle ale that Erin seemed so fond of.

What's the point, he thought to himself as he watched the reflection of the others in the pub, of trying to keep going. When he had first started his mission a year ago now he had had his doubts that it would succeed, had tried to convince Dumbledore that the only way was to actually join the pack out right, but Dumbledore had been adamant. He was only to talk to those werewolves who were outside the pack or lower down the pecking order. Greyback's hold was too strong to try and convince them all that there was a better way.

He even doubted that now. Is it really better? He mused foggily. To live on the fringes in a society that won't accept me? To try and pretend everything is normal, even when you're starving and living in a run down shack because you can't get a job? Lately he had begun to think that was where his life was leading. Dumbledore wouldn't be able to protect him forever and his friends, he would just bring them down if they were associated with him. He had come to realize that quickly after staring to associate with his fellows. Was how they chose to live so bad really? At least they had each other; they even seemed to have formed relationships amongst themselves. It was a close society really and they had welcomed him only a little warily. Now Erin was trying to persuade him to join officially and leave everything behind. He had thought about it, giving everything up and living like them. Hadn't his father always said that that was what would probably be awaiting him?

What did he have to go back to anyway? No they would be better off without him, James had Lily and a baby on the way after all and he and Sirius were like two peas in a pod. Inseparable. And Peter, well Peter would get on fine, he always had. And Dora...

He sighed and took another pull from his bottle, not even noticing the taste. He had been thinking about her a lot, especially recently when he had begun to despair. He missed her more than words could describe. Her uninhibited laugh, the look she would give him when she saw through his pretenses, her smile, the way her eyes lit up whenever she saw him. He had found himself looking back and examining every moment they had spent together since they had first met that day in the library. He thought about that day a lot. If he hadn't gone to her and tried to comfort her they probably wouldn't have met, she would just be Sirius's cousin that he ran into on occasion and nothing more. Still, as much as he longed to be with her, his resolve was stronger. She didn't need him; he would just ruin her life. No, he was doing the right thing.

"You sure you need another one?" a deep masculine voice asked when Remus beckoned for the bar tender again. He looked at the man beside him, Erin, groggily and nodded. Erin shook his head.

"You young lads think you can handle everything. No one ever tells ya about alcohol poisoning anymore. That's what got me mate John, he drunk himself under the table every night. We found him one night, dead in the corner there." He pointed to a corner by the door.

Remus nodded, but he wasn't really listening. Erin must have sensed this, because he clapped Remus on the shoulder with one big hand. A long scar ran across his hand and up his arm from where he had been bitten as a teenager. He had told Remus the story a dozen times at least. Erin was around 30 Remus estimated although it was hard to tell with werewolves. They all looked older then they were. He was a gruff man, although he had taken a real liking to Remus after he had had his back when a brawl broke out in the pub one night almost a year ago.

So far he and two others were the only ones Remus had been able to convince to side against Voldemort.

"Your too young to drink your self into a stupor. Leave that to the older wolves, they aint got much left to live for anymore any how."

Remus pushed his ale away, although reluctantly and Erin clapped him on the shoulder again. "That's a lad. Sides that bird over there has been eyeing you for a bit, you don't want to pass out fore you get a chance do ya?"

Remus glanced to where Erin had indicated. The woman at the table was indeed looking at him. She was thin, with long brown hair that was somewhat lank. Her nose turned up a bit and her blue eyes were a little too far apart. It was not a memorable face, more like one you would glance at a grocery and forget a minute later. Yet as he looked at her he felt a pang of recognition. Blaming it on the excessive amount of alcohol he had consumed, Remus turned away.

"She's probably just wondering how I got the scar on the back of my neck or something."

Erin shrugged and went back to his beer. A moment later the woman appeared on the stool to Remus's left.

"Do you mind if I sit here?" her voice was a little chirpy, but the way she pronounced her rs seemed familiar. Again he shook it off.

"No, go ahead. It's a free country, or rather a free stool in this case." Merlin's beard, I really must be drunk to have just said that, he thought in amusement. Maybe not drunk enough though.

The woman giggled and moved closer to him. "Can I buy you a drink? I noticed you looked kind of lonely over here."

Beside him Erin snorted into his drink and Remus resisted the urge to laugh, although in his drunken state it was a near thing.

"He's had enough for one night luv." Erin told her.

"Thank you though." Remus added. The woman smiled, her teeth were a little crooked but not that bad.

"Oh it's no problem," she paused for a moment. "I'm Bree." She introduced, "And you are?"

"Remus." He said, somewhat distracted. Again his brain was telling him that this woman was familiar. "I'm sorry, but have we met before?"

He was sure he saw a hint of panic in Bree's eyes, or was it irritation? Before she giggled again and laid a hand on his arm. "No I don't believe so. People are always mistaking me for someone else." She smiled at him again. "You seem like a nice bloke, would you care to walk me home? I'm staying with my aunt and I'm afraid I don't know the area too well. I'd feel much safer walking in the dark if you were with me."

Remus was about to say no, he wasn't about to give this girl the wrong idea, but Erin elbowed him as if sensing his thoughts and hissed in his ear. "Go for it lad. It's not often that lass's take interest in us. Sides it is getting pretty dark out there. Wouldn't want anything to get her."

"I suppose I could walk you home," he conceded. "I should be getting home myself. How I don't know, I'm no even fit to chuck powder in a fire."

Bree was already standing waiting for him. "You can use my aunts floo." She said quickly as she led him out of the pub. "I'll through the powder in."

Once outside they began walking in an eastward direction. He noticed that Bree kept glancing around warily and this action, the way her eyes would scan their surroundings quickly then flick back again, again seemed very familiar to him.

The cool night air was beginning to wake him up a bit and so his brain started working through the alcohol fog. He was coming to a conclusion, but it seemed ridiculous. There is no way, he told himself impatiently. It can't be. Yet he found himself wanting to believe it.

"Nymphadora." It came out involuntarily, and at first he thought he had only thought it. But before he had uttered the last syllable she had grabbed him by the front of his jumper and pulled him into a side alley between two buildings.

Once she was sure they were out of sight she began changing back to herself. He watched as her hair shrunk upward until it was just below her ears, as her figure filled out and her eyes changed back to their usual stormy grey. "Wotcher." She said softly.

Remus was stunned to say the least. "Dora?! What are you... why are you here?"

She looked at him severely and wafted a hand in front of her. "Your breath stinks. Dumbledore sent me."

Remus tried to process this but it just made his headache. "What?"

She sighed impatiently. "Dumbledore sent me." She said slowly.

"Yes, I got that thank you." He said irritably. "Why?"

She was now looking away from him, presumably watching to see if anyone was coming.

"Because you're acting like a bloody prick and ignoring him. He was worried, said your mission was a bust and he wanted you to give it up."

Remus leaned against the wall of the alley tiredly. "He said that. Wait, how do you know about my mission? Why did he send you?"

She rolled her eyes exasperatedly. "I just told you. I know your drunk but do try to keep up yeah? As to how I know, I joined the order a month ago. And Sirius told me back in January. So I've known for a while."

"You joined…" he sighed and rubbed a hand across his face. "Never mind that, you always said you would. It was me that recommended you to Dumbledore anyway. But why did he send you specifically?" Why not someone else, he thought but didn't say.

If she was offended that he didn't seem to want her there she didn't show it. "Cause I'm the only one that could do it. He needed someone that wouldn't be remembered once they disappeared and here I am just full of disguise."

Remus shook his head, but regretted it instantly as the whole alley began to spin. "Well you came for nothing because I'm not going."

She didn't say anything just stared at him incredulously her arms crossed.

"So you can tell Dumbledore that you tried, but I'm not going. This is were I belong with my fellows, there is no place for me in wizarding society, you're all better off without me."

Again she didn't say anything, just stared at him impassively.

"Go then." She finally said shortly. "If you really believe that. That you don't have people who care about you. Go back in that pub and get shitfaced and spend your days with the other Dark creatures." She said the last part bitterly. "If that's what you really want."

He stood up straight, angry now, the first time he could ever really remember getting angry with her. "I don't know what I want anymore! I didn't ask for this, it was put upon me by my father's actions. I can't just go back and live a "normal" life after what I've seen here! This is what my life will be reduced to one day anyway, why prolong the inevitable. That's something that you never seemed to understand Dora. It doesn't matter if people care about me or love me, it will all end the same way. Being with me, being my friend, it will just cause trouble."

He turned away then and went to the mouth of the alley.

"You really think they feel like that? You're the one that doesn't understand." She said softly.

He heard her sigh, "I'm sorry about this Remus."

Then he was hit from behind and slumped to the ground unconscious.

"I'm so so sorry love." She whispered kneeling beside him and gently making sure he hadn't hurt himself when she had stunned him. She then struggled to get him back up before dissaparating them both away and hoping that she didn't splinch them in the process.


	30. Getting to the heart of the matter

**This chapter takes place a few days after Tonks stunned Remus and dragged his arse home. There will be some flashback in this chapter, but it is going to help Remus to come to the realization that he is being stupid when it comes to his relationship with Tonks. I am not J.K. Rolwling. Enjoy**

Remus woke to find himself drenched in sweat. He sat up slowly favouring his side. The day after Dora had abducted him, as Sirius had referred to it, had been the full moon. That had been two days ago and he was feeling like death warmed over. He had been agitated the whole time and that had made the transformation harder.

He hadn't seen Dora since she had knocked him out. When he had awoken it was to find himself in his own bed and Dumbledore staring at him pensively. This had led to a lengthy conversation before he had to get ready for the moon. That conversation had been part of the cause of his agitation but it had also given him a few things to think about. But not as much as the dream he had just awoken from.

Not a dream really, he told himself as his feet hit the cold wood of the floor and he stiffly limped out of his room and down stairs. More of a montage of memories. The dream had started out with when he was five years old. The day he had been bitten.

15 years earlier.

Sarah Lupin, tall willowy and fair skinned had always been the talk of her small coastal Village. For one thing she was very unreserved when it came to dealing with people, ever since she had been a small child she would tell exactly what she thought. In anyone else this would seem to be offensive but her sweet disposition and kind heart tempered it out so well that no one cared. Still, people talked especially when she started to disappear for long periods of time and came back carrying a cage with a large black owl in it. They talked even more when she was 18 and snubbed the O'Conner boy who was easily the pride of the village. After all who wouldn't want to marry a Doctor? But Sarah has spurned him and instead taken up with the English man who had come to the village that summer with his friend.

John Lupin was not what the people of the village would deem as acceptable. Certainly not better then the boy who would be Doctor. He was tall, lanky and couldn't seem to hold a conversation with anyone without getting flustered. He also seemed to have no job and to top it off was ten years Sarah's senior. So when after only knowing him for a brief summer Sarah ran off and married him, the villagers shook their heads. It would only bring heartbreak, they told her mother many times. Surely that Lupin was no good.

Six years after marrying John Sarah still had no regrets. She loved her new home, it was close enough to the sea to be able to smell the brine that she loved, and not too isolated that she would get lonely when John was at work.

Not that I'll ever be lonely she thought as she stood in her garden. She loved John very much it was true, and she knew that the people in her old home thought she was crazy for running off with him. But she didn't care, because John had given her something that seamis O'Conner never could have, the most beautiful child in the world.

Yes, all parents thought their child was perfect she knew but her son she was convinced was. How could he not be? She had thought she knew what love was when she had met John, but looking down at her little boy on the day he was born, seeing the perfectness of his little fingers and toes, how the light of the ward caught on his blond tuft of hair and made it shine and seeing the way he seemed to look at her when he opened his eyes, as if he knew he belonged to her, she had fallen in love all over again.

"Remusss," she called softly into the bushes at the back of the garden. She was sure that was where he was hiding. Her call was greeted by a little boy giggle and she knew she was right.

"Where oh where can my Remus be?" she mused aloud as she made her way to the back of the garden. He was quiet now, not wanting to give his position away. She could just see him practically holding his breath as he crouched in the bushes. She pretended to scope out areas well away from where he was until finally she reached the bushes.

"Ah ha! I've got you!" she scooped him up and he laughed as she twirled them around. He really was getting big, she thought as she placed him back on his feet. The hair that had started out as blond was now darkening to a brown and he had juts lost his first tooth.

"Shall we call it a night then love?" she asked.

Remus seemed to consider the question, and she had to smile at his seriousness at something as trivial as hide and seek.

"You hide one more time mum, and I'll come find you. Hide in the house though, cause it's too easy to find you out here."

Sarah hesitated for a moment. John had been acting strangely lately, asking her to make sure Remus was in the house by sun down and putting a stop to the nights when she would take him outside to gaze at the full moon. But really, she thought as her son gazed at her pleadingly, what's the harm? We're only in the back garden.

"Ok." She conceded. "I'll hide and you come find me, then that's it ok? It's getting late and dad will be home soon."

The moon was juts rising, a full and luminous orb. Remus nodded and covered his face with his hands. "Go hide mum."

Sarah stepped into the house but didn't go far, just stayed in the kitchen. She knew Remus would admonish her for not playing the game right but at least it would get him in the house.

She waited for a few minutes then looked out the window. The moon was almost risen fully now and it illuminated the whole garden. Her heart give a small lurch, she could not see Remus. All of a sudden she felt someone grab her from behind. Whirling around she found her son grinning at her.

"You didn't hide very well." He said, just as she knew he would.

Sarah simply kneeled down and hugged him. "You sacred me." She said simply. For a moment all the irrational things John had been saying had come speeding through her mind and she had been scared that something had happened.

"Aw, Mum, geez I'm sorry. You're squeezing me too hard." He gasped into her shoulder.

Sarah laughed softly and smiled at him. "I need to go to the village love, do you want to come? I need to pick something up from the grocers."

Remus nodded and she stood and took his hand leading him out of the house, her wand clutched in her other hand. As they walked they were silent, Remus had always been a fairly quiet child, but it was comforting. When they reached the grocers, which was on the far side of the village Remus waited just outside the door for her while she went in. She wasn't worried; no one would try and grab him.

"Nice night isn't it Mrs. L," asked the Muggle boy behind the counter. He was around 17 and had a small crush on her she knew. "Yes Wendell, it is rather lovely out. The moon is so bright."

He wrung up her purchase and gave her, her change. "I heard howling a bit ago, my old man says there's some wild dogs wandering in the woods, you should be careful going home." He leaned forward and smiled, "Hey, it might be werewolves eh? You know like in those movies? Our village would fit in perfectly with something like that."

Sarah tried to laugh, but again she felt a thrill of fear. Something was not right. "Goodnight Wendell," she said as she hurried outside to find her son. The sooner they were home and safely inside the better.

"Remus?" she looked around straining her eyes to see, but there was no sign of him.

"Remus!" Still no answer. Sarah was beginning to feel desperate, wondering if someone had really grabbed him, when she heard a sound that would stay with her forever. It was a scream, terrified and coming from the small woods. She knew it was her son.

"Oh god," she gasped already moving toward the woods. "Don't let my baby die." She didn't even think just ran toward where her son was. On impulse she sent a few spells towards where he was, hoping to scare who ever or what ever was attacking him. When she finally reached him he was lying in a pool of blood, his little body withering in pain.

Sarah fell to her knees beside him, not caring that her trousers were getting soaked in blood and dirt. He was sobbing uncontrollably.

"Shh," she soothed as she pulled him to her arms and stood. "Mummy's got you love. You're going to be ok." She apparated them to St. Mungos.

Four hours later she was sitting by her sons hospital bed in the Dangerous'Dai Llewellyn ward gently smoothing his hair off of his sweaty brow. Behind her John paced trying to decide whether to be livid or crushed. Evidentially he settled on Livid.

"I told you to keep him inside Sarah." He said harshly as he continued to pace. "Now look what's happened, our son… our child is a …"

"He is still our son!" Sarah snapped back, although she kept her voice down not wanting to wake Remus. "This changes nothing."

John gave her a look that suggested what he thought of her sanity. "Changes nothing? It changes everything Sarah; any future he may have had is gone. He'll be an outcast, no one will accept him."

"I will," she said vehemently. "And there will be others, not everyone is so prejudiced. Just because he has been bitten by a Dark Creature does not mean that he ahs to live like one. We all have choices John."

"You think he'll be accepted, that people will look past it? You don't understand Sarah," he said angrily. "He'll never be able to go to school, get a job, get married," he paused and looked at his son for a brief moment. "He'll never know real love, just pity. We've condemned him."

Sarah was outraged. "John Lupin, if you're saying what I think you are then you can pack your bags and move out tomorrow! And as to condemning him, if you had told me the truth none of this would have happened. I don't blame you," she added softly, "Blame will get us no where."

John shook his head. He did blame himself; he knew she was right, he should have told her.

"John look at your son."

When he didn't respond she glared impatiently at him. "Look at him and I mean really look. This is our son John, our Remus who we love more than life itself. This changes nothing, he is still the same child he always was. Yes he'll go through difficulties, but we all have our crosses to bare in life."

She turned back to her son and continued to rub his head soothingly. "He will be accepted John, if we teach him how to accept himself. That's the first step."

Remus could remember that day vividly. Playing with his mother, going to the grocer, being dragged into the woods by Greyback. He had stood outside the door juts as his mother had instructed, but he had heard something in the woods and being as curious as most five year olds he had gone to see what it was. That was when the moon had risen fully.

As he boiled the kettle at his small stove he reflected on that day. He knew that Gareyback must have followed them from the house; it was the only way he could be near enough to attack when he did.

As he waited for the water to boil he eyed the bottle of whisky that seemed to have become a permanent fixture in his house. Erin's right he thought as he threw the half empty bottle away. I am becoming an alcoholic.

After making his tea Remus exited to the back garden, his mothers garden. And he reflected further. Sarah hadn't known, but he had been awake for her entire conversation with his father. Even at Five years old he had been able to understand what she meant, although over the years he had forgotten that early morning conversation between his parents. But in his dream it had all come back to him.

He had to admit that whatever his father said, his mother had been right. Had she not always treated him as she had always before he had been bitten? She had accepted him and in turn helped him to accept himself. Somewhere along the way that had gotten lost though. And hadn't he been accepted, unconditionally by his friends, his family really? James, Sirius and Peter had not judged him when they had found out his secret; they had not turned away like so many others would have. They could've easily done so, after all they had only known him for two years and in some ways their relationship wasn't that strong, as it would eventually turn out to be. But they hadn't. Lily too had never turned away from him, she simply pretended as if she had never found out. There was Dumbledore also, who had let him in to school. Given him the chance to learn and form those relationships that has so far sustained him.

And then there was Nymphadora. Remus sat in the worn out sun chair and stared out at the flowers, which had gown rampant. Dora had always accepted him, always seemed outraged when he suggested she should have reacted otherwise. She amazed him sometimes. He had known she would be upset when he broke up with her, how could she not be? It had nearly killed him to do it; he could just imagine how she was feeling. What he hadn't expected was that she wouldn't accept it. For the fist few months he had thought she had moved on, continued on with her life. It wasn't until January that he had realized that it was hopeless. That was when she had started sending him letters. No frequently though. One had come in January, another in March on his birthday, and one more in May. She never brought up their relationship in her correspondence only talked about how school was going, and that she hoped he was all right. But he could see the things that had been left unsaid, the I love you's and the I think you are a bloody fool's. She had not let go of him, hadn't her coming to get him from Werewolf hell not proved that?

True she said that Dumbledore had asked her too, but even in his drunken state he had not missed the fact that what she left unsaid was that she wanted to. That was why she had fought so vehemently with him, why she had stunned him and dragged him home, why she wouldn't let him feel sorry for himself. Because she truly thought he was worth more than what he had always been told. Despite what he had said in his anger he knew that she did understand. And she didn't care.

As he watched the sun rise over clouds coloured pink, Remus remembered what his mother had said to him when he had first started dating Dora. She was right, the wolf could not dictate his life and it was time to stop letting it and his fear take over. It was time to try and accept what he couldn't change and let him self be happy. He only hoped that she would give him another chance.

"Tonks."

She rolled over and pulled her pillow over her head. It too early for this, she thought tiredly.

"Tonks, wake up. There's an owl for you."

Tonks sat up and glared at Cally, although she wasn't quite able to pull it off in her half asleep state.

Cally simply held out a folded piece of parchment to her and when she took it flounced out of the dormitory.

Yawning she opened the parchment and began reading. Suddenly she felt very awake. Remus wanted to see her, as soon as possible. It looked as if the note had been dashed off quickly and part of the ink was smeared. Unusual for him, she mused throwing back her covers and grabbing a quill off of her bedside table to write back to him. And why does he want to see me? Probably to tell me off again, she thought bitterly. Well there was no way that she'd take that. She'd only been trying to help him after all.

At half past 10 she made her way from the castle and off the grounds. There was no point in trying to sneak away; if she was caught there was nothing anyone could do really. There was only two more days left until she graduated. Remus had suggested they meet by the shrieking shack. Obviously he wanted privacy, which still didn't bode well. The last time he had wanted to speak in privacy he had broken things off.

"Wotcher." She said when she saw him. He was pacing back and forth as if in deep thought and only stopped when she had finally reached him.

"Dora." He gestured to a near by rock. "Sit for a moment please. I need to say a few things."

Tonks raised a brow, looking skeptical but complied. Her whole demeanor spoke of wariness and he really couldn't blame her.

"Well what is it?" she asked when he said nothing.

Remus took a breath as if to steady him self, "I wanted to thank you first. For the other night. I was being a complete ass I know and you were only trying to help."

She nodded in acceptance. "I didn't hurt you when I stunned you did I?"

He smiled slightly, "No, but if you had it would be no more than I deserved. I've been thinking a lot since then, in fact I was up for almost the whole of last night thinking."

She had noticed that he looked tired when she arrived, but seemed full of a nervous sort of energy. She had attributed it to recovering from his last transformation.

"What about?" she asked thinking that this conversation was eerily familiar.

"About you mostly. About what a fool I am."

He was looking at her now and for the first time since she had known him he looked completely unguarded. "

"Yeah, you were being a tad foolish." She could feel her lips curving into a smile and sternly told them to stop. Just because he was admitting he was wrong didn't mean anything but that. Still she couldn't help hoping that this was all leading somewhere.

Again he smiled as he came and sat beside her on the rock. "Dora," he said softly. "I have been stupid. Sirius is always telling me that I buy into what I think my life should be, because that was what I was always told. That I didn't deserve to be happy because what I am won't allow me to be. My father, god rest his soul, always said that I should expect to be rejected, to have to live away from others. As much as he loved me he couldn't fathom that anyone who had a choice would. I never told you, but when we first started going out, when he found out he told me I was being a fool, that I was endangering you for selfish reasons."

Tonks looked at him incredulously, "What?"

Remus just nodded.

"He didn't want you to be happy?" what parent would say that to their child, she wondered. She had never really known John Lupin, and she supposed he couldn't be all bad, but to discourage your child like that…

"He didn't want me to get hurt, or to hurt anyone else. He thought that if he warned me what to expect it would prepare me to face the prejudice that would follow me for my whole life. But he only fueled my belief that I didn't deserve love. That I didn't deserve you." He reached out and took her hand and she immediately gripped his tightly. It was a gesture that had passed between them so many times before without thought, and now she felt as if her whole arm was tingling from that simple touch.

"But as I said, I've been thinking, working things out. And I've come to a conclusion."

His fringe had fallen into his eyes and she wanted so badly to push it back but refrained. They were in a moment and it seemed so fragile that if she were to do anything it would be broken. "And," she asked slowly. "What is that?"

They were looking into each other's eyes now and neither one of them dared to look away.

"That I am allowed to be happy. And that I love you, so much that the thought of never being with you again terrifies me. I can't spend the rest of my life hoping for what might have been. Please Dora, tell me that I haven't made the biggest mistake of my life. I don't blame you if you're angry with me, and Merlin knows hat I have no right to ask you…"

"Shut up Remus." She said with her characteristic cheeky grin before she practically jumped him in her haste to kiss him. He fell back hitting the ground with a thud and she landed on top of him still lip locked. It was like waking up after a long restless sleep or finding you can finally breath again after months of feeling like you were suffocating.

"I take it that that is a yes then?" he gasped when they finally pulled apart.

She smiled down at him, feeling complete for the first time in almost a year. "Of course it is. Now shut up and kiss me. You have a lot of time to make up for."

And really, how could he disagree with that?


	31. New Additions

**AN: Here is a new chapter! I finally have a moment to breath and I thought I would use it to keep the story going. The next chapter may be a while coming though. So hope you enjoy, this chapter is light, darker things will be coming soon. I do not own Harry Potter or anything associated with it.**

"Nymphadora don't just shove those in your trunk, they'll wrinkle horribly."

Andromeda left her post by her daughter's bedroom door and crossed to the bed, where she proceeded to cause all her daughters clothes to fold with a neat flick of her wand.

Tonks rolled her eyes, but not so her mother could see. Their relationship had become strained of late and she didn't want to add another reason for her mother to be disapproving.

"See isn't that better?" Andromeda asked with another casual flick, sending the clothes into the trunk. "You never could get those household spells." She looked at Tonks then, her lips curving slightly.

Tonks grinned brightly back, "Well it's a good thing that Cally is expert at them isn't it?"

Andromeda sighed and sat on the only vacant spot left on the bed. "Do you really want to do this?" she asked quietly. She sounded almost defeated and Tonks felt her resolve crumble slightly.

"Yes mum, I'm sure." She answered resolutely. "Cally needs someone else to rent out the flat with her, plus it's closer to the ministry."

Andromeda latched onto the last detail just like Tonks knew she would. They had been having this argument since she had come home almost a month ago.

"But you don't know if you've even been accepted for Auror training Darling. What if you don't make it?"

Tonks had completed her aptitude tests two weeks previous and was now waiting, in barely concealed nervousness, to find out if she would be allowed to continue on. She thought it had gone well, the Auror who tested her had seemed pleased, but She had been scrutinized by at least four Auror, including Alastar Moody, about her abilities and her connection to the Death Eaters. Her Aunt Bellatrix had been mentioned more than once.

"We won't have to worry about that because I'm going to be accepted," she said with far more confidence than she felt. "And if I'm not, well, I'll figure something out won't I?" In truth she had no idea what she would do, being an Auror was the only thing that she could ever see herself doing.

Seeing that her mother was about to protest more, Tonks said quickly, "It's better than me moving in with Remus isn't it?"

She eyed her mother shrewdly. That was one thing that Andromeda refused to budge on. She said that as much as she thought Remus was a "fine" young man, she didn't approve of couples living together before marriage. When Tonks had informed her parents of her intention to move out, Andromeda had become very rigid thinking that her daughter planned on moving into her boyfriend's house. It wasn't until Tonks had assured her Parents that she was only planning on moving in with Cally that Andromeda had calmed down.

It had made Tonks feel guilty to see the relief, then the confusion on her mothers face. Ted seemed fine with the whole situation, but Andromeda was having a hard time adjusting.

If she knew the real reason I was leaving she'd skin me and feed me to a hippogriff, Tonks thought as she threw a pair of trainers into her trunk, right on top of her freshly laundered shirt. Or the fact that I'll probably end up living with Remus half the time despite her constant speeches on propriety.

This last thought caused her to fight a grin. Her mother was one to talk, hadn't she run away, got pregnant and married all at 18? Tonks could count; knew that either she was born two months early and had just been a really big baby or her parents got married only after she was conceived.

"Yes well," Andromeda folded a pair of socks absently. "I still think it would be better if you lived at home. You'd think you were trying to hide something from us, the way you've been acting." A look of dawning comprehension appeared on her beautiful face.

"You're not pregnant are you?"

"Mum!" Tonks stopped shrinking items to put in her trunk and stared at her mother incredulously. "Merlin's balls, yes I'm pregnant and due to pop out any moment. I decided it would be a smashing idea if the Potters kid had a playmate and Remus, sensible bloke that he normally is took complete leave of his senses and agreed with me!"

Andromeda gave her the "Black" look, and raised a brow. "It was a simple question. And don't use that language in this house, I won't tolerate it. I raised you better than that."

Tonks sighed, pushed a spot clear on her bed and sat beside her mother. "I'm sorry mum, but really? Pregnant? Do you really think I'm that thick?"

"Then why?" she asked completely ignoring Tonks question. "You have been acting strangely darling, disappearing at random hours, getting owls at 2 in the morning." She looked into her daughter's eyes as if searching.

"Mum, I'm not a little girl anymore ok? I'm sorry if I'm worrying you, and of course I'm not trying to keep something from you and Dad," she lied. "I'd be daft to try. Nothing gets passed you."

Andromeda smiled slightly and Tonks felt a little less guilty.

"It's just, I need space yeah? I mean I'd be moving out eventually anyway and this way I can help Cally out. You don't know how glad she is to get away from all her brothers and sisters."

Andromeda laughed slightly and wrapped her arms around Tonks. "I can imagine. I just never thought this day would come so soon. You've grown up so quickly, I feel as if I blinked and missed half your life." She straightened up and stood smoothing out her dress. "You'll understand what I mean when you have your own children I suppose." She moved to the door and then stopped and turned back.

"I'm going to miss you Dora," she said softly. Her eyes were over bright and Tonks could tell that she was just holding off the tears until she left the room.

"I'll miss you too mum."

Andromeda smiled and left the room with a grace that Tonks could only envy.

Feeling sullen, she stood and began throwing the rest of her belongings into her trunk. It's for the best, she told herself. I can't have them knowing about the Order, it would just cause a fight.

***

"So, what d'you think?"

Tonks watched anxiously as Remus looked around the flat. She loved it, had fallen in love with it as soon as she had laid eyes on it after a long day of seeing rental locations. It was small, she had to concede, but it was better than the one that smelled like cabbage. She had been sure Cally would go for that one for price alone. Thankfully she hadn't.

"It's small." He said and she huffed.

"Yes I know it's small. But really, what do you think?" she asked significantly.

Remus knew that she was asking about the paint job she and Cally had just done, but he couldn't resist teasing her more.

"I mean really if I stand here and stretch my arms out I can touch both walls." He demonstrated still with a completely straight face.

Tonks sighed and flopped back onto the sofa. "You're standing in the kitchen entry way." She crossed her arms and glared at him.

Remus looked behind him exaggeratedly. "Is that what this room is supposed to be?"

"You're taking the piss right?" she raised both brows and looked at him like she couldn't believe what he had just said.

Remus grinned and was rewarded with a well-aimed pillow to the face.

"It looks great Dora, really," he said when she eyed him skeptically. "Off white is such a great colour. What's with that name anyways?" he asked, knowing it would cause her to smile. "I mean, why not just call it beige and be done with the whole thing? Why give it such a passé name as off white?"

Tonks rolled her eyes, but she was indeed smiling. "I think we've been spending too much time together, either that or you switched brains with Sirius. You're starting to sound like me."

Remus crossed and sat beside her and she immediately stretched out so she was leaning against him. "It's the only colour the landlord would let us use, you should have seen the walls before we painted. I thought Cally was going to have a tantrum. She hates mess."

She could feel him chuckling. "And she's living with you why?"

Tonks elbowed him in the ribs but said nothing. It would be interesting to see how Cally dealt with her cleaning habits, or rather lack there of.

"What's this?"

"Hmm?" she asked sleepily. It really was comfortable lying there with him and they had both been up late at an order meeting the night before.

Her answer came in the form of a hoot as a large barn owl landed on the coffee table. It stuck its leg out to Remus and then took off out the open window after he took the parchment tied there.

They were quiet as he read and Tonks closed her eyes thinking that if it were anything really important he would have said so already.

"We have to go."

"What?"

"We have to go." He shifted her over and stood. Tonks shook herself out and looked up at him questioningly.

"Is someone hurt? Dead? What's going on?" she asked a worried feeling coming over her.

"Its Lily" he started to say, but Tonks cut him off.

"What happened?" now she was really worried.

Remus laughed at the look on her face and she scowled. "How can you laugh? Is she hurt, dead, what the hell is going on?"

"If you had let me finish Dora, I was just about to tell you that the note is from James. Lily is in labour at St. Mungos."

Tonks jumped up. "Why are we still here then? Lets go."

Remus shook his head in silent wonderment. Sometimes he just didn't understand her.

When they arrived they found James pacing the waiting room looking harried and keyed up. From the looks of it he had been running his hands through his hair again. It was standing straight up. Sirius was lounging in a chair watching James pace with a grin. Apparently he found his best friends situation amusing. Peter sat opposite him looking normal.

"I thought you'd never get here!" James exclaimed when he saw them come in.

Sirius rolled his eyes at Remus and shook his head. "He needs you told hold his hand Moony, figuratively and probably literally. He's a bloody wreck."

"You would be too." Peter piped in.

Sirius snorted. "Maybe, I wouldn't have yelled at three mediwitchs though."

"Yes you would," Tonks said easily as she sat beside him. Remus was now trying to calm James down and was assuring him that yes his child would know who he was, and that nothing was going to happen to Lily. "No one dies in childbirth any more James, really this isn't the middle ages. It's 1980."

"He didn't really yell at the last one." Peter supplied. "More forcefully demanded to know what was happening."

"They're probably used to it anyway. Cally says the Healer that's training her was physically accosted once by a man who wanted to know what was going on with his wife. Turns out that this wasn't even her healer though."

Sirius laughed at that, his bark like laugh echoing in the room. The Witch at the desk shot him a dirty look and he winked back causing her to blush, which only caused him to laugh harder.

"Don't know what Prongs is so worried about. If he's lucky the kid will come out looking like Lily and if he's not it'll look like him. Either way it'll all be good."

They waited another hour and Remus actually managed to convince James to sit down when a mediwitch came from a room at the end of the hall and approached them.

"Mr. Potter?"

James stood looking anxious. The woman smiled. "You can come in now."

Sirius jumped to his feet and propelled a stunned looking James down the hall leaving the rest of them to follow.

Lily was lying in a bed at the end of the ward, looking absolutely exhausted. She smiled weakly when she saw them, but her green eyes were sparkling.

When Sirius pushed James up to the bed, her smile widened. "Would you like to see your son?"

James still looked dumbfounded, as if he couldn't really believe this was happening. Then something seemed to register, "It's a boy?"

Lily nodded and James turned to his friends, "It's a boy! I have a son!"

Nobody said anything although Sirius lips were twitching and Tonks had turn away for a moment so she wouldn't be tempted to laugh.

James carefully took his baby and stared wonderingly down at him. Sirius looked over his shoulder and grinned. "Well, we know who this ones going to look like. No doubt about it with hair like that. Poor kid."

Lily glared at him but her lips twitched slightly.

"Do you want to hold him?" James asked Sirius who suddenly looked nervous.

"Sure," he said but didn't sound all that sure. James carefully shifted him into Sirius's arms and Sirius looked like he was holding a bomb.

"For Merlin's sake Sirius." Remus walked forward and adjusted his arms so that Sirius had a better hold. "It's a baby, not a ticking time bomb. Support his head."

Sirius did as instructed and then grinned at James. "So are you going to name him after me?"

Lily snorted and James shook his head. "One Sirius is enough I think mate."

"You're right, how could he ever live up to a name like that. Too much pressure. Well then I guess I'll just have to wait for Tonks kids."

Tonks snorted derisively. "More like a curse you mean. No kid of mine is getting named after you, that would just be cruel."

"Oy! I resent that, here Moony its your turn, watch his head," he mocked as he handed the baby to Remus.

"What are you going to call him then?"

Lily was watching her son move in his sleep and a dreamy smile lit up her face. "We thought Harry James would be good."

"It does have a certain ring to it." Remus looked down at little Harry and smiled, Sirius was right; he probably would look like his father. "Do you want to see him Peter?" He asked turning to face his friend. Peter shook his head vehemently. "I'm not good with babies, besides I can see him without holding him. I'd probably drop him."

Remus shrugged as if to say suit yourself and turned to Tonks who immediately blanched. "Me hold him? You think Peter will drop him, I definitely will." She shook her head. "I'm not going to be the one that causes the kid life time damage thank you very much. Besides babies and I have never got along. They always cry when I hold them."

Remus smiled. "Come on Dora, I'll stand beside you. He won't be in any danger, just stand still."

Tonks glared at him, but reluctantly took the baby awkwardly into her arms. "There see and he hasn't tried to attack you and he's not crying." Just as Tonks was starting to relax, Harry let out a wail.

"See, babies hate me." She grouched as James took his son and settled him in Lily's arms.

They only stayed a little longer, until a mediwitch came in and told Lily she could try breast feeding, which caused all the men, except James who seemed enthralled in the whole new process, and Tonks to vacate the room.

"We want to talk to you later." James told Sirius as he left. "Come over tomorrow."

"They seem so happy," Tonks commented as she and Remus strolled down the London streets some minutes later. It was now evening and the sky had a pink hue; perfect walking weather.

"This is all James has ever really wanted you know. To be married to Lily and to have a family. That and to be an international Quidditch star, but I think he's given that one up."

Tonks glanced at him, she wanted to ask if that was something he wanted too, not to be a Quidditch star, Remus preferred his feet firmly on the ground, but to have a family. But she didn't, instead she laced her fingers through his and they talked of non-consequential things as they walked the blocks back to her flat.

When they arrived and Tonks had fought with the door, which stuck when you tried to turn the lock, and finally made it inside after Remus had calmly unlocked the door with his wand causing Tonks to blush for forgetting she could use magic; they found Cally lounging on the sofa.

"There's an owl for you." She said right away when she saw them. "It left a letter on the table."

Tonks crossed over to the table pulling Remus with her and pushing him down in to a chair before she opened it.

"Oh Merlin." She breathed seeing the official seal on it. "It's from the ministry."

Their rejecting me, she thought in dread as she unfolded the letter. All it's going to tell me is that I'm not good enough.

Remus was watching her curiously so she began to read quickly wanting to get it over with.

Dear Ms. Tonks

A review of your performance in our aptitude tests, as completed on July 6, has been conducted by the Office of Magical law enforcement as well as the Auror office.

We are pleased to inform you that our findings were adequate and you have been accepted into Auror training.

Please Report to the Auror Offices, located in the Offices of magical Law enforcement, on August 1st at 7 a.m.

Yours sincerely

Amelia Bones.

For a moment Tonks stared at the parchment unblinkingly. She had been accepted…

"Dora? What is it?"

Tonks slowly pulled her gaze away from the letter. Both Cally and Remus was eyeing her curiously.

I've been accepted, she kept thinking. A huge smile broke out over her face, and she let out a giddy squeal before she could stop herself. She felt like dancing around the room, but restrained herself, knowing that Remus and Cally were waiting to find out what the letter said.

"I've been accepted! I've bloody been accepted for Auror Training!"


	32. Constant Vigilance

**Disclaimer: see previous chapter.**

The street was dark and deserted; most of the street lamps were either broken or burnt out. It was the kind of street that one would not want to find themselves on late at night, and that only those who where either very stupid or very brave would venture down alone.

At that moment Remus Lupin was sure he was the later. After all wasn't it smarter to be inside on a night like this?

The temperature seemed to have dropped to below freezing and large snow flakes were falling obscuring his vision and soaking his cloak.

Not for the first time did he curse the night as futile. "I should have just stayed home," he muttered to himself. "As soon as I found out Mundungus had backed out."

Through some subtle subterfuge the Order had fond out that a few death eaters were going to be meeting. Moody had worked out a schedule for them to keep watch in teams of two. The theory being that one person would apparate back to headquarters and the other would remain to keep watch.

Remus thought this was more up the alley of the Aurors but Moody had explained almost ranting, before Dumbledore had patiently cut him off, that the ministry was being particularly obstinate at the moment, and that getting Aurors who weren't in the Order involved would only cause a problem. He had then warned them all to be constantly vigilant and that was the end of that.

In theory the plan was sound, after all only two or three death eaters were supposed to be meeting, but it counted on the fact that both parties involved in the stake out would participate. Which wasn't what was happening that particular night. Mundungus had never shown up.

Probably off buying stolen brooms or something, Remus mused as he kept his gaze affixed on the end of the street. So far no one had shown up, but that didn't mean they wouldn't.

Suddenly there was a loud crack almost like a car backfiring. Remus palmed his wand securely. The crack had come from behind him. Slowly he moved further back into the shadow of the alley he was in and turned to face the other end. There was a muffled curse and just as he raised his wand to send a silent hex at whoever it was that had just apparated, a stunner was sent at him. Remus ducked, the spell scarcely skimmed over his head, and sent back a hex. In the dark he could see his opponent fly back but at the same time he was hit and sent into the wall of the alley.

Quickly regaining his feet he found his path blocked by who ever it was he was fighting. "Wand where I can see it." Hissed a voice out of the dark. He still couldn't see who it was but there was no mistaking that voice.

"Dora?"

Silence followed his exclamation, and then, "Remus?" suddenly the front of his robes were grabbed and he found a wand pointed in his face.

"What was the name of the teddy bear I had when I was five?"

"Bubbles." He replied trying not to laugh as she slowly lowered her wand and allowed him to straighten up. The situation wasn't really that funny, although later it would probably seem so, but the look of consternation on her face was. "Sirius told you that it was a stripper name and you tried to beat him up for insulting the poor thing."

He didn't bother to question her, there was no way any one could impersonate her. She had told him that it had been discovered when she was learning about poly juice in potions that it didn't work with her essence. No one could change into her.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered glancing back down the street. Still nothing.

"I stopped over at headquarters with Moody and Frank after training. We got your note, so I said that I'd come keep watch with you. It's not safe to be out here alone."

She placed a hand on his shoulder and peered down the street where he was looking. "I'm sorry about attacking you." She said sheepishly. "It was too dark and I thought you were a death eater."

Remus touched the hand on his shoulder briefly and gave it a squeeze. "No harm done." He whispered back. "I was about to hex you when you tried to stun me. Besides you were just doing what Moody is training you to."

When Tonks had reported for training four months ago it had been to find out that only one Auror was training her. This was unusual; Auror's were usually trained by more then one person, but it had been explained that she was the only new trainee and that the Auror who was to train her had asked to specifically. When she found out that it was Alastor Moody who was to train her for the next three years, Tonks had been both elated and confused. The witch who had informed her of this had told her that Moody didn't usually get involved with the new Aurors until at least their second year of training, but he had been adamant that he was the one that would have the training of her.

It was turning out to be an interesting experience to say the least.

"How long have you been here?" she asked. She could feel the wetness where the snow had accumulated on him.

"Three hours."

They waited for another three hours until both their feet felt like icicles and it was snowing so hard that nothing could be seen through the whiteness.

"I dddon't think anyone is coming." She chattered breathlessly.

Remus nodded. "We should probably report back. The information we received said it would either be tonight or tomorrow."

They were both about disapparate when a crack sounded. They exchanged a look and Tonks raised a brow in question. Remus shook his head and they both looked to where the noise had come from. A cloaked figure was headed toward the last house on the street, the one they had been watching all night.

The death eater looked around then quickly moved up the doorstep and a moment later was granted entrance.

"Go, now."

Tonks didn't wait to be told twice. She disapparated quickly leaving Remus to watch the house. There were only two people he knew, but more could be showing up. The more Order members that were brought back the better.

Within two minutes Dora appeared closely followed by Moody.

"Only person there." She explained seeing his questioning look.

"How many are there Lupin?" Moody growled briskly.

"Two, three at the most. There was at least one in there and the other just showed up."

Moody was studying the house. "Right, we'll have to catch em unaware. Nymphadora you back up Lupin, he'll come in after me. Stun first, ask questions later, and if it looks like a chance of being killed, you both know what to do. We'll deal with the repercussions later."

He gazed at them both as if assessing if they were up to the task. Evidentially what he saw was satisfactory, because he simply nodded. "And remember," he hissed over his shoulder as they began to move swiftly down the street, "Constant vigilance!"

It happened very quickly then. It seemed to Tonks as if one moment they were on the dingy street and the next she was back to back with Remus dueling.

"Avada Kadava!"

The spell was shouted at the same time she cast to disarm. Reacting on pure instinct she jumped out of the way and landed on the floor a few feet away with a thud that reverberated through her whole body. The Death eater she had been dueling, whom she didn't recognize from the most wanted posters meaning he was unknown, fumbled after his wand which she had failed to catch in her haste to avoid the killing curse. With a triumphant snarl the man grabbed up his wand only to fall promptly back as she stunned him.

"Bloody idiot." She cursed regaining her feet. Obviously this man was an inexperienced death eater, probably only having just joined. Not that that's a bad thing she thought as she conjured ropes to bind him. Less chance of dying.

Remus and Moody were still dueling with their opponents; both were masked as if they hadn't wanted to give away their identities. Obviously the third man was not to be trusted.

She watched them, wondering if she should help or if she would just get in the way, but at the same time was mesmerized by how quickly they were moving. She had seen Moody duel before, a lot of the time it had been her on the receiving end, but never Remus. It was almost scary to see a man who was usually so calm, fighting so fiercely. Just by looking at them she could tell that the Death Eater he was dueling was about to do something drastic.

Before she could shout a warning, she saw Moody go down a gash cutting across his face. Not hesitating she threw a quick impedimenta at his opponent and engaged battle with him. There was no time to worry about Remus, or to warn him.

"Crucio!" time seemed to slow down then and she caught a brief glimpse of Remus falling to the ground, his body withering, although he did not scream. Momentarily distracted as she felt a stab of horror, Tonks was blown back into Moody who had finally regained himself enough to see. There were two simultaneous cracks and then the Death Eaters were gone.

Ignoring Moody as he cursed the air blue, Tonks stumbled over to Remus and fell to her knees beside him. His body was still shaking although not as much now that the Death Eater who cast the spell was gone.

"Remus?" she asked tentatively. Logically she knew he couldn't be dead, but still her heart was pounding.

For a moment she thought he had passed out from the pain until she felt his hand grasp her own. "I'm ok." He said in a strained voice. "Go see to Moody, I'll be alright in a moment."

Reluctantly she did as he said. Moody was wiping Blood out of his eyes and he glared at her when she approached him. "You let your self get distracted. Never let your guard down Nymphadora, how many times do I have to tell you before it gets through that thick skull of yours?"

"How many times do I have to tell you not to call me Nymphadora?" she asked pertly as she examined the gash. "We better go to St. Mungos , this is pretty deep. What do we do with him?" she nodded at the stunned Death Eater who had been left behind.

"We take him to a holding cell, deal with him in the morning. How's Lupin?"

"I'm fine." Remus had finally made it to his feet and he now stood behind them. "We should get out of here as soon as possible."

With a groan Moody pulled himself up and together he and Tonks hoisted the unconscious death eater. "Ministry first, then St. Mungos," he ordered. "Lets see what this filth can tell us."

It was 3 in the morning by the time Tonks and Remus made it through her door and to bed. She had convinced him to come to her place, wanting to be with him after what had happened.

"How are you feeling?" she asked softly as lay there. She was curled into him and could feel his every breath and heart beat.

Remus didn't answer at first and then, "honestly, tired. My body feels like it was dragged behind and trampled on by a herd of raging Hippogriffs. It's no worse then after the worse transformation I've gone through though. Marginally at best."

She shuddered and he wrapped his arms more tightly around her. It was horrible enough watching him go through that pain but to hear that it was close to what he went through every month was even worse somehow.

"I'll be alright Dora, It's better then being dead at least."

She closed her eyes and nestled her head against his chest. " I hope that Death Eater can give us some information that will make this whole night worth it. I think my toes may have frozen off."

This last statement received a chuckle, which was what she had been going for.

"Goodnight love." He kissed her forehead and she sighed.

"Night."


	33. Familial Lunacy

**New chapter, i've been super busy lately, i finally had time to finish this today. updates may be infrequent for a bit, my computer has to go i for reimaging. but i'll try my best to get a few chapter up. :) this is just a little breather chapter, the heavy stuff is coming very soon. Disclaimer: not mine.**

When Tonks entered Remus's house it was to an air of eerie quietness. Unusual, since she knew Remus would be home. Not even Bethan, perched on top of a living room cabnit which she seemed to think belonged to her, made so much as a hoot. Instead she stared down at Tonks with an air of mild disinterest.

Stranger still was how cold the house was. It seemed to her that it was only a bit warmer inside then outside where the temperature was at least minus 2. For a moment she stood in the living room thinking and staring at the fireplace mantle. Remus had added new pictures since his parents death, one which had been taken at Lily and James wedding of the four Marauders laughing together, had been taken when they weren't paying attention. Another had been taken by Sirius a week ago at Christmas. He had snuck up on her and Remus as they shared a rather prolonged kiss under the mistletoe. The Tonks in the picture kept swatting at the camera with one hand, before smiling cheekily and winking as Remus realized what was going on and smiled slightly.

Suddenly she realized where Remus probably was and hastily left the living room and thudded up the stairs. Sure enough as she pushed the bedroom door open with a slight creak, she found him asleep, one arm hanging over the side of the bed. The arm was the only part of him that was visible. He seemed to have cocooned himself in every available blanket in the house.

Laughing quietly she removed her boots and crossed to the bed where she gently pulled the layers of blankets back until she found him. For a moment she simply looked down at him as he breathed steadily undisturbed by the cool air now touching him. He looked completely relaxed and younger than his almost 21 years. The sight made her smile; lately he had been looking much older then he actually was. Judging how much space there was she quickly lifted the dangling arm and climbed in beside him pulling the blankets back over them so the light of the room was shut out.

The arm that was now draped over her tightened as he pulled her closer and a slight smile appeared as he slowly opened his eyes.

Tonks smiled back and leaned in to kiss him. "Wotcher babe. Good sleep?" she asked softly after a few minutes of leisurely kisses.

He nodded, still half asleep. "Of course it's better now that you're here." He yawned and tried to squint at his watch, which was on the arm that was wrapped around her.

"Is it really that late?"

She simply nodded and resumed peppering his stubble covered cheek and neck with lingering kisses. "I know you're tired." She said wrapping both her arms around him so that they were close enough for their noses to touch. "And I know you're probably feeling the beginning effects of the moon what with it being tomorrow and probably just want to sleep but I was wondering if you would do me a favour."

"What type of favour would this be?" he asked raising a brow and causing her to giggle.

"One that will probably make you want to get as knackered as possible afterward." She took a breath and said quickly. "My mum has been bugging me for the past week, sending an owl a day actually, practically demanding me presence at my Dad's muggle relative's new years thing." She rolled her eyes and he smiled slightly seeing where this was leading. And of course he wouldn't say no, no matter how tired his body felt.

"I've avoided it for the past three years, I don't even know them that well, but she says I have to make a appearance this year. Which is ridiculous really cause I know she hates going. And she casually slipped in that bringing you wouldn't be remiss. So what do you think? You up to facing my crazy Muggle relatives for a bit before we head over to James and Lily's?"

She stared anxiously into his eyes, hoping that he wouldn't say no. She really didn't know these people very well, expect for her uncle and cousin and the prospect of going in alone was nauseating. When she saw the laughing look in his eyes she knew she didn't have to be worried. He would do it.

"Well I suppose it's a good thing we're going to James and Lily's tonight, knowing Sirius he'll have every alcoholic beverage known to man there."

She grinned. "Exactly."

An hour later they apparated into an alley behind a bookstore in London. It was one that Lily had dragged Remus to after discovering his interest in Muggle literature. It was also four blocks from Ted's brother's where the gathering was.

"Right so my Uncle, I think I've told you about him before, he's not that fond of magic, so if he asks you how we met, just say you're my cousins friend or that we went to school together. That's it. It's not that he doesn't approve of magic, not like that sister of Lily's, but he's more comfortable not knowing too much. He's ten years older than Dad so he was already grown and moved out when my Dad got his letter."

Remus nodded trying not to laugh at how fast she was talking.

"He's got a daughter, Matilda. If she's there, I suggest you keep the conversation brief. She thinks every man who can form a coherent sentence wants to shag her." She rolled her eyes. "She's a man eater. I haven't seen her in a while, I think the last time was when I was 14 and she was 18. She had this boyfriend then, one of those brooding musician types. Dad says that she put him in therapy, poor bloke never had a chance."

"So stay clear of Matilda. Any other relatives I need to be warned against?" he asked as they crossed a street and rounded a corner onto a cul-de-sac.

"My great aunt Cynthia. She always shows up at these things and the woman is the biggest prude. Once I got my morphing under control, mum wouldn't let me in the woman's presence without making sure my hair was the dullest it could possibly be, which means my natural colour of course. And she's always commenting on everyone else's faults. According to her I'm the plainest looking girl she's ever seen."

Again Remus resisted the urge to laugh. "What is she going to say when she see's you now?" he asked as they stopped outside of a prim looking suburban home. Her hair as usual was a vibrant pink and she had taken to wearing it in spiky disarray, claiming that it was more convenient for work. He suspected that something had happened in the first week of training but never asked. She had also swiped what appeared to be Sirius leather jacket and was wearing some sort of black stretchy pants, which he had to admit he wasn't all that adverse to.

Tonks snorted and pushed the ever-stubborn fringe back so that his eyes were visible. "She'll probably call me a tart like all your neighbours, and then ask what a respectable looking man like you is doing with me."

Remus shook his head. He knew he looked like a junkie or at least like he was severely ill. There were bags under his eyes and a paled cast that always appeared just before the full moon had taken over. Even his cloths were suffering at the moment, although Dora had assured him that no one would care if his jeans had a hole in the knee.

"When have my neighbours ever called you a tart?" he asked as she pulled him toward the front door.

"Well maybe not a tart, but that old woman who lives on the opening of the lane told the bar maid in the weasel that she thought I was a scarlet woman. You know what she was really thinking though." She took a steadying breath, flashed him a huge smile and knocked on the door. Through the frosted glass of the door they could see someone coming down the hall to answer. "Here we go," she muttered as the door swung open.

"Nymph!"

Remus watched with amusement as the tall blond woman swept Dora into a hug and she tried not to let her disgust show at being called Nymph.

The woman pulled back, a large smile lighting up her pretty face. "Come in, come in." she waved her hand quickly and once they had stepped inside she surveyed Tonks again.

"Just look at you, all grown up." If she had a comment on the hair colour or state of dress she didn't share it. Instead she continued to smile happily.

"Remus, this is Elaine, my Uncles partner. Elaine this is Remus Lupin." She didn't say what their relationship was, all her relatives probably knew already.

Elaine smiled even more if that was possible. "It's very nice to meet you Remus." Then instead of shaking his hand as he had expected Elian hugged him as well. Over her shoulder he caught Dora's look as she mimed blasting herself and he gave her one of his own that clearly said behave, which only caused her to laugh. She quickly covered it with a cough as Elaine straightened up and directed them to shed their coats and then led them into the living room.

Andromeda and Ted were there, as were a man who had Ted's hair and eyes, if not his build, an old woman knitting and a young woman who had a look of boredom on her pretty face. When she saw them come in that changed to interest.

"Dora." Andromeda got up to embrace her daughter and Remus was just able to catch the whispered. "Did you really have to darling?" And Dora's quick, "Yes mum, I did."

"Nymph, how are you?"

Tonks went to greet her uncle and father as Andromeda turned to Remus. Taking in his appearance she pursed her lips in worry. "Are you quiet alright Remus? I don't mean to be rude, but you look…"

"Like crap?" he smiled and she nodded the barest smile touching her lips. "I've been feeling a little off lately, nothing contagious though I assure you. It'll be gone in a few days."

She nodded again seemingly appeased. "Come meet everyone. Dora, introduce Remus." She scolded as Tonks extracted herself from her father's arms.

"Oh, right." She smiled sheepishly. "So um, this is Remus Lupin my boyfriend. Remus this is my Uncle Randy,"

Randy smiled affably and shook his hand.

"My great aunt Cynthia," the old woman glanced at him over her knitting and gave the barest sniff before turning away.

"You've already met Elaine," Tonks said ignoring the look her great aunt was now giving her, "and this is my cousin …"

"Matilda." The young woman said as she stood and seemed to glide over to him. She extended her hand and shook his briefly, a feline smile appearing on her face.

Tonks raised a brow and eyed Matilda with contempt. "Right, so that's everyone. Remus come sit." She grabbed his arm and pulled him over to sit on the couch beside Cynthia, who dropped her knitting and eyed them both. Everyone else had gone back to their previous conversation and Matilda slunk over and sat in the chair opposite the couch, crossing her long legs and eyeing Tonks and Remus.

"That's an interesting shade of pink." Cynthia said, her eyes narrowed. "What possessed you to dye your hair Nymphadora? Honestly how your mother could allow it." She shook her head. "Young people today always looking outrageous."

Tonks smiled her usual bright smile, and replied. "It's nice to see you too. I'm doing well if you must know, how's your arthritis?"

Matilda smirked and Cynthia narrowed her eyes even more. "You and you're cheek." She turned to Remus then and asked berserkly "So, what is that you do young man? Where are you from?"

Matilda laughed. "What she really means is how did you get your self involved with our Nymphie?"

Non-pulsed, Remus smiled and said, "I'm currently studying and on the side do some tutoring."

He winked at Dora and she smiled, lacing her fingers through his. Everything he had just said was true, but just barely. He was still studying dark creatures and defensive techniques but most of his time was taken up by the order. Lately he had been teaching Mundungus how to cast a corporal patronus, seeing as he had failed to pay attention to that particular lesson in school.

"I live on the coast. As to the last question Matilda," he nodded at her briefly, "Dora and I met at school. Andromeda's cousin Sirius is one of my good friends and we became acquainted after I met Dora in the library and found out they were related."

"What he's not telling you," Tonks interjected with a wicked gleam in her eye, "is that I pursued him relentlessly for years and finally caught him at a weak moment."

Remus smiled at her, the exhaustion in his eyes briefly masked by laughter. "Indeed."

Elaine had exited to the kitchen and now returned to say that it was time to eat. They all exited to the dining room, where Cynthia, with Matilda listening avidly, continued to comment on Tonks' hair, cloths, personality. Nothing was safe. A few times Andromeda or Ted would interject, and Tonks would give them a grateful look, but Elaine kept distracting Andromeda and Ted was in discussion with his brother, and as soon as they was busy again Cynthia would start in. Finally as dessert was being served and Remus was contemplating a third glass of wine and wondering how drunk Dora was planning on getting that night and if he should just discreetly suggest to her that they leave, Cynthia asked the one question that Tonks had been expecting, but hoping would never come.

"So, Nymphadora, now that you've bagged yourself a young man when are you getting married?"

All conversation ceased then and She could feel every eye on her. Even Remus was watching her, an unreadable look in his eyes. The only thing that made the situation minimally bearable was that Matilda had excused herself for a smoke.

"I," Tonks took a breath, and avoided looking at her mother whom she knew wanted to know the answer to the question even more than Cynthia.

"Probably not anytime soon." Remus said as he rubbed her leg soothingly under the table.

Across the table Ted nodded approvingly. "They're still young, no rush eh? Better to do everything you want to now and then start a family."

Tonks was staring at her plate. She was grateful that her dad and Remus had interjected; she had no answer that she could give. It was like her normally quick brain had shut down.

She looked up and still avoiding looking at Andromeda she glanced at the clock. "Remus and I should probably get going. We promised a friend that we'd stop by." She stood and Remus followed quickly.

Goodbyes and happy new years were exchanged and Tonks hugged both of her parents. Ted whispered something in her ear and she nodded, giving him an extra squeeze and a kiss on the cheek.

Andromeda watched them and when Tonks came to her and Remus shook hands with Ted she tried to say something. Tonks shot her a look. "Not now mum ok? Please, we've been over this already."

Andromeda changed tact's and said instead, "Come by for dinner tomorrow?"

Tonks avoided her eyes again as she muttered something about Remus being busy.

"Just you then. Please darling?" Andromeda knew something was wrong. She had observed her daughter and Remus throughout dinner and when Cynthia had asked if they planned on marriage, both had tensed as if it was a painful subject. Yes, she decided as Dora promised she'd stop by and she and Remus left, something was definitely going on.

"That was bloody horrible." Tonks cursed as soon as the door was closed behind them. Matilda was sitting on the front step and glanced up at them.

"Making your escape? I don't blame you." She took a drag off of her cigarette and smiled and again Remus was reminded of a cat. "You should come visit me sometime Nymphie." She glanced at Remus. "You too. It would be fun."

Tonks didn't say anything just stomped down the steps and started striding across the lawn, leaving Remus to catch up.

"It was nice meeting you Matilda." He said courteously. His mother had always told him to try and be polite no matter the situation. Matilda winked at him. "You too handsome. You better catch up with Nymphie, she looks like she's ready to murder someone."

She laughed as Remus strode off after Tonks who was now a quarter of the way down the street. Tonks said nothing as they rounded the corner and walked further down another street. Just as Remus was about to say something she asked, "Should we apparate yet? Behind that house looks like a good spot."

He put a restraining hand on her shoulder. "About what your aunt said,"

She shook her head. "It's fine Remus, lets just get to James and Lily's."

He shook his head and leaned in so they were looking into each other's eyes. "It's not fine Dora. Anything that upsets you is not fine. Come over here." He steered toward a curb and they sat. She put her head on his shoulder and sighed. "I just couldn't think of anything to say you know? My mum has been laying hints since we got back together and now she wants me to come to dinner tomorrow. And I know she's going to bring it up. What am I supposed to say? I mean I could say we've never discussed it, which would be completely true cause we've never. But then she'll demand to know why after four years it's never come up." She laughed without humor then. "I can just see it, yeah mum the thing is we've never discussed it because it's impossible, against the law practically. Why? Oh did I forget to mention that Remus is a werewolf? Must have slipped my mind, pass the potatoes please."

They sat in silence for a few minutes and the he asked, "Is that what you want?"

She raised her head and looked at him. She hadn't missed the hesitation behind his question.

"No. I mean yes, but, Merlin this isn't coming out right."

He smiled and waited for her to keep going. "I want to be with you Remus, it doesn't matter if we're not married or don't have a legal document saying that we're bonded. Do I want that one-day? Yes I do, but if that never happens than I'll be ok with it, because I love you and that's all that matters. Not what my family thinks, not what my Mum wants us to do. Just that we're happy."

Remus seemed to be thinking. He gazed into her eyes, which seemed more gray then usual, and a resolve came over him. "We need to tell your parents."

She frowned as he stood and pulled her to her feet. "Tell them what?"

He glanced up at the moon, which would be full in less than 24 hours. She stared at him then catching on. "Tell them?" she asked unsure. "Are you sure?" she looked at him searchingly. He nodded and started steering her across the street to a dark spot they could disapparate from. "It's time Dora, we knew that it would happen eventually and since I plan on being around for a long time, I think it best if they knew. If we don't tell them they'll think we've been hiding it."

"We have been." She sighed, "Why now though? You've always been against it before."

He looked into her eyes then and the look there confused her. "Because you're right Dora. I want to be with you forever, or as long you'll keep me around." He smiled when she rolled her eyes. "And your parents know me well enough now to make their own decision. Hopefully they won't just see the stigma. Not being with you last year gave me a lot to think about and I've been considering this for a while."

And with that he turned on the spot and with a crack was gone. Feeling confusion and not a small amount of hope that he meant what she thought he did, she too disapparated. When she landed Remus was holding the door to James and Lily's house open for her.

"Finally," Sirius was sitting on the couch already on his second glass of fire whisky. "What took you guys so long?"

James came down the stairs then and flopped down beside him. " Jeeze Padfoot, next thing you'll be asking is where they were and who they were with. You sound like my mum."

"Better yours then mine," he muttered into his glass. Tonks and Remus sat exchanging a look. Sirius had been strained since learning of his brother's death four weeks ago. He tried to act as if it wasn't affecting him badly, but they all knew he was grieving. When the order had first found out, Sirius had said that his brother had died the day he joined the Death eaters. He hadn't even gone to the memorial his parents had, had, instead choosing to spend the evening with Andromeda.

"We had to go to a thing at my Uncles." Tonks told him as Peter and Lily came out of the kitchen, both carrying glasses which they handed out.

"The Muggle one?" Sirius shook his head and downed the glass of whisky. "Of course the Muggle one, the others would sooner blast you then have dinner with you. So what did they think of our Moony?"

Remus rolled his eyes, but Tonks grinned. "They thought he was crazy for being with me of course. It was perfectly horrible."

"Well we've been telling Remus he was crazy for years, I guess others are finally starting to notice." James said wrapping an arm around his wife. Lily snorted. "If he's crazy then you two are lunatics. I guess that means that Peter is the only normal one.'

"Wormtail's not normal, he just hides his lunacy well. Remus used to be able to but Tonks is a bad influence."

Tonks gave them a mock glare and downed her firewhisky, not even coughing as it seared her throat. "Lily, you might want to leave the bottle here. I think I'm going to need it."


	34. Falsehood is easy Truth Difficult

**New Chapter! Hope you enjoy. Disclaimer:I only have the right to anything and anyone that is not recognizable. Everything else belongs to J.K. Rowling.**

Twilight had fallen, painting the sky hues of pink and red. Soon the moon would rise and another long night would begin.

From the fortified cell Remus could not see the sky or the way the failing light painted the winter evening. All he could see was the wall of the cell. But he could feel the moons pull, the ever-creeping sensation that told him he would soon be changing.

It started with a tug in his stomach, an ache in the joints of his bones and a steady pressure building behind his eyes. Having felt these sensations for as far back as he could remember he ignored them. One would say that he was used to them, but he would disagree. To be used to the changes meant that he embraced what was happening and that was something he could never do.

Leaning against the cell wall Remus closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The air of the cell was stale and as his senses began to border on wolfish he could smell old blood. His blood. How many times in the past sixteen years had someone opened the magically sealed door in the morning only to find that he had again turned on himself? Tomorrow it would be Sirius or Peter. He wasn't sure. Part of him hoped it would be Sirius; Peter never knew just how to handle the situation and he always had a look in his eyes as if he were afraid of Remus and what he could still be capable of doing. Sirius and James never acted like anything was different, simply helped him up, fixed him the best they could if he was injured and dragged him to his bed. Usually one of them locked him the room as well, if they weren't taking a rare chance to change with him.

Tonight though, for the first time, Dora had been the one to take his cloths as he handed them around the door and to cast the spell that would keep the door closed until the moon went down. If she had been horrified at how small the cell was or at the damage he had inflicted to it she had not shown it. By now she was probably at her parents eating dinner and fielding one hundred questions.

That morning, as they had discussed the night before, they had visited Ted and Andromeda and told them what Remus was. Despite his convictions Remus had felt a strong fear of what their reaction would be. Dora had assured him repeatedly that no matter what her parents thought or said that she didn't care. But he had known she was worried as well. Because it did matter if he was going to give her what she wanted. He would never take her away from her family; it would hurt her too much no matter what she said.

Earlier that day:

Remus and Tonks stood outside of her parents' house for about five minutes before she squeezed his hand in her small cold one and mounted the steps to knock on the door. Normally she would have just gone in but today something compelled her to knock. As if she was already mentally preparing herself for separation from her family. For she had no doubt who she would choose if it came down to it. She had always scoffed when she heard girls in the common room going on about how they would "Just die" without their boyfriend. Of course those had only been the boyfriends of the week, so maybe she had reason to scoff, but now she could see that this could be true. When faced with loosing Remus she knew she couldn't do it. She wouldn't die, that was ridiculous, but something in her would be gone and she wouldn't be the same.

"Are we just going to stand here love, or were you planning on knocking today?" Remus asked gently from behind her. She didn't know how he could seem so calm. It was his secret that they were about to tell. But still she stood there. Remus sighed and reached around her grasped the knocker and rapped the door quickly. After a moment they heard the locks clicking and then the door swung open to reveal Ted.

"Dora, Remus." He stood back so they could come in and closed the door against the winter chill. "Dromeda," he called, "It's Dora and Remus." He smiled and then noticed that his daughter was worrying frown lines into her forehead and Remus didn't look much better. "Something wrong kid?" he asked as he ushered them into the living room and Andromeda entered. "You're looking a little green there. Both of you."

Immediately Tonks glanced a look at her hair, but it wasn't flashing showing her worry. At least that's one thing to be thankful for she told herself as she perched on the edge of the love seat and Remus sat beside her.

"We weren't expecting you until this evening darling." Andromeda said as she sat beside her husband. "Have you eaten yet? We just finished breakfast but I can whip something up for you two if you'd like."

Remus and Tonks exchanged a look and both shook their heads.

"No thank you Andromeda." Remus said politely. "We've just left James and Lily's and Lily never lets anyone leave without making sure they are sufficiently fed."

Andromeda smiled slightly in approval and waited for them to voice why they were there so early after clearly not spending more then a few moments at their respective homes. Like her husband she noticed that they both looked worried.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked Remus when neither of them seemed inclined to begin. Again Remus and Tonks exchanged a look, one that was not missed by Ted and Andromeda. Finally Tonks took a breath, entwined her clammy fingers through Remus' and looked at her parents.

"Actually Mum, Dad that's what we wanted to talk to you about."

"Oh?" Ted settled back into his seat sensing there was a bit of a story ahead.

"You've contracted a disease haven't you?" Andromeda asked worriedly. There were diseases that even wizard medicine couldn't cure.

Remus shook his head. "Not entirely. That is yes, but not one that is contagious, at least not as I am now."

Andromeda and Ted exchanged a look of their own. "Have you been to St. Mungos ?" Ted asked, "Seen if they can help you?"

It was Tonks who answered this time and both her parents noted that there was a slight hint of bitterness and not a little sadness in her tone. "They can't help. There is no cure, although some wizards are researching a way to help." Remus rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb and looked at Ted and Andromeda who both looked confused.

"We hadn't wanted to just come right out with it, but I can see that there is no other way." He seemed to be stealing himself, his face and eyes not betraying any emotion he might be feeling.

"What Dora and I are trying to tell you, and failing miserably at, is that I have lycanthropcy."

Silence filled the room. Tonks didn't know where to look. She was afraid of what she might see if she looked at her parents but knew that she had to if only for her own peace of mind. Even if she didn't like what their reaction was. Slowly she gauged their reactions.

Ted looked as if he was thinking, his usual jovial air replaced by one of contemplativeness. Andromeda was staring into her tea and gave nothing away. She was always the harder to read.

Finally Ted cleared his throat. "You're a werewolf then." It wasn't a question, but Remus nodded anyway. Ted rubbed a hand through his hair and sighed. He seemed to be about to say something more, but Andromeda spoke first.

"How long?"

"How long has he been, or how long have I known?" Tonks asked knowing that it could be a double-ended question. Truth be told the only parent's reaction she was really worried about was her mothers. Ted had been raised as a muggle and so the stigma that followed werewolves wouldn't be as much of an issue in his eyes. He would be more worried about safety she knew. But Andromeda was a Black, raised to see werewolves as Dark creatures and not for the people they really were. Some prejudices no matter how hard you tried to dispel them didn't just go away.

"Both I suppose." She said taking a sip of tea, still not giving anything away.

"I was bitten when I was five." Remus said without preamble. "By Fenrir Greyback. My father had…offended him. And so he came after me in revenge."

Something in Andromeda's eye softened but still she gave no sign to her thoughts.

"As to how long I've known," Tonks said slowly, "I figured it out quite a few years ago."

Ted and Andromeda exchanged a look. Ted's said that he was willing to accept this, but he could see from Andromeda's that she was surprised that Dora had known for so long and never said anything.

Ted turned away and smiled at his daughter and her boyfriend, glad to see some relief go through them at his reaction. "Well I can't say that it doesn't bother me. And not because I don't think that a werewolf is good enough for my Dora. As far as I'm concerned you're a good person Remus. What concerns me is safety and the stigma somewhat. If you and Dora continue down the path Dromeda and I hope you will she could be in danger just by being with you. Also our society isn't very accepting of Werewolves. That could reflect back on Dora."

Remus nodded, he knew that this would come up.

"Remus has a room he locks himself in every full moon. It' magically sealed and can only be opened once the moon is well down and the sun is up. And like I said, they are doing research and testing for a potion that will help Werewolves retain awareness during the full moon." She glanced at Remus and he smiled slightly reassuringly. Seeing he wanted her to explain the other part of Ted's statement she pushed forward.

"As to the stigma, I'm well aware of the prejudice that is out there, and I know that if people found out that I was in a relationship with a werewolf it could reflect back on me. But I don't care. I know it won't be easy, but I refuse to give in." she smiled at Remus. "Remus has been trying to convince me for years that I'm better off without him, it's why we broke up. But ultimately it's my decision if I want to risk it. And I do. I know Remus would never hurt me or anyone else. He's too careful."

Ted seemed appeased, at least to the fact that Nymphadora knew what she was getting into and had made that decision knowing for some time. Andromeda on the other hand still seemed to be processing.

"Mum?" she asked hesitatingly.

Andromeda looked up at her daughter and saw the pleading in her eyes. The need for her to understand to accept so that she could be happy. But could she accept this? Despite how hard she tried to be different from her family some of the old mentality remained. Werewolves were dark creatures. Malicious and vile with only the intent to cause harm. Yet did Remus really fit the picture that had been painted for her growing up? She had always thought he was a good young man, always liked him. And he balanced Nymphadora perfectly. She chanced a glance at Remus and saw in his eyes that he would understand if she didn't accept what he was, that even if it would hurt him and by extension Dora, he wouldn't hold it against her. Suddenly Andromeda found herself thinking of the morning when he had broken down and cried at her table. It had been raw and very human. She had seen vulnerability and it had made her heart ache. She knew then what her answer was.

"You were really bitten when you were five?"

She watched as Dora let out a sigh of relief and Remus seemed to relax as well.

"Yes."

She shook her head sadly. "Your poor mother, I can't imagine…I trust you Remus. I know that you would never hurt Dora, at least not intentionally. If My husband and daughter can accept you then so can I."

Andromeda was rewarded with a bright smile from her daughter. She returned it, trying not to show the worry she still felt. Yes, she would accept what Remus was; accept that Dora understood what she had gotten herself into. But she would always worry. Because no matter how careful they were, there could always be that one time when they weren't. And one second was all it could take.

That night:

Remus could feel patches of skin behind his knees and on his elbows begin to burn. The change was fast approaching; he had only a few minutes. Summoning his last bit of strength he cast a wandless spell to make sure that Dora had locked the room properly. Then he moved away from the wall. He could feel the burning sensation in his stomach now, and his breath began to come in quick gasps. Then his skin began to stretch as his bones and joints popped realigning them selves. It was agony and it was all he can do not to cry out. Not that anyone would here him. Fur began to sprout on his changing form and his face elongated. As his spine curved he fell to all fours, back arched as the final convulsions racked through him.

Then it was done. And the long night unfolded before him. Raising his head the wolf howled and sniffed. Finding himself again confined in the suffocating room he threw himself against the door in a bone jarring fashion. And so the night went.

"Up you go mate."

Remus felt himself being pulled up ward and struggled to get his feet under him. His head was pounding and his body felt like someone had kicked him repeatedly with hob nailed boots.

Sirius whistled. "That's one hell of a bruise you've got there. Not that I'm checking you out or anything."

Remus found himself laughing softly but even that made his side hurt. The world seemed to pass in a daze and before he knew it Sirius was pushing him into his bed.

"Anything feel like it's broken?" he asked as Remus pulled the covers over himself.

"No. It only hurts when I breathe."

Sirius laughed and shook his hair back. "Get some rest, there's a meeting tonight."

Remus nodded and before he knew it he was out again.


	35. How has it become such a mess?

**New chapter!! See previous chapter for disclaimer. Enjoy. :) Oh and i wasn't really sure when exactly the Potters went into hiding. **

"You'll take care of yourself." Lily braced a sleeping Harry on her hip and looked sternly at Remus through the glare of the early July sunlight.

The fact that it was he who should be admonishing her to take care was not lost on him. But when Lily Potter gave you an order you didn't contradict her. Not unless you wanted a taste of her famous temper.

"Of course," he said easily. "And you should do likewise. Don't let James do anything reckless, you know what he's like when he's board."

Lily smiled, although he could see the fear that lurked behind it. And looking at her and Harry then and hearing James talking to Peter a few feet away, a feeling came over him. Ignoring it he let Lily embrace him and embraced her back tightly, careful not to jostle Harry.

"It'll be alright Lily." He told her softly. "You couldn't put your trust in a better person. Sirius would rather die then betray you and James. This will all be over soon."

She shook her head and pulled away. "Always an optimist. I can't help thinking that it's all going to get worse before it all ends."

Remus was about to answer but James had finished talking with Peter, who had now disapperated, and now stood with them slapping Remus on the shoulder.

"Well Moony, this is it." He grinned, although like Lily there was unease. "Wish us luck yeah?"

Remus shook his head. "I don't need to. You'll be fine, all of you. Remind Sirius to keep a low profile will you? Doubtless he'll think I'm nagging him, but knowing him he'll be going crazy after a few days of being shut in."

James laughed, "He said you'd say that." He looked at Remus earnestly. "You take care of your self mate. I don't want have to hear that they've taken you out five minutes after we're safe." Acting on impulse and surprising Remus, James embraced him quickly then thumped him on the back as if embarrassed at showing such emotion. Lily rolled her eyes, and readjusted her hold of Harry who had woken and was now peering around until his gaze fell on his father and Remus.

Seeing his son was awake James smiled at him and said, "say bye to Moony Harry, we won't be seeing him for a while."

Harry simply blinked then grinned a gummy baby grin as Remus ruffled his hair.

"Well I suppose that's as good as your going to get." Lily looked at James and her green eyes were full of worry. "We should…"

"I should go." Remus interjected not wanting to make it hard for them. He knew he couldn't know where they were going.

James nodded gratefully, gripped Remus's shoulder once more and moved to stand with his wife and son.

Remus looked at the three of them there together and felt a pang of sadness. When had things become so messed up that it had come to this? Suddenly he found himself wondering when or if he would see them again.

"Goodbye Remus." Lily said softly, her bright smile lighting her eyes.

"Goodbye." He disapperated then and landed outside of his house. Almost immediately he was besieged by a large barn owl.

"Yes, yes." He said impatiently as the owl hit him around the head with its wings. "If you would just let me see the note…"

Plucking the dirty piece of parchment from the owl's beak he unfolded it and read quickly. Then cursing silently, he turned on the spot and disapperated again.+++

With a tired sigh Tonks sat on the bench outside of the Auror interrogation room and closed her expressive grey eyes. Her whole body was aching, especially her back. Definitely pulled something there, she mused as she heard the door open and footsteps come toward her. Opening her eyes she saw Frank and Dawlish pass her with a nod and Moody striding toward her. He beckoned and she quickly jumped to her feet, ignoring the twinges of pain shooting through her battered body.

"You did well today Nymphadora." Moody said gruffly as they headed toward the lifts.

"Aren't you going to get it for letting me go in the field?" she asked curiously, choosing to ignore the use of her hated name. She knew that trainees weren't supposed to go out until their third year of training.

Moody snorted. "I reckon so, but don't you worry about that." He rubbed his nose, which now had a chunk missing out of it, a result of his latest duel with a Death Eater. He had been lucky she supposed; the Death Eater, Rosier, had lost his life. Moody had only lost some skin.

Moody pushed impatiently at the button for the lift and looked at her appraisingly. "That was that Semple again wasn't it? With Lestrange and Dolholv?"

She nodded mutely. She could still here her aunt's mad laughter as she had disappereated.

It was supposed to be a routine raid; the Aurors had gotten reports of Muggle attacks in Surrey. They had not expected to find two of Voldemort's most devoted followers and two others. Semple, Lestrange and Dolholv had gotten away, the fourth they had captured and brought back for questioning. Those poor Muggles, she thought with a shudder as the grill opened and they stepped inside.

"You took a good chunk out of him today. I'd watch my back if I were you." Moody was saying to her.

She had indeed taken a "good chunk" out of Liam. If she had to wager she'd bet that he was now blind in his left eye.

"He won't come after me," she said, although her voice came out sounding unsure. "At least not right away. He'll sulk for a bit, then try something when he thinks I least expect it. Just have to be vigilant don't I? Did the one we caught say anything?"

Moody shook his head, secretly proud at how far she seemed to have progressed under his training. "Not a thing. Filth kept going on about how he would be rewarded by his lord for his loyalty."

Tonks knew that if they hadn't been in the lift he would have spat on the ground. As it was he snorted derisively. "Won't be much left to be rewarded once the Dementors get through with him."

The golden grill opened onto the offices of magical law enforcement and immediately a cacophony of noise hit them. They stepped off and Moody grabbed a wizard wearing the blue robes of the regular law enforcement. "What's all this?"

The wizard looked harried and seemed about to snap when he saw who had a hold of him. "A raid on a camp of werewolves. We're liaising with the creature capture unit, sir."

Moody looked at him sharply, his black eyes boring into him. "Where?"

"Inverness. It's Greyback's pack. The Ministers ordered us to clear them all out and capture Greayback. There's been a threat against his grandson."

Moody cursed and let go of the man who hurried off. Shaking his head he pushed his way through the chaos of the office, Tonks following close behind. Thank Merlin Remus isn't there anymore she thought. She didn't want to think of what would happen if he got caught in the chaos that was sure to unfold. The werewolves would not go quietly she knew and she highly doubted that Greyback would be captured, not when he was Voldemort's dog.

They had reached Moody's office and he sat behind his desk with a groan. The walls of the cubicle like room were papered with the wanted posters of the known Death Eaters as well as other dark wizards. Tonks looked pointedly away when the poster of her mother's sister sneered at her.

Moody took a swig from his flask. "They're touched if they think they'll get Greyback." He looked at her then, as if assessing her.

"Go home and get some rest."

Tonks opened her mouth to protest, they still had stealth training to go through, but closed it when he glared at her.

"You've done enough for one day. A good soldier knows when to take a rest Nymphadora. Go home and send Shaklebolt in here on your way out."

"Right," she hesitated then, "Thank you," Was all she said, and with a grateful nod went to find Kingsley.

Moody took another swig from his flask and pulled the ever-cursed paperwork he would need to complete on today's capture toward him.+++

Remus had searched for 20 minutes before he found Erin. The older werewolf was at the pub where Tonks had approached Remus in disguise. As soon as the older man saw Remus he indicated the stool next to him, his usual grin not gracing his face.

"Got my message then lad." it wasn't a question.

Instead of answering, Remus said, "You need to get out of here. I've informed the ministry. It won't be long before they show up and try to take you all in."

Erin took a pull of his ale and fixed his hard eyes on Remus. " Knew ya would. It's why I sent ya the message. If Greyback suspected it was me…" he shook his head. "But I couldn't let 'im get away with it this time." He smiled crookedly. "Guess I've been spending too much time with ya lad. Your ideals are rubbing off on me."

Remus looked around the pub quickly, it was full and he knew that this was the first place the Ministry officials would come to. Most of the men and women in the pub were pack wolves, some were outsiders, but he knew all would probably get in on a fight if it came to it. And it would.

"Erin, you trusted me before when I told you why I was here originally. Trust me now. We have to leave before the Aurors and the capture unit show up. I know you were never registered," he added shrewdly. "If they catch you, you'll get a few months in Azkaban for that alone."

Erin eyed him, then slammed his drink down on the bar. "Right." He lurched to his feet and called over to a teenage boy sitting in the corner. He was new, Remus could tell. When the boy reached them he eyed Remus curiously if a little wearily.

"Colm, this is Remus. The one I told ya about. We're goanna go with him." Erin looked around the pub with distaste. "I'm tired of this anyway."

Remus had a brief moment of relief that Erin was finally listening to him before the door burst open and Red robed Aurors streamed in wands drawn. "Everybody down!"

It was a futile command Remus thought, as he ducked down pulling Colm and Erin with him and a chair went soaring over their heads to hit the Auror who had just spoken. These people would not go without a fight. He had only informed the ministry, anonymously of course, because he thought the boy needed to be protected. He doubted they would get far with the twenty or so werewolves that made up the pack.

"Stay down," he said calmly to Colm, "And make your way as quickly as you can to the door." He doubted it would be any better outside, but at least there he would have room to maneuver.

Colm did as he was told and Remus and Erin quickly followed, Remus casting a shield as spells flew around them. It was pure chaos. Reaching the door with only minimal bumps from those fighting, he brought down the shield knowing he would probably need to cast another more offensive spell soon.

"We'll have to head for the nearest floo." He told his companions as he straightened. Aurors and others he recognized as wizards from the capture unit were engaged outside. From the corner of his eye he saw Greyback fleeing the scene leaving a bloodied Wizard behind him. Without really considering it he cast a spell to impede him, but was stopped by an incensed werewolf who only saw the wand and took him for a ministry official.

The man latched onto Remus's arm, his teeth sinking in and his long nailed hands wrapping around his neck. Struggling to get the man off of him he just managed to indicate that Colm and Erin should go before they too were attacked.

Erin gruffly pulled the man off of Remus, who then stunned him, all the while gasping for breath.

"Ok lad?"

He nodded. "I'll survive. We need to go before…"

"Stop right there werewolf!" A wizard in the robes of the capture unit was running at him wand drawn.

"GO!" Remus yelled at Erin and Colm, who only hesitated a moment before tearing off. In the melee no one pursued them. He quickly brought up his wand and cast a silent "Expliarmus" as the wizard at the same time hit him sending him flying back.

Even as he was flying through the air, Remus's mind was still whirling and he quickly cast a curse of his own that sent the wizard sprawling. He had a moments disbelief that it had actually worked before he collided with the side of a neighbouring building, hitting his head with a hard thwack.

Feeling slightly dizzy, throat sore and arm aching where the other werewolf had sunk his teeth in to him, he pulled himself to his feet and tried to focus on the direction he was sure Erin and Colm had gone. The world was spinning and a he felt a slight trickle on the back of his neck, but he steadfastly ignored it. He could worry about the probable concussion and injuries after they were safely away.

He found the others up the street outside of a small restaurant.

"They have a floo." Colm spoke for the first time. "But the landlady's locked the door. Probably afraid that she'll be attacked next."

Feeling slightly irritated Remus shouldered past them and unlocked the door magically.

"To have a wand," Erin said ruefully as they all three entered and moved past the shrieking landlady huddled in the corner. "Makes me wish mine hadn't been stolen all those years ago."

"It's alright madam," Remus assured the woman as gently as he could. "We have need of your floo, that's all. We'll be gone in a moment."

Grabbing some floo powder he threw it into the already burning fire and pushed Colm forward calling out the direction of his house. Erin quickly followed and then with one last bemused look to the cowering women in the corner he too stepped into the fire.+++

"Cally, turn the bloody wireless down please!" Tonks groaned from the coach. As much as she liked the Hobgoblins, she really wasn't in the mood to here them at full blast.

Cally's black haired head peered around the door of her room. "Since when are you opposed to loud music? I usually have to beg you to turn that Punk Junk down."

Ignoring the jibe at her preference in music, Tonks buried her head in the pillows on the coach. "Since I feel like I was stampeded over by a heard of rouge Thestrals." She said, her voice muffled. "Just turn it down a bit yeah? I haven't lost all my senses."

Cally shook her head but laughed and complied. Just as the music went down to a respectable volume both Women heard a pounding at the door.

"You're closer!" Cally yelled from her room and Tonks begrudgingly lurched to her feet, wand in hand. After all you could never be too careful and there was probably a Death Eater after her after today's events.

"Who is it?" she demanded one hand already poised to unlock the door. There was a pause as if whoever it was, was trying to remember who they were.

"It's Remus."

She frowned and didn't open the door. "How do I know you're who you say you are?"

There was a sigh and his voice came again tired sounding and slightly amused. "You were wearing lime green knickers yesterday."

Biting her lip to stifle a laugh she whipped the door open, only to see Mrs. across the hall eyeing Remus with a scandalized look. Obviously she had overheard. Tonks finger waved and pulled Remus into the apartment.

"I'll thank you not to announce my lingerie colours to everyone." She said tartly as she locked the door.

She turned expecting a wry reply but instead she saw Remus running in the direction of the bathroom. Confused, she followed him arriving just in time to see him crouching over the toilet heaving.

"Are you ok?" she asked worriedly leaning against the door. She could feel Cally hovering behind her.

He raised one hand as if to say wait and braced himself against the porcelain bowl as a fresh wave hit him. Finally he was able to flush and straighten leaning against the tub.

"I'm fine." He said hoarsely, closing his eyes.

She raised a brow and entered the bathroom to kneel in front of him. "You're not, you just upchucked tomorrows breakfast." She noticed then that the collar of his shirt was soaked in blood. Tentatively she touched it only to come away with residue on her fingers. "You're bleeding!"

He opened his eyes and looked at her quizzically. "Yes, I suppose I am." He scrunched his forehead in thought then winced. "That's why I came here, I think." He touched the back of his head and she noticed that his sleeve was rolled up exposing a bleeding wound.

"Cally," she hissed over her shoulder, "can you look at this?"

"Bring him into your room." Cally replied, as she hurried to grab her wand.

"Come on Love, up we go." Tonks wrapped her arms around his middle and pulled. Once on his feet they moved to her room where he promptly sat on the bed, looking as if he would like to throw up again.

She quickly conjured a bucket just in case.

"What happened?" she asked as Cally entered and began to look at his head. She hissed in sympathy when she saw the source of the blood. "You're concussed," she said softly in what Tonks called her healer's voice as she probed the area with her wand.

"I got a note from Erin."

"Oh? What about?" she asked aware that Cally was listening and wishing that she wasn't there. She was pretty sure she knew what the note had been about.

"Greyback."

Cally stopped her ministrations and looked at Tonks questioningly. Ignoring her best friends look she cut Remus off, "I heard about that, the office was in chaos. So you went to Inverness?"

He nodded then grabbed the bucket. He was able to hold on to the rest of his stomach contents though and continued. "I sent the ministry an anonymous message and then went to get Erin out. He's been tired of…" he stopped then as if finally realizing that Cally was listening.

"So you got caught in the raid?"

He snorted. "From both sides. This," he raised his arm, "was a gift from one of the pack, and this" he indicated his head, "was courtesy of a ministry official. I set Erin and the teenage boy he's taken a shine to up at my house and then came here."

His eyes met hers and she felt a surge of anger toward the ministry's system. There was only one reason why he wouldn't have gone to the hospital instead.

"We should get him to St. Mungos," Cally said as if reading her mind.

Immediately she shook her head. "We can't. You'll have to treat him here."

"What? Why?" Cally demanded. She wasn't going to let this go.

It was Remus who answered. "Because I'm not allowed to be treated there right now."

Cally seemed to be thinking, putting together all she had gleaned from their conversation. Her blue eyes widened. But she said nothing, simply shot Tonks a look and then continued to treat Remus's injuries.

"How old is this boy?" Tonks asked in an attempt to distract him, sitting on his other side.

"No more then 17. His name is Colm. His family disowned him when…"

She nodded in understanding and laced her small hand into his larger one. "Erin looks out for him?"

"Yes," he laughed softly, shortly. " When I left they were arguing. It was like listening to you and your mum. It's better that they're away from Inverness. I doubt they'll go back."

Cally had moved onto his arm. She cleared the area to reveal teeth imprints and then applied dittany before bandaging it lightly. "It'll twinge for a bit. And you'll need to take a potion to help with the concussion." She told Remus avoiding his gaze. "Tonks can I talk to you for a moment?"

She stood and left the room leaving Tonks to follow. She kissed Remus's cheek and then stood. "I'll be back in a minute. You should rest. Just try not to go to sleep, at least that's what Madame Pomfrey always said when I came in with a concussion."

He smiled slightly although it didn't reach his eyes and lay back on the bed as she left the room.

Cally was standing by the window staring out of it into the dusk. "Remus is a werewolf?" She demanded as soon as Tonks entered. She turned and faced her. "Tell me it's not true."

Tonks gazed at her best friend levelly. "I can't do that Cal."

She shook her head as if to dislodge the truth she had just been told. "All this time, and you've never said anything? I always knew something was up, but this…this is too much. Is this why he broke up with you?"

Tonks sat on the arm of the coach and crossed her arms. "Partly. But I knew before we even started dating. Do you really think Remus would lie to me? I've always known. Generally we have a very open relationship."

Cally looked at her incredulously. "And you're ok with it?"

Tonks returned the look again keeping her tone level. "And you're not?"

She turned to the window again and silence fell on them. Tonks could feel her friend slipping away from her but she would do nothing to stop it. She had made her choice already, and nothing would change that, however much it saddened her.

Finally Cally spoke softly. "I don't know what to think Tonks. With all this fear and paranoia going on right now with you know who…the Prophet says the werewolves are with him."

Tonks stood, trying to keep her indignation in check. It wouldn't help anything. "It sounds to me like you already know what you think Cally. And I wouldn't listen to everything the prophet says." She turned and made her way back to her room.

"One person doesn't represent the whole. Remember that." She told her sounding defeated as she closed her door. She leaned against the closed door; her eyes closed holding back her tears and less then a minute later she heard the flat door close as Cally left. Taking a steadying breath she opened her eyes to find Remus watching her from the bed.

"You heard."

He nodded and she closed her eyes again. She could here him moving and a moment later his arms were around her. She leaned gratefully into to him and allowed herself a few tears as he rubbed her back soothingly. After a time she pulled away, wiping her eyes on the sleeve of the Auror robes she still wore.

"Right," she said briskly as she grabbed up her wand and strode across the room. "Do you think you could pull my trunk out from under my bed?"

Her answer was a squeak as he did as she had asked.

"Thanks." She grabbed an armload of things off of her dresser and threw them on her bed. "Start shrinking Love. We've got a bit to pack and I want to be gone before she comes back."

Remus hesitated and she turned to look at him questioningly her arms full of cloths.

"Are you sure about this Dora?" he asked gently. "You've been friends for quite a few years."

"Of course I'm sure," she threw her cloths into the trunk and moved to the closet grabbing her robes, hangers and all. "Or are you telling me that I don't have a place to go?" she glanced over her shoulder in time to catch his look of surprise.

"Of course you do. If that's really what you want."

"It is." She said with conviction. "I really should have just moved in with you in the first place. Cut out the middleman. Now you start shrinking my stuff and I'll go gather what's strewn around the flat."

Sighing and feeling guilty Remus complied.

Fifteen minutes later they had packed all her belongings including her furniture into the trunk. He waited at the door as she placed a note and her half of the rent on the table.

She looked around the small flat one more time and then with a dejected sigh joined him in the hall. Closing the door and making sure it was locked she smiled up at him.

"Lets go home."


	36. Disention

**This chapter has some angst, some fluff and some forshadowing. I've already started on the chapter to follow this and i hope to have it up this week. Enjoy. :)**

Five pairs of eyes watched with varying degrees of unease as the short pink haired woman stormed out of the room. A palpable tension descended on them all and with a slight nod to Peter who was sat beside him looking quite uncomfortable and avoiding the piercing grey of Sirius' gaze, Remus Lupin too departed the kitchen of Emiline Vance to follow his seething other half.

When he exited the house where the latest order meeting had been held he didn't bother to look around for Nymphadora. He knew that she would have disapperated already and would expect him to follow.

She really can be quiet bossy at times, he mused distractedly so he wouldn't have to think about what had caused her to storm off. With that final thought he too departed the small neighbourhood and landed outside his house.

The young werewolf Colm, who along with Erin was still staying at the house, immediately greeted him.

"She went that way," he told the older man with a slight smirk as he indicated the direction of the beach. "Seemed right pissed."

Remus nodded and trudged off in the proper direction although he didn't hurry. It was better, he knew, to let her get her anger out before broaching the subject. When he reached the beach it was to find her pacing through the sand her hair an angry shade of red. Sighing he let her be and sat on the well worn log bench that had seen so many visits from him in his life time.

Finally she seemed to calm down enough that he felt it safe to speak. At least her hair had calmed back to its vivid pink colour. Before he could get a word in though she spoke.

"Can you believe him?!" she demanded whirling around to face him. Her eyes were blazing and he had a brief moment to be amazed that someone could have so much indignation on his behalf before she plowed on without letting him answer.

"I mean he was practically implying…" she trailed off and shook her head in part disbelief and part sadness. She covered her face with her hands and Remus stood going to her.

"You can't blame it all on Sirius." He told her gently as he pulled her hands away from her face and gripped them tightly in his own. "You know how he is. Besides," he wasn't quite able to keep a hint of bitterness out of his voice, "he was only voicing what they all think. There is a spy in the order Dora, why shouldn't they think it's the dark creature?"

She glared up at him. "Don't you dare refer to your self like that Remus Lupin!" she hissed in a low voice. "You're so much better than that, and how they could think…how Sirius could imply…he's your best friend for Merlin's sake!"

"He never said _he_ thought it was me," he reminded her calmly. One of them had to remain rational. "He simply voiced the concern that others are feeling. I don't blame him."

She shot him another fierce look of disbelief and he shook his head. "No, Dora, I truly don't. We're all worried about what will happen next, who will be the next to die. When this is over and we come out alive it won't matter what accusations were cast. All that matters is that we persevere and get out of these dark times."

Neither of them spoke for some time and the only sound that could be heard was the lapping of the dark waves. Finally she leaned against him, all anger dissipating to be replaced with weariness. "I'm just ashamed that that thought would ever enter his mind Remus. I never thought I'd be ashamed to be related to him, but right now that's all I can feel. That and anger." She glanced up and held his eyes. "One of us has to feel that way. You're always so calm about these things, but it's not right."

"It doesn't help anything for me to be angry about it Nymphadora. It won't change anything." He paused then continued for once admitting how he really felt. "It does hurt that I'm not trusted for what I am, and the fact that Sirius has doubt hurts even more but it won't change anything. I'll still continue to do whatever Dumbledore asks and we'll just have to hope that the real spy is discovered soon."

She didn't say anything and instead wrapped her arms around his neck to stand on her toes and kiss him briefly. No matter what he said, it was wrong and it left her with a bad feeling. She had thought Sirius was above the prejudices of his patrician upbringing. She hoped that a way to end all the madness would be found soon and when it did end she would have a few things to say to Sirius Black.

The rest of summer passed in a quick haze it seemed. Remus helped Erin and Colm find a new place to relocate to; both having decided that life as part of Greyback's pack was no longer for them. They wanted a fresh break and Colm wanted to leave the United Kingdom all together.

This caused lengthy arguments between he and Erin which Tonks found highly entertaining. Remus was right; it was like listening to her and her mother. All the same when they finally agreed to a temporary move to Ireland she was relived. It had looked like they would spend so much time arguing that they would never leave. And she was anxious to have them gone.

Living with a cynical thirty two year old werewolf and his hormonal 17-year-old werewolf charge was not what she had in mind when she decided she couldn't live with Cally any longer.

"Erin and Colm left about an hour ago." Remus informed her one September evening as she stumbled through the door after a long day of Auror training followed by three hours of reconnaissance that had led no where. Death Eater activity had strangely lessened in the past few weeks. The Order was especially worried that something big was going to happen. Dumbledore had them all working on information he had mysteriously gained on Voldemort's movements.

"Oh?" she snatched the carrot he had been about to cut out of his hand and bit into it with relish jumping up to sit on the counter.

He gave her one of his exasperated eyebrow raises, to which she smiled innocently back, then picked up another carrot and began cutting.

"Yes, they both asked me to give you their regrets that they couldn't say goodbye. Especially Colm." He looked at her out of the corner of his eye and she could see he was smirking.

Tonks rolled her eyes and ran hand through her bobbed hair before giving into laughter. It seemed to her that she hadn't laughed in quite awhile.

"I'm sure he did."

Remus was still smirking as he put the chopped carrots into the pan he already had on the stove. "Yes, you seem to have left quite an impression on him. He seemed truly disappointed that he couldn't say goodbye to you." He turned to her then with a completely straight face. "Nymphadora is there something I should know?"

"Don't worry," she said with equal seriousness as he moved to stand in front of her and she hooked her legs around him pulling him in so that their foreheads touched. "He's not my type. Too young. Plus his eye colour is all wrong. I prefer werewolves with amber eyes, sexy fringes and a penchant for forgetting not to use my first name. Do you know where I can find one?"

Remus simply laughed and leaned in. "Sexy Fringes?" he asked his lips brushing hers and sending a tingle down her spine.

"Umhmm. Yours is particularly attractive. Hides your eyes perfectly." She resisted the urge to laugh. They were being silly, but it felt nice to just let go for a bit. Moments like this had become few and far between.

In reply he closed the sparse distance between them and kissed her passionately, to which she responded with equal fever. The dinner cooking on the stove was quickly forgotten.

Time continued to pass disjointedly. Some weeks seemed to go by quickly and others dragged on. September faded in to October, which was filled with increasing reports of Muggle attacks and the deaths of those who refused to support Voldemort. In Kent Greyback savaged a young girl causing her death. The news of the attack came a week before Halloween and was the topic of discussion when Tonks finally visited her parents after having not seen them for three months.

"I wish someone would put a stop to that monster." Andromeda said vehemently as she cleared away the dinner dishes. "That poor family. Having to burry their little girl, I simply can't imagine what I'd do. Although…" she paused and seemed to catch herself. Without continuing she carried her load into the kitchen, Tonks trailing behind to help with the dishes.

She didn't ask what her mother had been about to say, she really didn't want to know. She could imagine that it was along the lines that it was better the girl died then become a werewolf. Such thoughts were not ones she wanted to dwell on. It would only cause strain between her mother and herself. Not that their relationship hadn't become strained as it was.

"Darling you don't need to help me. Go talk to your father, he's been missing his little girl." Andromeda told her gently as she flicked her wand to set the dishes scrubbing.

"What you really mean is get out of my kitchen before you break something." She said dryly already heading for the door.

She could have sworn her mother smiled before saying, "Which ever way you want to look at it."

"Hey Kid, come and sit down." Ted welcomed when he saw his daughter in the entry to the living room. Tonks complied and settled on the couch. Ted looked at her thoughtfully.

"How have you been?" he asked surveying her.

She sighed tiredly, but managed a smile. "Ok Dad. I've been Ok."

He nodded still looking at her in a thoughtful way. "You know Dora, it can't be easy trying to do what you think is right. In fact a lot of the time it can hurt more than anything else."

She frowned not really understanding what he was trying to get across. Usually Ted was as blunt as she was.

"What're you getting at?"

"Are you happy?"

The question surprised her. What had led her parents, for she knew that her mother was probably in on it, to think that she was unhappy?

"Of course," she said quickly. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Ted ran a hand through his brown hair and seemed to be collecting his thoughts. Again it was very unlike him. "You seem tired. And I don't mean just physically. It's the kind of tiredness that you get when something's wrong." He looked at her earnestly.

"You know you can tell your mother and I anything."

Looking at her father then and seeing his concern she felt the urge to tell him that no, she was not all right. That she was worried that she could be the next to die or that Remus would be killed or her family attacked. She was tired from the constant fight that never seemed like it was going to end. She was sad that her best friend was letting her own fear and paranoia ruin a friendship that would have lasted for the rest of their lives. That she was angry at but also worried about Sirius, who could loose his life for protecting his best friend and his family.

Most of all she wanted to say that no she couldn't tell them all that was going on with her, not like she used to be able to. She wanted to say how sorry she was she had been lying to them for a year. But she couldn't. So instead she smiled as convincingly as she could and stood going to her father.

Kneeling in front of him like she used to as a child she wrapped her arms around him and buried her head against him. "I know Dad. I'm all right. I promise."

Ted returned the embrace and that was how Andromeda found them when she entered the room.

"Best be on alert tonight lass," Moody warned her as they exited the room that the Aurors used for training. "Halloween is always a big night for dark wizards. You can be sure that the Death Eaters will pull something; they won't be able to resist."

Tonks glanced at a large clock positioned above the door. It was 9pm. Usually she didn't stay so late but Moody wanted her to get a taste of the late night shift. She would be there until the early hours of the morning.

As soon as they reached the Auror office they were met by an Auror Tonks had yet to learn the name of. He said that he was on his way to respond to an alert that an underage wizard had performed an unforgivable. Moody decided that he and Tonks would accompany him. Yes, she decided as they reentered the lift, it's going to be a long night.

Little did she know that the next day would be even harder.


	37. In the wake of this madness

**Disclaimer: not mine.**

**Just wanted to say Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! **** They make my day and give me more than enough encouragement to keep this going; I never thought people would like this fic so much when I finally decided to write it. Enjoy the chap. I'm going to try to update once more before Friday, as that is when the evil IT people are taking my computer and will be doing funny things to it. I probably won't get it back for a month, hence why they are evil. So updates will be few. Sadly. **

The first thing that struck Nymphadora Tonks as she stepped off the lift into the offices of Magical Law enforcement was how much more chaotic it seemed. Of course it was always loud, but that day it seemed an odd chaos. People were grouped together talking in mutters, some looking disbelieving and others slightly joyful.

Entering the Auror offices with Moody just behind her she found another kind of chaos. Seeing the red clad Aurors running around, shouting to each other and others pushing roughly past her wands in hand she knew something big had happened.

Death Eaters or someone dying? She wondered somewhat idly. The office was like this regularly, attacks were happening everyday, so it was not surprising for the Aurors to be in a rush.

It was now just after 8 am and the thought of going home and begging Remus to make her tea before she climbed into bed and caught a bit of sleep was at the forefront of her mind overshadowing her curiosity as to what could have occurred.

As she made her way to Moody's desk, tripping over someone's foot as they passed and quickly righting her self, she passed a clump of Aurors and was able to catch a snatch of what they were saying.

"Harry Potter? Are you sure?"

She stopped suddenly then causing Moody to run into her. "What're you doing girl?" he demanded gruffly as he stepped back to a safer distance.

Ignoring him she turned to the Aurors. "What about Harry Potter?" she demanded, her heart beginning to speed up and now feeling very much awake. "What about him?" she asked again almost desperately.

One of the Aurors, Mark she thought his name was, raised a brow. "Where've you been? It's all anyone is talking about." He leaned toward her and a sick feeling started to twist in her stomach.

"Last night, You Know Who showed up at the Potters. Killed Lily and James Potter and tried to kill their kid. Only he couldn't. Somehow the kid ended up doing him in instead. Or so that's what people are saying. We're all waiting for orders now. Seems something fishy is up."

Tonks stared at him, her eyes wide. She knew her mouth was probably hanging open, but couldn't find it in her to care if she was doing an impression of a fish. Lily and James dead? And Voldemort gone because of Harry…it was too much.

She felt a hand on her shoulder and found she was being led away back in the direction of the lifts.

Her reeling mind snatched onto something else then. If the Potters were dead, if Voldemort had found them, that meant-

The sick feeling in her stomach increased and she found that whoever had been leading her to the lift was now largely supporting her. It was a good thing because she was sure her legs were about to give out.

"Breath lass," Moody said in a surprisingly soft voice as they reached the lift area. She was not surprised that it was he who had been pushing her forward.

She met his black eyes with her own stunned, horrified ones. "It can't be true…" she found herself saying. "That would mean that…oh Merlin!"

"We don't know what it means," Moody said still in a gentler tone than usual. "I need to speak with Dumbledore," he said almost to himself as the lift opened and he half carried her inside. "If anyone'll know what's going on it's him. You go home, find Lupin, make sure he doesn't do anything crazy."

The lift opened again and they moved out toward the apperation point. Moody nodded to her, a grim look on his scarred face and disapperated. She knew he was coming to the same conclusions she had. There was only one way Voldemort would have known where Lily and James were. Either they had been betrayed or…

Neither was a possibility that she wanted to consider.

It felt as if he had gone deaf. Certainly he could no longer hear Dumbledore as he continued to talk, watching Remus with eyes devoid of their usual twinkle. Although the man was sat right across from where he stood it felt like he was light years away. Dumbledore had only been speaking for about a minute but in that minute Remus felt as if his whole life had come unraveled. Lily and James…

He closed his eyes against the rush of anguish, so acute and familiar. "What of Harry?" he found himself asking in a voice that did not sound like his own. "What will happen to him?"

Dumbledore sighed in a sad manner. "He will go live with his Aunt and Uncle. After last nights events I think it best."

Remus found himself nodding, although he did not agree. But he couldn't find it within himself to argue with his old Headmaster. What would be the point? He knew that he would not be allowed to take Harry; no one in their right mind would give a baby to a werewolf. And Sirius…

"Sirius betrayed them." He didn't want to believe it yet he found himself saying the words.

"It would appear that way, yes." Dumbledore replied.

Remus swallowed convulsively, his hands going to his face, as if to shut out the world and it's cruelness.

The front door burst open then and Dora stumbled in, looking every bit as horrified as he felt.

"Remus," she sputtered staring at him, her chest heaving as if she had to catch her breath. Her eyes the rested on Dumbledore. "Is it true?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Alas Nymphadora I am afraid that it is true. Lily and James are gone and Harry seems to have inexplicably survived."

She gave a shuddering sob, before covering her mouth with her hands as if to hold herself together, although the tears continued to come. "And Voldemort?"

"Yes that is true as well." Dumbledore rose to his feet looking tired and very much his age. "As to how, I shall do my best to find out. I must take my leave now though, there is much to be done." He placed a comforting hand on Remus's shoulder briefly.

"I must ask that you do not confront Sirius, Remus. I am sure you understand why?"

Remus nodded mutely, then seemed to draw himself together. "Does Peter know?"

"Yes. He wished to grieve alone."

Again Remus nodded.

Dumbledore moved to the door where Tonks still stood.

"Moody is looking for you sir." She managed to choke out. He nodded and touched her shoulder briefly as well. "Take care of each other," he said to her. "Love is needed now more than ever I think."

He then left, leaving them alone to deal with their anguish and grief.

Immediately Tonks rushed across the room and into Remus's arms sobbing against his chest. He held her tightly, his breath coming in shuddering gasps. It was a while before the anguish gave way to weary sadness and they sat on the sofa still resting against each other. They did not speak, although both were having similar thoughts, wondering how it had come to the point of this happening.

Although there would be celebration all over the country that night, and the name of Harry Potter would be continually toasted in reverence, for them there was nothing to celebrate, only sadness and heartache for a boy orphaned and loved ones lost.

If Remus and Tonks thought that things could not get any worse they were to find themselves sorely mistaken. Again being at the ministry it was Tonks who heard the news first. She was told by Moody, whom had himself just returned from the scene having left her in Franks charge for the day.

Again she felt as if her legs were going to give out and was very greatful that there was a chair behind her as she sunk into it.

"Nymphadora?"

She shook her head before leaning forward to put it between her knees, trying to settle her breathing. She would not break down she was determined of that.

"13 people," she found herself saying disbelievingly. She knew he was capable of a curse like that, despite his apparent lack of caring Sirius was very adept. The man knew spells she had only ever read of.

"Why?"

Moody eyed her critically as if assessing her mental health. "He was cornered, suppose he saw it as his last effort. Knew he would be taken in." he paused then said, his gruff voice hard, "It was Pettigrew that cornered him."

She glanced up sharply, disbelievingly. Peter? Out of all the Marauders he was the one she knew the least; he always seemed to keep his distance from her. She didn't know if he simply didn't like her or if it was something more, but she did know him enough to find the idea that he would go after Sirius ludicrous.

"Is he-" she found herself starting to ask before she took a breath and pushed forward. She knew that it was going to fall to her to tell Remus. She wanted all the information she could get so he could have the full story. "What happened to him?"

"Black was too much for him of course. Stupid boy, I always thought he was a cowering sod but I guess I was wrong. I would've thought if anyone would confront Black it'd be Lupin." He told her, somewhat coldly she thought, but she paid no mind to his tone. She knew he was not unaffected by the situation, he just didn't show emotion very well.

"Remus wouldn't do that," she told him softly. "Dumbledore made him promise, and to him Dumbledore's word is law. He wouldn't go against what he wanted him to do."

She stood squaring her shoulder's trying to effect a strongness that she didn't' feel.

"So Peter's dead too. Sirius killed him." It was not a question.

But still Moody nodded. She closed her eyes briefly and then nodded herself. "I should tell Remus, he'll want to know. And my mum…" she felt a wave of emotion go through her. "She'll need to hear about Sirius before it's all over the Daily Prophet or some uncaring prat says something to her. He was family after all."

Was. Already her mind was making the mental shift. Was. It was like he was dead, although he might as well be for what he had done. "Is their anything else I should know?"

"They brought Black in. He's going straight to Azkaban. There will be no trial. Crouch seems to think it's a waist of time, not worth assembling the Wizengamot for."

She couldn't tell if he agreed or not. "I should go, tell Remus and My mum. I can come back after, I know we still have things to go through."

Moody shook his grizzled head. "Nah, we're done for today. Just be back here tomorrow morning. There's a lot to do now that Voldemorts gone. Got to start rounding up the Death Eaters."

"You want me to go with you?" she asked somewhat surprised. It was after all usually frowned upon until third year of training. Moody had taken her out before but each time he had gotten told off. It didn't stop him though.

"You goanna get practical experience any other way? I can cover my own arse girl, if that's what's worrying you. Been doing it for longer than you've been alive."

Tonks found herself giving a derisive snort and giving him a cheeky smile even though she didn't really feel up to it. A witty retort about maybe that's why it was the only part of him without damage flashed through her mind but she bit her lip and simply said she's be there at an ungodly hour and headed for the apperation point. It was time to tell Remus and shatter what was left of his life. She hated that it was her that would have to do it.

"Are you sure you want to come with me?" she asked for what had to be the fifth or sixth time since they had left their house for her parents.

Remus looked absolutely broken. There were purple circles under his eyes, his complexion was more paled then usual and he kept running a hand through his hair as if he didn't quite know what to do with himself. It was very reminiscent of when his parents had died, although at least he was showing emotion this time.

What worried her most was the look in his eyes or rather the lack of emotion there. When she had told him of what had befallen Peter and Sirius he had looked at her like a lost child who was astonished that the world could really be that cruel. That fate would throw so much at one person at the same time. But now that look was gone replaced by a blankness that was unsettling.

"Yes Nymphadora, I am sure. As I have been since you asked me when we first set out. Please, can we just go in?" he asked tiredly, shoving his twitching hands into the pockets of his trousers.

She couldn't even find it in her to admonish him for using her hated name as she opened the door and they entered the house.

She could here the wireless going, playing one of the daily dramas that were presented on the WWN. As they entered the living room, Andromeda looked up from the laundry she was directing to fold with her wand and seeing her daughter and Remus stood gracefully as always, flicking her wand at the wireless just as the witch in the program, Celesta, declared that she would love Marston for eternity.

Silence filled the room before Andromeda stepped towards them and surprisingly hugged Remus. For a moment his look of apathy was replaced by a floured one as she said quietly, "I' m so sorry. I know how much they meant to you. I tried to contact Sirius…"

At this Remus stiffened slightly and she pulled away looking between him and her daughter who had a pained look on her heart shaped face.

"Dora? What is it? What's wrong? Is it…" she trailed off and her eyes widened in worry. "Sirius isn't dead as well?" she asked in a voice that came out sounding more like a breath.

Tonks glanced at Remus who seemed to studying the wall indifferently and with a sigh full of sadness pushed back her natural mousy hair, she had lacked the energy to want to morph it any different, and faced her mother.

"No Sirius is not dead Mum, but I did come to tell you something about him."

Andromeda sat and looked at her daughter expectantly. It's a good thing she's sat down Tonks thought as she sat beside her mother.

She told her everything, excluding the fact that she was in the Order, and watched as Andromeda's large dark eyes teared up and she began to sob at what had befallen her cousin. A long fingered hand appeared in their sight offering a handkerchief and Andromeda took it with a brief nod of thanks which Remus didn't seem to see as he sat across from them and put his head in his hands breathing deeply.

"I just can't believe that he would do such things," Andromeda sobbed into her daughter's shoulder. Tonks felt her own eyes tearing up but she ignored the moister. She did not want to cry for Sirius Black. She wanted him to be nothing to her, but at the same time she knew that he wouldn't and never would be. So she let the tears fall uninhibited and met the still seemingly unseeing gaze of the man she loved to see that he too had tears in his eyes, although he refused to let them fall.

"I didn't want to believe it either Andromeda," He said softly, "But lying to our selves will not help. What's done is done and what was can never be again. He had us all fooled, and I do not even want to consider what would have made him decide that this was the way things had to be." He fell silent again and Tonks held her mother closer resting her own head against her.

Remus was closing off already she could tell, yet there was nothing she could do, when she herself was a wreck. So instead she focused on comforting her mother, knowing that that was all she could do.

The week that followed was one of the darkest periods in their lives. Tonks had thought it was bad when they had been fighting against Voldemort, but now that he was gone it seemed no one quite knew what to do with themselves. Dumbledore disbanded the Order telling them all that it was time that they lived their lives and made the most of them. Tonks wondered just how they were supposed to continue on and she knew that Remus shared her thoughts, although he did not voice them. In fact he had hardly spoken to her.

Even the ministry its self and the wizarding community seemed on uncertain ground. It was time to rebuild the wizarding world, but with the Death Eaters still out there either on the run or still causing trouble it seemed that it would take a long time. No one really knew what to do and this feeling was only intensified when news came that Frank and Alice Longbottom had been tortured into madness by Bellatrix Lestrange and other assorted death eaters. The hunt was now on to find them.

Tonks found herself the target of furtive looks and whispers each day she reported to work and knew that they were all watching her closely. She was after all the niece of a mad Death Eater and hadn't her cousin turned out to be equally as mad? Perhaps there was madness in her as well.

Tonks ignored these speculations and stuck to Moody, listening to his instructions and constant speeches on how she must be vigilant in the field. She did not want to think of her family, or rather those she was related to. To her they were not family, only related by blood. She knew her mother didn't like this attitude when it came to Sirius, she still maintained that it had to be a mistake, but it helped Tonks cope so she simply ignored her.

The day of the Potters funeral was cool and sunny, a slight late fall breeze playing in the air. They were laid to rest in the cemetery in Godric's Hollow, under a stone chosen by Dumbledore. Dumbledore had wondered if perhaps Remus would want to take care of everything, knowing that he knew the Potters best, but Remus had declined saying he was sure whatever Dumbledore did would be fine.

His attitude was maddening to Tonks, but she had refrained from saying anything. He had after all just lost four of the most important people in his life.

They stood at the grave and watched as the caskets were lowered in, their hands entwined. His fingers held hers tightly as if he was afraid without the reassurance of her prescience she would disappear.

Dumbledore had been speaking of Lily and James to the assembled mass, some of which were the few remaining Order members. He now rested his eyes on her and Remus and asked if anyone else wished to say something. Tonks was surprised when Remus squeezed her hand before letting it go and moving to stand beside Dumbledore.

For a moment he didn't speak simply looked into a distance only he seemed able to see. No one made so much as a sound and Tonks wondered if he had forgotten what he wanted to say or realized he couldn't do it, when he finally spoke his hoarse voice low.

"Lily and James were the kind of people, the kind of friends that only come along once. I was very lucky to have them in my life, even for what now seems such a short time. I can't say anything more about them, it doesn't seem there are the words. Just that the world now seems like a much darker place." He took the handful of dirt that Dumbledore offered him and let it fall through his fingers onto the caskets. He then moved away to stand a bit back from everyone as they all moved forward to do the same.

Tonks let her handful fall and surprised that she had not succumbed to tears went to Remus retaking his hand in hers. They were stood in the shadow of a tree some distance away from Lily and James' grave and that was were they stayed until all those who had come to say their last goodbye departed.

"I was surprised you said something," she told him quietly. He wrapped his arms around her and she did the same, taking comfort from the familiarness of his smell and the warmth his body gave.

"So am I. I hadn't planned to. My words were hardly adequate, but I felt I needed to."

"You did know them the best."

He said nothing, instead leading her out of the graveyard. They walked in silence through the village carefully avoiding the direction that the Potters house was in.

"It all feels so surreal." She told him as they prepared to disapperate. "I mean now that it's all over. Where do we go from here?"

He had no answer for her.


	38. Missing you like crazy

The spring chill coming in from the slightly open window woke Tonks from what had been a fitful sleep. She was exhausted. For two days she had traipsed around across the country with Moody as he tracked down a few of Voldemort's supporters that had decided to band together. They were young, and easily caught once he had found their location. He had also brought in Igor Karkaroff two days before. It had taken months to find him, but once found bringing him in hadn't been particularly hard, he told her. Death eaters such as the Lestranges were still on the loose though.

Sighing she pulled the blankets more tightly around herself and automatically reached over to her left only to find the space empty and cold. This caused her to let out a fresh sigh, although this one was more wistful.

It's your own fault she told herself as she gave up on sleep and threw the blankets back lurching to her feet and wincing at the cold of the floor. You sent him away. If you don't like sleeping alone you shouldn't have told him to go.

She found a pair of jeans and pulled them on leaving the shirt she had been sleeping in, one of Remus's, on. It was only 4 a.m. She didn't need to be in to the ministry until 7 a.m. Grabbing a pair of trainers from the floor she went to exit the room and immediately tripped over her discarded boots.

"Bugger!" she cursed as she lurched forward and landed in the hall. Rubbing her elbow she got to her feet, glaring at the offending footwear. Your own fault again, she reminded herself. If Remus were here then the room wouldn't be disorganized. She allowed herself a small smile as she descended the stairs. How he put up with her mess she didn't know. He wasn't a neat freak, not like Cally had been, but he did like everything in its proper place. He always said that if you knew where to find it then it wasn't mess, but she suspected that if he saw the state that his house was in then he might change his assessment.

Once on the main floor of the house she pushed her feet into her shoes and exited the house, locking it with a flick of her wand. Instead of walking to the beach or going into the garden she perched on the fence hooking her legs around one of the boards so she wouldn't fall.

Merlin, I miss him, she thought dejectedly as she watched the sun staring to peak in the distance. Remus had been gone since the beginning of February. It was now May. Four months he had been gone and she wasn't sure when he was coming back.

After the funeral they had tried to get on with their lives, tried to go on as they had been, but it had proved to be a vane attempt. She had known it wouldn't be easy for him, but hadn't really known what to do to help him. He was the one that always knew the right thing to say, to do. She was blunt and to the point, she'd never seen the point of being otherwise. Lily had commented once to her that they balanced each other, and she supposed that this was one of the reasons. But when it came to knowing the right thing to do to get him back to himself she had been at a lose. Always before he had James, Sirius and Peter to poke, prod, tease and generally nag him into a better frame of mind. Her way, when he was acting particularly morose, was to simply confront him. That wouldn't work this time she had known.

The answer had come in the last week of January just when she was becoming desperate and to the point of tears. The fact that it came from a complete stranger was, she found, amusing to say the least.

It seemed Remus had a second cousin, a cousin of Sarah's who hadn't seen him since he was a child. She had written him, inviting him to come visit her in Belgium where she lived. Tonks hadn't learned of this until one night when they had been at a Muggle pub; they were avoiding the wizarding ones, all anyone wanted to talk about was Sirius Black the murderer or Harry Potter. He had mentioned it in passing somewhere around his fifth drink and she was sure had he been completely sober he wouldn't have said anything.

She had formed a plan then, not above taking advantage of his inebriated state. With a little bit of needling she had convinced him to go, that maybe spending time with someone who had no idea what had befallen him would do some good.

A week later had found them at the international floo station. She had held onto him for a long time, trying to memorize the feel of his arms around her and the light brush of his lips on her forehead. I'm doing the right thing, she had repeatedly told herself.

He had seemed to want to say something to her before he stepped into the floo, had started to a few times but in the end he simply gave her one last weary smile, said he loved her to which she had replied with the same, although she wasn't sure he had heard her.

Now here she was four months later, alone, sitting on his fence, or their fence she supposed, watching the sun come up and feeling like she should never had suggested he go.

He wrote to her constantly, messages that as they had gone on had started to reflect his personality, one that had been significantly lacking in the past months. Still there was a long way to go, and she knew he would never be the same. You didn't go through such a lose to come out as you had been before. Hopefully though when he came back they could try and move on. And perhaps he wouldn't be so distant. The only thing she feared more than Remus dying, which had decreased somewhat since the war ended, was him pulling away and leaving her.

Not that he would, she forcefully told herself as she hopped off the fence and turned back to the house. But still with the way he had been acting, perhaps she was not unfounded in her fear that he was unconsciously trying to push her away.

Enough of this feeling sorry for myself, she scolded unlocking the door and closing it behind her with a little more force than necessary. Am I self-sufficient witch or not? I don't need him here constantly so I can feel good. I'll be fine; he'll come back and that's that. I just wish he'd hurry up.

"Remus? A letter has arrived for you."

Remus was standing in front of an old wood cupboard wand in hand watching quizzical as it rattled. He was sure there was a Boggart in it, but Angeline had forbidden him from looking into it until that moment, stating that if it was she could easily take care of it herself.

He turned at the sound of her voice to find her standing in the doorway smiling expectantly at him. He smiled back as he stepped forward to take the letter. He found that over time it had become a little easier to smile genuinely, especially since his mother's cousin had no idea of his relationship with Sirius, Peter or the Potters. She didn't look at him with Pity and only once had she brought up the war.

"You certainly are popular. Someone must be missing you." She said with a smile and eyebrow raise as he took the letter. Seeing the untidy scrawl his smile became more genuine.

"Yes, I daresay she is."

Angeline laughed, it was a rich sound, one of someone with very little sadness in their life.

"You have not told me very much of this Tonks, was it? I still think that is a very strange name." She leaned against the doorframe pushing graying brown hair out of her blue eyes.

"It's her last name. I'm afraid if I told you her first name she would curse me. She doesn't really like it." Which was of course an understatement he knew. Saying Dora juts disliked her first name was like saying Snape only had feelings of mild annoyance toward James.

Thinking of James, his smile disappeared. Sighing he pushed the thought back and instead tried to focus on his conversation with Angeline. He had started to come to terms with his friends deaths and Sirius's betrayal, but it still hurt too much to think of them. He wasn't ready for that yet. He suspected he wouldn't be for some time.

"You miss her," she said mistaking his change in mood.

"Oh, yes, I do. Very much. I have been here for quite a while I suppose." Not for the first time a flash of guilt went through him. Even though she had insisted he knew Dora hadn't really wanted him to go. But the time apart had done him some good he had to admit. Put things more in perspective. A lot of things had become more clear since his friends the last week he had begun to research a few things.

"Yes, but I'm glad that you came Remus." Angeline said fondly. "You remind me of your mother you know." She smiled again, "I'll leave you to read your letter yes?"

Without waiting for an answer she left the room and Remus turned his attention to the letter. Reading it, he couldn't help laughing. It was full of the latest antics of Old Mrs. Down the lane, how she had come pounding on their door at 1am and been nearly attacked by Dora who thought it was a Death Eater in the garden. It turned out the woman was looking for her cat and had let into a speech to rival any made by Moody, on the impropriety of brandishing ones wand at a neighbour whilst wearing only a t-shirt and knickers, when Dora had whipped open the door.

At the end of the letter was the now very familiar, "Miss you like Crazy".

After he finished reading the letter a resolve came over him. He had been very distant before he left and knew that he was hurting her with his apparent apathy. It was time for him to go home; there was something very important he had to discuss with her. But first, he would get rid of the Boggart.

"Turn back around."

Tonks looked quizzically at her mentor as he pushed her towards the apparation point followed by Kingsley and Mark.

"Reports of Death Eaters in Cheltenham. We don't know how many, but Moody says you know one of the people we need to question." Kingsley told her.

She was even more confused now. Who did she know that-

"How'd you know I know Shannon Finnegan?" she demanded, but Moody was already apparating. With an irritated sigh and a bemused look from Kingsley she followed him. She righted herself in time to see Moody charging down the street. Again she followed him, hearing Kingsley and Mark behind her.

"How'd you know I know her?" she asked again catching up to him.

"Heard you and Lupin talking once. You mentioned how she's Semple's girlfriend. Well he's been spotted. She lives here. So we question the girlfriend."

"You sure it's a good idea to bring her?" Mark asked nodding at Tonks. "Trainee's aren't supposed to-"

Moody rounded on him. "I know what I'm supposed to and not supposed to do, thank you. How else does she get experience if we don't bring her with us?! Would you rather she dies the minute she meets some low life scum on her own? I saw this girl take on a death eater single handedly when she was only 15 years old. If I were you, I'd be more worried about myself!"

With one last glare he strode down the street again, leaving them to follow. The house that they came to was large and spoke of pureblood. Without hesitation Moody pounded on the door. It was opened a minute later by an old house elf who beckoned them in after conferring briefly with someone.

Shannon Finnegan herself greeted them. She hadn't changed very much in the two years since Tonks had last seen her. She looked at them all haughtily and when her eyes rested on Tonks they widened and then she glared.

"We need to ask you a few questions Ms. Finnegan." Kingsley was saying.

"Four of you to question me?" she asked coolly, still glaring at Tonks.

"Standard procedure," Moody told her gruffly. "It'll only take a moment." He turned to Tonks. "Go search upstairs Nymphadora. Remember-"

"Constant Vigilance," she cut him off, trying not to laugh as he muttered, "Impertinent lass," under his breath.

"What do you mean search?" Shannon demanded as Tonks mounted the stairs. She could here Mark saying how it was standard procedure again, and their voices faded as the three men persuaded Shannon to go into the sitting room. Footsteps thudded up the stairs behind her and Mark passed her. "Take that way," he said pointing to the left side of the hall. He quickly went to the right; clearly annoyed that Moody had chewed him out.

She gripped her wand tightly, a spell ready as she whipped open the first door. The room was empty and just to be sure she cast to see if any human presence was revealed. There was nothing, so she moved on to the second door. She quickly kicked it open and was just in time to see a very familiar body disappearing out the window.

"Semple's here!" she yelled as she ran across the room. She could here Mark running down the hall as she peered out the window. Liam was climbing down the side of the house. Cursing she ran back across the room, pushed past Mark and half fell down the stairs as she ran down them.

"I've got Semple!" she yelled into the sitting room as she rushed past. "He's escaping down the side of the house!" Not waiting for their response she whipped open the door and outside in time to see Liam getting ready to disapparate.

"On no you don't!" she sent a stunning spell at him, forcing him to duck. Seeing her and the two Aurors who had just exited the house he seemed to decide that running was his best bet and took off.

Again Tonks took off after him. She owed Liam Semple and there was no way he was getting away from her.

He was sending spells over his shoulder but all missed except one, which caused a deep cut in her shoulder. She ignored it and continued to chase him sending spell after spell at him so he wouldn't have a chance to disapparate. Whoever was behind her was doing the same.

The chase continued until he took a turn into a dead end. Whipping around he sent an Avada Kedava at her that barely missed.

"It looks like it's just you and I _Nymphadora_," he sneered as they eyed each other. She didn't dare look to see if the others had fallen behind. Knowing Moody they were probably covering any way he could escape. Nor did she answer him, which seemed to enrage him more. They began to duel fiercely, at times coming very close to one another.

"Give up Liam." She told him as she sent out a counter curse to the one he had just sent at her. "You're surrounded."

"I'll give up when you're dead Nymphadora!" Suddenly he charged while at the same time sending an "Impedimenta" at her. She managed not to be hit, but lost her footing as he barreled into her. They tumbled to the ground, and it became a struggle to get the upper hand.

Tonks could here Moody and Kingsley, but she tuned their voices out as she punched Lima in the face sending him reeling and freeing her wand arm.

"Give it up boy." Moody's voice came from right behind her. She had her wand pressed against Liam's neck and he glared maliciously at her.

"Expeliaramus!" Liam's wand flew out of his hand and to Kingsley who had cast the spell.

"Move back Tonks." Moody told her.

Without lowering her wand Tonks stood and moved back. Liam stayed on the ground. Clearly he knew that it was over. Without his wand he was not getting away from the three of them.

"Want to do the honors?" Moody asked her.

In answer she cast an "Incarnus". The ropes wrapped tightly around Liam and he spat at her. The look on his face was one she would not forget. It said that if he ever got free he would come after her.

Kingsley strode forward and pulled Liam to his feet and Moody clapped her on the shoulder. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. She knew he was proud.

Remus had looked through the whole house, a task that took very little time considering how small it was, and was amused at the disarray it had fallen into. Not that he really cared, at that moment he was trying to figure out where Dora would be at 2 am on a Friday, when she clearly was not home. It had taken him an hour to get through all the requisite forms that went along with a return from another country by portkey. Should have just taken the floo, he told himself distractedly as he wracked his brain as to where his girlfriend could be. Suddenly he thought he had an answer and so he exited the house quickly locking it before apparating to the Park down the street from the Tonks' house. He hurriedly left the park and was soon outside their house.

He stood there for a few minutes, glad that it was dark and no one would have to wonder why he was apparently scoping out the house at 2 am. That's all he needed was the Muggle Police being called.

He knew he should figure out a way to see if she was there without waking everyone, but he suddenly felt nervous. Should he just wait until a more decent hour? It had been four months, a few more hours wouldn't really make that much of a difference. Yet he felt that he could not wait now that his resolve was so strong and he knew she wouldn't care if he woke her.

Deciding that sending a Patronus into her room would be best, he thought of the first time he had kissed her and cast. It disappeared through the window and he waited, looking around the street in what had become an automatic action to make sure no one was watching him.

The door cracked open and a tousled pink haired head appeared. As she peered around his heart gave a jolt of happiness. Finally her eyes settled on him. She pushed the door open fully and barreled out barely getting it closed behind her as she rushed down the steps and jumped into his waiting arms.

It was all he could do to brace himself so they didn't fall back onto the concrete. She had her arms and legs wrapped around him and now grabbed his face in her hands so that she could pepper it with kisses. After four months that wasn't enough though so he closed the little distance there was between them and kissed her properly, trying to convey how much he had missed her. She responded in like and it was some minutes before they broke apart breathlessly.

"I take it you missed me then." He said lightly, readjusting his hold on her so she didn't fall.

She hit him in the side with her foot, but laughed and beamed at him. Oh, how he had missed that laugh. "Of course I missed you, you git. Why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I would have gone to meet you."

"Yes well I find I quite enjoy your reaction when you're surprised."

This caused her to laugh again and he moved over to her parent's house steps, sitting with her in his lap.

"Why are you staying at your parents?" he asked gently twisting a strand of pink hair around his finger.

She rolled her eyes. "Mum insisted, said I hadn't been to see them in months and that being antisocial just because my boyfriend had vacated the country was not acceptable. I didn't really feel like arguing, so I agreed to stay the night after dinner. I've been healing as well."

"Healing?" he asked worriedly.

She hesitated and then said, "We took down Liam Semple yesterday. He caught me with a curse in the arm, there was a lot of blood but it was nothing the healers couldn't fix. It was worth it to catch him."

He simply nodded, glad that she hadn't been hurt more seriously.

She nestled her head against his shoulder and sighed in contentment. "Merlin I missed you." She said quietly. "Did it help? Going to Belgium?"

He held her more tightly resting his chin on her head. "It did. Thank you for making me go." He hesitated for a moment and then continued. "It was also very informative. Did you know that ancient witches and Wizards used to use blood magic to bind themselves to each other?"

She looked up at him questioningly. "Really?" she sounded as if the idea repulsed her and he tried not to laugh.

"Yes, they thought it would make them stronger."

"Did it work?"

He shrugged. "Perhaps, to varying degrees."

"Is that all they used it for?" she asked interested.

"No," he said slowly. "It was also a form of marriage. Angeline is an expert on old world rituals."

She raised a pink brow and he smiled. "That's a pretty morbid way to get married, I mean when there are less nauseating ways available."

"Yes, I liked the Pagan ceremony she told me about better. So much so that I looked into it further."

"It didn't involve blood too did it? Wait, why were you looking into it?" her voice had taken on a hesitant tone and she looked at him with eyes that held a spark of hope. He had hoped she'd catch on.

"Well, I thought I should." He said seriously as he reached into his pocket feeling only slightly less nervous then when he had arrived. Her eyes followed his movement and widened disbelievingly as he pulled out a faded box. "Seeing as werewolves are not allowed to and I'm about to ask you something that will lead to that particular ceremony."

She seemed to have stopped breathing and her disbelieving gaze never left the box as he opened it.

"Nymphadora Tonks," he said as her eyes flicked to his. They now had a dazed cast. "Will you marry me, and keep me from turning into a lecherous old werewolf? As I surely would with out you."

She seemed to have regained her ability to breath and was now trying to do the same with her ability to speak. "I…sure….I mean yes! Yes! I will marry you!" She kissed him soundly then, cutting off his laugh at her reaction. When she pulled away, it was only for a moment before she pounced on him again. She seemed to be resisting the urge to get up and dance crazily in happiness.

"As if you even need to ask me." She said some minutes later grinning up at him, her large dark eyes shining.

"Well Dora, that it generally how these things are done."

She simply shook her head and looked at the ring. Remus slipped it out of the box carefully and taking her left hand in his slipped it on to the appropriate finger.

"It fits." He said feeling relived. He hadn't been sure if it would, but had hoped it wouldn't need to be resized too much.

She stared at the gold band that was inset with two diamonds under two Celtic knots. Between them was an emerald. She wiggled her finger. "It's gorgeous. Very unconventional. I love it."

"It was my mothers," he said softly. "My father searched for days to find her a ring that she would like, but non of them seemed right. So he finally went to his Vault and got his grandmother's birthstone ring. He figured that it would work for the time being as my mother's birthday was in May, and he would get her a proper ring later. She loved it though and even after he got her a different ring she still wore this one on her left hand. She used to say that when I found a girl that would have me she would give me the ring to propose with. The only time it was ever off her finger was when I removed it before her burial."

She continued to stare at the ring as if it would disappear if she looked away. Finally she looked at him. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Honestly, I wanted to ask you the day we went to your uncles and you're great aunt wanted to know when we were getting married. I just had to find a way to get around the ministry rule about werewolf marriage and unfortunately it fell to the wayside with everything else that was going on."

"This ceremony gets around the law?" She asked worriedly.

He smiled; the sadness and turmoil that had been so present in him fading slightly at how happy she seemed and smoothed her hair back from her face. "It does. The ministry does not recognize it, but it's still an actual marriage ceremony. So technically we won't be breaking any laws."

She sighed happily. "I think we should stay out here for a bit more. Mums going to flip her lid when we tell her. Be prepared for at least one crying jag and incoherent mumbles about how she never thought it would actually happen. I swear she's wanted me married off since I was 14."

Remus agreed whole-heartedly. He was in no hurry to move, content to just be holding her.

They stayed there until the first rays of sun lit the sky and then went to tell her parents the news.

**Well that's it for a bit i'm afraid. :( i hope it doesn't seem too rushed. They've been together for about five years by this point so i figured it was about time Remus made an honest woman of her. Ha! I thought about holding off on him asking her for a bit more, and just having this chapter about how they were coping and the like, but when i got to writing it, it seemed right for him to ask now. After loosing so much, i thought he should gain something for once. Hopefully i'll be able to update sooner rather than later. **


	39. Judgment

**Here, finally, is a new chapter. sorry about the wait. **

**Disclaimer: anything recognizable is not mine.**

Tonks paced nervously outside of the courtroom, her unpausing tread echoing in the empty hall. She knew she should be sitting on the bench, provided for the use of those called to court, affecting an air of calmness. What did she have to be worried about after all? it was not she who was on trial. It was not her freedom in question. Yet she could not stop herself from feeling anxious.

Two days ago Moody had informed her that she would have to testify at Liam's hearing, as part of the team that had apprehended him. "Just tell them the facts," he had told her gruffly, upon seeing her trepidation. "Just what happened and nothing else. No one will question you too hard anyway, the ministry wants to look like it's trying to do something, for all the good it'll do when they're just pardoning people for any little bit of nonsense they'll spout," he had muttered under his breath, causing her to laugh.

She knew logically there was no way that Liam would be pardoned, there was too much against him; but she couldn't help feeling that if he pulled what Karkaroff had than the court would let him off. Like Moody said the ministry just wanted to look like they were doing something.

"Just the facts," she murmured to herself as she moved over the same spot for the 50th time. "For Merlin's sake," she thought wryly, "You have no problem barging off after murdering wizards but when it comes to speaking in front of a bunch of old witchs and wizards you turn into a sally." sighing she forced herself to sit. It wasn't really the questioning part she was worried about, she had never had a problem with shyness, it was the possibility that the case would get thrown out. She knew that she wouldn't be able to really be calm until Liam was tucked away in Azkaban. Then maybe she could worry about the other things in her life.

Reflexively she looked at her left hand even though she knew it would be bare. She and Remus had agreed that it would be best if she didn't wear the ring at the ministry, at least for the time being. Instead it was hanging from a thin chain around her neck and tucked safely under her Auror robes. She wished that she could just wear it out in the open, although she had told her mother she was fine with it when she had raised her slender brows the first time she saw the rings new residence. Her mother...no she didn't need to be thinking about her then either. Andromeda had reacted just like Tonks had said she would when she learned of her daughters engagement. It had been amusing to say the least. Of course now that she had had time to really digest the fact that her daughter was getting married, or rather the circumstances of it, her mood had dampened. Tonks could sense a long conversation coming. One that would probably involve a lot of tea.

The doors of the courtroom opened and an aid stuck her head out. "Nymphadora Tonks? We're ready for you."

Tonks stood, took a breath and followed the aid inside the room, the heavy door snapping closed ominously behind her. She could see Moody sitting to the side, along with Dumbledore who's eye twinkled encouragingly at her. Kingsley and Mark were also present. She was the last to testify then.

"Please have a seat," Crouch said without looking at her. A chair had been placed to the side of the one where the accused would sit and this is where Tonks sat herself.

"Please state your full name for the court."

Tonks resisted the urge to scowl. Of course they'd make her say it, as if she wasn't uncomfortable enough. "Nymphadora Cassiopeia Tonks." She was sure she heard Kingsley snort but when she glanced at him he had a straight face.

"And you are a second year Auror Trainee, is that right?"

"Yes."

The woman next to Crouch handed him a scroll which he took without a word of thanks and glanced at briefly before looking at Tonks. "You were part of the team that apprehended suspected Death Eater Liam Semple on May 15 of this year."

It sounded more like a statement but Tonks answered in the affirmative anyway.

"Tell the court what transpired that day if you please."

"We had been called to Cheltenham, there were reports of Death Eater sighting's there. We proceeded to the Finnegan home, knowing that one of the inhabitants of the home, was reported to be connected to Semple." She took a breath, just tell the facts she told herself. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Moody whispering to Dumbledore, although his eyes never left her.

"Ms. Finnegan let us in and I was ordered to search the upper level of the home. Upon searching the rooms I discovered Semple trying to escape out of a window. I set out in pursuit of him after alerting my fellow Aurors to his presence. Auror's Shaklebolt and Moody also joined in pursuit. Semple and I traded spells until he found himself cornered in a dead end. He then attempted to use an unforgivable curse against me."

"And what curse would that be?"

"Avada Kedava."

"Thank you. Please continue."

"The fight then became physical as Semple launched himself at me. We grappled until I was able to get the upper hand. Auror Shaklebolt was then able to disarm Semple and we restrained him for transport to Ministry holding cells."

The witch beside Crouch was writing quickly on the scroll she had previously handed to him. It was another moment before Crouch posed another question.

"You have encountered the accused before, yes?"

Tonks had not been sure if this would come up in their questioning but she was prepared with an answer non the less. "Yes sir, we attended school together and were in the same house. We also dueled in Hogsmead almost five years ago when he attacked me after his companions had abducted a local woman."

Crouch looked at another document offered to him by the witch opposite him. "Yes, the Fortuna case. That will be all Ms. Tonks. You may either join the gallery or exit the court room."

Feeling relieved, she had not left anything out she was sure, Tonks stood and moved to the gallery to sit beside Kingsley. He winked at her in reassurance and Mark nodded, if somewhat stiffly. Obviously his dislike for her hadn't lessoned.

"Bring him in."

The doors opened Liam Semple entered flanked by two Dementors. He was placed in the chair that had been beside the one Tonks had sat in and the chains automatically snacked around him.

"Liam Semple," Crouch's voice rang throughout the chamber. "You have been brought here before the council of magical law so this court may decide your fait. You stand accused of crimes against Muggles, including the use of the cruciatus curse on one such family, as well as assault to a ministry official. You are further accused of using the Imperious curse to extract information from a Ministry official."

Liam simply looked board, and his good eye cast about the room until it settled on Tonks. The look there was much the same as it had been the day he had been brought in. She looked steadily back at him, refusing to give into his attempts to scare her.

"I now ask the Jury," Crouch was saying, "to raise their hands if they believe that these crimes deserve a life sentence in Azkaban."

Every witch and wizard on the Jury raised their hands. "Take him away." The Dementors glided over to Liam and lead him away. He was able to cast one more piercing look before the doors thudded shut cutting him from sight.

The Witches and Wizards of the Jury filed out then as did Crouch and his aid.

Dumbledore and Moody were deep in talk and led the way out of the court room, Tonks, Kingsley and Mark behind them.

"I must take my leave now," Dumbledore said once they were in hall. He turned his twinkling eyes on Tonks, "You did well in there today. Of course it would have been much better if we did not have cause to be here at all today."

"Yes sir. Thank you."

Dumbledore nodded to them all and swept off down the hall and up the stairs that would take him to the lifts.

"This is going to be going on all week." Moody told her as they too headed toward the lifts. Kingsley and Mark were ahead of them. "I'm going to leave you with Shaklebolt, he'll handle things while I'm in court. Tomorrow should be interesting," he muttered mostly to himself as they rode the lift up to their floor.

"Why? whose case is up tomorrow?" Tonks asked curiously. Moody glanced at her briefly his black eyes sharp. "The Lestranges and Crouch's own son."

Tonks stared. "His son?" she asked disbelievingly. She chose to ignore the mention of her Aunt and her husband.

"His son. makes you wonder doesn't it." They're floor was bustling as always and Moody barked for people to get out of the bloody way, while Tonks trailed behind him.

It was Just after supper the next day when Tonks entered her parents home. Before going inside she had placed her ring back on her finger, not wanting to see the pointed look her mother would give her if it wasn't there.

"Dora!" Ted greeted her warmly with a brief hug when she entered the sitting room. He was playing with the knob on the wireless apparently trying to find something he deemed worth listening to. Andromeda was sitting on the couch, drinking tea and reading a book. "Ah that's the ticket!" he exclaimed happily settling on an account of a Quidditch game between England and Ireland. Tonks and Andromeda shared an amused look as she sat beside her mother.

"What brings you here tonight Darling?" Andromeda questioned as she summoned another cup and poured tea for her.

Tonks shrugged, "Just fancied a chat i suppose. " she hesitated, "I thought you might like to know that Bellatrix's case was up today."

"Oh?" Andromeda asked mildly, her expression not giving anything away, "two sugars darling?"

"Yes please," Tonks said giving her mother a quizzical look as she passed her the tea. Andromeda sighed, "Well, what was the verdict? Life I suppose."

"Yes." was all Tonks said, although she did put her hand over Andromeda's. She knew she would pretend she wasn't affected, but that wouldn't change the fact that someone whom she had loved, someone whom she had once been close to had just been sentenced to spend their life in a place that induced madness almost right away. Tonks was very glad that her mother had gotten away from her family when she did. Despite the similarity in appearance, she could never fathom her mother ever considering to be like her sisters. it just wasn't in her nature.

"I see you've taken to wearing your ring again." Andromeda said, changing the subject. Tonks resisted the urge to roll her eyes, of course she'd want to hook on to that. You did know this conversation was coming, she reminded herself. "Yeah well, it's okay to wear around here, i would get some funny questions if i wore it to work though." she said easily. Andromeda frowned and this time Tonks did roll her eyes. "Can we go into the kitchen mum? it might be easier to talk if we didn't have to shout to be heard over the game."

Andromeda assented and they went into the kitchen and sat at the immaculately scrubbed table. "Nymphadora," she paused and seemed to study her daughter for a moment then reached across the table and took the hand that rested there. "You know i think very highly of Remus."

Tonks glanced at her mother disbelievingly. "Do you?"

"Of course i do darling. He is a very good young man, he's always seemed so much older than he is, and i must say that i have never been worried about your future together," again she paused. "Until now that is."

They looked at each other for a moment, the look in Andromeda's eyes willing Tonks to hear her out. "Go on mum. What's got you worried?"

Andromeda smiled slightly, glad that her daughter wasn't already jumping to defensive. "I worry about how hard your life is going to be, and i don't just mean financially. What will happen when people find out that you've married a werewolf? I can't tell you how much it upsets me that you have to hide this. You shouldn't have to make that decision."

Tonks sighed, "And you think it doesn't upset me? I'd love to be able to do this all out in the open, to actually get married. I know it won't be easy mum, but nothing good ever is. I know that if it was found out suspicion would fall on me for associating with a dark creature," she shuddered at having to use that phrase, it just didn't apply to Remus, "Not many people know Remus is a werewolf. I mean honestly most of the people who do know are either dead, in prison or too good to reveal it. At least for now i think we're okay on that front. Besides i don't really want to associate with people who would look down on me for who I married." she gave her mother a significant look. "As to the financial situation, its not mandatory for Remus to tell employers about his condition. I know he doesn't like lying, but given the alternative i know he will if it comes to that. He's too good to sponge off of me, which is what you really mean."

Andromeda didn't protest and Tonks was glad. She wanted to get this all out so that her mother would stop bringing it up once and for all and she didn't want a reason to be angry with her.

"But really, how is it any different than dad working and you staying home? i know it's unorthodox but this is the 1980's mum not the 1950's. We're never going to be rich, but we won't starve."

They were quiet for a time, simply drinking their tea and then Andromeda said, "What if you have children? It's one thing to be willing to take on a stigma your self, but a complete other to subject a child to it."

Tonks snorted derisively. "Says the pure blood witch who ran off with the muggle born. Did I ever complain because I had you and dad for parents? it doesn't matter Mum."

Andromeda sighed, "It's not the same thing darling. Your father and I..."

"Did you know that for the first two years I was at school, no one wanted to really be friends with me because of who I was related to. Because of what I am? I wasn't trusted. I never held that against you and dad, because I'm proud to be your daughter, because I know who you are, no matter what anyone else says. If one day Remus and I do have children, if we raise them as well as our parents raised us, then we'll at least have done one thing right."

She looked in earnest at her mother then, searching to see if there was any other doubt there. "Please Mum," she said quietly. "You have to believe that I know what I'm doing. I don't want to have to choose between my Mum and the man that I love. You know what that's like, don't make me have to do it too."

Andromeda for once was at a lose for words. What could she say? she had never wanted to hurt Nymphadora, and yes she did know how hard it was to have to choose between what you wanted and what your family did. She could never be like her parents and force her child to make a choice like that. She loved her too much for that. And As she had said, she really did like Remus, he would always to be good to Dora she knew, no matter how strained their lives became. Getting up she went around the table and wrapped her arms around her daughter, who held her back tightly as if she didn't want to let go.

"How did I miss it?" she asked quietly, "It's like I blinked and you became a woman. I love you Nymphadora, so very much. Perhaps more than you can ever really know. All I want is for you to be happy and loved. I trust you to know what's right for you."

"I love you too Mum."

**A/N:Next chapter they will get married, I promise. ;)**


	40. Heavens last best gift

Five days:

Remus had not been able to sleep. He had lain there for hours, listening to Dora breath steadily and occasionally mutter in her sleep. She was prone to muttering whilst unconscious, he had discovered very quickly. Somehow he didn't really mind, it had never really bothered him and you never knew what she was going to say next.

At about four a.m., according to the bedside clock, the muttering had stopped leaving him to his thoughts. Not wanting to disturb her he had gotten up very carefully and now was sitting in the window carefully going through the instructions Angeline had given him, making sure they had not forgotten anything. The ceremony was now five days away, they had decided for the first week of June, and he wanted to make sure they got everything right.

Thin arms snaked around his shoulders and hair brushed softly against his cheek as she leaned over him. "Are you reading?" she asked groggily, apparently still half asleep. That she had snuck up on him without her usual fan fair was surprising, he thought, although didn't say. He didn't fancy a smack to the side of the head at such an early hour.

"Just going through the notes Angeline sent me. I'm going to give them to Dumbledore today, so he can look through them once more. He's never done anything like this before."

"Well we can all just blunder through it together then. Budge up," she nudged him with her hip and he obligingly moved over to make room for her. "It was nice of him to agree to preside over the ceremony. I'm sure he's got better things to do."

"That's what I said, but he seemed flattered that we had considered him and told me that in no uncertain terms was I to ask anyone else. His friend, the priestess, agreed as well. I meant to tell you earlier but you were passed out when I came in."

Tonks yawned and rested her head against his shoulder drowsily. "I was just so tired. Still am." she yawned again.

" I was thinking, you should ask Moody to come."

She glanced up at him unsurely. "You think he'd come?"

"I think that if you asked, yes he would."

She bit her bottom lip thoughtfully. "I've wanted to but...well I won't know until I try, right?" She stood pulling him up with her. "Now come back to bed with me until I have to get up again. And stop worrying. We're going to do this Remus, and I promise I won't change my mind two minutes before and realize that I've made a daft mistake. I know you've been thinking it, at least in the back of your mind," she said shrewdly as they settled back under the covers.

Remus didn't deny it. A part of him, a small part, kept saying that this was a mistake that it wasn't really happening. He had ignored that voice, but it liked to sneak in when he least expected it. Especially late at night.

"I know Dora."

"Besides I'll probably have to be more worried that you'll skip out on me."

Remus laughed softly, "Now that is highly unlikely. Impossible even."

"Good," she said already drifting back into sleep. "Now turn that brain of yours off and go to sleep."

Four days:

Tonks stood outside of Moody's cubicle and decided that perhaps that moment was not the best to speak to him. She could hear him chewing someone out and knew that if it had been her she wouldn't want anyone to witness her being told off.

Quickly she turned ready to stride away and come back later when someone pushed past her in a huff and a gruff voice followed. "Tonks, get in here."

Sighing, and hoping she wasn't about to get told off herself for eavesdropping, she turned back and entered his cubicle. He was sitting at his desk and eyed her for a moment before handing her a parchment that she saw was a report when she glanced at it. Looking back at him she raised a brow. "What's this?"

"You're to go and talk to this woman, take her statement and see if it's true. She says her neighbour is up to dark activities. Probably just some old biddy who can't mind her business, but we have to investigate."

Tonks stared, the reason why she had wanted to speak to him moving to the back of her mind for the moment. "By my self? Really?"

Moody's dark eyes glared at her "What did I just say girl."

Folding the parchment she shoved it into the pocket of her robes. "Right." She smiled slightly.

"Remember everything I've taught you," he cautioned. "Just because it seems routine doesn't give you an excuse not to…"

She rolled her eyes, causing him to glare even more. "Be vigilant."

He muttered something about cheek and youthful inexperience, which caused her to want to roll her eyes again, but wisely she refrained. She knew just how far she could push him.

"Well, what are you waiting for, the witch to come to you? Get going."

She turned and would have left then, but stopped herself. Peering outside of the cubicle and making sure the one opposite was empty, she turned back to him. He looked at her expectantly.

Taking a breath she said, "I was wondering…well that is to say that…oh sod it! Look, I'm getting married and I was wondering if you wanted to come."

Moody eyed her for an immeasurable moment and she was sure she was about to receive a lecture on how weddings were the perfect venue for attack from dark wizards. Instead, he surprised her by smiling slightly and nodding. "I'll come. When is this shindig?"

Returning his smile, which she didn't find as off-putting as she once had, she said "In four days, In Scotland. Don't worry I've already checked out the sight for any signs of dark workings. Of course you're more than welcome to check for your self, after all someone has to remain vigilant." Laughing as he cursed after her she left the cubicle and happily went to complete her first solo assignment.

An hour later she exited the small suburban home and allowed herself a laugh, very aware that the little old woman who had made the complaint was watching her from behind her curtains next door. It had turned out that the "Dark activity" was simply an accident in which a little girl had caused her brother to have caterpillars shooting out of his nose. Easily fixed and really not all that exiting. Not that she had really expected it to be. At least it would make a good story.

"Well, are you going to make an arrest?"

The woman had appeared out on her front lawn, house slippers and all.

Tonks smiled, "No Mam. I can't arrest a five-year-old girl for accidental magic. You don't have to worry, your neighbours aren't plotting to over throw the ministry."

The woman eyes her beadily. "What about Albertson across the street? Can you do something about him? He comes out every morning to get the paper in nothing but his unmentionables! It's indecent I tell you!"

The incensed look on her face caused Tonks to want to go into a fresh round of laughter, but instead she cleared her throat and bit back her smile trying to remain professional. "Is he a Muggle? Yes? Well, I can't do anything about that, I'm sorry. You'll have to contact regular law enforcement. I only deal in cases of dark arts, not public nudity. Have a nice day Mam."

She strolled off down the street then, leaving the woman gaping after her and shaking her head at the ineptitude of law enforcement these days.

Once she had found a safe place to do so, Tonks apparated into Diagon Alley outside of a shop with a frilly window display that made her cringe. Steady on, she told herself in fortification of what was ahead. Quickly she pushed open the door and entered, immediately being greeted by the pink robed witch behind the counter with a bright, if somewhat fake, smile. Smiling back courteously, she made a beeline for the back of the shop.

"Nymphadora, I thought I was going to have to go looking for you. Your appointment was for noon darling not thirty minutes after."

She sighed, but kept her smile in place. "Wotcher Mum. I got held up at an inquiry, it was pretty funny really…"

"Yes darling, tell me all about it while Lucida puts the final touches on your dress. Your lucky they could fit you in, I don't know why you always leave things to the last minute. You get it from your father I suppose," Andromeda said in an exasperated tone as she pulled her daughter's robes off of her.

"Mum! I'm perfectly capable of undressing myself thank you." Tonks pulled her shirt and denims off and was then pulled by the seamstress, Lucida, to stand on a round sort of platform where she promptly pulled a mass of cream fabric over her head. Cursing herself for not protesting more when Andromeda and Ted offered to pay for the wedding cloths as a wedding gift, Tonks allowed the seamstress to sew her into the wedding dress.

It had been a request from Andromeda to Remus and her that if they were going to get married in such an unusual way that they at least still dressed traditionally. Both had consented not really caring what they wore.

"I don't really have that long," Tonks warned the seamstress who was now making the final alterations. "I have to get back to work soon."

"We're almost finished dear," was the only reply.

Andromeda was studying her, a serene smile gracing her lips. "Oh Nymphadora," she breathed when the seamstress said she was done. "Turn around and look at yourself darling."

Slowly, trying not to step on the dress, she stepped off of the platform and turned towards the long mirror behind her. Then she was staring. Was that very feminine looking woman in the mirror really her? She had to admit, Lucida had done a fantastic job. The cream and red bodice was off the shoulder and the full skirt swelled gently away from her. On the bottom was delicate embroidery as well as on the train of the dress which was also red. She had wanted to keep her hair pink, it was so much a part of her, but on impulse she changed her hair to her natural colour and made it long. She had always thought she resembled her father more than her mother, but with her mother standing beside her just then there was no question whom it was she really looked like.

"What do you think?" Andromeda asked almost hesitantly.

Tonks smiled and put her arms around her mother in silent thanks that she had dragged her to this specific shop. "I love it."

One day:

The daylight was dieing, the sun sinking behind red hued clouds. Remus was alone, a solitary figure on the darkening beach. Not for the first time he found himself being grateful that his parents had decided to make their home here after they got married. His father had wanted to live in London, closer to work, he knew. But Sarah had won out, as she always had, and they had settled here in their small house.

He had been in the kitchen, thinking of making tea that would have been really more fire whisky and less tea, when the silence of the house had gotten to him. Remus had never minded quiet, being friends with James and Sirius he had sometimes come to crave it, but that night it had bothered him. It caused his mind to wander back to places he was not willing to go.

So he had gone down to the water, tracing the warn path to the log bench, and this is where he now sat the sound of the waves gently sweeping onto the beach filling the silence he had wanted to escape from.

Not for the first time he found himself wondering how this night, the night before he got married, would have been if James and Peter hadn't died; if Sirius hadn't betrayed them all. James and Sirius would insist he get drunk, he knew, and James would probably try to give him sage advice on married life as if he had been married for fifty years instead of three. Sirius would say he was entering into a fate worse than death, only half jokingly, and lament how he would now be stuck with Peter as the only other bachelor. Peter of course would be slightly offended but pretend he wasn't.

He had never pictured this day actually coming, part of him was still in vague wonderment that Dora would even want to spend the rest of her life with him, but he had always thought that if somehow it did they would be there with him. He missed them, even Sirius, fiercely and it was occasions like this that made him ache to want to talk to them all.

Because despite what Dora said, he was afraid. Afraid that he was going to ruin her life, afraid that he was being selfish. "I'm afraid that one day she'll hate me for it," he said softly aloud to himself.

He could almost hear Lily telling him to stop being so ridiculous, that anyone was in danger of that happening when they decided to tie their life to someone else. She would say, in her no nonsense manner, that if people didn't have to work for what they wanted, work to make it work than the world would have already self-combusted. It was the way of life, she would say, and he just had to suck it up and move on.

They had often had conversations like that.

He knew it wouldn't be easy, but he was willing to try to be happy, not just for Dora but for himself as well. Just for one day, he told himself, put aside all your fears for the future and live in the moment. What comes will come and you'll get through it as best you can. Together.

Wedding day:

Tonks felt oddly calm. She had thought that she would feel anticipatory jitters, perhaps even be worried that everything was not going to go to plan. Instead she felt only anticipation, as she stood with Remus waiting for the signal for the ceremony to start. Everything looked convincing enough, she thought surveying the circle that had been formed of rocks. The entire wedding Party, which including them consisted of eight people, fit into it with plenty of room to spare. Four candles were placed at four different spots to mark the four directions. Dumbledore had conjured a table and on it were a chalice and the rope used for the hand fasting.

Tonks and Remus were standing to the east of the circle, as they had been told they must and now she looked at him and smiled, squeezing his hand. He was wearing black dress robes and when he smiled back at her his amber eyes had a rare sparkle to them. Not for the first time she sent a thank you to whatever force it was that said she could have him in her life. Likewise Remus was thinking the same thing. When he had first seen Dora,when they had arrived at the clearing where the ceremony was to be held, he had only been able to stare and suspected that he had smiled rather goofily when she had seen him and smiled.

The wedding guests who consisted of Andromeda, Ted, Angeline and Moody had been talking amongst themselves but now a quiet settled over the clearing and Dumbledore, as the one presiding over the ceremony, rang a bell three times.

"Ready?" Remus asked softly. His hand felt clammy in hers. She smiled up at him. "I've been ready for this for years."

They began walking around the circle until they returned to their original spot and then entered the circle and stood in front of Dumbledore.

He smiled, his blue eyes particularly twinkling and then spoke. "We have come together here in celebration of the joining together of Remus and Nymphadora. There are many things to say about marriage. Much wisdom concerning the joining together of two souls has come our way through all paths of belief, and from many cultures. With each union, more knowledge is gained and more wisdom gathered. Though we are unable to give all this knowledge to these two, who stand before us, we can hope to leave with them the knowledge of love and its strengths and the anticipation of the wisdom that comes with time. The law of life is love unto all beings. Without love, life is nothing, without love, death has no redemption. Love is anterior to life, posterior to death, initial of creation and the exponent of Earth. If we learn no more in life, let it be this."

He then asked the priestess, who had been standing to the side, to cast the circle. She walked around the periphery of the circle four times with objects that represented the four elements. At each spot where the candles were she recited a blessing.

"Each of these blessings emphasizes those things which will help you build a happy and successful union. Yet they are only tools. Tools, which you must use together in order to create what you seek in this union." Dumbledore spoke again, explaining what the priestess had just done. He now addressed himself to Remus and Tonks.

"Do you, Remus, take Nymphadora to be your wife, to be her constant friend, her partner in life and her true love? Will you love her without reservation, honor and respect her, protect her from harm and comfort her in times of distress? Will you grow with her in mind and spirit?"

Without hesitation Remus said, "I will."

Dumbledore then asked Tonks the same and she responded in like.

It was now time for the exchanging of rings, which were both simple, and for Remus and Tonks to recite a statement as they did so.

Tonks spoke first. "I, Nymphadora, commit myself to be with Remus in joy and adversity, in wholeness and brokenness, in peace and turmoil, living with him faithfully all our days. May I have the strength and fortitude to keep these vows always. So be it."

She slipped the ring onto Remus's left hand. Taking her hand Remus then recited the same vows, slipping the ring onto her finger in front of her engagement ring.

Dumbledore then held up the chalice and asked them both to drink of it. First they held the cup themselves and drank from it and then held it for each other to drink from. This was supposed to signify the balance of their future relationship.

Turning then, they faced each other. Their eyes locked on the others, they clasped their left and right hands so that their bodies formed a figure eight. Stepping forward with the rope that had previously rested on the table the priestess tied their hands tightly together. It was now time for them to give a reason why they wanted to be bonded to the other.

"Nymphadora, when we first met I knew there was something special about you. Over the years your presence in my life has both enriched and fulfilled it. You force me to face my darkest thoughts and make me want to be better and do better than I thought I could possibly. When I have given up on myself, you are there to pull me back and make me see that my life has purpose. You accept me for who and what I am. I love you and I will love you for the rest of my life and beyond."

Tonks could feel tears welling in her eyes, but she smiled and looked up at Remus as she said, "I feel as if I have loved you from the moment I met you. You are my voice of reason; you are the one who pulls me back when I would otherwise go too far. No matter what mistakes I make, no matter what I do, you are always on my side supporting me. You see the real me, when so many others would only see my exterior. You are the first person I want to see when I wake up and the last I want to see before I go to sleep. I will love you with all my heart and soul for the rest of our lives and if there is a life beyond this one I will love you then as well."

The priestess came forward again and removed their bonds. Now grasping only one hand each, they turned back to Dumbledore for the final time, anticipation filling them both. Soon they would be man and wife.

"Be understanding and patient, each with the other. Be free in the giving of affection and warmth. Be sensuous with one another. Have no fear for the life that lays ahead, embrace each new day together."

Turning toward those assembled Dumbledore asked, "Will you all support this man and woman as they enter into this life long bond?"

"We will," they all intoned. Andromeda was already crying and leaning against Ted for support.

Eyes twinkling Dumbledore declared, "I now pronounce you hand fasted, bonded for life. You may now kiss to seal your pledge."

They met each other half way, arms going around the other as they shared a kiss that was both gentle and passionate. As they broke apart both looked as if they were discovering each other for the first time again.

The priestess was now re-walking the path she had taken, breaking the circle.

"The circle is open but unbroken." She said. "May the peace of the old ones go in our hearts. Blessed be."

Again Dumbledore rang the bell three times and hands clasped tightly, Remus and Nymphadora Lupin exited the circle, walking clock wise around it, taking their first steps as husband and wife.

**A/N: the ceremony and every speech made by Dumbledore or Tonks and Lupin, aside from their final reasons given, come from a wonderful website I found, which details many different forms of hand fasting. I will post the link on my profile, if anyone would like to check it out, it's really interesting. It may seem strange that Dumbledore presided over the ceremony but lets just say that as a member of the Wizengamot he can do things like that. I was wondering what jobs you think Remus should have over the years. Please send me some ideas, it would make my week. :) I will of course give you credit if I use your ideas. Until next time.**


	41. Can't imagine me without you

**So sorry about how long it took to update. It's been so hot here that to sit in front of the computer, which radiates heat, made me feel sick. This chapter is basically just fluff. The ooey gooey kind. Like what's in the middle of a fresh baked brownie. **

"Well, here you are," Mrs. Ogden smiled as she unlocked the cottage and stepped inside. "Mr. Tonks said you'd be staying for three days?"

She looked at the young couple behind her expectantly. The young woman was looking around the airy room avidly and it was her husband that answered in the affirmative.

"I think you'll find it very peaceful out here. Mr. Tonks and his partner always say they do." She said studying them. Mrs. Ogden was a great people studier and had always been so since she was a young girl.

She remembered meeting the young woman many years earlier when she had come with her Uncle to the cabin. She had just been entering teenage hood then and had caused quiet a ruckus when she poured some kind of green slime over her older cousins head as she was snogging her boyfriend behind the cottage.

She seemed more sedate now, but perhaps she was still reeling from the idea that she was now married. Mrs. Ogden knew that feeling well, having been married twice.

Well she certainly did well for herself, she thought as she handed the key to the husband. He certainly is a handsome looking fellow.

"All the linens are fresh and I've aired out all the rooms for you. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to come ask me."

"Thank you, we will."

Mrs. Ogden beamed, "Well, I'll just leave you to settle in, shall I?"

Without waiting for an answer she exited the cottage leaving them alone.

"It smells very flowery in here." Nymphadora commented as the door closed behind Mrs. Ogden.

"I suppose that's what she meant about airing it out." Remus replied. Dora turned to beam at him.

"So," she said, her Grey eyes twinkling, "should we go check out the bedroom?" she raised a brow suggestively and Remus raised one in return.

"Aren't we forgetting something?"

She now looked confused. "What?"

"Well I was under the impression that I was supposed to carry you over the threshold. Unless we're disregarding all tradition."

She seemed to be considering it for a moment and her eyes swept over to the doorway that led to the master bedroom.

"Yes, well I suppose we could that," she said only a little begrudgingly. She was very eager to get the honeymoon started.

Remus shook his head, a smile teasing his lips. Tonks expecting him to open the door to the cottage and sweep her up there was surprised and somewhat unprepared when she suddenly found herself being carried toward the bedroom. She wrapped her arms around his neck, afraid that she would somehow cause him to drop her. "What're you doing?"

"Carrying you over the threshold," he said simply as he pushed the door to the bedroom open. "You didn't actually think that I was going to make us go back outside did you?"

They entered the room and he sat her gently on the bed, which was clothed in soft cream coloured linens.

Kneeling in front of her he carefully pulled her right shoe off. "How's the foot?"

Tonks laughed lightly. "It'll survive. I don't think Moody, alcohol and Dancing really mix well though. Although it was funny to see him jitterbugging with my mum."

Remus touched the bruise that was forming, putting the barest pressure on it. "Well, it was better than at Lily and James's wedding when he two stepped with McGonagall." He took the other shoe off.

He looked up at her pensively then. "It doesn't upset you-" he started to ask worriedly before she interjected by taking his hand and kissing the palm of it.

"That we didn't have a lot of people there?" she finished for him. "No. We had the people who are important to us and I really couldn't ask for more than that." She paused, a sad light coming into her bright eyes. "Well maybe I could, for you at least."

He reached up with his free hand and softly caressed her cheek. He knew what she meant, but for the first time in eight months he found that he did not want to think of his lost friends. Not in this moment and time. For once, even if it was only to be fleeting, he wanted nothing to exist except them.

"What's that look?" she asked as he rose slightly so there was a bare inch between their faces.

Remus shook his head and leaned in to brush his lips over hers. "Just admiring you."

He deepened the kiss, feeling her lips curve slightly at his admission. As the embrace intensified, she sunk back gently pulling him with her until they were both on the bed. Lacing his fingers through her soft hair he turned his ministrations to place a lingering trail of kisses on her neck, causing her to sigh.

"Well, then," she said breathlessly in to his ear causing a slight shiver to go down his spine. "If you don't mind I'd like to admire you for a while." Her hands snaked up the front of his shirt as she spoke and she nibbled softly on the skin over his collarbone.

They had slowly moved until they were fully on the bed, both their shirts now discarded somewhere along the way and with a strength that one would not think such a small woman would posses, she pushed him back until she was straddling him.

They gazed at each other for a moment, neither one speaking, simply just staring into the other eyes.

"I Love you," Tonks said, although she didn't need to. The look in her eyes said everything.

Remus pulled her down until their bodies were flush. "As I love you."

"Mrs. Lupin." Tonks gazed at her reflection in the lavatory mirror and shook her tousle haired head. It makes me sound too old, she thought. No wonder Sarah never wanted to be called that if she could help it.

"Nymphadora Lupin," she said slowly, but again she didn't quite like it. It was close, but still didn't seem to be what she wanted. Maybe I should just leave it till I'm more awake she mused.

Currently it was just after five in the morning. Outside it was storming, loud claps of thunder echoing. It had woken her, but Remus continued to sleep. Sometimes she thought he could sleep through anything.

Pursing her lips, she drummed her fingers on the rim of the sink. "Dora Lupin."She smiled slightly, but again rejected it. She wanted no one but Remus and her parents using that moniker.

"Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin." It seemed to roll off her tongue. Yes, she decided glancing at her reflection once more and unconsciously pushing down her hair, I think I rather like it. Of course at work she would still go by her maiden name, it would save a lot of questioning.

As Tonks reentered the bedroom, a flash of lightning illuminated it briefly. She couldn't help smiling when she saw Remus. In lee of her presences he seemed to have stolen her pillow and taken the opportunity to stretch his legs out into the middle of the bed. It reminded her of when she had teased that she wasn't a bed hog years ago when he had been reluctant to share a bed with her. She had since learned that it was in fact he who was the bed hog.

Not that she minded, really. A good shove in the side usually remedied the situation.

Not feeling the least bit tired, she never the less shoved his long legs over and climbed back into the large bed, lying on her side so that she could see his face.

Cally had told her once that men found it very disconcerting and a bit stalkerish to find a woman watching them sleep. She said she had tried it with Mark once to see if it was true and he had woken to demand if there was something on his face.

She didn't know if Remus knew that she sometimes watched him;she supposed he probably did. She didn't do it very often. But when it was still too early to rise and she couldn't sleep she would find her eyes tracing the lines at the corner of his eyes, the slight turn of his lips when he was sleeping well, the way that even in slumber his fringe still managed to fall over his eyes. When he slept he was vulnerable, all masks he put up gone.

As if sensing her gaze Remus's eyes opened, the sleepy haze making the gold flecks stand out more. "What's that look?" he echoed her earlier question, his hoarse voice soft.

"Did you know that there was a lot of girls that were jealous when we first started going out?" she asked instead of answering.

Her question was returned with a skeptical look. She laughed softly and kissed his nose. "It's true. Hattie Callaghan used to give me the dirtiest looks, she quiet fancied you."

He now looked confused.

"I'm just trying to remember who she is, I don't think we ever met, although she might be the one that Sirius referred to as Hattie with the legs. Or maybe it was Hattie with the eyes?" he shook his head. "She didn't really?"

"What, thinking of leaving me for Hattie Callaghan? I'm pretty sure she's married with three little nudgers by now." She said with mock irritation.

"Are we really having this conversation?" he raised a brow.

She smirked, "Yes, Mr. Lupin I believe we are." Her expression softened then, "I was just thinking, before you woke up, that it was just sinking in."

"What?" he wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled in closer.

"The fact that I get to be with you for the rest of my life."

"I know what you mean." He said after a few moments. "I never thought that you would actually ever want to be with me. I used to think that one day you would realize that you could do better."

"I don't really think I can." Thunder echoed again as she spoke but Remus had no trouble hearing her.

"No one else would put up with my eccentrics as well as you do. Honestly if I couldn't be with you I wouldn't be with anyone. " She was being very frank, more so than usual. She had never shared this particular feeling with him before, but in this moment they both felt secure. She wished that it would always be so, but knew that it wouldn't. Their lives didn't allow for that.

Remus didn't say anything, simply titled her face upward so he could kiss her softly. She knew he was saying that he felt the same way though.

"So if something happened to me, what you're saying is that you'd pine after me for the rest of your life?" he asked lightly a few minutes later.

Tonks laughed and settled her head on his chest. She could here his heart beating a steady rhythm. "Basically yes. Of course with my job, it's more likely something will happen to me, in which case I expect you to do the proper amount of Pining, say fifty years."

He chuckled. "Of course."

"I think I've done enough pining for a long time though. I mean there was the four years when you remained obtuse to the fact that I had a mad crush on you, and then there was the year we were broken up and then the four months that you were gone, so that's almost six years. I think we're good for a while yet." She said seriously, although he could tell that she wasn't.

"Well you have two years on me. So that' almost eight between us."

"Really?" she had always wondered when he had first started to like her in a way other than just friendly. If Sirius was to be believed it had gone on for a while.

He nodded and she raised a brow expectantly, looking up at him. He returned the look.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

She huffed, "You can't just throw that out there and nothing else. I want details! You know that I fancied you pretty much right from the moment we met, even if it was only a slight infatuation. Even after all these years I have no idea when it was for you!"

He seemed to be fighting the urge to laugh. She continued to stare at him in mock exasperation, waiting. Finally he sighed, although he was smiling.

"Honestly? Do you remember the day that we met under the tree and it was raining?"

"The day that I said you could call me Dora." She supplied. Again he nodded.

"You had just been asked out by Michael Collegian and weren't sure whether to accept."

"And you told me to," she said slowly. "Wait a tic, if you liked me then, then why didn't you ask me out?"

The look he gave her said it all.

"Never mind, I know why. So that was when?"

"It hit me when you were rambling on, talking a mile a minute about whether you should or shouldn't accept. I found myself wanting to tell you not to accept. In fact, if Peter hadn't come along then I might have acted against my better judgment for once and done so. But I think if I had, we wouldn't be here now."

She found that she couldn't disagree. "We probably would have broken up very quickly." She agreed. It had been after she found out about Remus's condition that her feelings had intensified. Before then it had still been a schoolgirl crush, and despite counting him amongst her closest friends she hadn't really known him. Not until that summer.

"Well I'm glad you didn't say anything then. I can't imagine myself without you, you know."

He kissed her forehead, "I do."


	42. Memories and a Job

**The quote is by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Anything recognizable is not mine.**

Remus stood on the busy sidewalk and tried to convince himself to enter the shop before him. There was nothing very intimidating about it really. It was a little bookstore, situated between a laundryman and a Korean deli. The window display was also benign, a sign proclaiming children's reading hour every Friday afternoon was situated against a book with cracked binding.

It's just a job interview, he told himself as he finally took a step forward towards the door. Just breath Lupin, they don't know what you are and they'll never have to find out. Hoping his new resolve would last so he could make a decent impression he pushed open the door and stepped inside, causing a little bell to ring.

The shop, being small, was crowded with bookshelves and one or two worn looking chairs. There were so many books that some had been crammed on the shelves side ways and even more were perched onto the shelves in precarious looking piles. It smelled of old paper and the familiarity of it calmed his nerves.

Just visible through the shelves was a counter with a till. Behind the counter a young woman sat on a stool reading a magazine. Her long black hair was piled on the top of her head, what appeared to be a chopstick holding it in place. As he approached, Remus noticed the earring in her nose and that she was wearing bright red lipstick.

"Excuse me," after all his mother had taught him to be polite, "I have an interview at 2, with Dana."

The young woman looked up from her magazine, which had a picture of a brown haired man on it and said in small white lettering Gorby does Washington, among other things, a board look on her face. The look quickly changed when she saw him.

"You're Remus then?" she asked sounding unsure.

He smiled slightly, "I am. "

Her eyes were scanning him and he wondered if it had been a mistake to wear jeans, although Dora had insisted he did saying that he wanted to look as "young Muggle" as possible but still presentable.

"You're early." She said still checking him out. She had now returned to his face.

He knew that he was only a minute early, but asked, "Is that a problem?"

Instead of answering she said, "You're younger than you sounded on the phone. Your voice is misleading."

He didn't really know what to say to that, but thankfully she didn't seem to expect an answer. Instead she pulled out a form from under the counter and grabbed a pencil.

"Right, so I'm Dana, as you may have figured out from my previous comment about the phone." She was still staring at him and it was beginning to become unnerving. "I'm the manager here, the owner is an old bat who never comes in, so I pretty much run this outfit. As you can see it's a bit of a mess, but don't go thinking it's all over the gaff, I know exactly where everything is to be found. " She said vehemently, as if he had accused her of being disorganized already.

"So you wanted full time?"

"Yes, that would be preferable." she didn't even look away as she jotted on the form.

"Uhhuh. You have very nice eyes you know."

"Thank you," he said slowly, somewhat taken aback. What did his eyes have to do with anything?

"I'm just stating the truth," she smiled; her teeth were almost perfectly straight. "You don't have any other commitments that will interfere with working here?"

"No." it wasn't really a lie. The shop closed before the moon rose.

She held his eyes with hers then and he noticed that one was blue and the other green. She seemed to be trying to read his mind. Either that or she had been staring at him for so long that her face was stuck like that.

"You can start tomorrow." She finally said, sweeping the unfilled form off the counter and picking up her magazine. She now looked away from him, her eyes seemingly riveted on whatever article she was reading. "Be here at 8 am, that's when we open, or so the sign says. Sometimes I actually wonder if it was supposed to say 9 and there's just a smudge on it." She shrugged.

"Right. Thank you Dana, I'll see you at 8 tomorrow." Quickly he turned and made his way out of the shop. He could feel her watching him as he left.

"What a strange woman," he thought as he slipped into an alley to disapperate. She left him feeling somewhat unsettled and he couldn't help thinking that that didn't bode well for the longevity of this job.

The rest of the afternoon found him cleaning the house. He changed into an old t-shirt and set to work starting with the kitchen. A few dishes sat in the sink and he set them to scrubbing them selves and sent a scorgify at the windows that looked out into the garden. Examining the floor he decided that it didn't need a scrubbing yet and moved onto the living room where he picked up a few discarded items, including a pair of Dora's socks and his robes. As he picked a sofa pillow up off the floor he couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips. If his friends could see him, they'd be despairing for his man hood. In fact he was sure that if there was an afterlife James was looking down at him and shaking his head. Perhaps he had a touch of that obsessive-compulsive disorder, but he had always felt better after putting things in their rightful place. He didn't need everything organized; as long as he could find it a little mess was fine, natural even. But he was still feeling disconcerted by the meeting with Dana. So he cleaned to get his mind off of it.

Satisfied with the living room he took the robes and socks and headed upstairs to deposit them in the hamper. He looked around the room and shook his head. It looked like a tornado had whirled through. He flicked his wand and all discarded clothes flew into the hamper. He definitely was not going to try to suss out exactly which clothes were clean and which weren't. Picking up a pair of Dora's shoes he went to the closet and threw them in. The shoes landed on top of a box and the sight of it caused him to lurch back and sit on the bed. Running a hand through his hair he continued to look at it. There was nothing really alarming about the box, but he knew what it held.

After Dora had moved in they had decided that not using the bigger bedroom was silly. So they had spent an entire weekend rearranging things, using a paint charm to change the colour of the walls from white to a light green and replacing the bed, where Remus was sure he was conceived. After they were done it had seemed a different room completely. Which was what they had bee going for. If it hadn't been he would never have been able to so much as spend more than a few minutes in there, let alone sleep.

He didn't like to think of the night his parents had been murdered. At first he had been haunted by the images seared into his mind. Seeing the dark mark, finding his father but still somehow hoping that his mother had survived. Then going into the very room he now sat in and finding her sprawled, dead. She had still been warm, death only just setting in.

So it had been necessary to change the room, make it his and Dora's and not the place that his mother had died. When they had been cleaning out the room, they had simply boxed up his parent's things and stored them away. Now here was this box, one of the many that held the remnants of two people.

Slowly he stood and strode across the room back to the closet. Crouching down he pulled the box out and carried it over to the bed, where he set it and again looked at it. It was much too heavy to simply contain clothes. Taking up his wand he used it to slice through the tape that held it closed.

The first item he saw was a leather bound book, the brown covering was worn and embossed on the front were the words "It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth - and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up - that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had..." He remembered this book well.

One of his earliest memories was of his mother and himself down by the water. He remembered that he had been chasing the waves that rolled onto the beach, and that Sarah had been sitting on a blanket, her long legs crossed and writing in this book. Eventually he got tired of running into the waves and had sat down in the sand and watched her as she wrote. Finally she had looked up at him arching a brow. "What are you doing?" she had asked, her lilting voice filled with amusement.

He had shrugged and replied, "What are _you_ doing?"

She had smiled then and closed her book. "Remembering, love."

He hadn't known what she meant; it was years before he found out that the fat book was his mothers journal, a journal she had been writing in since she was had been given to her by his grandmother, bought at a muggle shop in Dublin.

21 years of her life was recorded here in this book that he held in his hands. Remus carefully opened it to a random page. His mother had doodled in the corner of it, whirling patterns in black ink. The date on the page was November 1957. She would have been 16. The page held two passages, both short. The first read:

" Jarrett asked me out today; still hoping that he'll win me over I suppose. That'll be the day. I had to result to finally telling him that the day I went out with him hell would freeze over. He didn't quite know what I meant, but I'm sure he got the meaning. Ramona is now mad at me though, says I should have given him a chance. Just because she likes him. People baffle me."

Remus smiled and flipped further into the journal again stopping at a random page. This one was dated March 16 1960. The day he had been born.

"I made John bring me my journal," the passage read. "I had to get how I'm feeling down while its fresh. He says I should be sleeping, but how can I, exhausted as I am, when I can see my child asleep, cradled in his fathers arms. My child. It still amazes me that he's mine, that he came from me. I'll probably be staring at him for days. When they put him in my arms it was like nothing I had ever felt before. He looked at me and I knew that he knew that he was mine. I thought I was going to loose him, the birth was so long and hard and the healers wouldn't tell me what was wrong. But he's here now. Even if they tell me I can never have another, I won't be sad. He'll be enough."

Remus closed the journal and sat it carefully on the bed. He would read more later, just then he felt that he couldn't. This book didn't deserve to be relegated to a box in a closet. He would put it somewhere safe.

He reached into the box again and pulled out another book, this one a photo album. This too he put aside for later. He looked into the closet where other boxes were placed on the shelf. It was still early and he had time.

"Remus?"

He looked up from the box he was going through to see Dora standing in the doorway to the room, her Auror robes draped over arm. Her eyes scanned the boxes that littered the floor.

"What're you doing?"

He closed the box and sealed it, shoving it over with five others. "Going through my parents things. I figured we could take their clothes to that second hand shop in Diagon."

She nodded and entered the room to sit on the bed. "What's this?" she held the journal up.

"My mum's Journal. I found it in the first box I went through." He shoved the last box over to the ones that would go up to the attic and joined her on the bed.

"Can I?" she indicted the book and he nodded.

"I don't think she'd mind you going through it."

She opened the book to the first page, "May 25th 1956."

She read and then laughed; "She says that some boy tried to snog her behind the greenhouses after telling her some story about loosing his toad. She hexed him and told him he could find his own bloody toad and that his breath smelt like he had been kissing it and that's probably why it had run away."

"She didn't really." Remus said in amusement. It really wouldn't surprise him, his mother had hardly been mild mannered.

"She did. Says that besides getting this journal it was the worst birthday of her life."

Dora closed the journal and looked at him. "So?"

"So what?" he knew what she wanted, but couldn't help teasing her.

She rolled her eyes, " you know what."

He suppressed a smirk, "No, I'm afraid I don't Nymphadora."

She gave him a severe look. "Now you're just asking for it. I will not hesitate to take my shoe off and hit you with it. Come on, I've wanted to know all day."

"I got the job, if that's what you wanted to know."

She sighed. "You're so mean to me sometimes you know."

He laughed and wrapped an arm around her pulling her against him. "I try love."

"So what's the place like, when do you start and what's your boss like?" she asked apparently deciding that she forgave him for teasing her.

"It's small, packed with books, tomorrow and I think she may be a bit spaced honestly."

She pulled away to look at him. "What?" she seemed to trying to tell if he was joking or not.

"I'm serious. I'm no stranger to strange behaviour, it was par for the course being a Marauder, but there was something about her that really unnerved me."

She was smiling now, "Oh really, what did she do, invite you to be part of her cult?"

Remus snorted, "Hardly. She stared. A lot. And she said she liked my eyes. Mostly though it was the staring. Other than that our conversation was brisk, she was very vehement."

Tonks raised a brow. "Maybe she's just eccentric."

"Perhaps. I hope so; I can deal with eccentrics. Invitations to join cults are another matter all together."

She tapped her lime green nails against the journal absently. "Maybe, she was checking you out. Did she watch you as you left?"

Remus swore he could hear a possessive note in her voice. Was she jealous? No, Dora always laughed these kinds of things off. "I'm not sure, although I did get the feeling that she was staring again."

"Well, I'll just have to come see you on my day off wont I. Reassert my territory."

"I'm sure she's just eccentric." He said amused.

"Uhhuh." She didn't sound convinced.


	43. The Cure?

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed. The response I've gotten to this fic still surprises me. This chapter is dedicated to Voldy's nose is a lie, who promised pudding pie and cupcakes.:D **

**Disclaimer: Not mine  
**

Working with Dana turned out to be far better than Remus had expected. He came to realize that Dora was right, she was only eccentric. The first morning she had spent telling him her system, which instead of going by genre of book was alphabetized and went by year. Her reasoning was that as long as someone knew the Authors last name, they shouldn't have any trouble. She had then proceeded to tell him to watch the shop while she went for a "ciggy" and got coffee. Before going out the door she turned back and asked, "You do drink coffee right? Please don't tell me that your one of those new agers who only drink herbal teas."

Remus couldn't help laughing, "Yes, I drink coffee."

He had been working there for almost two months when he realized that Dora was also right about her other statement. Dana was indeed checking him out that first day and she continued to whether she knew he could see her or not.

He let it go, because other than watching him she had never tried to do anything else. Except buy him coffee everyday, even when he insisted she didn't need to.

"Careful on that ladder," she called from where she sat behind the counter, this time reading the newspaper.

"Would you mind coming and holding these books for me then, if you're so afraid I'm going to fall?" he asked. He had worked there for almost five months now and it always seemed to fall to him to have to climb the rickety old ladder to re-shelf or restock the books on the top most shelves.

"Do you like The Cure?" she asked instead of answering, although she did get up and come around the counter to stand by the ladder.

"The cure for what?" he asked quizzically as she handed him a book. He was becoming used to her weird statements but it this one seemed to come out of nowhere.

Dana looked at him for a moment as if he was stupid and then realization seemed to dawn on her. " It's a band. You've never heard of them?"

"No, should I have?" what he knew of Muggle music he had learned from Lily and his mother. Dora liked to listen to punk and rock music, both muggle and wizarding but half the time her tastes were a bit too strong for him.

"If you haven't been living under a rock." She smiled at him as he descended the ladder. "I have an extra ticket to their concert, on Friday, my friend backed out on me, so I was wondering if you wanted to go."

"I'm afraid I can't," he said, glad that he wasn't lying. He hated that.

"Prior commitment?" she asked as they went back to the counter and she leaned against it.

Something like that. "I have to have dinner with my wife's parents, it's my mother in laws birthday." Now he was lying. It was Andromeda's birthday, but it was also the full moon.

"Shit."

"Excuse me?" he asked surprised at her sudden oath.

"You're married?" she now looked down at his left hand and seeing the modest band, swore again.

"Are you alright?"

"Peachy." She sighed and picked up the paper, folding it. "I was just thinking what a crime it is that all young people think they need to rush into marriage. I don't really mean that's what you did, of course, I don't know the circumstances. But all the attractive men my age that I meet are married or involved."

"Right." He paused, "Maybe you're looking too hard."

She sighed again. "Maybe. Would you mind terribly if I still had an infatuation with you, you're about the only thing worth looking at around here."

He didn't know if she was serious, it was hard to tell with her, but he smiled kindly and said, "I suppose not."

"Good. Would have been crushed if you said no."

"Miss, you need to stay here, someone will be along to see you soon."

Tonks stared after the bustling healers and mediwitchs as they wheeled Moody down the hall.

"Tonks."

She continued to look into space, ignoring the voice behind her.

"Come sit down."

She turned and was surprised to see Dawlish. She was sure he had gone back to the ministry. He indicated the seat beside him somewhat awkwardly. "They'll tell us when there's anything to know."

She sat, a hollow feeling constricting her chest. She had never seen so much blood in her life and it just kept coming.

A handkerchief was thrust under her nose and she looked at Dawlish questioningly.

"You're crying."

She grabbed the offered cloth and irritably wiped at her eyes. "I'm fine," she lied. "I just…" she didn't know what to say. This was the first time she had ever worked with Dawlish; she didn't know him really.

"It's hard." He said simply. "The first time you see something like that happen to a colleague. My second week as a junior Auror my partner was killed by a Death Eater, blown to bits. There was gore everywhere." He sighed. "Its just part of the job that you have to get used to."

"I don't want to get used to it." She said quietly.

He sighed again and said no more as they waited. A mediwitch finally came, a healer in tow to check them over. Neither one was overly hurt, Tonks would have a bruise from being sent flying by the wizard they were supposed to be apprehending and Dawlish had been a little singed but was otherwise fine.

"Can you tell us what's happening with Alastor Moody," she asked the healer when he would have left.

The man placed a placating hand on her shoulder. "I can found out."

It was another half hour before he returned. "We've stabilized him. There was so much blood that it looked worse than it was."

"He got hit in the head, the wizard we were apprehending attacked as soon as he opened the door."

The healer ran a hand over his jaw; he looked as if he could use a good sleep. "It was his eye. We've done the best we can, but there was no saving it. He's awake, although the potion we gave him might cause him to pass out at any time. You can go in and see him if you would like."

Tonks was immediately on her feet. She looked expectantly at Dawlish, but he shook his head. "I'll go back to the office, tell them what's happened. A report needs to be filled out; the MLE wizards took him to holding. I'll come see him later."

She simply nodded before hurrying after the healer. They were in the spell damage ward and Moody and one other wizard were currently the only two beds occupied. She thanked the man for showing her to the room and then leaned against the wall for a moment. Pull your self together, she scolded. What will he say if you go in there and start crying?

Feeling that she had her emotions under control for the moment she headed to his bed.

"They get the filth that did this?" was the first thing he asked when his good eye settled on her. A white bandage was wrapped around his head covering the one that had been destroyed.

"Dawlish says the MLE took him into holding. He went back to fill out a report."

There was a chair beside the bed and she sat in it fidgeting slightly. He glared at her and even with one eye it was still affecting.

"You're blaming yourself for this aren't ya? Well don't bother. I let my guard down for half a second, that's all it takes." He told her gruffly.

She leaned forward. "But it was my fault, if I had been prepared when he opened the door… I wasn't vigilant enough and you paid the price." She swallowed; those stupid tears were threatening to come again.

"It's part of the job Nymphadora," he told her forcefully. "It's the chance we take. We all know that when we get in. If you hadn't acted when you did, the scum might have finished me off, so at least that's something. Are you alright?"

She nodded. "Just a bruise." She looked at the white bandage again and said with a hint of her usual cheekiness, "Well at least one good thing will have come out of this. Women love men who are all scarred and missing body parts, it presents a dangerous image. Why do you think I've stayed with Remus for so long?"

Moody snorted and then laughed. "You must be fine, if you're giving me your usual cheek. Now go get out of here and let an old man rest."

She rolled her eyes, "You're not that old. " but she stood before reaching down and squeezing his hand. "Remus and I will come see you later."

Moody nodded and she let go of his hand and left the room. Just as she was turning the corner at the end of the hall she collided with someone collided with her sending them both sprawling.

"Merlin!" she felt someone grab her arm, "here let me help you up. I'm so sorry I wasn't watching where-Tonks?"

Tonks lurched to her feet and looked at her accoster for the first time. "Cally."

Cally shifted the sheaf of parchment she was carrying nervously. "How are you?" she noticed the blood on the front of her Auror robes and her expression changed to one of worry. "You're not hurt are you?"

"No. I was visiting Moody; we were on assignment when he got hurt. He'll live though."

Cally nodded. "That's…well I'm glad you're not hurt. I um-"

"I need to get going. It's the full moon tonight, the office is going to be busy, we always get more reports on these nights."

"Right," Cally laughed a little uncertainly. "Us too, what with werewolf bites and…" she stopped then and asked hesitantly, "Are you still seeing…" she trailed off when Tonks smiled genuinely for the first time.

"Yes, well more than just seeing him actually, we got married six months ago." She felt that she could trust her old friend, even if they hadn't spoken in two years.

Cally looked shocked for a moment but then smiled as well, "I'm glad, I mean he was always a good man. I won't tell anyone, I know it's against the law."

"I would have invited you but-" Tonks started to say softly but Cally cut her off smiling sadly.

"You didn't think I'd come. Honestly I don't think I would have. But I'm happy for you, I was…I was wrong. I realize that now. Listen, I have patients I have to see too, so I better…"

"Yeah, I gotta go as well, reports and stuff to fill out, I love my job but paperwork is a bitch."

Cally smiled again, "It always is. It was nice seeing you."

"Yeah, you too."

Tonks returned briefly to the ministry to learn what the situation with the wizard was, filed a report of what happened and then made a quick escape before she could be pulled onto something else. She was seven months away from being a fully qualified Auror and those hire up than her loved assigning her their scut work so they could go home.

She stood outside the ministry for a moment simply staring up at the sky as little snowflakes began to fall. Closing her eyes and not caring whether passers by would stare at her she titled her head back and let the snow fall on her face. She remembered when she was younger and she would drag her dad outside to stand in the snow as it fell. They would stick their tongues out to catch the flakes and then when they were thoroughly chilled they would go back inside for a cup of her mother's coca. Andromeda would never come out with them although she did watch them from the window…

"Mum's birthday." She cursed under her breath as she remembered that she was supposed to go to her parents for dinner. All she really wanted at that moment was to see Remus though. After the day she had had she felt that she could really use a hug and one from her mother really wouldn't be a very good substitute.

She set out then, walking quickly. She had to get there before he went home and changed or she wouldn't be able to see him till morning.

By the time she reached the little book shop the sun was starting to fade out of the sky. Glancing at her reflection in the glass of the window she ran a hand through her bobbed hair and entered the shop, the sound of the bell over the door masking her curse as she tripped over the doormat.

"Bloody mat," she muttered to herself as she maneuvered through the shelves and to the counter. From the back of the shop the sound of a familiar voice floated and the sound of it made her feel instantly calm.

"He has a very soothing voice, doesn't he?"

Tonks turned to see a young woman with long black hair and an open smile come out from amongst the shelves. The woman was wearing a bright yellow dress and Tonks knew immediately who she was.

"He does." She agreed,

Dana circled around the counter and sat on a tall stool. "I used to read to the kiddies, but he's much better than I am." She rolled her mismatched eyes. "I don't really get along with them, kids that is." She eyed Tonks who was looking towards the back of the shop with a half smile.

"Is there something I can help you with?" Dana asked, her previous smile gone.

Tonks shook her head. "No, I'll just wait for Remus thanks. Will he be done soon?"

If Dana was surprised that she knew the man they had just been speaking of she didn't show it. "I expect so." She was silent for a moment and Tonks was just thinking that she'd be better to wait outside in the cold, when she said, "He's married you know."

"I know," she replied just as bluntly. She knew this woman was attracted to Remus, but she wasn't in the mood to play jealous games. She held up her left hand and wiggled her ring finger.

Dana eyed the rings there and then looked at her shrewdly. "Do you know who The Cure are?"

Tonks returned her look with a quizzical one. Remus was right, she thought, she is spaced. "Course I do."

Dana nodded and twirled a piece of midnight hair around her finger. "You should really educate your husband on modern music. When I asked him he looked at me like I had two heads. "

Tonks found herself fighting a smile. "Yes, he does have rather strange taste in music. He tends to like older stuff."

"Are calling me old?" an arm snaked around her waste, pulling her out of the way as ten children all pushed for the door at the same time.

"Wotcher love. Course I'm not."

Remus peered down at her, a slight frown crinkling his brow and she knew she hadn't sounded like her usual self.

He seemed to be about to ask what was going on, after all despite her threat months ago she had never actually shown up at the shop before, but then seemed to think better of it and instead introduced her to Dana.

"Dana, this is Nymphadora-"

"Don't call me Nymphadora, Remus." She reminded him irritably.

"Dora then, and Dora this is Dana."

"Nice to finally meet you," Tonks said, although at the moment she really didn't think so.

"You as well." Dana directed her smile at Remus. "You can go if you want, I'll close up."

Remus already had his coat draped over one arm as if he had known he would be making a quick exit. Probably did, Tonks mused as he thanked Dana and they headed for the door. Werewolf hearing was incredible; he'd probably known she was there right from the moment she entered the shop.

"What's wrong?" he questioned as soon as they were outside. His breath clouded as he spoke.

Instead of answering she leaned against him. "Can I just have a hug please?"

He immediately wrapped his arms around her and she sighed. Merlin how I needed this, she thought as she returned the pressure.

"Moody was injured today." She murmured against the rough wool of his coat. "We got a lead that a wizard, Rowle's brother actually, in Carrick was hiding dark objects in his basement as well as Muggle baiting. When we got there we knocked on the door and identified ourselves." She sighed and closed her eyes. "It happened so quickly Remus. He whipped open the door blew me back, hit Dawlish with something and then he and Moody were fighting. I tried to help, so did Dawlish but…"

He didn't probe for her to continue, simply waited and rubbed her back in soothing circles.

"He got him in the eye Remus. The bloody eye! And you know what really gets me? It turns out that there were no dark objects in that house, no secret panels, nothing. Just a stupid wizard, high on hallucinogenic potions. The MLE found them in his bedroom."

She sighed again. "And for that Moody looses his eye? It's so stupid Remus."

"He's alive though," he said at length. "You know Moody, Dora. He won't let this stop him. He'll be back at work in a few days time as grouchy as always and probably a bit more paranoid."

She gave a light laugh and looked up at him, "You always know just what to say."

He smiled and kissed her forehead. "Not always." He looked up at the sky and his smile faded. "You should be getting to your parents soon. And I…"

"You need to go. The moon will be up soon."

"Yes."

They moved into the shadows of the same ally Remus had used before.

"I'll be right there, as soon as the moon goes down." She promised. "You're going to go into work tomorrow?"

"I have to Dora. Dana won't be in anyway, so at least I won't have to field questions on why I look like-"

"You've been run over by a herd of Hippogriff?"

His eyes twinkled with mirth, "Something to that effect yes."

She leaned up and kissed him briefly before stepping away so they both had room to apparate.

"Love you." It had become her custom to tell him so whenever the full moon came around, as if she was trying to remind him that he was better than what he had to go through.

Remus smiled faintly. "You too." Then he turned on the spot and was gone with a crack.

She stared at the place where he had stood for moment then she too turned and was gone.


	44. With what price we'd pay

**So sorry for the long wait...my computer died, a horrible horrible death...i lost this chapter and had to wait for my computer to be fixed and had to rewrite this chapter. Everything is good now though...so here is the new chapter! :D enjoy.**

_**"With what price we'd pay for the glory of a mothers love."**_

"Sit down."

Tonks sat in the chair in front of Moody's desk and resisted the urge to stare at him.

She was slowly getting used to his new appearance, but there were times when it still caught her off guard. Almost mesmerized, she watched the electric blue eye whirl and she had a suspicion that it could see through the walls of the cubicle.

Moody's eye finally settled on her and the effect was still as intimidating, if not more so, than before.

"I asked you in here," he started to say gruffly, but was cut off by her derisive snort.

"You didn't ask me in here. You grabbed me while I was walking by and caused me to not only trip but to drop all the files I was carrying."

The look her gave her could have caused paint to peel. "Would you shut your gob for one minute Nymphadora."

Tonks raised a brow but wisely refrained from saying anything. She knew Moody wasn't angry with her; Remus had been right, he did come back even more paranoid and it didn't help that the whole office would stare at him. He had only been back for a week; it was enough to make even the most even tempered of men annoyed.

He eyed her for another moment and then continued, apparently satisfied.

"You know Imelda Crowle?"

She thought for a moment, "In werewolf support services?"

Moody nodded. "Her son disappeared two days ago."

"And she's just reporting it now?" she asked in disbelief. How could any mother wait that long to tell someone that their child was missing?

Moody reached over to his desk and handed her a file. She opened it and peered at it curiously as he continued speaking.

"This is Andrew Crowle. He's Imelda's ex husband."

Tonks looked up at him and raised a brow disbelievingly. "He got five months in Azkaban for selling potions to Muggles? This is worth five years at least!"

The contemptuous look on his face said he agreed with her. "He rolled on his partners, for a lesser stay. Imelda thought he might have taken the kid; she wouldn't let him see him when he got out and he wasn't too happy about it."

She was about to comment when his eye abruptly whirled around and he called, "Hawksley, get in here!"

Oh merlin no, Tonks silently begged even as she saw the blond head appear around the side of the cubicle. She knew that if Moody was showing her the file and telling her about the case then he wanted her in on it. But there was no way she would really get to do anything if...

"You called?" Mark asked.

"Get your arse in here."

Mark entered the cubicle, looking not too pleased to see Tonks, and leaned against the wall expectantly.

Moody reiterated what he had already told Tonks.

"So she thinks he took the kid?" Mark surmised.

"But he doesn't have him," Tonks interjected as she handed Mark Crowle's file to read.

Moody nodded. "It doesn't appear so. Officers from the MLE questioned him yesterday night but came up dryer than an empty bottle of Ogdens. You two are going to go question him and Mrs. Crowle. See if you can jog their memories."

He glared at them both, gaze unnerving, and added,"I don't have to tell you what it could mean if we don't find this kid. Get going."

They exited the cubicle and once in the narrow hall formed between offices eyed each other.

"Do you want to question them separately? It would be quicker." Tonks finally ventured.

The look he gave her was unreadable, but she was sure he was questioning her sanity at least, if not silently cursing as she was that they were stuck together. "No. You're not a fully qualified Auror yet," He said bitingly. "We'll go together. Moody may let you get away with not following the rules, but while you're working with me…"

"Can we postpone the pissing match for later?" she cut him off, pushing past him to make her way through the office. "I'd like to actually get this started today and you monologuing isn't going to help us find out where this kid is, yeah?"

He made no reply, but she could feel the heat of his gaze as they made their way to the lifts.

Imelda Crowle lived in a small flat in Chelsea. Unfourtainitaly for the two Aurors, it was one of those buildings where everyone knew everybody and their business.

"You look too young to be an investigator," the middle aged supper intendant said eyeing Tonks and Mark suspiciously.

Tonks only smiled, glad that she had changed her hair from the vibrant blue she had been sporting to a shade of strawberry blonde.

"She's still in training." Mark told the man, who nodded as if it all was clear to him now. They had told him they were private investigators hired by Imelda , as neither one thought they could pull off being muggle police.

"Oh yes, I'm just learning loads," she said with a look of mock admiration, knowing that it would fluster mark, and biting her lip so she wouldn't laugh when he glared at her.

"So is Mrs. Crowle in?" Tonks inquired as the man threw a shovel full of snow into a pile behind him.

He shrugged. "Haven't seen her all day, have I?I expect though that she's in her flat, crying. She's a great one for crying;but with her situation I guess there isn't much else you can do," he shook his head and directed them to the right flat.

Mark knocked three times before the door of the flat was jerked open. The Woman who stood in the door way was small and had the appearance of someone who was normally well held together but was now slowly coming apart at the seams. Her large blue eyes were red rimmed and her long blond hair stuck up in a disarray as if she had tried to smooth it down but had given up half way.

"Yes?" she sounded utterly defeated.

"Mrs. Crowle. I'm Auror Hawksley and this is Auror Tonks. We'd like to ask you a few questions about the disappearance of your son."

Imelda let out a sob and lurched back into the flat, clutching the door for support.

Ignoring Mark who looked impatient at the woman's antics, Tonks pushed past him and looped an arm around her. "Come on," she said as Imelda collapsed against her still sobbing. She helped the older woman to the sofa and then made her way into the kitchen,again ignoring Mark who's gaze followed her in the small kitchen area she proceeded to find and make some tea, adding a shot of ogdens from a half empty bottle she found.

Imelda gave her a watery smile when she returned. "Thank you. I'm sorry I didn't mean to break down, it's just…"

"It's understandable." Tonks assured her as she glanced around the flat. There was a toy broom stick laying in the middle of the rug, looking as if it was just waiting for its owner to return and pick it up. Looking away from it she spotted more child's toys and over on the mantle pictures of a grinning three year old with his mothers blue eyes.

"Is this Wallace?"Tonks held up one photo of the boy and her heart clenched as he smiled and gave a little wave.

"Yes, that was on his last birthday." Imelda gulped her tea. "Why would anyone take him?"

"You said in your original statement that you suspected your husband of taking your son? Why would he want to do that? You said he had always been a good father." Mark asked, trying to get down to the hard questions. Clearly, Tonks mused as she sat in the chair beside his, his mother never taught him subtly.

"He was!" Imelda spluttered her hand shaking. "Andrew was a great father, but since he went to Azkaban…I didn't want Wallace around that life style anymore. Andrew didn't like that, he threatened that he would see his son any way he could. When I went to fetch Wallace from the park where he was with my friend and her son…" she started crying again. "I thought Andrew might have taken him to spite me, but I wouldn't let him alone for two days and he finally told me that he didn't have him," she peered at them with doleful eyes. "Why are you asking me this again? Why aren't you out there trying to find my son! I told the MLE all this already!"

Mark seemed about to say something, probably that it was procedure but stopped when Tonks leaned forward and took Imelda's hand. "This is the first step to finding him Imelda. We just need to make sure that we know more about Wallace so we can do the best job possible. Is there anywhere he likes to hide or to go?"

Imelda steadied herself and gripped Tonks' hand tightly. "No. At least not outside of the flat ."

"Can you think of anyone, besides your ex husband, who would want to hurt you by taking your son?" Mark asked, already standing.

She shook her head. "I've never done anything to anyone. I didn't even have enemies at school."

Tonks squeezed her hand reassuringly and went to stand, but Imelda gripped her hand more tightly. "Please Auror Tonks. Find my little boy. He's the only good thing I have in my life."

She gazed at her earnestly and Tonks found herself saying, "We'll find him. I promise."

Imelda let go of her then and Tonks followed Mark out of the flat. As soon as the door closed he whirled on her.

"What the bloody hell are you thinking?You can't make a promise like that! And What were you on about in there?"

He had stepped close to her, obviously trying to intimidate her with the significant height difference between them but Tonks only glared up at him. "I was thinking that she is bereaved and needs to have confidence in the people whom she's trusting to find her son! What was I on about? What about you? You practically accused her! You're supposed to be the senior Auror here Mark! I may be only six months from being a full Auror, but even I know that's not how you deal with these kinds of situations!" still glaring at him she pushed him away from her and stalked down the hall and down the stairs and out into the cold January day.

Mark slammed the door behind him, his face red with anger. "Moody may let you get away with being a bitch, but disrespecting your superiors is a quick way to get demoted, Auror _trainee_ Tonks!"

Tonks turned back her eyes blazing, her anger getting the better of her. "You are superior to me?" she laughed without humour. "You're not superior Mark! Maybe in rank but that's about it! I've never done anything to you and yet you've disliked me from day one.I don't bloody care what your reason is, but you better get over it. Now if you can stop being an ass for a minute can we go and question Andrew Crowle, or are you going to have another temper tantrum?"

He looked as if he wanted to hit her or curse her and the look she gave him silently dared him to. Instead he turned on the spot not even looking to see if any Muggles were watching and disapperated.

Tonks took a moment to collect herself and calm down and then she too disapperated.

Andrew Crowle lived in a rundown building in Knockturn alley;the only place he could afford since his release from Azkaban a month ago. Looking around as Mark banged on the door, Tonks wondered if besides there being no Dementors, if the living conditions were really that different.

"What the bloody hell do you want?" the question was snarled and Tonks ceased her assessment of the hall way and looked at the man who stood in the now open door, glowering at her and Mark.

Andrew Crowle was all muscle, his stay in prison not seeming to have affected his body tone. He had shaggy black hair and there was a scar through his left eyebrow. His eyes were hard as he assessed them.

"Auror's Hawksley and Tonks. We need to ask you a few questions about the disappearance of your son."Mark Identified, Unfazed by the other man.

Andrew swore and backed into his closet of an apartment. "Get in here then. I already told them MLE pricks, I don't know nuffin."

Tonks closed the door while Mark advanced on Andrew who now stood by the window lighting a cigarette. As if sensing her gaze on him he looked up. "You want one?"

"No."

A slight sardonic smile touched his lips at the quickness of her answer. "Yeah, i'm trying to quit too."

Tonks ignored him and decided to look around a bit while Mark questioned him. She had started smoking in her seventh year, buying them off a muggle born boy in her year. It had only lasted for a few months, mostly because Cally had threatened bodily harm if she didn't try to stop. How Crowle could tell was beyond her.

"Where were you when your son disappeared?" Mark questioned as Tonks looked at a photo on the small book shelf in the was of Wallace and his father and she thought it was interesting that it looked well worn and creased as if someone had run their fingers over it many times.

"I was trying to get a bloody job, is where I was. No one wants to hire someone who's done time in Azkaban, doesn't matter for how long or what they did."Andrew groused tossing the butt of his cigarette on the floor and grounding it with the heel of his boot. "And yes that can be verified if ya want to talk to the dozen or so people I saw that day."

Mark asked him the same questions they had Imelda, but received no helpful information.

They soon took their leave of the small room and headed out of knockturn and into Diagon.

"Probably has the kid stashed somewhere." Mark muttered as they traversed the busy street.

Tonks shook her head;apparently he wanted to bounce ideas off her now. "I don't think so. He may not have seemed it but he was really may be a criminal but he loves his son." She thought of the picture. "It's probably the only good thing he's ever done."

Mark said nothing and they returned to the office to report in what they had learned which was really nothing more than they had already known Crowle seemed to have simply just disappeared.+++++

"And then dancing hippogriffs did the tango through the shop to the latest Hobgoblin song."

"That's nice."

She looked up from the beer she was nursing to see Remus watching her with an amused look. She looked at him quizzically and then thought about what she had just heard. She grinned sheepishly at him.

"Sorry, I guess I zoned out."

He raised a brow, "I'd say, you didn't even react when I said Dana did a striptease on the checkout desk."

"She better not have," she muttered as she took a long pull from her bottle. "My mind was wandering," she gazed at him earnestly. "Tell me, if your kid disappeared, would you wait two days to report it?"

"Of course not. But I suppose it would depend on the circumstances," he too took a drink.

She shook her head and leaned closer so they could talk better over the noise of the pub."If we were separated and you didn't want me to see our kid and you thought I took him would you still wait?"

Remus looked thoughtful. "I would probably want to handle it myself," he said slowly. "Once you involve law enforcement it becomes more messy. I wouldn't want to put a child through that."

She nodded absently and tapped her fingers on the worn wood of the table only realizing what she was doing when she felt his hand on hers stilling them.

"Who's child is missing?"

She sighed, pushing back her hair which was once again blue and falling haphazardly into her eyes. "Imelda Crowle. Says her son disappeared and she thought her slimy ex had him."

"The witch from Werewolf support services," it wasn't a question but she nodded again in ascent.

"You know her?"

He smiled slightly, "Of course Dora. She started there when I was 16. She was the one who explained to me how the registry process would go," he paused and then continued voice thoughtful. "Is someone checking into people she's come in contact with a work lately. The people who have to go to support services aren't usually the most stable Dora. Most are angry at the world and project that onto anyone who is trying to help."

As he said this it was like someone had set off a bag of philibusters in her head. "No. She said that there wasn't anyone who had a grudge against her and Moody said that he coworkers all checked out but I don't think anyone has checked into people who have come in."

She smiled, really smiled, for the first time that day. "I love you like an eight dollar whore."

Remus simply laughed and saluted her with his bottle.++++

Tonks was in Marks cubicle the next day right after her morning stealth practice which had only gone slightly better than usual. At least she hadn't tripped this time.

"What do you want?" Mark didn't even look away from the file he was filling out.

"Good morning to you too Mark. I'm fine, thanks for asking."

He looked up now and she was surprised to see he was trying not to smile. Well, well, he does have a personality after all, she mused.

"Again what do you want? I'm trying to fill out the paper work for yesterday," he gestured to the file on his desk.

"Has anyone checked into people who came into werewolf support services in the days before Wallace disappeared?"

Mark raised a brow. "Do you know how may werewolves there are in Britain? Not to mention their family members?"

"35."

His brow shot higher and she shrugged. When your married to a man whose had lycanthropy since childhood you knew these things. Not that she was going to share that particular information with him.

"Did you already bring this to Moody?"

She shook her head and was rewarded by another eyebrow raise.

"I figured he wouldn't mind if we checked into it. You're the senior Auror on this case. He's working on something with Scrimgreger any way."

Mark stood and threw his quill on the desk. "Lets go then," his tone was a lot less snide then the day before. Tonks followed, glad that he seemed more accepting of her presence.

It took them another day, one filled with interviews and a lot of frustration before they finally hit on something that was useful.

"I was there with my brother, he was bitten a few months ago and…well thats not important." The woman they were talking to smiled uncertainly and took a breath.

"This woman came storming out of a side room; she was really upset. She kept yelling , 'its all your fault,' she was crying. The Woman who came out of the room behind her was Imelda, she was the one who talked to my brother that day."

"Seems Imelda was holding out on us." Mark told Moody when they returned to the Auror office after the interview. "She had a confrontation with an unknown brown haired witch the day before her son disappeared."

Moody swore under his breath and fixed them both with his usual glare. "Find out who this woman is and check her out. I don't care if you have to drag her in here immobilized. Tonks make sure you follow Hawksley's lead on this. Now isn't the time to mess up."

"Yes, sir," she suspected he knew they had been butting heads.

They rode down to werewolf support services in silence. Both were worried and more than a little frustrated. Time was running out.

"Evening," Mark smiled at the witch behind the desk charmingly. "I'm Auror Hawksley. I was wondering if you could tell me about a woman who was in here the other day and left in a particularly upset state."

The witch returned his smile. "A lot of people leave here upset."

"I'm sure they do." Tonks muttered to herself. She had no love lost for this particular branch of the ministry.

"This was a woman with short brown hair, she was with Imelda Crowle."

The woman seemed to be thinking. "I think I remember her…hold on a sec." she summoned a stack of parchment from the back wall behind the desk and then scanned through them. "Hm…how long ago was this?"

"Monday," Tonks supplied, eyeing a poster for a support group for families. The drawing on it didn't look anything like a werewolf.

"Julie sanders is the only person I can think of," the witch held out the parchment blushing a little under Marks grateful smile. "She didn't have an appointment that day but had talked with Imelda before so we made an exception," she glanced around and leaned over the desk conspiratorially. "Her son was bitten and she was here looking for help."

"Thank you," Mark glanced at the woman's name tag. "Karen. We appreciate your help."

Karen winked at him. "Any time."

Tonks snorted and followed him out trying not to laugh at the blatant flirting.

"Not a word." Mark warned her.

"Why didn't you tell us you had a confrontation with Julie Sanders, Imelda?" Tonks asked her as Imelda settled onto her couch.

"I didn't think it was important," a spark of hope entered her eyes as she looked from Tonks to Mark. "Is she the one who took my baby?"

"We don't know yet mam. You need to tell us everything that happened." Mark warned.

"She came in because her son had been bitten, she wanted to know what she could do to get help for him. Of course there isn't anything she could do. I suggested she go to a support group for families of those who have been afflicted. Two days later she was back and screaming at me. She said her son was dead, he had died that morning; the healers couldn't help him I guess. She said it was my fault for not helping her."

Imelda looked at them pleadingly. "Do you think it was her? I didn't think about it before, I was too upset, but she was really distraught."

Tonks and Mark exchanged a look. Julie had a file with the MLE, she had been arrested before for trying to use the crucatus curse on her neighbour. By all accounts she was not the most stable of women.

"We're going to look into it." Mark promised. "We'll let you know if we find anything."

Once back outside in the cool winter air they apparated to Julie Sanders home.

"I'll take the lead," Mark told her as they neared the house. "Cover my back in case she tries anything. We don't want her to think we're too suspicious of her, she may try to bolt."

Tonks nodded and palmed her wand as Mark nocked on the simple door of the small house. They waited a few moments and then he pounded again. Just as they were preparing to unlock the door themselves, it was opened to reveal the woman they had come to see.

"Julie Sanders?"

She nodded, eyeing them warily.

"Aurors Hawksley and Tonks. can we come in for a moment?"

Tonks saw the wand move first.

"Down!" she shouted while casting a quick Protego. Mark had moved when she shouted and the curse missed him. Julie had backed back into the house and was now running for the stairs.

"After her!" Mark ordered as he lurched to his feet. Tonks was already ahead of him and was now thudding up the stairs after Julie.

"We just want to talk to you Mrs. Sanders." Mark called as he too mounted the stairs.

"You're not taking him away from me!" Julie was at the end of the upstairs hall, clutching Wallace Crowle in close to her chest with one arm, her wand pointed threateningly.

"Julie, we understand that your upset. I would be too if I lost my child." Tonks said appeasingly, eyeing the older woman's wand wearily. With Wallace as a shield there wasn't anything either Auror could do except try to disarm her.

"You don't know what its like!" Julie yelled, eyes wild. Wallace gave a small whimper, tears falling from his large blue eyes and she tightened her hold. "It was her fault, she wouldn't help me!She doesn't deserve to have a son! She needs to suffer like I have."

"She has suffered." Mark moved slowly toward her. "Don't make this mistake Julie, you're already in a lot of trouble, don't make it worse for yourself."

She laughed bitterly. "How could it get any worse?I think i'll take my chances! Confringo!"

Mark was blasted back and hit the wall with a thud, clearly not having been able to shield himself fast enough.

Julie's attention was now on Tonks. "Get back!" she screeched. "Let me bye and I won't hurt Wallace."

"All right." Tonks said thinking quickly. She hoped Mark hadn't been knocked out; what she had planned wouldn't work if he was.

She stepped back and lowered her wand slightly. Julie eyed her for a long moment then moved slowly forward toward the stairs.

Wallace was crying harder now and Tonks smiled at him reassuringly. "It's alright Wallace," she soothed as she saw Mark moving in behind Julie. "Everything is going to okay."

They struck at the same time, Mark with a quick Expelliarmus, and Tonks making a grab for Wallace. Julie seemed frantic now and before Tonks could wrestle Wallace from her she threw him aside and launched herself at the young Auror.

It was all Tonks could do to try and protect her head as the two women fell down the stairs. Julie was still attached to her and was doing her best to punch and scratch her as they came to an abrupt and bone aching thump on the landing.

"I won't go to Azkaban!" she yelled hoarsely as Tonks tried to push her off of had managed to hold onto her wand through out the struggle but the hand it was in was trapped by Julie who had a surprisingly strong grip.

Doing the only thing she could Tonks grabbed a hank of Julie's hair and pulled hard. The woman screamed in pain and tried to pull away, releasing Tonks wand arm.

"Impedimenta."

Julie froze and Tonks pushed her off of her and rolled onto her side gasping. Something was broken she was sure.

"Tonks!" Mark came down the stairs, Wallace in his arms. "Are you okay?"

She grinned sardonically at him. "Peachy."

Mark smirked and sat Wallace beside her. The little boy immediately grabbed onto her causing her to wince."Watch him for a moment while I deal with this."

He pulled Julie to her feet, somewhat roughly and conjured some restraints. "Can you apparate?" he asked as Tonks tried to sit up.

"Don't have much of a choice do I? I'll be ok until we get him back to his mum."

Mark eyed her sceptically but didn't argue.

She stood somewhat shakily and managed to pick the clinging child up despite the icy pain. Definitely broken, she mused. Probably my ribs, that's a new one.

Mark dissaperated first and she followed, hoping she wouldn't splinch herself and Wallace in the process.

Julie was put into holding, sobbing and screaming the whole time.

Moody met them and ordered Tonks to take Wallace to . "Get yourself checked out too," he said gruffly. "That's a nasty scratch on your cheek."

Mark smirked. "She got into a bit of a cat fight."

She scowled at them as Moody laughed. "You try and fight off a homicidal woman without a wand and see if you can do any better," she was feeling dizzy and it hurt when she breathed.

Wallace patted her cheek as she headed toward the floo. "It'll be okay," he told her in a small voice, repeating her comfort from earlier. He seemed to sense her pain, maybe because he was pressed so close to her and could feel every time she flinched.

She smiled slightly as she threw in the powder. "Thanks kid."

She was met at the hospital by both the Crowles'. Imelda burst into tears when she saw her son and grabbed both him and Tonks into a hug. "Thank you, thank you! Oh my baby!"

Tonks gently extracted herself from the sobbing woman and leaned against the nearest wall to catch her breath. Andrew Crowle nodded to her gratefully and joined his wife in hugging their son.

It was a beautiful sight, she thought dazedly. A vague thought popped into her head as Wallace clung to his father and she found herself wondering what Remus would look like with their child.

Must have hit my head too, was her last thought before she passed out and slid to the floor.+++

Remus entered , silently telling himself to be calm. He had arrived home to find Moody's head in the floo telling him that Tonks was at . He didn't know how injured she was, but he knew that Remus would want to know.

"Next," the welcome witch called in a board tone.

"I'm looking for Nymphadora Tonks." he informed her his tone giving away nothing as usual.

"Third floor,exam room two," she said without even looking at him.

He thanked her and quickly strode for the stairs, too impatient to take the lift.

The Mediwitch tutted when he entered the room, but he ignored her as his wife smiled at him from the bed she was lying on."Wotcher. I guess Moody contacted you."

He returned her smile, relief flooding through him. If she was awake then she was okay. "Scared me half to death with that eye of his."

She laughed and then winced. "Oww, don't make me laugh, it hurts too much."

"What happened?" he asked worriedly.

"She has a few broken ribs and a concussion," the Mediwitch told him. "I'll just go get the healer so we can get her fixed up" she left and Tonks gestured for Remus to come sit on the edge of the bed.

"I got thrown down some stairs. Managed to take her with me though."

He reached out and lightly touched the scratch on her cheek. She brought her hand up over his and entwined her fingers with his. "You think this is bad you should see her."

He sighed and lightly kissed the bruise he could see forming just under her hair line. "I should hope so."

"What did I say about making me laugh Lupin?" she mock glared at him then became serious. "I'll be all right Remus. Besides, I can now say I've broken almost every bone in my body. How many people can claim that?"

He raised a brow as the curtain was pulled back. "Every bone?"

She rolled her eyes. "I was a very active child. Ask mum, she'd love to regal you with stories of my inept clumsiness."

The healer had entered at that point and he poked at her for a few minutes before giving her a potion. "Their isn't really anything to do for the concussion," he told them. "It's not serious and this should help ease the head ache." Tonks downed the potion and pulled a disgusted face. "Why do these always taste horrible?"

The man smiled. "More potency ." he held out another potion. "This will repair your ribs. It'll take a bit, but you should be right as rain by midmorning tomorrow. Your lucky you didn't puncture a lung."

Tonks drank the second potion and shook her head as if the action would help dislodge the vile taste.

"No strenuous activity until your healed," the healer warned as he signed the discharge papers the Mediwitch handed him.

Remus helped Tonks off of the bed and into her cloak. They flooed home, despite her repeated assurance that she could apparate and once there he helped her into her Pyjamas and into bed. As he propped a pillow behind her back to make her more comfortable while her bones knit back together, Tonks eyed her husband thoughtfully.

"What's up?" he queried as he returned a few minutes later with a cup of tea for her.

Tonks sipped her tea gratefully then sat it on the night stand. A question was bothering her, one that she had wanted to ask many times, but hadn't out of what she could only assume was fear.

Instead of asking what she wanted, she changed her question slightly. "Do you think I'd be a good mother?"

She didn't miss the fact that he kept his expression neutral and was glad she hadn't asked what she really wanted to.

"I think you would be an excellent mother Dora. Despite the fact that you could never hold Harry without him bursting into tears."

She hit his arm lightly. "That kid was just stubborn," another thought occurred to her. "Do you think he's all right?"

Remus often wondered that himself. "According to Dumbledore he is. Mrs. Figg gives him updates. She says that as far as she can tell he's okay," he handed her, her tea again as she was trying to reach it and grimacing from the movement.

"What brought this on?"

She sipped her tea again and shrugged a shoulder slightly. "Don't know. I guess it was seeing Imelda and Andrew with Wallace when I handed him over to them, it just made me wonder if I'd be good at it."

She smiled slightly. "It was one of those dazed moments, you know?"

He simply nodded, looking slightly relieved.

This is definitely a topic to revisit later, she mused as he went to lock the house for the night. What she had really meant, and she sensed that Remus knew this,but didn't want to admit it, was do you think we'd be good parents?

The image of the Crowles' hugging their son refused to leave her and she knew that she wanted that, wanted to be able to feel how would she convince a man who still clung to a lot of the fears that had been ingrained in him?

Definitely a topic to revisit later.


	45. Moments that make a year 19831984

**I do not own the characters from the potter universe or anything else recognizable.**

July 1983

He could smell the cigarette before he even rounded the corner of the shallow alley, so familiar now after a year of apparating and disapparating from it.

His nose caught the subtle hint of jasmine as well and then she was turning to face him, blowing one last puff of smoke out and pocketing the groundout stub because she never ever littered and would rip you a new one if she saw you doing it.

"Why do you always come out of that alley?" Dana fixed him with her penetrating gaze, curious as always. "You do know that at night that's where the slags and users hang out."

"Oh, believe me, I know." Remus said dryly. "We've become aquatinted over the last year. That one Tansy has even stopped offering to 'make me see stars'."

She snorted and then laughed, a full bellied sound that caused passers by to stare.

"Does your Dora know that you get offers for sexual favours?" she asked as she made sure that the shop was locked up for the night. She looked at him over her shoulder and grinned.

Remus raised a brow as he was want to do and said in the same dry tone, "Of course. Where do you think most of them come from."

Which had her laughing again and caused him to smile. He was glad that Dana was laughing, she hadn't been for a while now.

"You're really very nice to do this for me, you know. You don't have to." She told him, voice earnest, as they began walking down the street.

"Do what?" Although he knew.

"You know, coming here even when you didn't have to work today, just cause I asked you too. By the way you really need to get a phone Remus. The man at that grocery must think I'm a stalker. He even informed me today that you were in a perfectly happy relationship, as if I didn't know, and that Tonks, I assume he meant Dora, would beat my ass if I even tried anything."

"Wendell is almost as fond of Dora as he was my mother. Don't worry,she knows I'm here, she's working tonight." Dana thought that Dora worked as a private investigator as it was the closest thing to her actual job he had thought of when she had pestered him to know what his zany wife did for a living.

He reached down and squeezed her hand for a brief moment in reassurance. "You're my friend Dana and you're hurting. If you need me to help you than I will."

She smiled at him as they entered the small coffee shop she liked to frequent. "You're a good man Remus." she sighed and her smile faded. "At least it's nice to know there's one out there."

She went to order, insisting on buying for him as it had been her plaintive phone call, relayed by a suspicious Wendell, that had him in the city at 9:30 at night.

Remus sat in the booth at the back and watched her as she criticized how many beans the barrister was using per cup. They had known each other for a year. She had become, despite not knowing that he was a wizard and a werewolf and despite the fact or maybe because of the fact that he thought she was crazy,a good friend.

Probably the last, he thought wryly. He missed crazy, although being married to Nymphadora Tonks there wasn't a shortage of it. It was a particular type of crazy that he missed and Dana had it in spades.

Two months ago she had come to the shop on her day off, her usually clear penetrating gaze clouded, haunted. He had taken one look at her and put the closed sign in the window as soon as the last customer was gone.

He had listened as she told him in a deadened voice that she hadn't known were else to go, who else to talk to. She told him that a man she had known for her whole life, whom she had grown up with, who had been her first kiss, her first crush and her best friend had been killed that morning. Then she had cried, heart wrenching sobs and he had awkwardly hugged her when she had collapsed against him.

He knew how she felt all too well, just as he knew that the pain would not go away although it may ease as time went on. He knew that it would sneak up on her at the most unsuspecting moments and she would find herself having to take a moment to just breath.

"One cup of coffee sir." she carefully sat the cup in front of him and slid into the booth.

"The trial started today you know. Or the pretrial or what ever the hell they call it." she took a sip of the steaming beverage and looked at him. "I couldn't go. I know I won't be able to. I don't want to look at the man who took Robby away from me. I'll just end up hating him."

"You don't now?"

She took another sip and he did the same, although he never drank coffee at night, and she slowly shook her head.

"No. I feel sorry for him, that he made a mistake and that because of that he killed someone. He'll have to live with that for the rest of his life."

Her gaze was direct, the old Dana shinning through the worn out shell she had been for the past two months. "I just can't believe he's gone. I think about it a lot, how the last time I saw him before he was hit by that bus he was laughing and teasing me.I see that a lot and I can't reconcile that with the image of him dead in the hospital morgue."

This Remus also knew well. How many times had the memory of the last time he saw James and Lily haunted him? The last time he had seen Peter? Sirius…no he couldn't think of him.

"You can't reconcile it Dana, so don't even try," he sighed and pushed his coffee over to her, knowing she would gladly drink it. "Just try and remember Robby as he was, all the good memories, the not so good. Focus on his life and not the fact that it was taken from him at such a young age."

They were silent for a time and then she asked, "Do you think it gets any easier?"

"No." he said without hesitation. "No Dana it doesn't. When you lose someone you love they take a part of you with them. Eventually the pain eases, but it doesn't go away. You learn to live with it and despite it you move on with your life because _you_ are still alive and you still have to _live."_

They looked at one another in silence and she drank his coffee.

The look she gave him said that she knew he knew what he was talking about. But she didn't ask and he was glad. This was about her; not about the continual lose that seemed to follow him through life.

After a time she reached across the cheap plastic table and touched his hand slightly in thanks. She didn't say anything and they sat there for a little longer, eventually the conversation shifting to lighter things.

August 1983

The house was dark and she swore she could hear her heart pounding in the silence that was creeping over her.

Slowly she crept forward, wincing when a floor board creaked. She quickly stopped and listened, straining to hear any sound of movement. Nothing.

Taking a breath to steady her nerves, Tonks started forward again wand gripped tightly. Moody's gruff voice floated through her head warning "Constant vigilance!" and she found herself suppressing a giddy laugh.

Get ahold of yourself, she scolded herself. This is it, what you've wanted since you were a little girl, don't screw it up now!

Since helping to find Wallace Tonks's training had gone back to normal. She had trained and studied in the mornings and Moody would occasionally assign her to follow up on Dark wizard sightings or to listen to the complaints of nosy witches and wizards who had nothing better to do than spy on their neighbours and form theories that they were up to no good. Then had come the day when Moody had pulled her into his cubicle and informed her that next week would be her qualification tests. Pass and she would be a full Auror. Fail…well failure wasn't an option, not when he had put so much time and effort into training her. Tonks knew that he would be disappointed and disappointing her mentor was not an option. More than that, she knew if she failed than she would be disappointed in herself, because she knew she could do it.

The first part of the qualification had gone well, she thought. She had to track and follow Kingsley, who Moody had coerced into helping, and Moody himself. There were no rules as to what she had to do. She simply had to keep track of them and make sure they didn't see her following them.

She had followed them for two hours as they traversed first Diagon Alley and then Hogsmead. She'd only lost them once, but quickly located them again as they headed back into the Leaky cauldron. She had morphed no less than five times and when after the two hours she had deposited her report detailing their every action in front of Moody he had read through it and looked at her for a long moment.

"Which one were ya then?" he asked, a slight crooked smile fighting to appear.

She knew she had passed the first test then and smiled, raising a brow. "Wouldn't you love to know."

Now here she was in this old abandoned house in the middle of the country side. There were three Aurors in there, who she wasn't sure, pretending to be dark wizards and Moody waited outside. Her goal was to apprehend them without being "killed".

She stopped again outside of the sitting room and listened. She heard a slight shifting and used a shielding charm quickly, just as the jet of spell fire came at her. Without hesitation she fired back and rounded the door into the room, ducking as another spell came at her from the other side of the room.

She sent a quick Impedimenta at her "attacker" and ducked behind the sofa. She could see the whole room now. Two of them then. They were advancing on her position and she purposely thudded her boot against the opposite end of the sofa causing it to shift and catching their attention for a second.

A second was all she needed though and she jumped up to cast a silent Expeliarmus, catching the wand before ducking again as her other opponent fired at her. The spell hit her arm and it went numb. Not dead though, she thought as she switched wand hands. Not yet.

she again fired back and was rewarded with a muffled oaf as her spell hit home.

While the other Auror was distracted she made a dash for the door reaching it as he sent an Impedimenta at her. She cast another shield just in time and then deliberately blasted the wall behind him, causing him to have to duck as plaster and wood reined down at him. Using the momentary distraction she cast an Incarnous and then it was over. One man was tied and on the floor, the other had already left the room when his wand had been taken.

One more to go, she thought as she kicked his wand away from him. She searched the rest of the first floor methodically and then slowly moved up the stairs.

He was in the third room off the hall and she just missed being hit by the spell that would have ended the test. Cursing herself she fired back and entered the room. It was just as dark as it had been in the rest of the house but she had no trouble seeing as they duelled for what felt like an immeasurable length of time.

Finally she gained the upper hand and then she was standing over him, wand pointed at him. She kicked his wand away and then smiled down at him.

"You're dead."

Mark smiled back at her, "Well done, Auror Tonks."

October 1983

Remus leaned against the cold wall and closed his head hurt and the burn under his skin was already starting. He knew that this would be a bad night. It seemed fitting, in a twisted way, that the night he had to lose himself was the anniversary of the night he had lost everything important to him.

Well almost everything, he thought, as he heard Dora shift her position outside the reinforced door. He still had her, his amazing and supportive Dora, who he knew would sit outside that room on the hard cellar floor for the whole night. He had practically begged her not too. Told her it was ridiculous, but she had only glared at him and told him to shut up.

Despite knowing that the room and door were enforced and locked, he always worried and he hated the fact that she had to drag him out in the morning. Sometimes he could do it himself but most times he was so far gone that if she didn't drag him out he would end up lying there for hours, in too much pain and too tired to move.

She deserves better than that, he mused as his muscles tightened and burned. She deserves better than me. Yet here they were and he didn't know what he would do without her.

He had tried not to think of his lost friends that day or at least tried to remember the good, not the funerals and the burning anger. But the moon had been too close, the wolf too close to the surface and his thoughts and mood had become dark.

Even Dana had noticed as they worked that day and he had felt bad when their eyes had met and she had looked quickly away, busying herself with a customer.

He knew what she had seen, the part of himself he worked so hard to keep hidden;the part that only showed through his mask when he was unable to control his emotions.

He would have to apologize for acting weird when he saw her next.

The Moon was now rising, his bones and joints were creaking, popping, realigning. The burn under his skin had turned into an all consuming fire. As always it felt like an eternity in the worst hell, but was over in less than a minute.

Then all there was, was the wolf who raised his head and howled at the invisible moon, a cry of haunting pure sadness that had the small woman on the other side of the door covering her face with her hands as she cried with and for him.

December 1983

"Why the bloody hell did she have to get married at Christmas?" Tonks groused as she adjusted her emerald green dress in front of the full length mirror in the corner of the room.

Remus didn't answer, knowing that she didn't really expect one. Instead he finished doing the buttons up on his vest and then pulled his dress shoes on.

Tonks turned from the mirror. "Well what do you think? Will I pass?"

Remus looked her up and down slowly, smiling when she blushed, as he knew she would, at his appreciative gaze.

"Yes. You definitely pass and if you keep standing like that with your hands on your hips, I'm going to pass out."

She smiled and winked at him. "You bad bad man. What am I going to do with you?" she paused and then glared at him. "Wait, don't answer that."

Remus simply laughed. "Wise choice."

She turned to the mirror again to make sure her hair, which was long and mahogany coloured, was pinned properly. Satisfied, she grabbed the wedding gift and followed him out of the room.

"These heels are going to kill me." she muttered twenty minutes later. They hadn't been able to apparate too close to the church as there would be too many Muggles around it and they would have been noticed. It was now coming into view up the street.

"I could carry you," He suggested and was rewarded with a slight shove in the side.

"Just catch me if I look like I'm going to fall over. Merlin I hope this reception has some good booze. Matilda said she put us with dear old aunt Cynthia and Curtice's cousin Richard."

Remus steadied her on the many stairs to the church and held the door open for her as they entered. Their coats were taken and put in a side room.

The ushers held the inner doors open and Tonks smiled at one of the teenage boys as she passed, causing him to blush slightly.

"Watch out," Remus warned in a whisper, "Next thing you know he'll be asking to dance with you."

Tonks snorted as she slid into the pew to sit beside her mother and father. "Merlin help his feet."

"We didn't think you were going to make it." Ted said as he leaned over his wife to kiss his daughters cheek and grasp Remus's hand.

"We had to walk a few blocks." Remus replied.

Ted smirked. "I let Andromeda try to drive the car. Try being the operative word."

Andromeda elbowed her husband. "You were taking too long. It was either I drove or we meet our ourselves coming back. Honestly, aren't woman supposed to be the ones who take longer getting ready? Besides I wasn't that bad driving. I got us here didn't I?"

Ted made no reply, mostly because the music started and the wedding began.

Matilda's wedding dress had a tight off the shoulder bodice with quarter sleeves made of lace. Her nose stud was still present and glistened in the light that came through the stain glass windows. Curtice, her fiancee, looked dazed when she walked down the aisle.

The ceremony was short and soon the priest was declaring them man and wife and everyone was clapping as they kissed.

The reception was held in the church hall, but first pictures were taken and Matilda pulled her reluctant cousin in. "Come on Nymphie. I want one with just me and my favourite baby cousin."

She wrapped her arms around the shorter woman and Tonks simply smiled. Matilda was happy and this was her day. Who was she to say no?

Soon the pictures were done and they found themselves at their respective tables.

"I'm glad to see you've given up on the outlandish hair styles Nymphadora." Cynthia said over diner. "But what's this I hear about you getting married and not inviting your family?"

Tonks took an over zealous gulp from her wine glass and said, "We eloped. It was very sudden." knowing that it would receive a rise from the older woman.

Sure enough Cynthia tutted disapprovingly. "That young man of yours put it in your head didn't he? I know you were raised better than that."

Tonks smiled cheekily, glad that Remus, who had already finished eating, was at the bar getting her a requested beer. "It was mine actually. Besides, my parents eloped if you don't remember."

That shut the opinionated older woman up for a bit but left Richard, Curtice's twenty something cousin, to go on about how statistically marriages made on the quick never lasted long.

Tonks only rolled her eyes and beamed at her husband when he slid into the seat beside hers and handed her the requested beverage.

Remus's prediction about the teenage boy proved true, but she accepted with a smile when he stutteringly asked if she would "care to dance" and laughed when he blushed after she replied, "As long as you keep your hands to yourself luv."

"That dress looks very lovely on you darling" Andromeda told her daughter later as she sat with her and Remus and Ted were deep in conversation.

"Thanks mum. You look pretty spiffing your self."

Andromeda laughed while shaking her head. She had given up on correcting her daughter on her language long ago.

"Matilda seems really happy."Tonks said as she watched her cousin dance with her husband.

"Yes. Lets hope she doesn't eat him alive."

Tonks stared at her mother shocked. "Mum!"

Andromeda shrugged elegantly. "It's the truth darling. You know your cousin. Very like her mother that one. Oh well, she does make a lovely bride." she glanced at her daughter. "Not as lovely as you though Dora."

"Oh, mum."

February 1984

"Bloody fucker!"

Remus leaned against the side of the nearest building, his hands shoved deep into his pockets against the biting cold. He eyed Dana with the wariness that one would give to a pacing tiger.

She fumbled with her lighter trying to light her cigarette and swearing again when she failed.

"Give it here," he sighed and took the lighter easily lighting the cigarette between her candy apple red lips.

She took a long pull off of it and then turned her head away from him to blow out the smoke.

"Thanks."

Remus settled against the wall again and she scowled at him, although not in anger at him he knew.

"I can't believe that woman! What the hell am I supposed to do now?"

Remus shrugged, but didn't say anything;he was asking him self the same question. What do I do now?"

Dana eyed him, her blue and green eyes sparkling in sharp contrast, but both with a fire he had never seen there before.

"Remus, we were just laid off. Does that not bother you?"

"Of course it does Dana. But getting worked up isn't going to help you. Or myself for that matter."

She sighed and ran her free hand through her mane of long black hair. "My mother is going to skin me alive. Do you know how long it took me to convince her that I was going to be ok if I moved to London? She thought I was going to end up as a sex trade worker you know!" she gestured wildly with her cigarette.

"I've worked in that shop since I finished high school. Seven years, God I practically ran it by myself before you came along. That _woman_, that old cow, never took any interest in the shop. Just signed our pay cheques and that was it and now she bloody thinks that it's ok to just come in and say, by the way, I'm closing the shop immediately, so I'm soooo sorry but I'm afraid you're out of a job?"

She stilled for a moment and simply smoked the rest of her cigarette before carefully stubbing it and putting it in her coat pocket.

"And she looks at me like _I'm_ barmy because I think she should pay us for the rest of the week. Not all of us are rich and can afford to loose our jobs. Some of us have to pay rent!" she glared at him, "I'm going to end up on the streets, my mother was right, I should have just stayed and gotton married like a good girl and by now I would have five kids, waiting to pop out the effn sixth!"

Remus raised a brow and waited to see if she was going to start up again, when she didn't he moved away from the wall and gestured for her to continue walking with him.

"You'll get another job Dana. Despite your penchant for strange systems and lack of interest in helping the customers, you were good at managing the shop. You'll have no trouble once you start looking."

Not like I'm going to have at least, he thought somewhat morosely. What am I going to do?

They headed towards Dana's favourite coffee shop because neither one of them really wanted to go home and wallow.

Remus ordered hot chocolate this time, because he really only had a taste for coffee In the morning and because he thought chocolate really did help most situations and Dana ordered coffee because she was a caffeine fiend as well as addicted to nicotine.

"Remus." He had been scanning the local paper, mostly to help Dana who was still slightly freaking out and now he looked up at his friends voice.

She was looking over his shoulder. "Isn't that your wife?"

Remus turned slightly, doubtful, but as soon as he caught the flash of hair he knew she was right. "Yes, yes it is."

As if she sensed his gaze, Dora turned and then for a moment looked confused then seemed to shake it off, said something to the man behind her and then made her way over to them, the man trailing behind.

"What are doing here?" she asked, "Didn't you just start work three hours ago?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Remus said, just as Dana said, "We were bloody laid off!"

Dora stared, blinked and then looked at him, a slight crinkle in her brow."What?"

The man behind her cleared his throat loudly and she jumped slightly as if she had forgotten he was there.

"Oh, sorry. Remus, Dana this is Mark Hawksley, my…"

"Partner." Mark said dryly.

"Yeah, that." she turned her attention back to Remus. "You were laid off. How come you didn't tell me?" she asked incredulously.

Dana winced; she hadn't meant to get her friend in trouble with his other half, but Remus just raised a brow and took a sip of his coca. "Well, considering It only happened," he looked at his watch. "An hour and a half ago, I didn't really have much of a chance did I?"

She scowled at him, and seemed about to reply when Dana said, "You better sit down Mark. They could be at this for a while."

Mark did so, with an amused look, which only caused Tonks to scowl more. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to stamp down irrational irritation and felt a warm hand wrap around hers and rub a slow circle on her wrist. she opened her eyes and met Remus's warm ones.

"I would have told you tonight Dora." he said softly.

She smiled slightly and he knew whatever irritation she had felt was gone. "I know, sorry, I'm just…"

His lips turned up in the half smile she knew so well. "I know."

"So," Dana had claimed Marks attention. "You work with Dora?"

"Who?" Mark asked sounding confused, although he seemed to not really care.

Both Remus and Tonks were amused to see that he was checking Dana out and she likewise had that look that Remus recognized as the one that said she liked what she saw.

"She means me."

Mark pulled his attention away from Dana. "Dora? Oh, because…"

Tonks glared at him. "Not a word Hawksley. You say the name and I will…" she trailed off, because what she would do really was not something to be discussed in front of a Muggle.

"We have to go." She turned to Remus. "We'll talk tonight yeah?" she asked softly leaning down to steal a kiss.

"Yes."

Somehow in the short time of that kiss, Dana had produced a pen and grabbed a napkin. "Call me some time Mark, that is if you're not already involved with someone. All the good looking men always seem to be." she scribbled her number on the napkin and pressed it into his hand. "Either that or married, like this one." she nodded at Remus.

Mark just nodded, looking a little dazed and followed Tonks to the door of the shop. Just as they were leaving, he seemed able to collect himself and asked incredulously, "You're married?"

April 1984

"Ease on the gas a bit." Remus calmly warned as the Ford Cortina lurched down the misty lane. "Watch that no one is coming."

Tonks gritted her teeth but did what he said. This was your idea, she reminded herself as she slowed the car down. Could have just spent a quiet Saturday with my husband, but no, I have to learn how to drive the bloody car, just so I can say I can!

"Watch out for that Duck!"

Tonks stepped on the breaks so hard that the old car lurched and she jerked against the safety belt.

"Bugger!" she rubbed her chest to ease the pain of the belt tightening and leaned against the steering wheel, peaking at Remus from under her hair.

He too was rubbing his chest and was watching the Duck cross the lane at a slow waddle. He seemed to be trying to control his expression.

"Well that's going to bruise," he said bemusedly and looked at her. His eyes were dancing with mirth and she realized that he was trying not to laugh.

"Go ahead," she said straightening, already laughing herself, "get it out. I know I'm a horrible driver."

He snickered but to his credit didn't laugh out right. "I took out the neighbours fence the first time I tried to drive the car," he admitted. "I think you can be forgiven for almost making us murderers of water fowl."

"Damn Duck," she muttered easing off the brakes and slowly moving the car forward. "You really took out the fence?"

"I did." He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "She told my mother I was a menace to society and was not impressed when all my mum did was stand there and laugh. My father was not pleased that he was paying for a new fence to say the least and said that if I had to take out someones fence why couldn't it have been our own?"

"No wonder the old bitty doesn't like us."

"Us? You're the one who pulled a wand on her, in nothing but a t- shirt and knickers. All I did was take out a half section of fence."

"I thought she was a Death Eater!" she glared at him, but Remus wasn't looking at her.

"Watch the road!"

She lurched the car to a stop again and was chagrined to see the afore mentioned elderly neighbour an inch from the front of the car, shopping bag clutched tightly to her chest.

"Afternoon,"Remus said courteously out the open window.

She glared at them both and then strode away, muttering to herself about the disparages of today's youth.

Tonks banged her head against the steering wheel, once again cursing herself for this idea.

"Well," Remus said slowly, seriously. "If she didn't like you before she certainly won't now."

"Shut up Lupin."

May 1984

"Would you just consider it?" Tonks hissed, hands on her hips, voice low. She didn't want the rest of the pub to hear the argument and was thankful that it was almost empty except herself, Remus and two others. The Lupins were already talked about enough in the village, she didn't want this added to the gossip.

"Nymphadora, there is nothing to consider," he said from his position behind the bar; he had been hired at their village pub two months ago. Some part of her hoped that it wouldn't be permanent.

She glared at him exasperated. "What do you mean, there is nothing to consider? Remus, if this works…"

"Do you know how long they've been working on this? The effects? Dora I can't…I won' t get my hopes up for something that's…" he trailed off as the door opened and five men came in. "We'll talk about this later."

She pushed away from the bar with a petulant stare. "Oh you better believe we will. I'm not done with this." she warned and then stormed out, knocking a glass over in the process.

"Bloody stubborn man!" she cursed to the over cast sky as she walked briskly out of the village and down the lane. She didn't think of where she was going just let her feet lead her, as her mind used every curse word she knew and some she didn't to lament the stubbornness of Remus J. Lupin.

Eventually she found herself on a part of the beach she had never been on before and collapsed in the sand to stare up at the sky. At some point it had started to rain.

The day had started out so well too. She had a rare day off and was able to sleep in. Remus had teased her as he got ready to go to work and she had thrown her pillow at him.

Then had come the owl. It landed on the sill of the kitchen window and startled her as she was making tea.

The letter had been long, gave some background history, a lot of which she knew because she had looked into it years ago. It was from Cally. She said that she had a proposition for them, for Remus really. She told them to think about it carefully and get back to her as soon as they could.

Tonks closed her eyes and listened to the waves crashing against the near by rocks. Why does he have to be so stubborn? again flashed through her mind. She thought that part of it was that he was afraid. He didn't want false hope and if she was honest with herself neither did she.

She knew when she said yes to marrying him it would be hard, she had no illusions. Sometimes knowing the pain he was going through,because she always knew no matter what he said in the morning, was too much. Lately she had found herself helping him up the morning after if she could, getting him to bed,smiling lovingly and then as soon as she was out of the house, crying because she knew that she couldn't cry in front of him. Not about this.

It had been so much easier when he had his friends with him. Of course she had worried then as well, but not as much. Now there was only her and she would do anything to help him, to make it more bearable. She would be damned if he was going to give up without trying.

It was dark when she finally returned home and she knew he was there waiting. She stood in the door way and watched him silently as he sat on the couch and read through the letter, a slight furrow in his brow. Merlin he's only 24, she thought tiredly, and already there are lines starting to form by his eyes.

"I don't want to…give you false hope Dora. Let myself hope that they have found a way to help," he said softly, calmly.

She crossed to where he was, but didn't sit down. Instead she wrapped her arms around herself and eyed him wearily. "We won't know until we try Remus. I know that…" she took a breath and continued. "I know it's hard, I know that you're constantly in pain, not just physically but mentally. Because you hurt, I hurt. I know that Cally said it's just a trial, that they want to see if this Wolfsbane thing will work, I know that there is a very good possibility that it won't and it may take years and years for them to figure it out or they may never."

She sat on the edge of the table then and took his hands in hers leaning forward until there was a hairs breath between their faces and they were looking into each others eyes. "But I want you to try. For me. And I promise you that if you decide that it's not worth it to continue than you can stop. I won't argue, I won't try and push you into continuing. Because I don't want false hope either, but I'm willing to let myself hope a little, because I would do anything for you, if it could just take away this pain."

He looked into her eyes for a long time, reading all the emotions there. Finally he nodded slightly.

"Tell Cally I'll do it."

July 1984

The floor they were on looked like it received little use. It was not as modern as the other floors of the wizarding hospital, nor were there any paintings as there were on the many other floors. A chill pervaded the air.

Tonks tapped her foot against her knee absently as they waited and Remus reached out to steady her.

"You're making the bench vibrate."

She smiled sheepishly, but stilled her foot.

"Sorry I'm late." Cally came bustling down the hall followed by an older healer with streaks of Gray in her hair. "This is healer Clare, she's in charge of this trial."

The older woman shook their hands and studied Remus for a moment. "I remember you." she said softly. "I was a mediwitch then, but remember when your mother brought you in. I'm glad to see you've made it this far Mr. Lupin."

"Thank you," he said sincerely.

She nodded and gestured for them to follow her and Cally into one of the rooms along the hall.

"Everything has been explained to you properly? You understand that this is still experimental?"

They assured her that they understood and she nodded again. Cally moved to a cauldron that was bubbling in the corner and extracted a goblet full of the putrid liquid inside.

"You must come in everyday the week of the full moon and we will administer this to you. If you feel any different let us know as soon as you can. On the night of the full moon we will monitor you in our lockup."

"I know it's not ideal," Cally added as she handed the steaming goblet to Remus. "Right now your the only person who has agreed to this,so at least there won't be any other werewolves there."

Remus and Tonks shared a look, then he looked into the goblet and tipped it back quickly.

"Bottoms up."


	46. Try and fail,but don't fail to try

"Belby's changed the doses. He's added more Aconite." Healer Clare said as she handed Remus the steaming goblet. "He thinks he's close to figuring it out. Are you sure you didn't feel anything last full moon?"

Remus downed the liquid with a slight grimace and she took the goblet from him, replacing it with a glass of water.

"It felt the same as it always does. Painful." It didn't help that there had been another werewolf there, Kyle Reynolds a man in his thirties. Nor had the cages used to keep them locked in the bowls of St. Mungos.

"Well, perhaps we shall see a difference this time." She sounded overly optimistic.

He did not want to bring this kind woman down, so he simply smiled and said, "Perhaps." +++

The transformation went as it always did. Painful and without remorse. For the first time since he was teenager Remus threw up as soon as he was conscious. Reynolds was fine except the usual pain.

The healers were sympathetic. They gave him a potion to settle his stomach, made sure that he hadn't broken anything when he had rammed the bars of the cage the night before, returned his cloths to him and then they asked their questions.

How do you feel? Did you notice any difference in the transformation, your mind perhaps being clearer? Do you usually howl for so long after you change?

The last was both amusing and intrusive, he thought. He refrained from saying so, ever the polite gentleman, and instead simply answered their questions.

Then he went home.

After landing outside the house he had to lean on the fence for a few minutes to steady him self and then when he was able to straighten up he saw Dora standing in the door, Auror robes already on. He knew she had been waiting to leave until he got home.

She tilted her head questioningly and he shook his tiredly in response. She sighed, left the door open and strode towards him. "Get some rest." Was all she said standing on her toes briefly to brush a light kiss over his cheek. Then she stepped away and disapparated with a loud crack that caused a cat hiding in the front garden to jump and stalk away with its tail in the air. +++

"Here you are." Remus accepted the goblet and drank its contents quickly trying not to gag at the taste. Not something I'll ever get used to, he thought as he handed the empty cup back.

Cally glanced at a scroll on one of the worktables. "The Aconite has been adjusted again. Maybe we'll actually see some results this time." She looked up at him in full healer mode.

"How do you feel?"

"Tired." Exhausted was more like it. And there was still six days before the full moon.

"That's usual though, isn't it?"

"No. I mean, yes, but I don't usually feel this tired with six days to go." He suspected that the Wolfsbane was messing with his system.

"Hmm." She looked thoughtful for a moment, scribbled something on the scroll and then let it roll close.

"You feel any different, worse, you let me know right away. I better go. They'll be expecting me in spell damage any minute."

He left the room first, promising he would give her regards to Tonks when she asked and then he went to work where he broke up a yelling match that was fast turning into a brawl, and served watered down whisky to the old men who had already had too much to drink. He stopped at the grocery on his way home after he was relieved by the bar maid and then he made a simple dinner, which Dora devoured when she came in at 9. He listened to the stories about her day that she was allowed to share and told her about the near brawl, which had been over who's turn it was to throw at darts, which she laughed at and shook her head.

He was asleep by 11:00. He had been exhausted all day, but other than that he felt fine. In the morning he told Cally so and she marked it on the scroll. Then he drank the potion and left. Being his day off he visited Dana, whom he hadn't seen in two months.

She told him about her new job, book keeping for an antique shop, and about the dates she had been on with Mark Hawksley, who she didn't know was a wizard and thought was endearingly odd because like Remus, he did not know any of the popular bands she listened to and he liked to stay in with her instead of getting all dressed up for dinner. She was now introducing him to the addictiveness of Monty Python. He enjoyed the Lumber Jack song.

It was 3:00 in the afternoon and Remus had been home for an hour when he began to feel strange. It started with a headache and he decided to wait it out, because he frequently got migraines when he was nearing a transformation. He sat on the worn couch, drank some tea and looked through some articles on the dark arts and dark creatures that had been sent to him.

He read that morning's prophet as well and saw that the ministry was thinking of instituting more werewolf legislation. That Umbridge woman, no doubt, he mused with a sigh. As if my life isn't complicated enough, next thing they'll be asking for us all to get branded like cattle.

At around 5:00 his headache increased and he had to make an abrupt dash for the garden door because it was closer than the bathroom, where he promptly lost the contents of his stomach. Heaving deep breaths he shakily pulled his wand out of his pocket and cleaned up the mess before collapsing to lean against the door thinking he would just rest a moment before contacting Cally.

Thirty minutes later he was in a cold sweat, again heaving and confused. It was hard to breath. His last thought before he passed out was that it was mildly alarming to throw up blood.

He was awakened after another thirty minutes by a frantic Dora who was slapping him to bring him around.

"Remus! Damn it, wake up!" her voice was calm, but the hand that was slapping him was slightly shaky.

He opened his eyes and had to blink a few times before she came into focus. "Dora." His voice was no more than a rasp, his throat raw from throwing up.

"You're burning up." She had her hand against his forehead and then on his wrist and neck.

"Ok…"

"You are not ok." She hissed. "You've got…is this blood? Remus?" she slapped his cheek lightly again and he wondered why she was doing so. Blood? Yes he thought he remembered something about some blood…

"Blood." He agreed. "Help me up."

She looped one of his arms over her shoulder and stood pulling him with her. He lurched to his feet and collapsed against her, forehead pressed against her shoulder. She smelled like soap and some kind of tangy citrus he had never been able to name.

"Remus?" he could feel her worry vibrating through her body, although he knew she probably looked outwardly calm, being strong so they could get through this situation. It was one of the things they had both learned quickly as part of the Order. A good soldier kept control until they had the situation in hand or could hand it off to someone else who knew what they were doing. Panic only caused death.

He was about to answer her, tell her that he only needed a moment to catch his breath because it was hard to breath properly, but was cut short as he was once again throwing up. He managed to turn his head so she wasn't covered but she still ended up being hit.

"Merlin's balls." She cursed and then she was half dragging him, as he was once again loosing consciousness, into the house and to the fire because she knew that if she tried to apparate them then he would be splinched and he really didn't need that on top of everything else.

She pushed him through first and swiftly followed in time to see two men in green robes pulling him up and another floating a stretcher over.

"What happened?" Snapped the younger of the men as Remus was loaded onto the stretcher.

"I don't…I found him like this when I…I think…" she swallowed, reminded herself to be calm, "He's a werewolf. He's been part of the Wolfsbane trial."

Two of the men swept Remus off down the hall. He was deathly pale. She stared after him long after he disappeared.

"Get healer's Malloy and Clare." The man told a mediwitch, before he too took off down the hall, leaving Tonks standing there.

She continued to stare, not really seeing anything. How long she stood there she didn't know, but eventually she was roused out of her daze by a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"Are you alright dear?"

Tonks looked around, blinking, as if she didn't really know where she was and then finally settled on the motherly looking woman who was looking at her expectantly and a little worriedly.

"Sorry, what did you say?"

The woman smiled slightly, and repeated herself, still looking worried. "Are you alright?"

Was she? She didn't really know. "Yeah. Yes, I'm ok." It lacked conviction and the woman frowned.

"It's just that you have blood down the front of your robes and on your boot. Have you seen a healer?"

"I'm alright, really." She tried to put more conviction in it. "It's not my blood."

"Oh." Now the woman looked slightly horrified and seeing the robes that Tonks was wearing, was obviously drawing her own conclusions.

"Excuse me." Tonks rushed down the hall, almost running until she reached a women's bathroom. Once inside she leaned against the sink and took a few deep breaths.

"Get a hold of your self," she scolded aloud. "Do not cry, now is not the time for crying. Clean your self up and go find out what they are doing for him."

She turned on the tap and splashed a few palm fulls of cold water onto her face, then scrubbed off the blood residue on her hands until her skin was a raw looking pink. Then she cleaned off her robes the best she could before exiting and heading to find someone who could tell her where Remus was and what they were doing to help him.

"Here you are." Cally met her half way down the hall Remus had disappeared down. "Healer Clare sent me to find you." She had a pained look, one Tonks recognized well, despite their lack of contact in recent years.

"It's bad isn't it." Her voice was no more than a whisper.

Cally nodded. "They're trying. They want to give him some blood replenishing to be safe; he coughed up some after they got him in to the room. His breathing is laboured; he stopped breathing for a bit but we got him back around and he woke up briefly, disoriented."

"It's the Wolfsbane?"

Cally eyed her, "Do you want the answer I'm supposed to give you, or the real one?"

Tonks smirked slightly, "Both."

"The answer I'm supposed to give you is that we can neither confirm nor deny that your husband's ailment is caused by the use of the Wolfsbane potion." She said grimly. "The truth is that it more than likely is Aconite poisoning. In fact, I'm positive it is."

Tonks didn't say anything, just looked at the blank wall across from her, crossing her arms for comfort. "It's my fault you know, that he's even in this situation. I pressured him into taking the Wolfsbane," she finally said hollowly.

"Come here." Cally wrapped her arms around her and Tonks leaned against her gratefully. The last time this other woman had hugged her had been because of Remus as well and she found it slightly ironic.

Eventually she pulled away and wiped the few tears that had managed to escape. "Thanks Cal."

She just smiled sadly.

It was another hour and a half before Tonks was allowed to see Remus. She entered the ward slowly; careful that she didn't disturb the two other occupants who were sleeping. She knew they wouldn't keep him here for long, although werewolves could once again have access to the wizarding hospital, the unofficial policy was to get rid of them as soon as possible.

Remus was sleeping as well when she finally reached his bed and ignoring the chair that was placed there she climbed on to the bed and rested her head beside his.

"You gave me a scare Remus," she told him softly. "I thought I might loose you, that you might be leaving me." She pushed his hair out of his eyes with a shaky hand and linked her fingers through his with her other.

"You're not allowed to leave me."+++

It was close to midnight when Tonks apparated to the small park by her parents' home and walked the short distance to their front door. She hadn't wanted to go home and couldn't think of anywhere else to go. She had spent an hour on the log bench watching the sea and then decided that she couldn't be by herself.

"Dora? Coming by a bit late aren't you kid?" Ted asked when he unlocked the door and saw his daughter standing there. "Your mother and I were just heading up to bed."

Ted sounded as jovial as always and she found that that was finally her undoing. A sob escaped her lips before she could stop it and then she was leaning against her father's broad chest crying out all her frustration and fear.

"Shh, It's all right." Ted comforted as Andromeda came into the hall, a questioning look on her face. The look changed once she took in the scene.

"Bring her into the sitting room." She told her husband as she headed back into the kitchen. "I'll make tea."

"Hey." Ted soothed as he sat himself and his sobbing daughter on the couch. "Hey, it's all right. Tell me what's wrong."

Andromeda came in and sat on Tonks's other side, setting the tea on the table and wrapping her arms around her daughter. "What is it darling?"

Slowly Tonks collected herself and told her parents what had occurred. Andromeda gasped and Ted shook his head.

"I think we better add some firewhsiky to that tea." He said determinedly when she had finished and stood to do just that.

"I'm sorry I broke down like that, I didn't mean to put this on you and I know it's late, but I didn't know where else to go. I didn't want to be by myself."

"We're your parents Nymphadora. You're supposed to come to us when you are hurting." Andromeda told her gently. "How is Remus now?"

Ted came back and handed out the dosed tea, which Tonks drank gratefully.

"They told me that he should be all right in a few days. They have to detox all the Aconite out of him and make sure nothing is damaged. He stopped breathing for a bit. They've got him on a blood replenishing potion as well." She sighed, "I'll probably have to take him home before he's really ready to go though. The full moon is in a few days and they don't like to have werewolves with the other patients unless they're newly bitten any way. Bloody ignorant…" she trailed off.

"Sorry, you don't need to here my rant on werewolf rights. At least not _all_ the healers are like that."

Neither of her parents responded. She knew they wouldn't. Sometimes she suspected that they thought she would be better off without Remus. She knew they liked him, loved him even. But still, every now and then the thought would strike her.

"Can I stay here tonight?" she finally asked dejectedly.

"Of course darling. I'll make the bed up for you."+++

"Tonks, hello! Is there anyone in there?" Mark snapped his fingers in front of her face.

She slapped his hand away and heard titters of laughter from their colleagues who also packed the room they were in.

"I was just asking you if you had anything to add to Auror Hawksley's report." Rufus Scrimgeour said over the laughter. He looked at her expectantly and she tried to remember what they had been discussing before she zoned out.

"No sir, I don't have anything to add."

He eyed her over his glasses for a moment and then continued the meeting.

Tonks sighed audibly and Kingsley who was beside her nudged her and winked, causing her to smile slightly.

"What was with you in there?" Mark demanded. As soon as the meeting drew to a close she had made a dash for her cubicle. He now leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

"Nothing. I just have a lot on my mind. How's it going with Dana?" she asked, trying to redirect the topic.

He gave her a look that said he knew what she was doing, but went along with it anyway. She was glad. She wasn't sure about Mark Hawksley. Some days they got on well and others they argued.

"It's going well," he smiled. "Dana is great. A bit strange, but great." His smile faded. "But eventually she's going to find out I'm lying to her."

Tonks looked at him surprised that he was sharing this much with her. She suspected that this marked something pivotal in their relationship.

"Dana's a tough cookie Mark," she said slowly, measuring her words. "Granted, I don't know her as well as Remus does but I've always got the impression that she's very accepting. If you tell her the truth I think she'll be ok."

She stood. "Are you to the point that you think you need to tell her?" she asked in her usual blunt inquisitive manner, quite aware that it was a very personal question.

Mark surprised her again by answering without his usual sardonic look. "I think we just might be, almost."

She smiled. "I'm happy for you. Look, um, I have to go, see you tomorrow yeah?"

"Yeah." He didn't pry, apparently having enough of sharing for one day.+++

"Wotcher."

Remus smiled tiredly at her from the bed. "Hello, your self."

She sat on the edge of the bed and peered down at him. "Have the healers been in?"

"Healer Clare was here, as was Cally." He returned her gaze. "It was the Aconite, wasn't it?"

She nodded, but it was the nod of one who is slightly distracted. He let her be, knowing that she would get to whatever she was thinking eventually.

A mediwitch popped in briefly, asked if there was anything he needed and then moved on to the next bed to administer a potion.

Tonks stood and pulled the privacy curtain over and then smiled slightly when she caught his questioning look. She sat on the edge of the bed again.

"I have something to say Remus and you have to promise not to interrupt me."

He nodded encouragingly, although he was tired and would soon be falling back asleep. "As long as you say it before I conk out again. Then I'm not responsible for any interruptions caused by snoring."

She snorted, "You only snore when you've had too much to drink." She sobered then and continued.

"I feel like I'm at least partly to blame for this. For you almost dying. You can say whatever you want, but I pushed you into this, because I know just what buttons to push to get you to do what I want. So even though I said that I wanted you to do this, to give it a chance, I think that maybe we've given it that chance and it might be time to stop. But only if that's what you want. " She finished and peered at him anxiously.

Remus wasn't looking at her; he was staring at a spot on the curtain. He looked pensive and so she waited. She had become an expert on waiting for this man and knew that eventually he would reach whatever conclusion he was striving toward.

"I think you're right." He finally said. "Not about it being your fault, that's ridicules. I know that you know what buttons to push and when I give in, its because some part of me, even if its small, agrees with you. " His bleary eyes met hers, "All good things take time. I think we need to wait until its time for this one."

"I'll tell Cally and Healer Clare. " she stood and pulled back the curtain. "You sleep."

"They'll be disappointed."

She paused and looked back at him. "It's part of life."

**A/N: I researched the effects of Aconite poisoning and tried to incorporate them, although the time it took for Remus to succumb to the poisoning might not be accurate. I don't know if it could cause him to cough up some blood, but I want to clarify that it wasn't a lot of blood, I may not have conveyed that you enjoyd this chapter, I enjoyed writing it.**


	47. Requests

**Anything recognizable is not mine. This chapter kind of got away from me. Hope you enjoy it. :D**

"So."

"So."

"I always knew there was something else going on out there, I just didn't…"

"Think that there were a bunch of men and women running around waving sticks and shouting weird incantations?" Remus supplied in a low voice.

Dana leaned closer and quirked a brow. "Yeah. I mean it's not like I didn't think it was possible, I've heard crazier things."

He snorted in suppressed mirth. Only Dana would think there was crazier things than learning that not only was her boyfriend a wizard, but that her friend was also one.

"You weren't shocked at all then?" he asked curiously.

"No." she paused, "It certainly explains your poor taste in music. Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

The abrupt change in topic didn't even faze him any more. "Do _you_ think you've made a mistake?" he asked instead of answering.

She shook her head immediately. "No. I really love Mark, although my mum thinks I've jumped into it. She still has aspirations of hooking me up with the lawyer down the street from her. She doesn't think I know Mark well enough, but really it's been almost a year since we first met. Of course he wasn't completely honest with me for most of that time, but really I can't blame him, I suppose." She said blithely as she finished her coffee. They were at her usual spot and this was her second cup.

"How long were you with Dora before you asked her to marry you?" again she changed topic without any segue.

"About five years."

She raised a brow. "Really?"

"You find that hard to believe?" he inquired, also finishing his beverage.

"You just don't seem the type to make a girl wait that long."

Remus sighed. "It's complicated."

Dana flashed a bright smile. "All good things are. I notice you say it is complicated, not that it was."

Remus studied the table for a few moments, considering. Dana was a Muggle. She had not grown up with the fear and paranoia that surrounded what he was. To her Werewolves were fictionalized creatures that sprouted fur, walked up right every full moon and could be taken out with a silver bullet. And yet she had accepted the fact that the man she was about to marry posses magical powers and works as a dark wizard catcher without batting an eye. And she was his friend. He had trusted his friends before; perhaps he could do so again.

"Lets walk." He suggested and she stood to follow him pulling on her long purple coat and scarf without comment.

"You understand everything that Mark told you, yes?" he questioned after they had been walking for a bit.

She nodded and extracted a cigarette from her purse.

"Well, just as there are witches and wizards, there are also other magical beings."

"What, like goblins and the like?"

He nodded. "Right. And elves, although they're nothing like Muggles think they are, and centaurs and so on." He paused to make sure she was listening and then continued. "Then there is what we call 'Dark creatures.'"

They were now stopped at a street crossing and she peered at him through her fringe of dark hair. "Dark creatures?" she sounded intrigued. "Let me guess, Vampires and werewolves are real too."

" Among other things, Yes," he said and something in his voice made her glance sharply at him as they crossed the street.

"These people are not widely accepted in wizarding society." He continued. "If there is a hierarchy, and believe me there most definitely is no matter what anyone says, than they are on the bottom. Vampires keep mostly to themselves, they prefer to travel and live mostly in countries like Romania where they are not as ostracized."

They had reached the park and they now sat on a bench. He waited for a woman walking a poodle to walk by before he continued.

"What about the Werewolves?" she asked before he could start up again. "What do they do?"

Remus shoved his hands deep into his pockets and leaned back on the bench. How did he phrase this?

"Werewolves are reviled as being malicious. In wizarding society if you are bitten and contract lycanthropy, it is expected that you leave your family, if you have one, for their own good. We cannot be controlled as wolves and so the ministry tries to control our lives. We are not allowed to marry, unless we have already been married before being bitten. Having children is frowned upon; there isn't really any law that says we can't, although until a few years ago there was. While there is no law that says that a werewolf cannot live in ordinary wizarding society, we are shunned and anyone who is associated with us is as well. Most of us live on the margins of society and end up dying before we reach fifty."

He stopped then and waited for her reaction. Dana was a very smart girl; he knew she would pick up on his change of address from they to we. While he was letting her think he watched the people milling about the park.

"That's horrible." She said after a time. "But what dose that have to do…?"

He watched her carefully now as her eyes widened for a moment and then he nodded at the questioning look she gave him.

"No," she gasped, not in horror or dismay, but simply in the way people do when they are surprised. "Really?"

"Yes."

Dana sighed and pulled out another cigarette, although she didn't light it. "Well, I must say I didn't see that coming." She smiled slightly and nudged his shoulder with hers. "So is the silver bullet thing really real?"

Remus found he couldn't help but laugh. He had had this conversation three times before, in varying degrees of difference. James, Sirius and Peter had confronted him, as had Dora. Their reactions had been similar. Lily had never asked him, she simply told him one day that she knew, and when and if he ever wanted to talk about it she would be there. Of all the reactions, Dana's was by far the strangest and yet he hadn't really expected anything less. What was more, he knew it was genuine. Dana did not put up pretenses. What you saw was what you got.

"No, the silver is a myth. I have never suffered from any prolonged exposure to it, and I've been at this for a long time."

"How long is a long time?" she was playing with her lighter, but her eyes were still on him.

"Almost twenty years," he said without hesitation.

"Shit."

His usual half smile greeted her pronouncement. "My thoughts exactly."

"So. If people like you aren't allowed to get married, than how did you swing it?"

"We found a way to get around the law. Technically, at least in the eyes of the ministry, we are not married. In fact very few people know we are. No one with whom Dora works, aside from the Auror who trained her and now Mark, know that she's even married. And Mark doesn't know that I'm a werewolf. Dora could loose her job if anyone found out." He hoped he got the message across without offending her.

"So don't tell him. I get it, and I won't, I promise. That's yours and Dora's business, not mine." She gave him a level look. "And that's exactly what I'll tell him if he ever finds out I know."

"Thank you. I don't usually tell people, but of course it's becoming harder now, trying to find a job. I'm going to have to start looking in the Muggle papers again."

She snapped her fingers suddenly. "I'm an idiot. I was supposed to ask you days ago." She smiled brightly at his bemused look. "My brother, Antony, he's got two girls, I think I told you? Nancy and Leona. Anyways, Ant wants someone to tutor Leona. She's failing her English class horribly. He wanted me to do it, said since I had worked in a bookstore, I should know about literature and stuff. Which is a ridiculous assumption on his part. Just because I like to read it doesn't mean I get the symbolism and whatever. " She was speaking really quickly and it was all he could do to keep up.

"So, I told him that I had a friend who did understand all that and who was currently looking for a job and who was really good with kids. Although she is 14, so I guess she's more of a teenager, but I'm sure you'd be fine. That is if you decided to do it."

It took him a moment to unravel all that she had said and then he asked quietly, "After what I just told you, you'd still want me around your niece?"

"Course. You're crazy you know that? It's not like you've attacked me or anything, although now I get why you would suddenly look like you were suffering from some kind of withdrawal. At one point I even thought you might have a habit, but I figured, well that's his business and it never affected your work. So you'll do it?"

He didn't really need to think about it. He had not been working since November and it had driven him crazy having nothing to do.

"I'll do it."

She beamed. "I knew you would. So, anything else I need to know about this world of yours? Mark said he didn't want to throw too much at me at once. You said Muggle, that's someone like me right?"

"Someone non magical," he clarified, thinking that this conversation had become somewhat of a whirlwind.

"So, I'm a Muggle." She tried the word out and then shrugged. "So to be a wizard or a witch you have to be born one, it's not like in those books where the people learn it."

"We do learn how to use magic yes, but you do have to be born with the ability though. Some Muggles are." He paused. "My mother was."

"Hmm. I think I'll keep you around for a while Remus, if only so someone can help me understand all this. I love Mark but he is short on patience."

"Anything to help." He replied dryly. ++++

"This is going to scar." Mark fingered the bridge of his nose.

Tonks didn't look up from the paper work she was filling out. A slight smile touched her lips though, but she refrained from either smiling out right or laughing.

"Should've gone to get it checked out. They have ointment that makes it heal faster." She finished writing and threw her quill down and then sent the report on its way.

He scowled. "So says the woman who can just wrinkle her nose and have every blemish disappear."

She shrugged as she put her cloak on. "Some of us are just born lucky I guess." She studied the cut over his nose, courtesy of a disgruntled shopkeeper in Diagon, which had now just stopped bleeding. It was definitely going to scar.

"It's not so bad. Eventually it'll fade. But I'd get some of that ointment so it'll heal faster." She grinned as she shouldered past him. " Don't want your future mother in law lamenting you any further."

Mark swore as she walked away and Kingsley, who was walking by on the way to his own cubicle, greeted him "Evening Hawksley. Nice cut you've got there. You trying to give Mad Eye a run for his money?"

Tonks laughed as he swore again and exited the Auror offices. "Hold the lift!" she ran for it as the golden grills started to close and a hand stuck out barring their progress.

"Thanks," she panted as she entered the lift and leaned against the wall. The man, who had red hair and glasses, simply smiled at her. "It was no trouble." She returned the smile and they rode in silence.

"Good night," she called over her shoulder as she veered towards the floo's and he headed toward the apparation point. He returned the greeting just as she was stepping in and then she was gone, whirling for a moment before she was deposited on her parents carpet, having fallen over as she lurched to exit the floo.

"Good evening darling." Andromeda greeted, unconcerned. "It's just us for dinner, your father is feeling a bit under the weather." She glanced around then, looking slightly puzzled. "Didn't you bring Remus with you?"

Tonks pulled her self upright and brushed off some soot. "He'll be here. Would you like some help?" she followed her mother out of the room, stopping briefly to hang up her cloak.

"Well, if you really feel you must. You may wash those dishes while I finish with the potatoes."

Tonks did so, shucking her Auror robes.

"Your father seems to have caught a bit of a cold. I gave him some pepper up potion but he says his stomach still feels unsettled." Andromeda peeled a potato with an expert flick of her wand that Tonks couldn't help but envy. The last time she had tried that she'd sent the potato flying, almost hitting Remus, who had luckily ducked, and through the kitchen window. Despite her mortification, it had been cause for a good laugh.

"Hopefully he feels better soon," she commented, scrubbing at a plate. She didn't want to chance breaking them by using magic.

"So, what's new in your life? It feels like ages since I last saw you."

It was a slight admonishment, but Tonks didn't let it bother her. "Remus got a job, tutoring."

"Really? Is he enjoying it?" Andromeda placed the now precisely sliced potatoes into the oven and wiped her hands on a tea towel, then turned to face her daughter.

"Yes." She dried a large mixing bowl and set it carefully aside.

"Well, you must be glad," Her mother commented, stacking three plates and the requisite utensils to set the table.

"Uhmm." Glad didn't cover it. Remus had been going crazy with nothing to do and it had started affecting her too, to the point where they had recently started to get into small arguments, more so than they usually would.

"Do you remember Eliza Kent?" Andromeda questioned as Tonks dried her last dish.

"The girl who lived next door. Yeah, why?" She followed her into the dining room and helped her set the table.

"She just had a baby. Her mother practically pounced on me to tell me the news as I was coming home today."

Tonks sighed and prayed this was not going where she thought it was. "That's nice," she said brightly. "Do you need me to bring anything else out?"

Andromeda straightened a fork that her daughter had juts finished placing. "No, not yet. Yes, she called the poor child Richmond of all things."

Tonks resisted the urge to snort in derision. "You think that's bad? She could have been like you and saddled him with a name like Perseus or something equally as likely to incur ridicule."

Andromeda raised a brow. "You have a perfectly acceptable name darling. It's unique, like you. Besides, it's family tradition. I didn't let go of everything when I married your father you know."

"Yeah well," Tonks said unthinkingly, "don't expect me to carry it on."

"Oh, were you thinking of having a baby then?" she asked casually. Of course Tonks knew it was anything but casual.

Walked right into that one, she mused as they entered the sitting room and she watched her mother settle onto the sofa.

"What? No…I mean…Merlin mum, I'm only twenty two; I think I have a bit of time." She did not want to have this conversation with her mother, when she hadn't even worked up the courage to have it with her husband.

"Of course." There was a knock at the door; cutting off the rest of anything Andromeda might have wanted to say on the subject. Not that that would stop her from bringing it up at a later date.

"That'll be Remus, I expect. I'll just go let him in." Tonks jumped to her feet and walked quickly to the front door to admit him. She would never admit it to her, but her mother had given her something to think about. She knew she wanted a child, she had known since rescuing Wallace two years ago. But the question was, did Remus want a child? She hadn't really thought of it in a while, but perhaps it was time that they talked about it. ++++

"Is something wrong?"

She looked up from the evening Prophet, which she really hadn't been reading, and gave him a confused look.

"You've been really quiet tonight," He supplied, an amused smile touching his lips.

She shrugged and folded the unread paper up, throwing it on the coffee table.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" she asked instead of answering.

Remus nodded; he knew that something was bothering her and asking to walk just confirmed it. It seemed that most of their most serious discussions took place whilst out on a leisurely stroll.

They exited their house in silence and automatically headed toward the beach. Once there, they continued to walk in silence for a time until she finally stopped them.

Tonks peered up at him, somewhat searchingly. She didn't know exactly what to say. She could tell instinctively that this was going to be a bone of contention between them. Yet she found that she didn't care. She wanted it too badly.

"There's something I've been thinking bout for a while," she started, taking a steadying breath. "For a few years actually, but something my mum said tonight brought it back into my mind." She paused and looked away from him, out toward the water. It was choppy, filled with white caps.

"What is it you've been thinking about?" he asked, trying to encourage her to continue. He knew it was something big and the feeling that he wasn't really going to like it or at least agree pervaded his mind. Still, he wouldn't know until she finished.

She looked at him again, choosing her words carefully, "I want to, I mean not right away exactly, but I thought that we might…" she silently cursed herself for being so inarticulate. How many times had she played out what she wanted to say and now when it came to it she was a mess.

"Bugger, this isn't going at all how I wanted." She sighed deeply and looked him directly in the eyes. She saw some trepidation there already, as if he knew what was coming was going to be life changing; a pivotal moment.

"Remus, I want to have a baby."


	48. Only for you

**Sorry this chap took so long. I've been supper busy. I feel bad for the long wait. :( so here's our Remus' reaction to his better halfs request. Hope you enjoy.**

Remus felt lost. His mind was whirling in a restless torment. It had been like this since she had declared what it was that was bothering her.

"_Remus, I want to have a baby."_

He had been prepared for anything, for her to say anything else but that. The admission seemed to come from so far out that he hadn't been able to really focus as she had continued on, trying in vain to fill the void of silence that filled the air after her statement.

"_I've really thought about it a lot. I mean like I said before, I've been thinking about it for years, since the Crowle case actually. There's just this feeling that I get, I don't know how to explain it. But when I see other people with their children, see how they interact with them, I think I could do that, you know. That we could do that." She stopped then and looked at him desperately._

"_Say something. Please."_

Remus closed his eyes and leaned against the hard stone behind him. How long have I been sitting here? He wondered idly, before deciding that it didn't matter.

He had apparated to the graveyard where his parents were buried, not really sure where else to go. Now he sat on the hard ground leaning against his mother's stone. He knew what she would say if she were alive.

Sarah would tell him, in the no nonsense tone her lilting voice took on when she disapproved, that he was being a fool. Wasn't this what was normal? You got married and had children, if that was what you wanted. Hadn't she strove to make him believe that he could have what other people had, despite his condition? Hadn't he always wanted to be normal?

Then there was the voice that sounded like his father, the one that warned that he had let things get too far as it was. His kind did not have children. It would be selfish and inconsiderate. It was this voice that had entered his mind as Dora had stood in front of him on the windy beach, arms crossed, fists clenched, looking like she was afraid but determined to get what she wanted. It was this voice that he had listened to.

"_What do you want me to say?" his voice came out in barely a whisper, lacking emotion, and her brow had furrowed in consternation._

"_I don't know Remus. Anything. I want to, no, I need to know what you think."_

_He pushed a hand through his hair in frustration and shook his head. "We can't Nymphadora." He was pacing now, leaving her standing there watching him wearily._

"_Why? Give me a reason why exactly we can't have a baby? We're both young and healthy, so I know it's not that. We're both working, and even after you're not tutoring Leona anymore I know you can get another job. We may not have a lot of money, but we have a roof over our heads. And we love each other." Her voice was strong, determined. _

_He knew she wouldn't give up on this. But wasn't that one of the reasons he had fallen in love with her in the first place? Because she was so strong?_

"_I'm a werewolf," he snapped back, trying to keep himself contained. "And before you say that that's a ridiculous reason, it is in fact a very good reason. Werewolves don't breed well Dora. Our children, if they even survive to be born, carry part of the wolf in them. Some are lucky and will never have to experience the effects of the moon and others…" he swallowed convulsively."I saw them when I was trying to convince the others to join Dumbledore. They were feral. At first I thought they had been bitten young, but I soon learned that they had in fact been born that way."_

_He looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes, but still the determination. Good, he thought grimly. She should be afraid._

"What do I do mum," he asked into the still night air. "How do I fix this?" he received no answer, as he knew he wouldn't, but it helped to speak his thoughts aloud. He needed to untangle the agonized knot that had formed. He needed to work this out so he could go back to her. He couldn't run from this, no matter how much he wanted to.

"_I know you're scared," she said softly. "So am I. I know about werewolf children Remus. I've done some research into this, I wouldn't ask this blindly. So I know there is a chance this might not work, or that our child would be born with wolfish tendencies, but what if it wasn't? Isn't this worth trying for? I know you want children Remus and that you've always thought it was another unattainable goal. But it's not. I'm offering it to you now."_

_Her arguments were working on his logical self, but he warned himself to stay rational. This was one argument that he would not sway on. He couldn't. He knew what it was like to suffer, knew what that did to a child. He wouldn't do that to an innocent child. He would hate himself._

"_Just because I may want a family, doesn't mean I should have one." He reasoned, voice heated. "I will not do that to an innocent child Nymphadora. I will not take the chance that they would have to suffer because of what I am. And they would, whether they were born with 'wolfish tendencies',as you charmingly put it, or if they were born normal and healthy. It is one thing for you to take on the stigma and prejudice. You did so willingly, despite how much I wanted to spare you from it. But do that to a child that has no choice," he stopped pacing and looked into her eyes, which were swimming with forced back tears. He hated that he was the one causing her this pain, but what could he do? What she asked was impossible._

"_I would hate myself Nymphadora and they would resent me I'm sure. What right do we have to do that?"_

_She whipped angrily at her over flowing eyes and turned away from him, the look on her face as if he had just slapped her. "I never thought you of all people would turn out to be a coward. So you're afraid. So is everyone Remus. You always say that you don't want to hurt me, but right now, you're breaking my heart."_

She was so obeisant, so sure that this was worth the risk. Was it though? Could he really agree to it?

Part of him wanted to more than anything. He knew Dora would be a good mother; he had not lied to her when she had asked. He could see her with a child. What he could not see was himself being a father.

Sighing deeply Remus stood and started to walk away from the stones, out of the graveyard. He didn't know where he was going, just that he couldn't sit there any longer.

"They could be like me," he spoke aloud to himself, his breath coming out in puffs that lingered and then dissipated. "But they might not be. And if they're normal…" he sighed again, this time in frustration. Going over the same arguments was not helping him.

He could still see the disappointment and hurt that had lingered in her eyes. It was so clear and would not seem to leave him alone, no matter how hard he tried to focus. That's what it came down though, wasn't it?

He hated hurting her. As cliché as it might sound, when she was hurting, it hurt him. Knowing that he was the one that put that look of sadness on her face was a torment.

And in some part, if he was being completely honest, he felt that he was being selfish. She made him happier than he had ever hoped to be. He knew that they could be together for the next thirty years and still he would be amazed that she had chosen him. And now here she was telling him what she wanted, what would make her happy and he was saying no. No. As in the topic is closed, the answer is always going to be the same, don't bother with it again.

A resolve came over him then and he knew that he had the answer to his dilemma. He may not think this was a good idea, but she did. And she had never steered him wrong before.

She's given me so much, he thought as he prepared to disapparate. It's time that I gave back in return.

When he landed outside of the house the wind was howling, whipping a cold current off of the sea. Soon it would turn into a full-blown storm. All the lights in the house were off, but he knew instinctively that she was there.

He entered quietly and discarded his cloak before making his way up the stairs. He stopped in the bedroom doorway and simply watched her for a few moments. She was facing toward the door, lying on her side legs slightly curled in.

He strode quietly toward the bed then and sat on the edge, turned toward her. Gently he reached out and brushed a stray strand of brown hair off of her face. She moved slightly and murmured unintelligibly her brow furrowed.

"Dora."

Her eyes opened then and she blinked confusedly a few times before finally focusing on him.

"Where you been then?" She sounded tired and the question came out with a lack of curiosity. As if she was only asking because she knew she should. He had been gone for twelve hours.

"All over. Thinking. Trying to justify to myself that I was right."

She raised a brow and sat up a bit. "How'd that go?"

He laughed without humor. "As well as could be expected. We both know that it doesn't matter if I was right or you were. That's not going to help anything. This is just going to keep coming up. Getting between us."

They were silent then, each in their own thoughts. She reached out and put her hand over where his rested on the bed, causing him to jump slightly at the contact.

"I don't want it to." She told him sadly.

"Me either." He paused and forced himself to go on. There were things that still needed to be said.

"So I forced myself to really consider everything. I've taken so much from you Nymphadora."

She opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head. "You may not think so, but it's the truth. You shouldn't have to lie all the time. You shouldn't have to go through what I put you through. But you never complain."

"There's nothing to complain about Remus. I'm happy."

He shook his head, "No you're not and that's my fault. I want you to be happy Dora. I want you to have everything life can give you. I realized, while I was wandering around out there, that my father was right all those years ago. I am being selfish. You give me so much and the one thing that you ask of me, I immediately refuse."

His eyes locked with hers and her hand over his tightened as if she was afraid he would run.

"I'm afraid Dora. Of what could happen to you, of what could happen to our child. What we would be subjecting it too. But this is what you want. What I want, even though I feel that I shouldn't."

She looked at him searchingly, barely hoping to believe he was saying what she thought he was.

"What're you saying?" her voice was barely a whisper.

Remus took a steadying breath. "I'm saying that if you want to have a baby, if you think we can do this, than I want to too. I'm saying that I am willing to try despite what could happen."

She seemed to let out a breath then and moved closer, wrapping her arms around him and settling against him. "Thank you. I promise love, that no matter what happens we will never regret this."

Remus didn't reply, just held her.

How could he tell her that part of him was already regretting it?


	49. December 1985

**Ok. This chapter is going to fast forward a bit. The last chapter took place in March of 1985. This one is in about December, so almost a year later. I need the story to move forward if we're ever going to get to all the stuff that happens in the books. Cheers.**

Something was wrong.

She could feel it instinctively. There was something wrong with her;there must be. After all it had been almost a year. Surely by now she should have been nice and round with child. Nothing though.

Tonks kicked the wall in frustration and promptly regretted it as pain blossomed and spread through her foot.

"Bugger!" she hopped on one foot, leaning over to hold the injured one. This action, while reflex, turned out not to be such a good idea as she then fell over in a very undignified way.

"What did that wall ever do to you then?"

She looked up from her position on the floor to see her father standing over her, with a very amused look gracing his jovial face.

"How'd you get in?" she asked instead, trying to regain some dignity and pull herself into a sitting position.

Ted shrugged and wiggled the wand in his right hand in front of her face. "Not that hard now is it. You should really ward your house better kid."

Tonks huffed and stood, striding purposefully into the kitchen, trying not to wince at the pain in her toes. They were probably broken. Serves me right, she thought. Here I am twenty three years old and I'm kicken a wall, all cause I got my "monthly visitor" as mum would say.

"You want tea?" she asked, as Ted followed her into the room.

"Wouldn't mind a cup, thanks." He sat at the table and eyed all the papers and journals strewn across it.

"Just budge those onto the floor Dad," she told him as she filled the kettle. "Remus and I usually just move round them. I guess I didn't notice how much of a mess it is."

Ted laughed. "Do I look like your mother? You know a bit of mess never bothered me. Ta."

Tonks placed a steaming cup in front of him and sat, pulling her legs up and wrapping one arm around them. "Welcome."

Ted looked at his daughter, noting the dark circles under her eyes and the way her usually vibrant air was lacking.

"What's got you down?"

She sighed and stared moodily into her tea. "Is it that obvious?"

"Dora, you look like you want to cry."

"I feel like it. Might do me better than kicken the wall too." She replied in tones of dejection.

Ted didn't press the subject. He hadn't just been put in Hufflepuff, as some thought, because he didn't really fit into the categories of the other houses. He had patience in abundance. He knew that eventually, if he waited long enough, she would crack and tell him what was wrong.

Sure enough, after a near two minutes of silence, she spoke again, her voice containing a soft sadness.

"Just got some disappointing news, I guess you could say."

"What's that then?"

She traced a pattern on the table top with her index finger, a habit he recognized as one that meant she was either nervous or contemplating something, and looked at him.

"I'm not pregnant." She said bluntly.

Ted blinked, "Come again?"

She rolled her eyes, "I'm not pregnant. That's what's got me down dad. I've failed to become knocked up."

Again Ted blinked and she was vaguely amused to see that his face was turning slightly red. She supposed it was rather mortifying to think of your daughter as a sexual being, and doing_ those_ things. But really, she'd been with Remus since she was fifteen. What did he think they did, play chess all the time?

"Were you uh, trying then?"he asked, looking as if he didn't really care to know and taking a large gulp of tea.

"yeah. For like a year now actually. My idea, not his." She sighed. She still wasn't sure that this was what Remus really wanted. Sometimes she got the distinct impression that he wasn't all that upset when she would tell him that they still weren't expecting.

Ted furrowed his brow at her tone, but didn't comment. "Well, it'll happen eventually," he was obviously trying to be comforting, but Tonks could here a distinct note in his voice that told her he would love nothing more than to move away from this topic. She bit her lip to stop herself from laughing.

"So, why're you here then? Not that I'm not happy to see you…" she amended, taking a sip of tea and grimacing when she realized it was cold.

Ted shrugged, his usual bright smile appearing. "Just thought I would stop by and see my favourite kid."

She rolled her eyes, a habit that she could never seem to break herself of, and returned his smile.

"I'm your only kid." She flicked her wand, intending to send the now empty tea things to the sink and instead sent one of the cups smashing against the nearest wall.

"Well," she said brightly, as her dad laughed, "least I didn't send it through the window this time. Must be improving." She eyed her chuckling father, "Don't tell Remus about that yeah? Sometimes I think he only married me so I could amuse him with my lack of prowess with all things householdy."

Ted shook his head. "Wouldn't dream of it. Where is he anyway. It's Saturday, I would have thought he'd be home with you."

Tonks shrugged. "He's with Dana still I suppose. She wanted his help sorting out the shop. She's finally opening it and Marks' working. Guess that's what happens when you marry a senior Auror."

Mark had been promoted two months previous and she found that now that she didn't get to work with him as often, she missed it. Not that she'd ever tell him that; it wasn't in the nature of their friendship.

"Spends a lot of time with that girl doesn't he?" Ted asked nonchalantly.

Tonks frowned and raised a brow, her mood shifting again. "Are you implying something?"

Ted laughed softly. "No. I know Remus isn't that type of man. Just commenting is all. I think it's good, he needs people in his life, after…" he trailed off but she knew what he meant.

"Yeah. I'll admit when I first met Dana I wasn't too crazy bout her. I knew she fancied Remus. But she's grown on me. Kind of like a bad fungus." She added cheekily, before sobering. "She's a good friend though. And she keeps Mark in his place so there's something. Want more tea?"

"Nah. I better head out. Your mum is makeing Shepperd's pie." Ted stood and Tonks followed as he headed to the floo. "You could come, she'd love to see you," He said significantly.

She shook her head. "Not today. Don't really feel up to it honestly. I'll probably just go have a kip."

Ted eyed her critically for a moment, his hand resting in the jar of floo powder.

"I know someone that may be able to help you Dora," he said in a measured tone. "He's a doctor. Grew up next door to me. The Muggles, they have ways to find out why you can't, well you know."

Tonks grinned at her fathers discomfort. "Thanks dad. What's his name then?" she knew that she would have to convince Remus to go along with it, and he would want as much information as he could get.

Still, she thought as she watched her father leave, what if I'm better not knowing. What if there is a problem? +++

"You can put your cloths back on mam." The young woman in the nurses uniform told her as the doctor left the room. "And then go make another appointment. The results take about a week. Or we could phone you?"

Tonks pulled her shirt back over her head and imagined getting a call at the grocery about how fertile she was. Yes that would go smashingly. The whole village would know before the hour was out. As if they didn't have enough to gossip about.

"I'll just make an appointment."

"How'd it go?" Remus asked sometime later as they walked through London, a brisk winter wind blowing around them.

"It was different. I thought Healers were intrusive but they don't have anything on Muggle doctors. And you?" she glanced at him in time to catch his grimice.

"Different is one way to describe it, definitely."

She laughed and looped her arm though his, giving him a slight squeeze. "Well it's over with now. All we gotta do is wait and see." She said lightly, although she felt far from it. Trepidation was building as a pit in her stomach.

"You know," he said after a time, "It could be me."

"What?" she glanced at him quizzically.

Remus cleared his throat. "I mean that it might be my fault that we haven't conceived yet. I know that you're worried that there's something wrong with you, but it could be me."

She studied him for a moment as he stared back at her and then shrugged. "Well, like I said we'll find out won't we."+++

Tonks stared idly around the small office, one booted foot tapping against her knee as she took in the children's art on the far wall. She wondered if the doctor had any children,or if those were from patients.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." Doctor Harrop apologized to them as he entered the room and settled behind his desk. He held a folder in his hand.

She stared at it almost fixedly, knowing that they were moments away from finding out, and only looked away when she felt Remus take her hand and rub the back of it soothingly. She smiled weakly in thanks and turned back to the doctor.

He opened the file, glanced at it and sighed. "Let me just start by saying that you both are in very good health and at the perfect age for reproducing. I found nothing wrong on that front." He paused and looked at them over his glasses. "Correct me if I'm wrong but you said that your mother had a hard time conceiving?" he directed his question to Tonks.

"Well not me. I came along right away, bit of a surprise actually. She told me that after I was born though she wanted more children but was unable to. She never found out why."

He nodded. "As I said, physically you are very healthy. It seems though that you may have inherited the problem that your mother had. You have a hormonal imbalance Mrs. Lupin. In fact we found a few abnormalities with your blood." He looked as if he didn't really want to continue but pushed forward. "I'm sorry, but the likely hood of you ever being able to conceive is not very high."+++

She wanted to cry. Wanted being the operative word. She didn't feel as if she needed to,but she wanted to. She wanted to feel something other than the torrent currently raging inside of her.

Tonks pulled her cloak more firmly around herself and stared up at the grey sky, small snowflakes landing on her cheeks and making them feel numb.

My fault, she thought bitterly. They had had to obliviate the doctor, he had wanted to do more tests on her blood and really there was nothing else for it.

Despite the teasing and nasty comments she had received growing up, Tonks had never resented being a Metemorphmagus. She liked being able to change, loved it even. It was who she was, it helped define her. There had been moments when she had wondered why she was like she was, when she knew of no one else in her family like her, but overall she had been content in her abilities. Now though, she had never hated it more. Because she knew that this was the real reason. She should have realized it sooner. After all her essence didn't even work with polyjuice potion.

But she had hoped; wanted a baby so much that it hurt. That hope had blinded her to a reality that she should have considered from the start.

She knew Remus was surprised. He would have been sure it was he who's genes were at fault. As he had said werewolves didn't procreate easily. But honestly, she would have been more surprised if it was him and not her.

"Dora?"

She didn't answer and she heard him sigh as he crouched down beside where she was sitting on the cold ground. It had been two weeks since they found out and she knew she was upsetting him with her withdrawn mood.

"I knew it was going to turn out to be something with me." She said softly. "I just felt it."

He didn't say anything and she was grateful. What was there to say?

"I probably would have been a lousy mother any way."

"Dora," he sounded pained and she found she couldn't handle it.

"I'm going for a walk." She lurched to her feet and stumbled down the lane, her legs half asleep from sitting in the cold for so long.

Suddenly she felt something cold and wet collide with the back of her head. It slid down the back of her cloak and sent a slight chill down her back.

She turned quickly to look at Remus incredulously just as another snow ball flew at her.

"Oi!" What was he doing? A third projectile flew at her and she ducked automatically. Grasping some snow in her cold hands she shaped a ball and tossed back, hitting him in the chest. She put her hands on her hips and stared at him, lips pursed.

Remus simply raised a brow and prepared to throw again.

"Don't you…" she was hit in the face this time.

Cursing she returned fire and soon an all out war was under way.

In the end they were both soaked and she was finding herself smiling slightly as she shoved snow down his back.

"Alright,alright. I surrender. Should have known I couldn't beat you, you play too dirtily."

"Learned from the best," She quipped as he got to his feet.

As soon as he was standing she wrapped her arms around him and leaned against him. "Thank you." It came out muffled but she knew he heard. "I'm sorry I've been so…"

He cut her off, wrapping his own arms tightly around her. "Dora, I know that you think that I didn't want a baby. And perhaps that was partly true, in the beginning. You are allowed to be sad, I know I am. Just take your time." He rubbed her back soothingly and then said softly, "And you're wrong. You would have been a wonderful mother."

That was it then. With those words, Tonks finally got what she wanted. She cried, great heaving sobs rocking through her body releasing the torrent inside.

Remus simply held her tightly, holding back his own tears for what could have been.

AN: The snow ball fight is something I could see Tonks doing if the situation was reversed and Remus was the one that was depressed. So I had him start it, knowing that he knew that she would do it, if that makes any sense. I don't know. It did in my head…


	50. Life goes on

**We're skipping forward again folks. We are now a few years later, 1990 to be exact. I thought about trying to fill in those five years but in the end this just made more sense. Otherwise this is just going to drag on and possibly get boring. It gets me closer to the canon events as well. Sorry if this chap is a bit slow or doesn't seem to really further anything. It's like a bridge chap I guess. Sorry it took a bit to update, real life drama is getting in the way. So, hope you enjoy this chapter, while I go drown my sorrows in an ice cap and Doctor Who.**

The inhabitants of the little village on the coast had not always thought the owners of the last house on the lane odd. In fact when the young couple had first moved in thirty two years ago they had welcomed them into their close community with open arms. Of course that had been when the village was predominately inhabited by those of the magical community.

By the time that the elder Lupins were deceased and their young son and his wife had become the owners of the little house, the number of magical folk had dwindled. Eight years later and a once proud wizarding village was now almost completely Muggle.

And even if the older dwellers of the village didn't think the Lupins odd, the younger not the older, the newer ones certainly did.

Perhaps it was the odd sounds they would here coming from the direction of the house every now and then. Sounds like howling of a lonely animal, calling to be set free. Maybe it was the way that Mrs. Lupin would only laugh when someone would bring it up to her as she picked up that weeks list at the grocers.

"It's only the wind coming off the water," she would say in her London accent, another reason why people found her strange, and smile leaving the sense that she was having a private laugh at them all.

Perhaps it was her appearance. The other young wives of the village would often speculate, deciding it was not proper for a married woman to have oddly coloured hair and dress as she did.

Maybe it was because neither of them seemed to have any discernable way of income and yet never seemed in any strife.

Whatever it may be, the Muggles tended to avoid the very end of the lane and the stretch of beach that lay beyond it. Only those who were wizarding kind ventured down that way, and if they were honest with themselves, the Lupins would not have had it any other way.

So it was strange to see a teenage boy striding down to the end of lane through the early morning spring fog. The boy, Matthew, son of Wendell the grocer, paused outside the small slightly worn down looking house and shifted his weight from foot to foot nervously. It would have been clear to anyone that happened to be passing then that he didn't really want to be at the house, but fear, likely that of reprimand from his parents who liked the Lupin's a great deal, compelled him to be.

He opened the gate, which squeaked as if it was in need of a good oiling, and stepped through and up to the house. Again he paused and then steeling himself he rapped quickly on the door. +++

Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin shifted irritably in her sleep, the dream she had been having fading from her mind as she opened her grey eyes. She glanced at the bedside clock and let out a curse. It was five thirty in the morning and from the sounds of it someone was banging on her door.

It was five thirty in the morning, on her day off and someone was banging on the door. Bloody hell.

She pushed herself up onto her elbows then and gently shifted herself out of the arm and legs that were entwined with hers, trying not to wake the man sleeping soundly beside her. At least one of them should get to sleep until a decent hour.

Rising she ran a hand through her bobbed hair, which was at the moment a deep brown colour due to an undercover Auror operation completed the night before, trying to tame it into some order as she shuffled out of the room.

The knocking, which had ceased briefly, had started again by the time she reached the stairs.

"Yeah, yeah. Keep it up, cause continually banging on my door is really gonna make me come faster." She muttered to herself as she reached the bottom landing and promptly tripped over a bit of raised carpet.

"Bugger!" She grabbed the wall for support and managed not to fall. Taking a calming breath she strode to the door and whipped it open.

"Yeah?"

The young boy on the other side stared at her for a moment, clearly taken aback by her abruptness. She sighed and smiled brightly at him, telling her self it was too early for this.

"Matthew, what is it?" she asked more kindly.

Matthew visibly swallowed and said quickly, "My dad sent me. He got a call on the public phone. It's for Mr. Lupin?" it came out as more of a question than a statement.

Tonks nodded encouragingly. "Who's it then?"

Matthew was relaxing now, and even peering behind her into the house curiously.

"Someone called Dana Hawksley. She said that she's in labour and her bl…I mean her blooming husband is nowhere to be found. She'd like him to come as soon as is possible if it's not too much trouble." he edited. He had listened in on the call and the women on the other end's language had been far from polite. Still, he supposed that when one was in labour good manners went out the window.

He looked at expectantly as she rolled her eyes. "Bloody Mark." She cursed, before smiling at him again, her eyes glittering. Obviously she found the situation amusing.

"Thanks. Would you like a cuppa? I imagine you could probably use it, this early hour being such a lovely time to be up and all."

Matthew heisted, he wasn't sure if he really should, but it would be a good story to tell his friends, how he'd been invited into the eccentric Lupin house. And his mother would tell him off if he said no and she found out.

"Yes mam."

She laughed at his polite address. "Come in then. And call me Tonks everyone does. Besides," she added cheerfully as she strode toward the stairs, "I've known you since you were in diapers Matthew, I think we're on a first name bases."

Leaving him in the living room she ascended the stairs and made her way back into her room.

For a moment she simply stood and looked at the man slumbering peacefully in the middle of the bed.

His once purely brown hair was now threaded through with silver, and there were lines around his eyes and mouth that had not been there five years ago. He looked older than his thirty years, she thought somewhat morosely. Still when he was sleeping and completely unguarded as he was now, she could still see the features of the young man who had stolen her heart that first day in the Hogwarts library. She hated to wake him, but knew there was nothing for it.

"Remus." She shook his shoulder slightly and was rewarded when his beautiful amber and gold eyes opened to peer up at her. He blinked sleepily and stretched.

"What are you doing up?" he inquired, his hoarse voice still sounding slightly raspy from sleep.

"Wendell's kid was just banging on the door. Dana rang the grocery. She's in labour and Mark, the prat, is no where to be found."

"What?" he sat up and she moved back as he quickly threw back the covers and began throwing on the first clothes that came to hand. "Where is he?"

She shook her head. "Probably at the office. I'll pop over in a bit. You go help Dana. Tell her I'll give her husband a slap for her when I find him."

Remus shoved his feet into his shoes and kissed her quickly before heading down the stairs, past a bemused looking Matthew and out the door. Soon a sound like a car backfiring was heard making the teenager jump.

"So." He turned back to the stairs to see Tonks standing there, now fully dressed in a pair of holey jeans and a tight purple jumper. "How bout that cuppa?"+++

"Dana?"

A crash ringing from inside the house was his answer. Quickly he drew his wand and unlocked the door stepping in to the house.

"Dana?" he called again as he closed the door and this time was rewarded with a curse from the kitchen.

"It's about bloody time!" she cried as he entered the kitchen, "Where have you…oh sorry. Wrong man."

She was sitting on the floor, leaning against the floor cabinets, breathing heavily.

Remus dropped down in front of her and smoothed a piece of hair that was stuck to her sweaty forehead back. "You thought I was Mark?"

She rolled her tow tone eyes. "I'm not exactly in the best of mind frames right now. I heard a man's voice and reacted. All I've been thinking about is how I'm going to kill Mark when he finally shows up!" she scrunched her eyes closed and heaved a deep breath grabbing his arm in a death grip.

" Dora's looking for him. How far apart are your contractions?" he asked calmly, shaking his arm when she finally let go.

"Fifteen minutes maybe? I've been trying to keep track but…and I just broke Alma's bowl. As if she didn't disapprove of me enough."

Remus glanced over to where the floor was riddled with shards of glass. Flicking his wand he repaired it and set it to sit on the counter. He turned back to see Dana raising a brow as she panted.

"Show off."

He laughed. "Perhaps you should get off the floor now. We need to get you to the hospital."

He wrapped an arm around her torso and pulled as gently as he could while getting to his own feet.

"OK?"

She leaned against him and he could feel her heart beating a quick rhythm. "Sure. Peachy. Look I'm not going to that, what's it called? That St. Mungos."

He led her into the living room and helped her sit on the sofa.

"No offence to you lot, but I'm having this baby in a Muggle hospital with actual doctors and nurses. And epidurals. Oh a nice numbing epidural, that would be lovely right now."

Remus didn't argue. The wizarding hospital tended to lean toward natural births and was still old fashioned in the way that men, unless they were healers, were not allowed in the room. He knew that despite her ire now, Dana would want Mark with her when this baby came.

"Alright. Do you have a car?"

She nodded. "Mark refuses to drive it, but we have one just in case. You need to get my bag, it's in the corner hall closet upstairs," she added abruptly.

Remus did as she said and returned to find her trying to get up off the sofa.

"Here." He shouldered the bag and helped her to stand.

"Come on," he told her as they headed toward the door, "Where's the nearest hospital?"+++

Tonks stepped into the lift and bounced impatiently. She had not had any luck so far in finding Mark and was now resolving to give him a good cursing.

The grills opened and Kingsley stepped in. "Tonks."

"Wother King." She said automatically and then turned to look at him quickly.

"You seen Mark?"

"Hawksley? Last I saw of him he was heading to talk to Amelia. Why?" he asked in his usual easy voice.

"His wife is havin a baby as we speak and is panicking cause she doesn't know where her husband is."

Their floor was announced and they both stepped off. "Leave enough for his wife after you curse him." He called over his shoulder as she strode in the opposite direction.

"No Promises." She looked over her shoulder and winked at him, causing him to laugh a deep laugh as he entered the Auror offices.

Tonks peered around at all the blue robed figures and ignored the curious looks she was getting as she looked into the cubicles that lined the hall.

"Sorry," she said brightly as one witch gave her an affronted look when she peered into her cubicle. "Just looking for my partner."

She was about to give it up as a bad job and head to the hospital without the wayward Mark when she suddenly spotted him.

"Oi. Hawksley!"

He was nearing the lifts and looked at her quizzically as she jogged up to him.

"Isn't it your day off?"

"Yeah." She said shortly grabbing his arm and dragging him into the lift.

"What…"

"Dana's having the baby. Her and Remus are at St. Thomas's and let me tell you she's not too happy with you right now. I have half a mind to curse you myself, but I'm sure whatever she has in mind is far worse."

She looked at him and was amused to see that he looked slightly nauseated. She never thought she'd see the day when Mark Hawksley was fazed, and it was over a baby of all things.

"She's having the baby?"

She rolled her eyes and guided him out of the lift and to the apparation point. "That's what I just said. Now come on, dad, this kids not gonna wait for you to take your sweet time."+++

"She's beautiful."

Dana beamed. "Isn't she just." She was watching her husband as he held their daughter and looked at her as if he'd never seen a baby before.

"Never thought I'd see the day Mark Hawksley was gob smacked." Tonks said from her position by the window. "Not even in the world twenty minutes and she's already got him wrapped around her finger."

Dana sighed happily and nodded in agreement. "Thank you both so much. I'm sorry if I broke your hand Remus."

"I think I'll manage to survive." He said lightly. "So. What are you going to call her?"

"Rhiannon. Rhiannon Alma Hawksley. The Alma is only to make Mark's mum happy."

"Oh who cares what she thinks." Mark said as he brought the baby back and placed her in her mothers waiting arms. He looked at Remus and Tonks and smiled.

"We thought, that is if your willing, that we'd ask you to be her godparents."

"There's no one else I'd want to trust her to. No one." Dana added, catching Remus gaze as of sensing her friend would object.

"So what do you say?"

Tonks and Remus exchanged a look that held a whole conversation. Then she smiled at her friend and partner.

"Course we'll do it Mark."

Remus nodded and Dana smiled at him.

"Do you want to hold her then?"


	51. Mood and Moody

Tonks shivered and pulled her cloak more firmly around herself as the wind directed the driving rain, pelting her and soaking her to the bone, even though she had just apparated there seconds earlier.

"Tonks," came a deep easy voice she immediately recognized. She moved toward the direction of the voice, a chill that had nothing to do with the rain coming over her as she neared the building.

"Lovely night eh?" Mark commented when she finally reached he and Kingsley. She noticed that Williamson was also there. He looked like he was going to be sick and she felt badly for him. The first time was always the worst.

Not, she thought as the final member of their party approached them, that it got any better. Not when the place you were visiting was Azkaban prison.

"All here then? Good, good. Horrible weather couldn't be postponed though." Gibbered Minister for magic, Cornelius Fudge. He sounded and looked like he truly regretted having dragged them all out to this island with him or at least, she reasoned, that he was sorry he had to be there. He probably didn't care that she had a desk overflowing with reports needing attending to or that Mark was supposed to be at home with his little girl, or that poor Williamson was no doubt about to toss his tea and toast. No, it was all about his discomfort and the inconvenience to him. Somehow this justified him in pulling four Aurors off of regular duty to accompany him on a routine inspection of the wizarding prison.

"Shall we go in then? Best to get this over quickly," he said with a weak laugh. None of the Aurors replied and he cleared his throat before stepping into the prison, followed by the four scarlet clad figures. +++

Two hours later they were nearing the end of the inspection and Tonks didn't think she'd ever been so glad of something in her life.

She was sure that the mad screaming would haunt her dreams for months to come. She had also encountered more family members in the past hour than was strictly comfortable. She was sure, as they passed her cell, that Bellatrix had been watching her. When they had neared the Cell that she knew to hold Sirius she had shifted slightly to be behind Kingsley so she wouldn't have to see him. She knew it was cowardly; she had had ten years to deal with the fact that he was a mad mass murderer, but she couldn't bring herself to actually look at him in that cell. She knew if she did thoughts she had long suppressed would resurface.

When they had finally passed through that section of cells she was sure her sigh of relief was audible.

"Well, if it aint dear old Nymphadora."

The voice was cracked as if the person had been screaming, but she still recognized it instantly.

"And the other two half wits who assisted in my capture. But no sign of the old man, too bad, this was getting to be just like this is your life."

His face was pressed against the bars of his cell, his hands, nails torn as if he had been tearing at something, wrapped around them.

Without hesitation she met his one piercing blue eye. Liam stared back at her, and let out a mad laugh. "Haven't changed much. Pity," he sneered. "I on the other hand, time has not been kind to."

She felt someone grab her arm and pull her back as the two Dementors who had been gliding along with them moved forward to subdue Liam.

He laughed again, the sound echoing through the stone of the cell. The laugh soon turned into a scream.

"Move along Auror Tonks," Kingsley said somewhere close to her ear as they once again started forward. She could hear Fudge muttering under his breath, clearly lamenting.

Soon they were once again out in the open air and Fudge quickly took his leave, saying that they all had the rest of the day off, and that he had already informed Scrimgregor.

"Fancy a pick me up?" Mark asked her as their two colleagues disapperated; Williamson still looking peaky.

"Yeah, why not. S'freezing and after that I could do with one." She replied with a dark look back at the prison.

"Leaky?"

She nodded and they both disapperated to appear a moment later in Diagon alley. Once they had made their way to the pub and ordered their drinks they sat in silence.

"How's Rhiannon doing then?" Tonks finally asked.

"She's driving Dana spare. Teething. Chews on everything and anything" he rolled his eyes, but a smile touched his lips. "She's going to be a little hooligan that one."

"Well, it's a good thing you made me her godmother isn't it? Someone has to bail her out when the MLE drag her in."

He raised a brow while taking a drink. "And I wouldn't?"

"No. You'd leave her there. Make her think about what she's done." She replied blithely.

Mark snorted. "Too right." The look on his face became serious. "So what's got you in a mood?"

Tonks rolled her eyes, and then smiled brightly. "Not in a mood. Moodless, that's me."

"You don't fool me Nymphadora," he said ignoring the glare she sent at him and the muttered, 'don't call me Nymphadora, Hawksley.'

"Is it because of Semple?"

"That…piece of filth?" she asked borrowing one of Madeye's favourite terms, "No." It came out more vehemently than she had intended and Mark's brow rose again.

She sighed. She loved Mark, he had become one of her closest friends, once they got over their mutual dislike for one another, but could she really discuss what was on her mind with him? Somehow she didn't think he'd get it.

"It was just…" she trailed off trying to pick her words carefully. "It was being there, and seeing-I have a lot of relatives in that prison Mark. There's a man sitting in a cell in there that I once thought of like a brother."

"I noticed you avoiding Blacks cell." He didn't sound very happy about it and she knew she had been right. This was not something she could talk about with him.

"Forget it, yeah?" she downed the rest of her drink. "Thanks for the drink, I better get going, this storm is going to be worse on the coast and with my luck it'll blow off my kitchen windows." She stood, shrugging back into her cloak. She smiled briefly at him and quickly left, feeling his gaze on her back the whole time. +++

The voice echoing through the down stairs is what woke her. Tonks sat up jarringly, pressing a hand against her groggy head. When had she fallen asleep? She wondered. She'd only come up stairs to get something.

She heard the front door open and slam close, probably from the force of the wind outside. Again she heard the voice, this time followed by Remus's. Then there were quick thuds on the stairs and he stood in the doorway, hair dripping from the rain.

"Dora." He sounded calm, although she could sense the anxiousness just underneath.

"Mark was just in the fire."

She threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood up quickly. "What happened?" she asked, a sick feeling coming over her.

Remus seemed to be watching her carefully.

"Well?" she demanded, already sliding her feet into the nearest pair of shoes.

"It's Moody."+++

"What do you mean you can't tell me anything?" Tonks glared at the mediwicth, who was looking at her as if she questioned her sanity and was considering getting some sort of calming elixir.

"Just as I said. I can't tell you anything. Not right now, you're not family."

Remus could see his wife's eye's flare dangerously and decided to step in before a scene, or more of a scene was caused.

"Not..." Tonks started, her tone clipped. She felt a hand on her shoulder and stopped, seeming to deflate as Remus smiled at the mediwitch. "I'm sorry. My Wife is very upset."

The mediwicth sniffed. "Well, it's understandable I suppose," she conceded.

Remus continued, "You see, Alastar Moody has no family, it's just him. My wife is the closest thing he has to a daughter and I know that he would want to reassure her that he is going to be alright."

"Well," she eyed them both a small smile tugged at her lips. "Very well then, spell damage, ward six."

"Thank you." He told her gratefully, as Tonks had, upon hearing where her mentor was, rushed away.

The witch nodded and went to see to a man with turnips growing out of his ears.

Tonks entered the ward wearily, her eyes immediately fixing on the man in the end bed. He was asleep she noticed and so she sat in the one chair beside the bed, prepared to wait and worked to compose herself.

Mark had told Remus that Moody had been out, following up on a lead on a wizard from Albania who worked as a contract hit wizard. The situation had escalated from a simple seek and capture to a full blown duel, only ending when both wizards were incapacitated and five MLE wizards had arrived on the scene. The Albanian was dead it seemed. And Moody, well he had been lucky to escape with his life, minus one limb.

She tried not to stare at the bed, the spot where she knew his leg, or what was left of it would be resting.

"I was supposed to be there." She said softly when she felt Remus behind her. "But Fudge," she sighed. "Bloody Fudge needed an escort to Azkaban."

"Even if you were there, it doesn't mean it would have ended any differently." Remus told her. "At the very least, it could be both of you in here. He'll pull through Dora, just as he always has done and he'd say the same, wouldn't you?" he directed this last to the bed and Tonks was surprised to see that Moody was awake.

"Aye. Ever the voice of reason eh, Lupin? There you go, messing up my entrance and here I was all set to see the lass crying at my bed side."

Tonks let out a watery chuckle. "Like I'd ever cry over you, must be something in my eye sir." She tried smiling and was glad when she succeeded. "We really gotta stop meeting like this, there are other ways to get attention yeah?"

"Hand me that." He replied, indicating a glass on the bedside table where his eye seemed to be floating. "Bloody mediwitch's took it out."

Tonks did so saying as brightly as she could manage, "That's disgusting."

Moody plonked his eye back in and fixed her with his piercing gaze. "Remus is right, even if Fudge hadn't called you away, it still could have turned out the same. Don't you go feeling sorry for me." He finished gruffly. "Just'll have to find a substitute is all."

"Nothing to feel sorry for," she replied as Remus squeezed her shoulder in comfort.

Moody nodded and touched his leg briefly. He seemed to be considering something. "Fraid this might be the end though lass. They'll force me out."

"They can't." she said vehemently. "You're too good. If it wasn't for you, I never would have made it, and I know I'm not the only one can say that. They'd be daft to force you out."

Moody shook his head and laughed. "They've wanted me gone for a long time Nymphadora. To them I'm defunct. The ministry likes to sit on their arses and pretend that everything is in pretty little boxes. Anyone who doesn't agree with that view is on a quick walk out. You remember that girl."

Tonks didn't know what to say and it seemed that even if he did, Remus was keeping it to himself. Was this what she had to look forward to?

She took a breath and reached out, covering his scarred hand with her own small un-scarred one. "You're not defunct. With out you I never would have survived the war. You'll never be defunct to me sir," she smiled her usual cheeky smile, "Old maybe, but never defunct."

Moody scowled, but she knew it wasn't real. "That's my girl."


	52. 1991 to 1993

**I am so so sorry that I took so long to update, I feel bad, really I do. You can thank Deathly Hallows prt1 that an update is coming now. Went and saw it on opening day, and holly sheep man is all I can say. If you haven't gone and seen it yet, then get yourself there soon, cause, wow. But yeah, it inspired me to get back in the game as it were and stop neglecting this fic, which I'm sad to say I have been. There were two lovely Tonks, Lupin moments, although my only criticism was that it seemed random that they were married and no one was like how the hell did that happen? It was amusing to say the least, that and other things. But that's movies I guess, you don't need to explain things and everyone thinks its normal. Anyway, without any further prattle, here's the chap!**

August 1991

"Take her for a moment." Dana handed her almost one-year-old daughter over to Remus, looking slightly harried.

Rhiannon smiled at being in her godfather's arms and patted his cheek. She still wasn't talking, but neither Dana nor Mark was worried. Dana said that she herself didn't start until she was a year old and from then had never stopped.

Remus supposed that if Rhiannon was anything like her mum, they were lucky she hadn't started yet. Of course he never said this, he wasn't stupid.

"Are you giving your mum a hard time?" he asked the little girl, as Dana ran around her book shop trying to make sure everything was in order. She only stared up at him, her blue eyes wide in her small pale face.

"She's driving me spare, that's what she's doing." Dana declared as she scribbled in the accounts ledger. "I can't seem to get anything I need to done. I know it's not her fault, but every time I turn around she seems to be getting in to something!" she sighed and looked at them, watching as her daughter rested her dark head against his shoulder. "I should just leave her with Mark's mum. Probably be a good influence, she knows what to do with kids, me, I feel like I'm just stumbling along. Never was good with kids, don't know why I thought my own would be any different."

Remus could tell she was getting into one of her "hysterical" moments. Since Rhiannon had been born, Dana seemed to be suffering from mild depression. Every now and then she would become hysterical and someone would have to calm her down. Lately, as he was between jobs and Mark was away in France, it had fallen on Remus.

"Dana," he said gently but firmly. "You need to calm down. Everyone makes mistakes with their children, feels like they'll muck their lives up. Granted there are some people who shouldn't be parents, but you Dana Hawksley are not one of them. Now," he said in a quieter voice as she wiped a few stray tears away, "She's asleep. So I'll put her down in the back room, bring out that radio thing and then you are going to go get a coffee or something and I'll stay here with Rhiannon."

Then he went and tucked the little girl in on the cot in the back room and returned to find that Dana had composed herself. "I'm sorry Remus. I know I'm a mess. It's just with Mark gone I suppose I'm feeling overwhelmed. You don't need to stay, I'm fine now."

He shook his head and leaned back against the counter. "Go. You'll feel better for it. I Remember my friend, Lily, used to get like this sometimes. The only thing for it was to hand her son off to someone else and have some time to herself."

Dana sighed and headed for the door, for once not noticing the melancholy look that came over her friends face or the way he shook his head as if to dislodge the feeling.

"I'll be back in an hour," she promised as she slipped out the door.

As soon as she was gone Remus flicked his wand, and the open sign switched to closed. Then he settled back to wait.

December 1991

"It has been too long Remus, how are you?"

Remus smiled, though there was strain behind his eyes. "I am well Albus. As well as I can be."

Dumbledore nodded, his blue eyes twinkling as ever. "And how, may I ask, is Nymphadora?"

"She too is well. Missing Alastor, she says it's still strange to come into work and not find him barking out orders at everyone."

Dumbledore chuckled. "That is to be expected. I understand they asked him to continue training new Auror recruits. He has told me however that this too will not last," Dumbledore sighed. "Sadly it has become the way of the ministry. Which brings me to why I wished to speak with you. I was concerned when I learned of the new legislation."

Remus took a sip of the tea Dumbledore had provided, but said nothing. There wasn't really anything he could say. Eventually he looked at the older man. "Yes. Honestly, I've been trying not to think too much about it. I hope, as long as I keep my head down, they won't come after me."

Dora had been outraged when she had read the news in the Prophet. The legislation, just introduced, had declared that Werewolves were now not allowed to own property. Remus had read the article, then threw the paper in the fire and reminded her that they shouldn't have anything to worry about as, in a bit of foresight years earlier, he had signed their home and outlaying property to Dumbledore, so it appeared that they did not own it. As long as they were careful, they would be fine. She hadn't said anything about it after that and he had been glad. They'd been arguing a lot lately and he was tired of it.

" I will, of course, continue to keep up the rouse that it is I who in fact owns the charming little house by the sea." Dumbledore assured him, a slight smile touching his lips.

Remus nodded. "Thank you. I know it's asking a lot, considering the other secrets we've asked you to keep, but…"

Dumbledore waved a hand dismissively. "I can handle the ministry, if it comes to it, but I think it will not. They only see what they wish too, and I am very adept at making people see what I want them too."

That you are, Remus thought. He could see how there were those that were afraid of Dumbledore. He was cunning, it was true.

As if reading his thoughts Dumbledore smiled and offered him more tea.

"You will no doubt be pleased to know that Harry seems to be doing quiet well." He said after taking a sip of his own drink.

"Is he?"

"Yes, he seems to be finding his way. He is much like his father in the respect that he seems to have nose for trouble. Severus has come to me several times to complain."

Remus laughed. "James would be proud. Lily on the other hand…"

There was a knock at the door of the office and Remus realized the time. "I should be going now Albus."

Dumbledore nodded. "Of course. Please give my regards to Nymphadora, although you may not wish to mention that I have used her first name. I am rather fond of my beard and would not like it lit on fire for my slip." He said sedately.

"Of course not." Remus had reached the door and Dumbledore called out. "Take care of your self Remus."

He looked back at his mentor and nodded. "I will."

June 1992

Tonks leaned against a metal pole with the number seven fixed to it and scanned the station quickly, whilst reminding herself mentally to keep the surly expression that was fixed to her face.

She was impersonating a skinny teenage girl, in a tight leather mini skirt, jacket and green and purple hair. She had been standing there, in Kings cross, for over an hour watching for the wizard that was supposed to be conducting the sale of a highly illegal substance.

The Auror office had been tipped off and she had drawn the short straw, as it were. So here she was, in an outfit she hadn't worn since she was in her early twenties, pretending to be a surly 17-year-old girl and quickly getting more board by the minute.

She had been hit on twice already by boys young enough to be her son, was now getting suspicious looks from security and decided that this was one disguise she would need to sack. Maybe I should have gone with the old woman? She wondered. No one questions an old woman lolling about.

The people venturing away from the signs for platform nine and ten grabbed her gaze briefly and she allowed herself a smile. A thought struck her then and she found herself looking more fully. Harry would be returning from his first year; if she could get even a glimpse of him…

Someone jostled her shoulder and she readopted her surely demenor. "Watch it yeah?" she glared at the man and noticed he was wearing a long coat when it was clearly too warm for such things.

"Sorry," he muttered as he moved on. She watched him and slowly straightened up. Long hair, glasses, and a shifty appearance. Could this be her guy?

She began to follow him, at a safe distance, as he moved towards platforms nine and ten. Was he really that stupid, she wondered, to conduct his business out in the open? Apparently.

The man gestured for another man waiting by the barrier to follow him and she knew then that this was definitely her guy.

"Come on, " she muttered. "Do something stupid so I can arrest you and get on with it."

The men had stopped a bit away and just seemed to be talking, so she settled in to wait.

"Come on boy," a voice snapped angrily. "Hurry up!"

And then a large mustached man, a horsey looking woman and a rather unfortunate looking large boy were moving past her, the woman sniffing in distain and averting her gaze when she passed Tonks.

She would have ignored them and continued to watch the men, if her attention hadn't been caught by the young boy trailing behind them pushing a trolley.

He stopped for a moment, seeming to adjust the owl cage perched on top of his truck and she was able to get a good look at him. Dark unruly hair, glasses, and his eyes as he turned back to continue pushing the trolley…

"Merlin's saggy pants," she breathed. There he was, looking just as Dumbledore had said, just like his dad.

And then he was gone into the crowd, pushing his trolley and she could once again see the two men who were now passing the afore mentioned substance.

Her last thought, before she prepared to make the arrest, was that she wished Remus could have been there to see just how much Harry looked like his parents.

November 1992

She watched, almost amusedly, as Moody barred down on the young man whom he was training in stealth, his wooden leg clunking. "You call that quiet?" he demanded.

"Hippogriffs in Spain could hear you." His eye whirled and she knew he was now looking at her.

"Get on with ya then," he ordered and the young man quickly fled, but not before Moody shouted, "And remember,"

"Constant Vigilance," she mouthed along with him.

The eye whirled again and he turned and fixed her with a baleful glare. "Nice to see that Scrimgeour hasn't stamped the impertinence out of ya."

She simply smiled, as she'd always done and said cheerfully,

"Rough go of it then Mad Eye?"

He snorted and clunked over to her. "Don't think I've ever met any one as bad at stealth as that one, present company excepted."

"Hey!" she protested. "Clumsiness is a genetic disorder! Besides," she smirked. "I'm told by certain men that it is endearing."

Moody snorted again, this time in amusement. Still she hadn't come to see him just so he could beret her for old times sake.

"I was just talking with Kingsley and Robbards. Is it true?"

His eye swiveled to pierce her. "Aye, lass. Full retirement, finally. My way's don't fit into the new system."

She didn't say anything, which was out of character for her. But she didn't know what to say. True Moody had been retired for a while now, but he'd still been around occasionally to help with training. But now, he would be gone.

"I suppose I'll just have to take to bugging Kingsley now, then. He's the only one besides you that appreciates my humor."

"You're too cheeky by half, " he muttered as they entered the lift. He looked fully at her now. "You watch out for yourself, the way things are going, if you don't it could be you they force out next. Would be a crime if all that time I put into training you was wasted because you don't have a filter between your head and gob."

Tonks knew he wasn't one for sentimentality and this was the closest she would ever get to him saying he cared. She herself had no such qualms.

"I love you too Mad Eye."

"Impertinent lass."

March 1993.

Remus was dreaming, he knew he was. Knew that what he was seeing, experiencing could now only exist in a dream. Or memory.

"Moony," a laughing voice called. "Oi, Moony come on get up."

He opened his eyes and blinked when he found a pair of dark eyes staring right back into his.

"Why," he asked calmly, "Do you always find it necessary to sit on me Sirius? I am not a chair."

"Course not," he agreed although he didn't move. "You're too boney to be a chair. Come on, get your arse up. Prongs and Wormtail and I got Firewhisky. Well James and I did, Peter almost got us caught." He stood, finally, perhaps realizing that Remus could not if he continued to sit on his stomach.

"I said I was sorry." Peter muttered almost indignantly. James clapped him on the back, good-naturedly. "All's well that ends well mate. No worries."

Remus sat up and stretched, causing his shoulder to crack. He couldn't help noticing Peter staring at him and apparently so did Sirius, as he rolled his eyes but refrained from saying anything disparaging for once.

Remus simply raised a brow and Peter smiled slightly and looked away.

Shaking his head, he shrugged into his dressing gown, or rather a dressing gown, their things tended to get a little mixed up, especially since both James and Sirius had a habit of simply leaving things where they fell.

"What's going on?" he asked, joining his friends. James was opening the bottle and Sirius conjured four glasses.

"It's after midnight." James said, as if that explained everything.

Remus again raised his brows, and it was Peter who elaborated.

"You were born at 1:35 am. In Two minutes, it will officially be your 17 birthday."

Sirius shoved a full glass into Remus's hand. "Yup. So, we thought we should welcome your coming of age the right way, or something like that."

Remus sighed, but couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips. "And you thought getting pissed in the early hours of the morning would be the best way to do it?"

"Exactly."

James looked at his watch. "Five seconds."

"Well then gents, lets raise our glasses then." Sirius raised his and Peter followed suit, as did James followed by a bemused Remus.

"To Remus Lupin, on this the occasion of his coming of age and to many more such birthdays, with all hopes he will age to be a lecherous old man, and keep me company in my bachelorhood."

Remus leaned into Peter who was beside him. "Has he already been drinking?"

He shook his head and they all downed their drinks.

"I resent that accusation," Sirius declared "I'll have you know It took me four days to think of that toast!"

"Some how," Remus said as James poured some whisky into his glass, "That doesn't surprise me."

"Oi!"

Remus opened his eyes and blinked at the light coming through the curtains. He was met with a gaze equally as dark as the one that he had woken to in his dream, although admittedly this one was much more welcome.

Soft lips met his in a languid kiss, which he returned with equal fevour.

"Happy Birthday love," She breathed, entwining her arms around him.

July 1993

Tonks tried to straighten her robes, holding back a yawn, as she stepped onto the lift. It was one in the morning; she had only gotten an hour and a half of sleep, before being called back into work.

She knew the situation, whatever it was, must be urgent. She had only been called in this early once before in her 11 years of being an Auror, and that had been when some lunatic threatened to blow up Grimgots.

The grills opened and she stepped out. The noise that greeted her was deafening. Everyone seemed to be yelling at each other, men and women in both the Auror scarlet and the blue robes of the MLE were running around, many jamming onto the lifts, wands already drawn, grim looks upon their faces. Some even looked panicked.

Despite her self, a sense of dread came over her replacing her drowsiness. She had only ever seen the offices like this once before. That had been thirteen years ago.

"What the hell is going on?" She demanded, grabbing a young woman who was rushing by.

The women looked at the Auror, her eyes wide. "There's been an escape from Azkaban," she started.

"Tonks!"

She turned to see Mark striding toward her. The Woman in her grasp pulled away, looking relieved that Tonks was distracted and quickly walked away.

"What is going on Mark? What's this about a break out?"

Mark looked grimly at her. "It happened a few hours ago, as far as anyone knows." He eyed her for a moment and she got the feeling that he was waiting to see what her reaction would be. "It was Sirius Black," he added darkly.

She stared at him almost incredulously. Sirius? Break out of Azkaban? She felt the insane urge to laugh.

"How did he do it?" she asked, voice measured. She wasn't really sure how she should feel about this. She knew, logically, that she should be angry, scared even. Sirius was dangerous. Yet there had always been that little part of her that didn't want to believe he was guilty. Hated the idea of him rotting in the fetid cell. And now he had broken out.

"No one knows. There was no damage to the cell, he was just gone." Mark steered her toward the conference room, grabbing her arm to steady her as people pushed past them.

She stood near the back of the packed room and listened as Scrimgeour directed them all to search for Sirius. They were to go out in teams; search all the places that Sirius had been known to go. Three Aurors were to be placed on private Drive where Harry lived, just in case.

Tonks doubted that Sirius would try to get at Harry so soon, if that was his game. He may have acted the prat many times, but he was far from stupid. He would know where they would look for him and would avoid those places. Besides, he had one up on them. No one, at least no one living, aside from her and Remus knew that he was an animagus.

She wondered as she headed out with Mark if she should mention it; she had a feeling that his ability may have attributed to his escape.

She noticed Mark was still watching her, as he had been since he'd told her whom the escapee was, his face unreadable.

"What? My hair sticking up or something?" she asked as they jammed onto the lift.

"Well yes, but no more than usual. Are you alright?"

She was surprised by the question. "Course. Why wouldn't I be? He's nothing to me."

He seemed satisfied and she let her thoughts drift again. They wouldn't find him tonight, and so tomorrow the inquiries would begin. Now this did have her worried; because she knew who one of the first people to be questioned would be.

She had to get word to Remus and soon.

August 1993

Remus was in the living room, reading the prophet, which had Sirius's face plastered across the front. It was hard to believe that the man pictured was his once best friend. He looked nothing like the handsome young man Remus remembered. But he supposed that he himself would not be recognizable as the young man who had trusted Black.

There came a knock at the door then and he threw down the paper, rising to answer. As he did so, his knee cracked and he winced form the sound. His change had been two days ago and he was still feeling the affects.

Remus reached the door and opened it, surprised at who he saw when he did so.

"Good morning Remus. I hope that I have not called at an inconvenient time." Blue eyes twinkled behind half moon spectacles.

"Not at all. Please come in."

Dumbledore entered and once Remus had closed the door settled into a chair, while Remus sat on the couch.

"I see you have been catching up on the latest news." Dumbledore observed nodding at the abandoned paper.

Remus's expression was neutral. "I've been questioned twice by Kingsley Shacklebolt." A slight smile touched his lips, although it held no warmth. "Dora wasn't pleased, there isn't anything she can do. She's not allowed to be involved with the investigation, conflict of interest and all that. Besides, no one knows about her connection to me aside from her partner."

Dumbledore nodded. "Yes, I too have been questioned, although not as rigorously as you, I have no doubt."

Remus looked down at the paper and sighed. "They won't find him. Sirius knows how to stay under the radar, when he wants to. By now he could be half way to Spain and no one would know."

Dumbledore regarded him over his glasses. "And yet, you do not think he is." It wasn't a question.

"I don't know what to think," Remus said tiredly. "I thought I knew Sirius and the man I knew would never had done the things he did. I fear that he may try to go after Harry, and yet a part of me wants to believe he won't. That he'll simply just run. I wish that I could just know that Harry would be safe from him. Dora says the ministry isn't really doing much, aside from Auror patrols."

"That is why I have come here today."

Remus raised a brow, clearly interested. "Would you like some tea Albus?"

Dumbledore smiled. "I would. Thank you Remus."

Reus got the tea and returned not even five minutes later.

Dumbledore took a sip, sighed in satisfaction and continued where he had left off. "You will recall, I'm sure, that we are once again short a defense against the Dark Arts teacher. It seems that Gilderoy's condition is quiet irreversible,"

Remus did indeed remember reading about what had happened to Lockhart. He had never met the man but Andromeda, who had known him at school, said that he was a bit of a poof.

"And that being so, I have come to offer you the position. I think that you are more than qualified for it."

Remus found himself staring at the other man.

"I'm sorry?" he managed, sure he was hearing wrong.

Dumbledore smiled. "I am asking you to take the position of Defense against the dark arts professor. The wolfsbane potion has been perfected since your last experiences with it and Severus assures me that he can brew it to perfection. If you were to accept, the usage of this would be condition of your contract."

"Why?" Remus found himself asking. "I mean, why are you offering me the position?" he clarified. "Potion or no potion I am still a liability. And if any parents were to find out that a werewolf was teaching their children…"

"I will deal with the Parents and any other opponents to my decision. If you decide to accept. As to why, as I said before you are uniquely qualified for the job. And I also wish to have someone on hand that has an attachment to Harry, more so than that of teacher and student. Harry may not remember you, but I know your feelings towards him have not changed through the years, and had the situation been different, you would have taken him in yourself. Also you know Sirius; you are familiar with his methods, how he thinks."

Remus sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I thought I knew him. Now…"

Dumbledore watched him calmly as he drank his tea. "Please consider it Remus. Discuss it with Nymphadora."

He stood and made his way to the door. "I shall take my leave now; I have a meeting with Cornelius Fudge to discuss the presence of Dementors at Hogwarts as security." Something akin to disgust passed over his face for a moment then before quickly disappearing. "It would please me greatly Remus if you were to accept the position. I have often wished to offer it you."

Then he was gone, leaving Remus with much to think over.


	53. Back to School

**Hello, hello, my lovely readers! Here is a new chap, hot off the presses, as it were. Hope you like the chap.: D Oh, and Standard disclaimer, especially since I borrowed dialogue and the like for this chap. **

Tonks tried her best to hold back the beaming smile that was threatening to break out.

Remus watched her closely, searching for any reaction to what he had just told her. He hadn't been able to speak to her until that morning and when she had come in, yawning and looking drawn out, he had almost just let her head up to bed. Almost.

"Well? What do you think?" he asked, almost anxiously. Usually he could keep his feelings from being shown, but in this situation he didn't feel that it was necessary. They needed to consider carefully.

"Hmm?" Tonks took a sip of the coffee he had just made her. "What do I think?" she looked at him, her grey eyes bright and couldn't hold back the smile that was breaking out anymore.

"I think that it's bloody fantastic. I think that if you turn Dumbledore down you'd be a fool and I'd have to knock some sense into you. This is what you've always wanted Remus."

He still didn't seem convinced though and she sighed in affectionate exasperation. "What's got you hesitating?"

"What if something goes wrong? What if the potion doesn't work; I'd be putting everyone in danger. Not to mention that the parents won't want their children being taught by a werewolf."

She gave him a shrewd look, and raised a brow. "Who says they ever have to find out. No one really knows about your condition, and the six people that do would never turn on you. Sides, Dumbledore would never offer you the job if he didn't have faith that you'd be able to handle it and Snape may have been a slimy git when we were at school, but you have to admit he is a fab potions brewer. If he says he can brew it perfectly then I'm sure he can."

She could see that her arguments were working, deconstructing his logical assessment with equal logic. She always could get to him; she knew it drove him crazy sometimes.

"You really think this is a good idea?" there was a dawning brightness coming in to his expression that matched her own mood.

She smiled. "Love, this job was practically designed for you. Course I think you can do it," she raised a brow, "And just think, that if what they say about the job being cursed is true, at least you'll be out of there in a year."

He laughed, as she meant for him too, and she settled back into her chair satisfied.+++

"You're sure you've got everything? Got your case?"

Remus resisted the urge to reply, yes mum, and bit back a laugh, only smiling slightly.

Tonks was looking around the deserted platform, as if the afore mentioned case would appear.

Remus raised it to eye level and raised both brows. She smiled sheepishly.

"Merlin, I'm sounding like my mum," she muttered shaking her head. "Course you've got everything, and it's not like you can't just pop home if you forget a tie or something…"

Remus sighed, set his luggage down and held out his hands to her, which she took, automatically wrapping her arms around him and leaning her head against his chest. She was glad that it was so early and no one was around to see them. She felt like an idiot, but she was going to miss him.

"I'll miss you too Dora" he said into her hair and she realized that she spoken her thoughts aloud.

They stood there for a few minutes and eventually she leaned up and kissed him, smiling brightly when they pulled apart. "Right, well I guess you better get going. Try to sleep a bit, I know you're still feeling like shit, don't even try and deny it Lupin!" she warned. "I've been married to you for 10 years mister, I know what you're thinking."

He didn't argue, just shook his head, smiling at her mock stern expression.

"Let me know how the Wolfsbane works and please, for me, try and not worry too much about people finding out. Just…" she paused, as if measuring what she wanted to say, something that she was rarely found to do. "Just look out for Harry yeah? I know its been years and he won't even know who you are, but…"

"I know." He interrupted her, his tone reassuring.

She nodded. "Now, go, get on the train. Share your brilliant mind and skills with the impressionable youth."

He kissed her briefly again, murmuring, "Love you." And then he was on the train and she had to get to work if she didn't want to be late and get yelled at by Robbards, who was acting supervisor. Not that she cared, as far as she was concerned Robbards could sit on his wand and…well, still it was better not to be late.

"Love you too." She breathed, smiling before she turned on the spot and disapearated with a loud "crack."

He was going to be fantastic. She just knew it.+++

He had stored his belongings and then found a compartment; the same one that he had always sat in while riding the train, as it happens and then he had promptly fell asleep.

It was a bit strange to be on the Hogwarts express once more, especially in his new capacity, but Dumbledore had been adamant that he travelled where he could keep an ear out for any trouble. He was leaving nothing to chance when it came to Sirius possibly attacking Harry and Remus found he didn't disagree.

When he woke, although only momentarily, it was to the gentle rocking of the train and the soft low tones of young voices. There were evidently a few people in the compartment with him, not that he really minded. He could hear someone admonishing another. Without really paying attention to the conversation around him he turned his head to the side and drifted off again.

When he next woke it was again to the sound of young voices, but this time he had no trouble picking up on what was going on. There was some sort of altercation occurring. Not really wanting to reveal he was awake, Merlin knows he wouldn't want a teacher interceding in personal matters, as was clearly going on, he moved a bit and pretended to stir and let out a snort when someone dropped something. Instantly the conversation turned and he heard the compartment door being closed.

With an internal sigh, he again allowed himself to drift off; he really was feeling exhausted, although his nap had helped.

When he awoke for the final time, it was due to the train coming to a jolting stop. Distant thuds could only signify luggage falling.

Remus opened his eyes and blinked. The compartment and evidently the whole train was dark.

"Think someone's coming aboard…" a voice close to him said.

The next thing he head was the compartment door opening and a young boy apologizing, obviously having run into someone. What followed next was one of the most ludicrous exchanges he had ever had the chance to experience, as people kept coming into the compartment, tripping, bumping and sitting on each other, whilst trying to figure out what was going on and who was where. Just as someone exclaimed in pain, Remus decided that this really had gone on long enough.

"Quiet!" he hissed, his voice coming out more hoarse then usual. With a silent spell he brought light into his hand and peered around the compartment. It was full of confused looking teenagers.

"Stay where you are," he warned them as he lurched to his feet, cursing his tired bones. Before he reached the door, it opened and he instantly felt like curling up in a ball, despair threatening to take over. In front of him stood a Dementor in all its disparaging glory.

Suddenly one of the boys collapsed to the floor, twitching. Only sparing him a momentary glance Remus calmly stepped over him and approached the Dementor, pulling out his wand.

"None of us," he said to it in an even voice "is hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go."

The Dementor did not move though.

Retaining a calmness only born from years of dealing with this sort of thing, Remus muttered quickly, "Expecto Patronum."

As the familiar silvery figure shot out of his wand the Dementor turned and glided away. Once he was sure it was gone Remus turned his attention to the young man on the floor. And received a surprise when he looked down upon a face he had not seen in 12 years. Of all the compartments on the train, somehow Harry had ended up in this one.

"Is he going to be ok?" a boy and a girl were kneeling beside his prone body. The lights came back on causing everyone to blink and the train began moving once again.

"He will be, once he's woken." Remus said gravely, not wanting them to worry.

"Harry! Harry!" the girl slapped his face and Remus was relieved to see that Harry was opening his eyes.

Soon he was heaved back into his seat and was looking around, questioning what had just occurred.

Remus reached into his pocket, trying and succeeding greatly at not staring at Harry, although he did take him in covertly. Dumbledore had been right. He looked like James. Merlin, even his voice sounded like his fathers at that age.

He extracted some chocolate and broke off a chunk causing everyone to jump at the noise.

"Here," he said to Harry, voice and expression controlled as he had become master of over the years. "Eat it. It'll help."

Harry took the chocolate, but instead of eating it, looked at Remus, who found himself looking into very familiar green eyes for a moment, and asked, "What was that thing?"

Remus busied himself with distributing chocolate to the other children. "A Dementor. One of the Dementors of Azkaban."

Now they were all staring at him. He crumpled up the now empty chocolate wrapper and shoved it into his pocket. "Eat," he told them again, making his way past Harry. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me…"

He made his way down the train passing shaken looking students, most of which were huddled in groups, probably for comfort. He knew the feeling all too well. After his first encounter with a Dementor, when he was fifteen, he had thrown up.

"Excuse me." He entered the front of the train to find a very shaken looking wizard. "Why did you stop the train?"

The man let out a long breath. "Had to, didn't I? Ministry orders. I hope…" he gulped and stopped, perhaps not knowing what else to say, or maybe he was still affected by the Dementors.

Remus repressed the frustrated sigh that wanted to bubble forth; again it wasn't hard after years of practice. "Can I borrow your owl?"

The driver nodded, still shaken and Remus wrote a quick note to Dumbledore about what had occurred, quickly sending it off to the school with the owl.

"How much longer until we reach the school?"

The man seemed to relax slightly. "Ten Minutes."

Remus nodded and turned to leave. Before he exited he told him, "If you have any chocolate on hand, eat it. It'll make you feel better." The man gave him a bemused look as he left.

Once back in the compartment he paused and smiled slightly at seeing that they had yet to eat the chocolate he had given them.

"I haven't poisoned that chocolate you know…" If anyone who knew him had been there, they would have been able to tell that he was highly amused at the very idea.

They ate the confection and he was glad to see colour returning to the young faces.

"We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes. Are you all right Harry?" he queried turning his attention to the boy, again reminding himself not to give in and look at him like a starving man. That would really go well and the poor boy probably had enough people staring at him as it was.

"Fine," came the embarrassed mutter, again so much like something James would have done, that it caused him to have to look away. He could be objective, he knew, he simply needed to get to know Harry in this new situation and put the past, the one where this boy had been almost like his own child, behind him.

The rest of the evening went by quickly, although he did not miss the looks of pure loathing that Severus Snape sent his way throughout dinner, and especially when Dumbledore announced his appointment.

"Remus," Dumbledore addressed him as the staff stood to leave, "I wish to speak with you briefly in my offices."

Remus nodded. "Of course."

They left together, the mass of students having thinned out considerably and made their way to the office. Once inside Dumbledore sat and gestured for him to do the same.

"Please tell me what occurred when the Dementors boarded the train."

Remus filled him in, describing how the train had stopped, his confrontation with the Dementor after Harry passed out, how he had questioned the driver and how the man had told him it was ministry ordered.

Dumbledore nodded, his blue eyes not holding their usual twinkle. "I will be having a word with Cornelius. I am glad you were near by to assist Harry, I shudder to think what could have happened to him and those with him if you had not been."

He seemed to be thinking then, tenting his fingers, pondering in the silence. The silence did not bother Remus, or make him uncomfortable as it did for many others who were faced with this man. He had been on the receiving end of it too many times.

Dumbledore seemed to rouse himself then and he smiled at the younger man. "Well, I'll let you get settled in. I myself am feeling particularly tired after the marvelous feast prepared for us tonight." His eyes twinkled again and Remus returned his smile, if only slightly.

As he was leaving Dumbledore spoke again. "I am glad you decided to reconsider my offer Remus. I believe we are in for an interesting year."


	54. Questioning

**Here it is. Long coming. It's been what a month? Two? Whatever, it's been awhile. I've been extremely busy trying to get an internship; tomorrow's the first deadline and I have nothing. So I decided to try to finish this. I can't say this chapter furthers anything, its all Tonks, and I didn't set out for it to be like this, but it happened and after reading it I decided what the hell, why not post it? So it's a filler, but I promise that the next one will be Remus and Harry and Sirius and all that goodness.**

**I own nothing. Not even my own time it seems. That belongs to DC News.**

"Would you shut up!"

Tonks watched, face impassive as the wizard from MLE escorted a witch into the interrogation room. The woman was babbling and cursing the air blue; had been for the past two hours.

The young man pushed the woman into a chair and quickly left the room. "Good luck with that one." He muttered to Tonks as he passed her. "Merlin, I think she ruptured an ear drum." He fingered his ear, scowling.

She shrugged, flashing him a sardonic smile. "At least she didn't bite you. Count your self lucky; Williams had to go to Mungos and take a potion against rabies. Turned his skin blue. Bad batch."

The wizard blanched and hurried away, shaking his head. Tonks turned back to the window and watched the woman in the room. She was sitting with one leg crossed, biting on a cuticle, her other hand twitching nervously. She knew that as soon as she entered the room, that would all disappear; she wouldn't want to seem nervous in front of the Aurors.

"What's she in for?" Mark slide in beside her, smelling faintly of strawberries.

"Trying a new cologne out Hawksley?" she asked instead of answering.

He spared her a disgusted look, although his lips did curl upward slightly. "Food fight this morning. Rhiannon ambushed me. Didn't have time to change. Don't know where she picked that up."

She smiled, "Couldn't tell you."

"Hmm. Seems every time she spends the day with you, she comes away with more bad habits."

"Yeah, funny coincidence that."

He smirked. "At least she hasn't started falling over her own feet yet."

She raised a brow, a look clearly implying I'll get you later, but refrained from replying, instead nodding at the window. "Her name's Sylvia Thatcher. Been in and out of trouble since she was 18. Been in Azkaban twice, once for fraud, once for impersonating a Ministry witch. Petty crime, you know? Williams and I dragged her in this morning, seems she's branched out into illegal potions and objects. One of the junkies who bought off of her died last night in hospital. They couldn't do anything for him."

Mark pursed his lips. "Sounds like more of a case for the MLE."

She shrugged. "It's border line. I said I'd handle it. Believe me, they were glad to hand her off."

"Need any help?"

Tonks shook her head. "No, It's ok. She doesn't really seem to like men anyway. I'll just try myself first."

Mark looked in at the Sylvia again; she was now picking at the top of the table, and shook his head. "Well, good luck then. I'm off to investigate a report in Cheswick. Kingsley's got a sighting of Black there."

"Oh?" she kept her tone neutral, uncaring. She wasn't allowed any where near the search for Sirius, and if she was honest with her self she wasn't entirely sure she wanted him found. The conflicting emotions within her where too much to think about.

"Yeah. Probably just another old witch with a neighbour who has prepotency for long hair and disheveled appearance." He turned to go and then stopped,

"Dana wants you to come over for dinner, if you can get off early enough."

She smiled. "Sure."

She watched him leave, her smile slipping away, and turned back to the interview room. Composing her self she opened the door and stepped into the room.

Sylvia Thatcher had stopped her fidgeting as soon as Tonks entered and was now eyeing the other woman warily as she sat down.

"Afternoon Ms. Thatcher, I'm sorry I've been keeping you so long, we're swamped out there." Tonks smiled self deprecatingly and was satisfied when Sylvia relaxed slightly.

"Yeah, well, don't know why I'm here in the first place do I? You people just come barging in and drag me in with no explanation."

Tonks looked down at the file in front of her, as if she was reading it. "Again sorry. I just have a few questions for you Ms. Thatcher."

"Questions? About what? I ain't done nothing!" she sounded slightly hysterical.

Tonks raised a brow and looked at her evenly. "I never said you did. Now, do you know Arty Tennant?"

Sylvia snorted. "Course I do. He lives in the flat next to mine."

Tonks tapped the fingers of her right hand on the table, seemingly absently. "You knew him quiet well then. So you must have known about his habitual potions use."

Sylvia shifted nervously in her chair. "I knew he was up to something yeah. Is that what this is about? Cause what he does with himself aint my business."

"So it won't surprise you then that he over dosed from a bad potion last night."

"Wha…no. I saw him yesterday, he was fine." She protested, a fearful note in her voice.

"I'm afraid, Sylvia," Tonks said calmly, dropping the formal address, "that he was not fine. He died last night in hospital. The potion he had taken was traced back to you."

Sylvia was shaking her head frantically. "No! I'm telling you, he was fine. I mean yeah, I did give him the stuff, but I took some too," she seemed to know that it was no use denying her involvement. "He went down to the pub for a pint, for Merlin's sake!"

Tonks closed the file in front of her. "Where he promptly passed out and was taken to Mungos." She stood and headed for the door.

"You can't keep me here!" Sylvia screamed as she opened the door. "I didn't do nothing! He would have just gotten it somewhere else if I didn't give him the stuff. I didn't hold my wand to his head and force him!"

Tonks let the door slam closed behind her cutting off the other woman's cries. With a tired sigh she headed up to her cubicle to fill out the report.

An hour later she could still be found sitting at her desk, quill poised over parchment, her face resting against her left hand as she leaned over the desk staring at the grey wall of the cubicle. If she squinted she could just make out a grainy pattern in the material.

"Auror Tonks!"

With a start Tonks jumped up, slamming her hand down for balance and breaking her quill. One booted foot hooked around her chair and she found herself suspended just above the ground with one leg in the air.

A deep laugh greeted her predicament and she glared as she straightened up. "Bloody hell Shaklebolt, what exactly do you think you're doing?"

She managed to untangle her foot and stood. Kingsley grinned and stepped into the cubicle.

"Nice to see that you're keeping vigilant." He picked up her half written report; ignoring the look she was giving him.

"Well I wasn't expecting to be attacked while writing reports was I? Sweet Merlin, I think you gave me a heart attack!" She clutched her chest, allowing a slight smile to leak through her aggrieved façade.

He smirked. "I just came to see if you had any extra Item seizure forms on hand." He looked at her desk and raised a brow. "But I can see that it might juts be easier to go to supply.

Tonks looked disparagingly at the mess of her desk. "Yeah might too. I think I have one…somewhere." She leaned over her desk and shifted her stacks of parchment around.

"Mark told me there might have been a Black sighting." She said casually.

"Might well have been." He replied just as causally.

She smiled at him, knowing what his game was. "Here." She handed him two forms. "You're in luck."

"Thanks." He put on a mock stern expression." back to work Auror Tonks. Don't let me catch you sleeping on the job again."

She pursed her lips indignantly. " I was not sleeping. I was just…"

"Putting off work?"

She sighed and sunk into her chair. "Yeah. Now off with you, I've got a report to finish."

She took out her wand and tapped her quill repairing it and then too it up once again to continue writing.

"Tonks?"

"Hmm." She didn't look up from writing.

"There is one more thing you could help me with."

"Oh?" she read over what she had just written still avoiding eye contact. His casual manner didn't fool her. She was pretty sure she knew what he wanted.

"Scrimgeour's on my back again. He's like me to pull in anyone we've already interviewed about Black. And He'd like me to talk to you and our mother as well."

Now she did look at him. "Now you're just taking the piss. Talk to me? Fine. Whatever. But my mum? Don't you think she'd had enough of this already? Its not going to go anywhere Kingsley, none of us are hiding Sirius under our beds."

"All the same," his deep easy voice calmed her slightly. "I still have to do it."

She sighed and ran hand through her hair. "Fine. Whenever you want, but I warn you, my mum is not going to be at all welcoming and I can't really say I blame her."

He nodded. "Nor do I." he paused and having worked with him for so many years and being partly trained by him she recognized it as the one that proceeded a delicate question.

"I also need to do one last follow up with your friend. Remus Lupin."

She didn't miss the way he said friend, nor the subtle look he was giving her. It was all in the eyes. That look said that he knew or suspected that Remus was in fact not just an old "friend"; he knew there was more to it. The one that she gave in return said that she knew he knew, but wasn't about to admit to anything.

"I haven't seen him in a while I'm afraid. Seems to be rather busy at the moment. Is it really necessary to talk to him again?"

Kingsley was already half way out of her cubicle. "I suppose not. He would be the closest link to Black though. I remember the two of them were inseparable. Something like that just doesn't go away, no matter what the other person does."

She looked down at her now complete report, conscious of his steady gaze. "Sometimes it does." She said quietly. "Sometimes you think you know someone, perhaps better than you know your self and it just isn't enough."

"And sometimes it is."

She didn't look up until he was gone and then once she was sure he was she stood, sent her report whirling off shoved her chair in and shoving half the papers on her desk into her bag she quickly strode out of the office.

Maybe she would stop by and see Dana and Rhiannon. It would stop her from going and downing the first stiff drink she could find.


	55. Revelations, One

**Hello! So its been a bit since I last updated…real life intruding again, in three months I can actually call myself a Journalist and not just a student Journalist. Its all very exiting. So this chapter, as promised will be full of Lupin goodness not to mention a certain dark haired man with tendencies to turn into a dog. It will be moving forward quite a bit, after all we all know what happens in POA so I don't think we need to rehash every moment. Right? That being said I have borrowed quite a bit for this chapter. So without any more rambling, here is the fore mentioned chap. Hope you like it. :D**

"Hello?" Remus called, feeling slightly amused that he felt like he should announce himself in his own home. He had, after much deliberation decided that his time would be much better spent visiting his wife instead of staying at Hogwarts for the holidays. He knew he was not alone in wanting to escape the castle, especially after what had happened at Halloween…

There was a resounding thud from the kitchen area, followed by what sounded like china breaking and then a familiar, "Bollocks!"

Remus ceased his dark musings and with a shake of his head strode to the kitchen to be greeted with the sight of Tonks furiously pointing her wand at the floor where what looked to be half the tea set lay, broken in many little shards. China did so have a tendency of getting everywhere when it broke.

Remus extracted his wand and pointed it at the mess, causing it to return to its whole and original state. He then levitated it to the counter and turned just into time to find her suddenly very close to him. It was all he could do to steady himself as all five foot four and pink hair was launched at him.

"I didn't think you were coming home," she said into his chest. "Thought I was going to have to pry you away from that place."

He laughed, "Hardly. I just needed to find the right moment. And with everything that's been going on I doubt my absence will seem odd."

She hummed her agreement and leaned up to kiss him briefly. "I missed you," she breathed softly, smiling.

"Yes it has been rather quite without you around. I was just getting used to not hearing something break every other minute."

She scowled and hit him upside the head lightly. "Oi, watch yourself Lupin. I'm not above hurting you." She moved away from him and back to the counter. "I was just making tea, as you can obviously tell from my rather flattering performance a moment ago. You want?"

"Sure."

They spent a quiet Christmas eve together, catching up on what had been going on whilst they were away from one another. Of course they had written to each other, almost daily it seemed, but it wasn't the same as actually being able to talk face to face and see instead of imagine the reaction of the other.

"So," she said, somewhere around 10 o'clock, "tell me about what happened at Halloween." They were lying on the couch, her head resting on his chest and so she felt the slight change in his relaxed mood.

"I'm sure you've heard most of what happened. He tried to get into Gryffindor tower, presumably to get at Harry."

She sat up slightly to better see his face and looked at him shrewdly. "But you don't think that was his aim?" It didn't escape her attention that neither of them had used _his_ name yet, as if it was as taboo as saying Voldemort. Perhaps for them it was.

Remus sighed. "If it had been, then why did he go to the tower when he knew we would all be in the great hall? Maybe he is mad like they say and didn't realize what day it was, but…"

Tonks considered this. "Would have been poetic, wouldn't it? In a sick and twisted way. Killing Harry on the anniversary of the night James and Lily died. On the night he stopped Voldemort."

"Oh believe me," he said darkly, "I've considered that as well. It just doesn't add up completely Dora. But I suppose there really isn't anything to be done but keep a close eye on Harry and hope that he's caught soon."

It was her turn to sigh. "Nothing new on that front. Half the Auror department is out there everyday but so far not even the slightest hint of him. Not that there would be. However much he may have changed, some things remain the same." She said, remembering her conversation with Kingsley months ago now.

"So," she asked trying to lighten the mood, "What's Harry like?"

A slight smile touched Remus's lips. "He's…he's so much like them Dora. It caught me off guard at first. But at the same time he's different from them, especially his father. Which in itself is a good thing, I don't think the world could handle another James."

She smiled. "Now that would be a disaster."

"The Dementors have been giving him trouble, they seem particularly drawn to him. After the holiday's I'm going to teach him how to conjure a Patronus."

She raised one pink brow. "A Patronus? Do you think he's ready for that? I know grown wizards who couldn't master that."

Remus shrugged. "I don't know what else to do. He's determined to defend himself against them and I can't just not help him. Besides, I think he just might be able to surprise us."+++

Remus sat in his office, staring at the fifth year essays in front of him, hand poised as if to begin writing a comment, but his mind was far away from the task at hand. For the past few days all that had consumed his free wakeful moments had been the latest "incident" involving his one time friend.

He blinked, gazed at the page in front of him and began writing on the bottom. "Well written, but…."

Could he really have been trying to hurt Ron Weasley? Many thought that it had been a mistake; he'd gotten the wrong bed. Others were more sure that he had simply been ready to kill everyone in the dormitory, he was so mad. Remus didn't know what to think. This was a man who he thought he knew well, and as Dora had pointed out while some things changed, others didn't. A person no matter what path their life took would be at their root the same. And what about that Broom at Christmas. Despite not finding anything wrong with it, Remus was almost perfectly positive he knew whom the broom was from. Which lead him to the question, what kind of game was he playing?

Suddenly there was a sound from the fireplace, "Lupin! I want a word!"

Remus stood; he would know that voice anywhere. Quickly, curiosity piquing, he strode to the fire, threw in some powder and stepped in, seconds later stepping into Severus Snape's office. The first thing he registered, aside from the anger on his colleagues face was that Harry was there as well.

"You called Severus?" he asked mildly.

"I certainly did. I have just asked Potter to empty his pockets. He was carrying this," His tone held fury as he pointed at the offending object. Remus looked at it and quickly found that he had to work to keep his expression neutral, for sitting on the desk looking as innocuous as it always had was the Marauders map. The piece of parchment he had spent many nights slaving over. And Harry had it?

He vaguely realized that Snape was talking to him, demanding an answer.

"_Well_? This parchment is plainly full of dark magic. This is supposed to be your area of expertise Lupin. Where do you imagine Potter got such a thing?"

He did not miss the meaning behind Snape's words and so with a quick look at Harry, warning him not to say anything, he said mildly, knowing it would annoy the other man that he didn't seemed fazed, "Full of dark magic? Do you really think so Severus? It looks to me as though it is merely a piece of parchment that insults anyone who tries to read it. Childish, but surely not dangerous? I imagine Harry got it from a joke-shop…"

He could see that Snape was now livid. "You don't think it more likely that he got it directly from the manufacturers?"

Remus pretended not to know whom he spoke of. He questioned Harry who assured that he knew none of the men who were mentioned on the parchment.

Ron burst in then, declaring he had given Harry all the things found in his pockets and as far as Remus was concerned that was his que to get them out of there.

"Well!" he said looking around cheerfully, although he felt far from it, "that seems to clear that up. Severus, I'll take this back, shall I?" he took the map and folded it away. "Harry, Ron, come with me. I need a word about my Vampire essay. Excuse us Severus." He ushered the boys out of the office.

"Professor I…"

"I don't want to hear any explanations," he cut him off shortly. He looked around, saw they were alone and lowered his voice, "I happen to know that this map was confiscated by Mr. Filch many years ago. Yes, I know it's a map," he added at the boys' looks, "I don't want to know how it fell into your possession. I am, however, astounded you didn't hand it in. Particularly after what happened the last time a student left information about the castle lying around. And I can't let you have it back Harry." he finished, ignoring the feeling building inside him. Part of him was disappointed in Harry, but he was also curious how he had gotten the map.

"Why did Snape think I'd got it from the manufacturers?" Harry was questioning him.

"Because…" oh how to answer? "because these mapmakers would have wanted to lure you out of the school. They'd think it extremely entertaining." There was bad taste in his mouth.

"Do you know them?"

"We've met." He eyed Harry very seriously. "Don't expect me to cover up for you again Harry. I cannot make you take Sirius Black seriously. But I would have thought what you have heard when the Dementors draw near you would have had more of an effect on you. Your parents gave their lives to keep you alive, Harry. A poor way to repay them-gambling their sacrifice for a bag of magic tricks."

He walked away then, despairing at the failings of youth, weather it was his own folly or Harry's he wasn't sure.+++

Remus could once again be found in his office, although this time he stood at his desk looking down at a blank piece of parchment. Taking up his wand he murmured, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." The parchment immediately filled, the familiarity of it causing him a slight pang, and he leaned close, peering at it in the dying evening light. His eyes caught a dot labeled "Harry Potter" and he watched as it moved along with those labeled Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley, moved to Hagrid's house. He had thought they would try and sneak out to be with their friend in his hour of need.

Remus sat at his desk and twirled his wand through his fingers idly. He still felt conflicted although he was no longer angry with Harry. If he was honest with himself he had not been Angry, more disappointed. At the same time part of him wanted to pass the map back to the boy and make him promise to keep it safe. He'd tried ignoring the map himself, too afraid of the memories and feelings its presence invoked. In the end it had been futile.

His eyes drifted to the object again, how much time had passed while he was lost in thought he wasn't sure, and he again saw the three dots, this time moving away from Hagrid's. And their number seemed to have increased by one…

Remus picked up the map, almost roughly, and looked at it very closely. Surely, he thought, he was seeing things. Or the map was after all these years malfunctioning. But no, he knew that it didn't lie. It couldn't. So that could only mean that yes he was in fact seeing…

With disbelieving eyes Remus watched as another dot rushed toward Harry and his friends. It collided with them and then it was pulling Ron and the other_, the one who couldn't be there and yet was_, into the Whomping willow.

"Sirius."

With the name hardly leaving his lips, Remus palmed his wand and rushed out of the room and into the grounds, forgetting for the first time in 28 years that tonight was not the best for him to be outside.


	56. Revelations, Two

**Disclaimer: Anything recognizable does not belong to me.**

**A/N: Hope you enjoy the chap, its longer than usual, and I borrowed heavily for it, but here it is. :D**

As Remus sprinted across the grounds he felt like his heart was going to jump up into his mouth. His mind was racing, trying to come up with all the possibilities all the logical and perhaps not so logical reasons that this could be happening. How could he have just seen the name of a dead man, his dead friend on the map?

An idea began forming in Remus's mind then and it sent him reeling. Clearly everything was not as it appeared, but could it be even more complicated than it seemed? Sirius could have dragged Harry away, but he hadn't. He'd gone for Ron, who he had tried to attack before. And as mad as he may be, Remus highly doubted that he was mistaking one boy for the other. So did that mean he wasn't after Harry? Could he perhaps be after someone else, someone who he was supposed to have murdered twelve years previous? And why, unless he knew something that Remus didn't…

He had reached the willow now and knew that whatever happened next he would have his answer. Grabbing a stray branch he prodded the willow in the right spot, stilling its spastic actions. Then barely pausing to take a breath he slipped into the tree and into the place of his childhood nightmares.

The tunnel was just as dank and depressing as he remembered and as he entered the house itself, Remus grimly took in the damage that had been done to it. What he in his wolf form had done over the years. He should have known that Sirius would be here, it made perfect sense, especially if what he had been considering moments ago was true…but no, he would have his answer soon, better not to dwell too much on it at the moment.

Suddenly a shout reached his ears. It was a terrified, desperate female voice. Wand clutched tightly in his hand he rushed up the stairs. He knew where the call had come from, had he not spent many endless nights in that very room? Finding the door he was nearing closed, and not really wanting to take the time to see if it was locked, Remus pointed his wand at it sending it flying open in a shower of red sparks. Then he was hurtling into the room.

The first person he saw was Ron, lying on the floor, seemingly all right although he was clearly hurt. His eyes flicked to Hermione who was cowering next to the door and then to Harry who was standing over a ragged bleeding form on the floor, his wand pointed threateningly. Then his gaze settled on the man himself and he found that he felt a multitude of confusing emotions in those few seconds as he looked upon his best friend for the first time in twelve years. Was this haggard sunken faced looking man really the swarthy wizard from his youth? His logical self took over then and the first thing he did was disarm everyone, catching the wands deftly. It would not do for three thirteen year olds to become murderers. Then he moved into the room, his eyes still on Sirius, who himself was staring at Remus as if his eyes were deceiving him.

"Where is he Sirius?" he questioned, asking what to him was the most important issue at the moment. He did not recognize his own voice even as he asked the question.

Sirius stared at him expressionlessly and Remus thought he wasn't going to answer, but then very slowly, he raised a hand and pointed to where Ron rested.

Remus stared at him harder then, his suspicions beginning to arise once again. "But then…why hasn't he shown himself before now…unless" was he right? Part of him hoped he was, but at the same time if he was then that still meant they had been betrayed…

"Unless he was the one…unless you switched…without telling me?"

The slow nod and intense gaze that was his response was all he needed. Remus lowered his wand vaguely aware that Harry was speaking to him, and strode toward the other man, seized his hand to pull him to his feet, and then he was embracing him as if he was a long lost relation. And in a way he was just that. Sirius gripped the back of Remus's robes tightly as if he was trying to assure himself that this was really happening.

He was brought back to reality quickly though.

"I don't believe it!" Hermione was screaming.

Remus pulled away from Sirius to look at her. She was pointing at him, her eyes wild. "You-you-"

"Hermione-" he started calmly, but she cut him off.

"-you and him!"

"Hermione, calm down-"

She ignored him. "I didn't tell anyone!" she shrieked and his stomach sank slightly. He knew what was coming next. She really was a very clever girl after all.

"Hermione listen to me, please. I can explain-" but now it was Harry's turn to yell at him.

"I trusted you," his voice shook and it pained Remus to see him so confused, hurt and angry. "All this time you've been his friend!"

"You're wrong." He had to try and salvage this situation before everyone completely lost their heads. "I haven't been Sirius's friend for twelve years, but I am now…let me explain…" he was once again interrupted by Hermione.

"No! Harry don't trust him, he's been helping Black get into the castle, he wants you dead too- he's a werewolf!"

There was silence following this statement as they all stared at him. Not the worst way its ever been revealed, he mused briefly, glad suddenly for all the years of controlling his emotions.

"Not at all up to your usual standard, Hermione," he aid calmly. "Only one out of the three, I'm afraid. I have not been helping Sirius get into the castle and I certainly don't want Harry dead," he shuddered at the idea, "But I won't deny that I am a werewolf."

This admission caused a struggling Ron to jerk away from him and his offer of help to the obviously very much in pain child. Still keeping up his practiced mask of indifference, Remus turned back to Hermione and asked how long she had known of his condition. Her answer that she'd known since Snape had covered his class, did not surprise him.

"He'll be delighted," he found himself saying coolly. "He set that essay hoping someone would realize what my symptoms meant. Did you check the lunar chart and realize that I was always ill at the full moon? Or did you realize that the Boggart changed into the moon when it saw me?"

"Both," she affirmed quietly.

Remus laughed, almost bitterly. "You're the cleverest witch of your age I've ever met, Hermione."

"I'm not. If I'd been a bit cleverer, I'd have told everyone what you were!"

Remus almost felt like laughing again. Almost. "But they already know. At least the staff do."

"Dumbledore hired you when he knew you were a werewolf? Is he mad?" Ron demanded.

"Some of the staff thought so," he agreed. "He had to work very hard to convince certain teachers that I'm trustworthy."

"And he was wrong!" Harry yelled. "You've been helping him all the time!" he pointed at Sirius who had moved to sit on the bed, his face in hidden by one shaking hand. The sight did nothing to improve Remus's mood. There wasn't time for all this back and forth. "I have not been helping Sirius. If you'll give me a chance I'll explain. Look," he threw their wands back to them and pocketed his own. This seemed to reassure them slightly.

"If you haven't been helping him," Harry demanded, "How did you know he was here?"

"The map. The Marauders map. I was in my office examining it."

When Harry asked him suspiciously if he knew how it worked, he waved an impatient hand. "Of course I know how to work it. I helped write it. I'm Moony- that was my friends nickname for me at school."

Harry began to speak again but Remus cut him off, explaining that he had been watching, knowing the trio would sneak out to see Hagrid, ignoring Harry's astonishment that he knew about the invisibility cloak. There would be time for questions of that nature later.

"I watched you cross the grounds and enter Hagrids hut. Twenty minutes later you left Hagrid and set off back towards the castle. But you were now accompanied by somebody else." He was pacing, as he was want to do when thinking. He ignored the protests that there had been no one else there and continued.

"I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought the map must be malfunctioning, how could he be with you…And then I saw another dot labeled Sirius Black…I saw him collide with you, I watched as he pulled two of you into the Whomping willow-"

"One of us," Ron protested.

"No, Ron," he asserted, "Two of you." He halted his pacing and looked at the boy. "Do you think I could have a look at your rat?" He asked, keeping his tone even.

"What? What's Scabbers got to do with it?"

"Everything. Could I see him please?"

Ron hesitated but gave in, extracting the desperately withering rat from his robes. Remus moved closer, gazing intently at the rodent. He felt his breath catch. There was no doubt…

"What? What's my rat got to do with anything?" he looked scared.

"That's not a rat," Sirius spoke for the first time since Remus had entered, his voice croaky and unrecognizable as his own, as if he had not used it in a long time.

"What d'you mean-of course he's a rat-"

"No, he's not," Remus spoke quietly, his emotions raging. "He's a wizard."

"An animagous. By the name of Peter Pettigrew." Sirius fairly hissed the name.

Silence greeted this announcement, but not for long. Soon all three teenagers were protesting that they were crazy and peter was dead.

"Peter Pettigrew's dead!" said Harry, pointing at Sirius. "He killed him twelve years ago!"

Sirius's face twitched convulsively, as if he didn't know whether to laugh or not.

"I meant to," his teeth that had once been so white that James had joked they could have been used as a mirror, were now an alarming yellow. "But little Peter got the better of me…not this time, though!"

He launched himself forward and onto Ron, grasping for the rat. Remus quickly followed, though it was Sirius he grabbed onto, pulling him away from the pained Weasley.

"Sirius, NO!" he yelled trying to hold onto him. "Wait! You can't do it just like that-they need to understand-we've got to explain- "

Sirius would not hear reason though. "We can explain afterwards!" he yelled furious, still trying to shake him off.

Typical Black, the thought flashed through his mind briefly as he struggled to hold him back. "They've -got -a -right -to -know –everything!" he panted. "Ron's kept him as a pet! There are parts that even I don't understand!" Sirius still struggled though, so Remus used the only weapon he knew would work on his friend, bringing up Harry and his right to know the truth. Instantly he stopped struggling, although he continued to glare fixedly with hate at the rat in Ron's hands.

"All right then, tell them whatever you like. But make it quick, Remus. I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for…"

Remus had to agree with Ron's ascertain that they were both nuts after that statement. Although he too was prepared to kill Peter, once this was all done, once it was all explained…

Remus pointed his wand at the rat and said calmly, "Your going to hear me out, Ron. Just keep a tight hold on Peter while you listen."

There were more protests and then Harry turned to Remus.

"There were witnesses who saw Pettigrew die, a whole street full of them…"

"They didn't see what they thought they saw!" Sirius said savagely.

Ignoring him, Remus replied, "Everyone thought Sirius killed Peter. I believed it myself –until I saw the map tonight. Because the Marauders Map never lies…Peters alive. Ron's holding him Harry."

He watched in bemused frustration as the Harry exchanged a look with Ron that clearly said he agreed with the other boy's assessment that they were crazy.

Hermione spoke then, drawing his attention to her, protesting, logically, that Peter couldn't be an animagus because wouldn't the ministry have known? She'd looked it up, she said, for her homework. This girl really was the cleverest witch he'd ever met, he mused, even as he laughed.

"Right again Hermione! But the ministry never knew that there used to be three unregistered Animagi running around Hogwarts."

"If you're going to tell them the story, get a move on, Remus," Sirius's gaze was still locked on the struggling form in Ron's hands. "I've waited Twelve years, I'm not going to wait much longer."

"All right…but you'll need to help me Sirius, I only know how it began…" a loud creak behind him made him break off. He stared at the door, which seemed to have opened of its own accord, a puzzled look on his face. Quickly, Remus strode toward it and looked out onto the landing, even more puzzled when there was nothing there.

"It's not," he replied to Ron's declaration that the shack was haunted, as he continued to look at the door, trying to figure out why his subconscious was telling him that the door opening was important. "The Shrieking Shack was never haunted…the screams and howls the villagers used to hear were made by me." He paused then, collecting his thoughts, a realization hitting him. With a surprisingly steady hand he pushed back his now graying fringe.

"That's where all this starts- with my becoming a werewolf. None of this could have happened if I hadn't been bitten…and if I hadn't been so foolhardy…"

He explained then about when he was bitten as a boy, how he now took the recently perfected Wolfsbane, how when he's been at school there had been no such potion so he'd become a wolf completely every month. How the willow and house, the place of his misery, had been planted and built for his use every month, how for the first time in his life he was happy, had friends…how they'd finally worked out what he was and instead of disserting him had vowed to find a way to help him.

"It took them the best part of three years to work out how to do it. Your father and Sirius were the cleverest students in the school, and lucky the were, because the Animagus transformation can go horribly wrong-one reason the ministry keeps a close watch on those attempting to do it. Peter needed all the help he could get from James and Sirius. Finally in our fifth year, they managed it. They could each turn into different animals at will."

He went on then to explain what animals they changed into, how they used to roam the grounds and how because of the guilt of betraying Dumbledore's trust he'd never told him or anyone that Sirius was an animagus and could have been using that to get into the grounds.

"So in a way, Snape's been right about me all along," he said with self-disgust.

This, finally, caused Sirius to abandon his vigil and look at his old friend. "Snape? What's Snape got to do with it?"

"He's here, Sirius," Remus felt exhausted, emotionally and physically. "He's teaching here as well."

He continued his story then, telling the three teens about how Snape had been campaigning against him to Dumbledore all year, most likely all due to the prank Sirius had pulled on him.

"So that's why Snape doesn't like you?" Harry asked, "Because he thought you were in on the joke?"

Before Remus could answer a cool voice that he would know anywhere beat him to it.

"That's right." Snape appeared behind Remus then, pulling off the invisibility cloak, his wand pointed threateningly at him.

Hermione screamed and Sirius jumped to his feet, clearly preparing to go to his friend's aid.

"I found this at the base of the whomping willow," he threw the cloak aside but was careful to keep his wand on Remus. "Very useful Potter, I thank you…" his expression spoke of triumph and Remus supposed that he did see it that way, finally getting his revenge on his two hated school mates. "I've just been to your office Lupin. You forgot to take your potion tonight, so I took a goblet full along. And very lucky I did…lucky for me, I mean. Lying on your desk was a certain map. One glance at it told me all I needed to know."

"Severus" Remus began, but snape interrupted him railing on about how he'd warned Dumbledore about him over and over again.

Remus tried reasoning with him again, but the other man would not here it, so wrapped up in his malicious glee was he.

"I shall be interested to see how Dumbledore takes this…he was quite convinced you were harmless, you know, Lupin…a _tame_ werewolf…"

Remus was beyond annoyed now. Anger simmered, increased by the proximity of the moon. "You fool," he said softly. "Is a schoolboy grudge worth putting an innocent man back inside Azkaban?"

Snape shot at him then, wrapping him tightly in conjured ropes, covering his mouth. Unable to keep his balance Remus fell and was only able to watch as Sirius, enraged, started towards Snape who levered his wand threateningly at his old enemy.

Hermione seemed to be the only one capable of speech then, and the girl protested breathlessly that maybe they should hear Remus and Sirius out. When she wouldn't back down Snape yelled at her, looking deranged.

"Don't talk about what you don't understand!" a few sparks flew out of his wand at Sirius then. "Vengeance is very sweet," he breathed at him. "How I hoped I'd be the one to catch you…" Remus got the impression that Snape was not just talking about the prank pulled on him, but also about Sirius's seemed betrayal of the Potters, specifically Lily. Snape could give a hippogriffs bottom, about what happened to James.

"The Jokes on you again, Severus," Sirius snarled, "As long as the boy brings his rat up to the castle I'll come quietly."

Snape smirked, still looking deranged and silkily informed the other man that a trip to the castle was not necessary, the Dementors would come to them. He then directed them all to leave the room. He snapped his fingers and the roped binding Remus flew to his hands. " I'll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the Dementors will have a kiss for him too…"

Fear clutched at Remus then, icy and piercing. If Snape did take them out to the Dementors there was no doubt what would happen to both he and Sirius. His only thought then was of Dora…she would be devastated and she didn't even know the truth yet…

He registered then that Harry was blocking the door, arguing that Remus could have killed him a hundred times by now if he wanted to, with the amount of time they spent together. Snape would not be deterred though.

"I will not be spoken to like that! Like father, like son, Potter! I have just saved your neck; you should be thanking me on bended knee! You would have been well served if he'd killed you! You'd have died like your father, too arrogant to believe you might be mistaken in Black-now get out of my way, or I'll make you, GET OUT OF THE WAY, POTTER!"

A blast came from three directions then and Snape was blown back against the wall, which he slid down, unconscious and bleeding.

"You shouldn't have done that," Sirius admonished Harry, "You should have left him to me…" Harry wouldn't look at him.

As Hermione freaked out about what they'd just done, Remus struggled against his bonds. Sirius bent and untied him, allowing him to straighten.

"Thank you Harry," Remus didn't think he'd ever meant the words more in his life.

"I'm still not saying I believe you."

"Then it's time we offered you some proof. You boy," he directed at Ron, "give me Peter. Now."

Ron only clutched the rat tightly. "Come off it. Are you trying to say you broke out of Azkaban just to get your hands on Scabbers? I mean… Pettigrew could turn into a Rat-there are millions of rats-how's he supposed to know which one he's after if he was locked up in Azkaban?"

Remus turned to look at Sirius. "You know, Sirius, that's a fair question. How _did _you find out where he was?"

Sirius put a hand inside his tattered robes, extracting a crumpled and much worn piece of paper. He smoothed out the creases and showed it to them all.

"How did you get this?" Remus asked, surprised at what he was seeing.

"Fudge, when he came to inspect Azkaban last year, he gave me his paper. And there was Peter on the front page…I knew him at once…how many times had I seen him transform?"

It was making sickening sense to him as he looked at the picture Sirius held up and the Rat. "My God, his front paw…" It was brilliant; he couldn't help voicing, even as Ron Weasley continued to protest. It was so brilliant, and something you wouldn't expect Peter to be capable of, but wasn't that just it? Hadn't he always been underestimated, belittled?

Sirius was now explaining everything that had happened, twelve years ago and now as far as his actions of the past months were concerned. The explanations seemed to be going well, so far in they were not being met with too much resistance, until Sirius came to the part of Peter, as Scabbers, faking his death again. This seemed to rouse Harry to his senses.

"And why did he fake his death?" he asked furiously. "Because he knew you were about to kill him like you killed my parents!"

Oh Harry, he couldn't help thinking as the boy cut him off to yell at Sirius, so righteous in your anger and yet you still don't really understand.

"And now you've come to finish him off!"

The look Sirius gave the rat could only be termed as evil. "Yes I have."

"Then I should have let Snape take you!"

Remus could see the situation was deteriorating rapidly. "Harry, don't you see? All this time we've thought Sirius betrayed your parents, and Peter tracked him down-but it was the other way around, don't you see? Peter betrayed your mother and father –Sirius tracked Peter down-"

Harry would not hear of it though, he was so angry and seemed only capable of yelling at them. His outburst was met by the haunted and over bright gaze of his godfather.

"Harry…I as good as killed them. I persuaded Lily and James to change to Peter at the last moment, persuaded them to use him as secret-keeper instead of me…I'm to blame, I know it…the night they died, I'd arranged to check on, make sure he was still safe, but when I arrived at his hiding place, he'd gone. Yet there was no sign of a struggle. It didn't feel right. I was scared. I set out to your parent's house straight away. And when I saw their house destroyed and their bodies-I realized what peer must have done. What I'd done." His voice broke and he turned away.

Remus felt an acute pain at seeing his friend, even if he hadn't wanted to think of him as one for twelve years, so broken and over come with painful emotion. Part of him felt anger as well, that this may have all been prevented if…well he would not dwell on that. Not now.

"Enough of this," his tone was hard, steely. "There's one certain way to prove what really happened. Ron, _give me that rat._"

Ron hesitated but Remus assured him that he was only going to force him to show himself and if he were just a rat it wouldn't hurt him. Finally he handed him to Remus, who then turned to Sirius.

"Ready Sirius?"

Sirius palmed Snape's wand and approached the other marauder. "Together?" His dark eyes burned brightly.

"I think so. On the count of three. One-two-THREE!" A flash of blue light erupted from both wands then, suspending the wriggling rodent in air for a moment before he fell to the floor and in another flash of light the rat began changing. It was a sickening process to watch, but watch Remus did. And then standing where Scabbers had been, looking as much altered as Sirius, was Peter Pettigrew. He was cringing and wringing his hands, and the familiarity of it, the fact that it was so _Peter like_ and would have once been looked on with affectionate exasperation was not lost on Remus.

Ever able to mask his feelings, Remus said pleasantly, "Well hello Peter. Long time, no see."

Peter's eyes kept darting to the door. "S-Sirius…R-Remus …My friends…my old friends…"

Sirius made as if to raise his wand at this, but all it took was Remus grabbing his wrist and sending him a sharp warning look to stop him.

He turned back to Peter and spoke, his in casual tones. "We've been having a little chat, Peter, about what happened the night Lily and James died. You might have missed the finer points while you were squeaking around down there on the bed —"

"Remus," Peter gasped, interrupting him. There were beads of sweat breaking out over his pasty face, "you don't believe him, do you…? He tried to kill me, Remus…"

"So we've heard," said Remus, coldly. "I'd like to clear up one or two little matters with you, Peter, if you'll be so —"

But Peter did not want to listen, clearly, or so it seemed to him, overcome with fear. "He's come to try and kill me again! He killed Lily and James and now he's going to kill me too… You've got to help me, Remus…"

His plea did not have the same effect on the other man as it once would have, as he was clearly hoping. Once that tone and that fear would have caused Remus distress for his friend.

"No one's going to try and kill you until we've sorted a few things out." Remus didn't think he had ever felt so cold, was sure he had never before sounded so unfeeling.

Peter began looking around wildly again, protesting then, saying he knew Sirius would break out and come after him.

"You knew Sirius was going to break out of Azkaban? When nobody has ever done it before?"

"He's got dark powers the rest of us can only dream of!" Peter shouted shrilly in answer. "How else did he get out of there? I suppose He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named taught him a few tricks!"

Sirius laughed then, harshly and mirthlessly. "Voldemort, teach me tricks?" he said.

Peter flinched.

"What, scared to hear your old master's name?" Sirius sounded almost gleeful. "I don't blame you, Peter. His lot aren't very happy with you, are they?"

"Don't know what you mean, Sirius —"

"You haven't been hiding from me for twelve years. You've been hiding from Voldemort's old supporters. I heard things in Azkaban, Peter… They all think you're dead, or you'd have to answer to them… I've heard them screaming all sorts of things in their sleep. Sounds like they think the double-crosser double-crossed them. Voldemort went to the Potters' on your information… and Voldemort met his downfall there. And not all Voldemort's supporters ended up in Azkaban did they? There are still plenty out here, biding their time, pretending they've seen the error of their ways. If they ever got wind that you were still alive, Peter —"

"Don't know… what you're talking about…"his voice came out more shrill than it had ever been before. Whipping away sweat he looked to Remus pleadingly." You don't believe this — this madness, Remus —"

"I must admit, Peter, I have difficulty in understanding why an innocent man would want to spend twelve years as a rat," he said evenly.

"Innocent but scared!" Peter squalled desperately. "If Voldemort's supporters were after me, it was because I put one of their best men in Azkaban — the spy, Sirius Black!"

Sirius's face contorted at this and his tone when eh spoke was terrible. "How dare you," he growled. "I, a spy for Voldemort? When did I ever sneak around people who were stronger and more powerful than myself? But you, Peter — I'll never understand why I didn't see you were the spy from the start. You always liked big friends who'd look after you, didn't you? It used to be us… me and Remus… and James…"

Peter protested weakly, but Sirius was in his stride. "Lily and James only made you Secret-Keeper because I suggested it, I thought it was the perfect plan… a bluff… Voldemort would be sure to come after me, would never dream they'd use a weak, talentless thing like you… It must have been the finest moment of your miserable life, telling Voldemort you could hand him the Potters."

Peter began muttering to himself about it being lunacy. The whole time his eyes were darting to the door and boarded up windows.

"Professor Lupin?" asked Hermione timidly. "Can — can I say something?"

"Certainly, Hermione,"

"Well — Scabbers — I mean, this — this man — he's been sleeping in Harry's dormitory for three years. If he's working for You-Know-Who, how come he never tried to hurt Harry before now?"

"There!" said Peter shrilly, pointing at Ron with his maimed hand. "Thank you! You see, Remus? I have never hurt a hair of Harry's head! Why should I?"

"I'll tell you why," answered Sirius instead. "Because you never did anything for anyone unless you could see what was in it for you. Voldemort's been in hiding for fifteen years; they say he's half dead. You weren't about to commit murder right under Albus Dumbledore's nose, for a wreck of a wizard who'd lost all of his power, were you? You'd want to be quite sure he was the biggest bully in the playground before you went back to him, wouldn't you? Why else did you find a wizard family to take you in? Keeping an ear out for news, weren't you, Peter? Just in case your old protector regained strength, and it was safe to rejoin him…"

Peter seemed incapable of speech after that.

Hermione questioned Sirius then, who seemed taken aback at being addressed so politely.

"If you don't mind me asking, how — how did you get out of Azkaban, if you didn't use Dark Magic?"

"Thank you!" gasped Peter, nodding frantically at her. "Exactly! Precisely what I —"

Remus shot him a look that had never failed to receive silence.

"I don't know how I did it," Sirius said slowly. "I think the only reason I never lost my mind is that I knew I was innocent. That wasn't a happy thought, so the Dementors couldn't suck it out of me… but it kept me sane and knowing who I am… helped me keep my powers… so when it all became… too much… I could transform in my cell… become a dog. Dementors can't see, you know…they feel their way toward people by feeding off their emotions… They could tell that my feelings were less — less human, less complex when I was a dog… but they thought, of course, that I was losing my mind like everyone else in there, so it didn't trouble them. But I was weak, very weak, and I had no hope of driving them away from me without a wand…

"But then I saw Peter in that picture… I realized he was at Hogwarts with Harry… perfectly positioned to act, if one hint reached his ears that the Dark Side was gathering strength again…ready to strike at the moment he could be sure of allies… and to deliver the last Potter to them. If he gave them Harry, who'd dare say he'd betrayed Lord Voldemort? He'd be welcomed back with honors…so you see, I had to do something. I was the only one who knew Peter was still alive… It was as if someone had lit a fire in my head, and the Dementors couldn't destroy it… It wasn't a happy feeling… it was an obsession… but it gave me strength, it cleared my mind. So, one night when they opened my door to bring food, I slipped past them as a dog… It's so much harder for them to sense animal emotions that they were confused… I was thin; very thin… thin enough to slip through the bars… I swam as a dog back to the mainland… I journeyed north and slipped into the Hogwarts grounds as a dog. I've been living in the forest ever since, except when I came to watch the Quidditch, of course. You fly as well as your father did, Harry…"He looked at Harry, who did not look away. "Believe me, believe me, Harry. I never betrayed James and Lily. I would have died before I betrayed them."

Remus watched the two with almost baited breath. He knew that a lot was riding on this one moment, and when Harry finally nodded in acceptance, he felt a palpable relief even as Peter wailed and dropped to his knees begging, beseeching Sirius who kicked him away in disgust. Peter turned to Remus then saying that wouldn't he have known if the plan had been changed, would not Sirius have told him?

"Not if he thought I was the spy, Peter," he replied,ignoring the look in the other mans eyes. Peter had been there the night it was implied that Remus was a traitor, but perhaps in his state he didn't remember. "I assume that's why you didn't tell me, Sirius?" he said casually to Sirius.

"Forgive me, Remus," his friend asked and again, Remus knew that something hung upon this moment. He didn't have to consider his answer.

"Not at all, Padfoot, old friend," he said, rolling up his sleeves, "And will you, in turn, forgive me for believing you were the spy?"

"Of course," the ghost of a grin flitted across his gaunt face. He, too, began rolling up his sleeves. "Shall we kill him together?"

"Yes, I think so," he replied grimly. If he was surprised at himself, at his willingness to commit murder, he could not find the feeling. He supposed that would come later.

"You wouldn't… you won't…" gasped Peter and he scrambled around to Ron, begging him and when that didn't work he turned to Hermione and when she flinched away from him, he turned to Harry.

"HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO HARRY? HOW DARE YOU FACE HIM? HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUT JAMES IN FRONT OF HIM?"

Peter ignored the outburst"Harry, Harry, James wouldn't have wanted me killed… James would have understood, Harry… he would have shown me mercy…"

Remus and Sirius strode forward then and, and threw him backward onto the floor. He sat there, twitching with terror, staring up at them.

"You sold Lily and James to Voldemort," Sirius was shaking too. "Do you deny it?"

Peter burst into tears "Sirius, Sirius, what could I have done? The Dark Lord… you have no idea… he has weapons you can't imagine… I was scared, Sirius, I was never brave like you and Remus and James. I never meant it to happen… He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named forced me —"

"DON'T LIE! YOU'D BEEN PASSING INFORMATION TO HIM FOR A YEAR BEFORE LILY AND JAMES DIED! YOU WERE HIS SPY!"

"He — he was taking over everywhere! Wh-what was there to be gained by refusing him?"

"What was there to be gained by fighting the most evil wizard who has ever existed? Only innocent lives, Peter!"

"You don't understand!" he whined, "He would have killed me, Sirius!"

"THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE DIED! DIED RATHER THAN BETRAY YOUR FRIENDS, AS WE WOULD HAVE DONE FOR YOU!"

"You should have realized," said Remus quietly, his wand raised with Sirius's, his being oddly calm "if Voldemort didn't kill you, we would. Good-bye, Peter."

But then, as they were about to commit the act itself, Harry lurched forward, placing himself in front of their once friend, saying that his father would not have wanted this, would not have wished for his two best friends to become murders. Finally he convinced them to take Peter to the Dementors. As Remus tied Peter up and helped Ron to his feet, as he was chained to he and Ron and as they made there way out through the tunnel and his extra keen hearing picked up Harry and Sirius's conversation behind him, he found that he had never been more proud of anyone in his life. He was ashamed of himself now for allowing the darkness he struggled with daily to creep into his judgment, but he was so proud of the boy for being able to take the higher road as it were. He would be a better man than he ever could be, he knew, just as he knew Lily and James would have been proud.

Soon they were on the grounds and making their way toward the castle. The lights were becoming brighter, closer, when suddenly the clouds parted above, bathing them all in iridescent moonlight. Remus stopped then, abruptly, barley conscious of those running into him from behind, barley hearing Sirius warning Harry and Hermione to stay back. The familiar tingling, burning began in his ridged shaking limbs and he had one moment's last thought of his own to curse his own stupidity and forgetfulness and to hope that Ron who he was tied to would not get hurt, before the change became full and the wolf came out to play.


	57. The tangled webs we weave

**New chapter. :D Tonks gets a bit melodramatic, but I think she's justified. Hope you like it. **

**Anything recognizable is not mine.**

The sun was shining brightly, the day holding a pleasant warmness. It was the sort of day that had people greeting one another, weather they knew each other or not. Especially if you live in a small community, Tonks mused as she entered the ministry late that afternoon, old lady guise still intact from the latest operation she had participated in. That morning, as she'd left her house she'd been greeted by at least three different villagers making their way down to the tidal pools to see what was what. It struck her strange because her neighbours generally avoided talking to her. She supposed they found her off putting.

Getting onto the lift, she leaned against the back of it and began to unmorph back into herself. It had been a long and unfruitful day despite the lovely weather and increase in geniality. All she wanted was to get to her desk, write up her report and go home. As the grills opened the sight of her partner greeted her.

"Wotcher," she greeted flashing him a smile. Mark simply looked at her, his features fixed, controlled. It was a bit unnerving.

"What's the matter? Scrimgeour on a path again today?" she asked with her usual cheek. Again Mark's lips did not even twitch. Instead of answering her, he said,

"I need to talk to you." Then he turned and strode through the large wooden doors of the Auror offices.

With an exasperated sigh and roll of the eyes, Tonks followed, shucking the tweed jacket she'd worn as part of her disguise. Wish I could chuck this skirt too, she thought mildly, as they entered Marks meticulously cleaned cubicle. He did not sit, but indicted for her to do so, his expression still fixed. Once she had sat he continued to simply stare at her.

Tonks arched a brow, her normally ancient patience wearing thin. "Well? What do you want Mark? I've got things to do, and I'm not in the mood to deal with your brooding."

He picked something up and threw it at her, instead of answering. It landed on her knees and she was surprised to see what was clearly a rolled up evening edition of the Prophet. She looked at Mark again quizzically but all he said was, "Read it."

A feeling of trepidation settled on her then, but her fingers were steady as she unrolled the paper. Then her eyes were caught by the headline on the bottom half of the front page and the article underneath the bold type.

As she read, Tonks physically felt herself pale. The article wasn't long thankfully though, only taking up a few column inches of the front page, so she was done quickly, but the words, the awful words rang in her head as if someone was standing close beside her and whispering them in her ear. And then over her shock came a buzz of anger.

And when she looked back up at Mark, the paper clutched so tightly in her hands that her nails bit into it, her gaze met his steadily.

"How could you keep this a secret Nymphadora? How the bloody hell could you knowingly, and believe me I know you knew, your not oblivious although obviously you are addled in the mind to go along with this, keep something like this a secret?" He spoke in hushed tones so those in the next cubicle could not hear him, but the anger was evident. Mark never called her by her first name unless he was trying to get under her skin.

Tonks stood, not wanting to give him anymore of an advantage than he already had. "We're not having this conversation Hawksley," she said in equal quiet tones. "I am not going to stand here, in the bloody ministry and talk to you about this. Not this. Not when you don't understand what you're talking about."

She went to move around him as he was blocking the exit, but he grabbed her arm in a grip she knew was sure to leave a bruise.

"Let go," she said, deadly quiet. "I'm warning you Hawksley, if you do not let go of me now-"

"You'll what?" he asked acidly. "Sick your werewolf husband on me?"

Tonks ripped her arm out of his grip and stepped back, her gaze livid. "How dare you? What the fuck is your problem? Yes, it's true, my husband is a werewolf, and yes I never told you, because it's none of your bloody business what I do and who I do it with. You know me Mark," she added in a slightly softer tone, "Do you really think I would be involved with anything that was-"

He cut her off with a humorless laugh. "I thought I knew you," he corrected. "For the love of Merlin's balls, I made you both the guardians of my daughter! I let my wife and child spend time with that…with HIM!"

"First off," she said coolly, crossing her arms and ignoring the throbbing coming from the one he'd gripped, "You don't _let _Dana do anything. That woman has got more spirit in her little finger than you'll ever have. You have no right Hawksley to judge me. Or to lay judgments on anyone else. Remus would never hurt Dana or Rhiannon. In fact your more likely do something than he'd ever be. And do you really think Dana didn't know?"

"Just what do you think your playing at?" He hissed, completely ignoring what she'd just said. "What, did you think, hmmm he's a werewolf, I know I'll bloody shack up with him and we'll pretend to everyone that he's a just a normal person with the right to be around and associate with innocent people. It'll be a right laugh! You could loose your job for this! I should probably just turn you in now, make you choose. Merlin knows someone has to!"

A resounding smack could be heard then, echoing through the office. Tonks had little care though if her colleagues were now aware that something was going on. Given the chance she would have slapped him again.

For a moment they simply glared at each other, Marks left cheek turning red with the clear indent of a hand print.

"How dare you?" she said again slowly, almost calmly. "What am I playing at? Do you really think so little of me? You think this is just a lark, that I don't know what's going on and I'm naïve to believe that Remus is anything other than a monster who hides it well?" She shook her head and now her wand was in her hand just in case because she really wouldn't put it past Mark to curse her.

"You don't know my situation. You don't have to listen to…to bones breaking and flesh tearing as the person you love most in the world becomes this horrible thing through no fault of his own. You don't have to clean up the bloody fucking mess in the morning and pretend that everything is okay, when inside you are dying and you know he is too. But you don't talk about it, because you never do, its not the way it works. And clearly you don't know what its like to love someone so bloody much that you would give up everything for them. For Merlin's' sake I've never even been able to tell anyone in this office, other than you that I'm married! I can't even wear my bloody wedding ring! Every night after I leave here I put them back on my finger and every morning I take them off, so no one will see and wonder and ask questions, because according to the ministry it is a crime for me to be with him. So don't you present me with ultimatums and threats, because you will loose Mark. I've been in this situation before and my answer will always be the same. I will choose him always. You say you thought you knew me? I thought I knew you Mark Hawksley. The man I knew would never be acting like this, nor would he be threatening to out me. He wouldn't believe the slanderous lies in this paper. He would believe me, the woman who is supposed to be his partner, who though she could trust him. So I guess we were both wrong. Now if that's all, I would like to leave so I can go and make sure my husband hasn't tried to drown himself in the ocean."

He stared at her with an unfathomable look and when she pushed past him to leave he did not try and stop her. Instead he said quietly, coolly, "I think we had better get different partners."

Tonks did not look back as she walked away from him. "Yes, I'd say we'd better had."+++

Remus felt like he was in some surreal bubble of time, where everything was topsy-turvy and he was the only one that didn't know what was going on. Except this was all too real he knew. It wasn't the fact that his secret, his condition, which had been kept hush for so many years was now broadcast to the whole wizarding world, well not completely. He really didn't want to wrap his mind around that one, although he would have to think about it soon. Nor was it the recent resignation from his job; he would not be asked to leave, there was no way he would have let that happen. No, what really had him reeling was the truth that he had learned the night before. He wished he could have talked with Sirius more, regretted that the chance to do so would probably not come for a long time. The regret he felt was bitter, like bile rising. He knew it was his fault, his own stupid fault. If he'd only taken his potion. How in Merlin's name could he have forgotten? As far as he was concerned, the fact that he had just received a great shock was no excuse. He had felt the moon pulling at him even as everything had unfolded in the Shrieking Shack, calling to him like a cruel lover who refused to let you out of their hold. But he'd somehow been able to push it aside, for the first time in his long years as a werewolf he'd let himself slip. It wouldn't happen again.

He leaned forward on the worn log bench that was his perch; his hands clasped almost in prayer, if he believed in such things, and sighed deeply. His amber and gold eyes stared out at the calm surf without seeing it. If he had been registering it, he would have noted how its sereness was in sharp contrast to everything he was feeling. The sun was failing, dipping down to meet the water. When he'd been a small boy he'd thought that the sun lived in the water and asked his mother how it survived there, how it didn't burn out when it touched the water. To her credit, Sarah had not laughed.

A resounding crack echoed in the evening air then, the kind that could only single someone apparating. It was a fair bit off, but to Remus's sharp ears it sounded like gunfire right behind him. There were now very few Wizarding folk living in the small village, so he was fairly confident that he knew who it was. Unless of course it was some ministry official come to harass him. Or a reporter. Between the two he hoped for the ministry official. They asked fewer questions.

Ten minutes later and he heard footsteps thudding towards him and the sound of breath trying to be caught. His lips curled upward slightly into a humorless smile.

"You can relax," he said wryly. "I'm not going to try and off myself. Although at the moment it might be the best option."

She sunk down beside him and he glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her hair was a wild mess and for some reason she was wearing tweed. He couldn't help noting, not for the first time, that she still looked as young as she had twelve years ago.

"Didn't think you were going to." She replied. "And it wouldn't be the best option in any situation." There was a wry relief in her voice. He wondered if the thought really had crossed her mind.

They were silent again and it seemed to him then that it was right they were about to have this conversation here, by the water, in this spot that had seen so many of the other moments in their lives.

"I'm supposing from your mad dash that you've seen this?" he reached down and picked up the prophet that lay on the ground just by his feet.

She snorted derisively. "Oh, I've seen it. Bloody rag. Can't get anything right can they?"

"How do you know its not true?" he asked quietly, catching her eyes with his.

She raised a brow and rolled her eyes. "I'm not stupid, is how. And I mean I spend everyday with you love. I know you and for that matter so does Dumbledore." She paused. "He didn't really fire you?"

He shook his head. "No. He wouldn't have either, but if I'd stayed it would have caused more problems. Its better, at least for him, that I resigned."

"And you wouldn't have let him sack you anyway," she said astutely. "Would have gone against that Lupin pride."

He quirked a slight smile, but didn't reply.

"It was Mark that showed me the paper. Well ambushed me with it was more like." There was a bitter anger tingeing her voice that he had never heard before. It was surprising. Dora didn't do hate, but if she did this would definitely be as close to it as he'd ever seen.

"He had the nerve to accuse me of betraying the ministry. He was giving me ultimatums, said he would turn me in." she laughed harshly. "I may have let slip that Dana already knew about you, but I'm sure she'll be fine. That woman knows how to hold her own."

Remus wasn't surprised. But he felt an even more grievous feeling for once again being the catalyst that destroyed another one of her relationships.

"I'm so sorry Dora. I know Mark's friendship meant a lot to you."

"Screw Mark!" was her vehement reply. "I don't give a toad's ass about him. I am worried about _you_ though."

Her arms slipped around him and she leaned against him. "You don't need to be sorry."

He sighed, wrapping his own arm around her. "I messed up Dora. Everything was happening so fast though, its no excuse but…"

Her Grey eyes were intense as she looked up at him. "What happened last night Remus?"

Instead of answering he directed her to the article on the front page of the Prophet. She hadn't looked at it before, too worked up over what she'd read in the other article. Now, she read quickly, glancing at the familiar picture of her emaciated cousin.

"I don't understand."

Again Remus sighed. He himself was still reeling. It would be best to tell her all of it now.

"It was all a lie Dora. Everything we thought that had happened 12 years ago, it was all a lie."

She stared at him, her own mind reeling now. What was a lie? Was he saying…

"Are you telling me that Sirius is innocent?" she demanded.

Remus was once again staring out at the water. "They switched. James and Lily, they switched secret keepers and never told anyone. Sirius convinced them to switch Dora, and not to tell me, because he thought that I was the spy. That it was me that was betraying everyone."

She was sure her mouth was hanging open. "But who?"

He looked at her now, eyes slightly haunted looking and really who could blame him, when everything he thought he knew had been turned upside down again. "It was Peter. They switched to Peter. It was he who was Voldemort's spy, he who betrayed Lily and James to him. Sirius knew as soon as he heard what had happened. It was he that confronted Peter, not the other way around. What's more, I saw them both last night Dora. Peter is very much alive and had been hiding in animagous form, posing as the pet of Harry's best friend for twelve years."

She didn't say anything, simply stared at him, shocked, so he continued. " Sirius broke out of Azkaban, not to come after harry as everyone believed, but to come after Peter. He saw him in a picture on the front page of the Prophet last summer. You remember, that story about the Weasley family winning that money? He knew the Rat was Peter."

"You've talked to Sirius?" she breathed. "I mean," she swallowed. First things first, "What happened? If Sirius is innocent why did he run again?" She could sense a nervous energy in him and she was sure that if she relinquished her hold he would be up and pacing in a second.

He told her then, all which had transpired the night before, starting with what he'd seen on the map up until the point of his transformation. "I screwed up," he finished. "If I'd only remembered to take my potion, remembered that in just a few short hours I was going to turn into a monster, then Sirius would now be a free man and Harry could actually be with someone who cares about him. I almost attacked Harry and his friends Dora…If it wasn't for Sirius I would have, I remember that much. As it is Peter transformed and got away, or so I'm told. Sirius was taken in by the Dementors but Harry managed to help him escape before anything drastic could happen, Dumbledore assured me of that."

Tonks ran a hand through her hair. "Merlin's sweet phanny, I need a drink. So he really is innocent?"

Remus allowed a slight smile. "Don't sound so surprised, I know you've always doubted that he was ever guilty. I have to confess that I found it much easier to believe that he was once he'd told me, but to have Peter be the one that was betraying the Order, that caused his friends deaths…"

"I believe it. There was always something about him Remus. I never said anything, he was your friend, but I always got this vibe off of him. There were moments when Sirius or James would say something, embarrassing him or putting him down and there would be this look in his eyes, even as he was laughing. The only person he never looked like that at was you." She had her own theories about why that was, but she didn't think she should share them with Remus just then. It wasn't the moment.

"He said he was afraid. That's why he did it. He never was as strong as the rest of us when it came to that."

His tone was bitter, sad. Tonks hoped that he wasn't slipping off again into self-loathing. No matter what he said, what was done was done. There was no use dwelling on it.

"How was Sirius? How did Harry take it all?" she wouldn't be surprised if the poor boy felt like having a breakdown. That was a lot to throw at one 13 year old in one night.

"Harry handled everything surprisingly well, all things considered. That boy is going to be a better man than any of us. His parents would have been proud of him. I was proud of him. Sirius is…" he trailed off as if searching for the best way to describe his best friend. "Sirius is broken Dora, there is no other way to describe it. The man we knew is still in there I think, but its like someone snuffed out the sun when you look at him. I wish I could have spoken to him further, but all things considered I suppose I should be grateful for the short time we had in the Shrieking Shack."

Tonks could empathize with how he felt. She too wished that things had turned out differently, but she had a feeling that if she knew Sirius Black, and despite everything she had believed or thought over the years about him, she was fairly sure she did, he would find a way to contact both Harry and Remus. She just hoped he wouldn't get himself caught in the process.

"Remus," she said softly.

"Hmm," his eyes met hers.

"I know that things are going to be hard now. Harder then they've ever been. But I love you. Please always remember that. I love you and no matter what I'm always going to be here."

He rested his forehead against hers. "I know."


	58. Emotional Aftermath

**I am so sorry that I have not updated in two months! I feel bad, I've just had so much going on. I hope this chapter is enjoyable, nothing really heavy happens, I'm just trying to move through to when I can get back into the cannon. As always, I am just borrowing the characters for my own purpose.**

"How has work been?"

Tonks stared broodingly into her cup of tea, suppressing the urge to allow her leg to vibrate. How, she wondered, had she become so uncomfortable with being in her parents home? They had moved, some time ago, out of the city and the home where she had been raised and now resided in a small house just outside of London. She liked the house well enough, so she knew it wasn't the change in location that caused her anxiety. She supposed that if it had been her dad sitting across from her in the immaculate sitting room, she wouldn't have been feeling so. Instead, it was her mother that sat across from her regarding her over her teacup, legs crossed gracefully in a way she knew that she could never pull off. Not that she had any desire to. She wondered then, when exactly it had come to the point that she and Andromeda were like strangers.

"Nymphadora?"

Tonks looked up from her tea to find her mother fixing her with a look that had never failed to annoy her as a teenager and one she still found to have that effect at the age of 32.

Andromeda sighed, "Please do try and at least pretend you are paying attention. Its not often I get to see you anymore, the least you could do is be polite." Her tone was not harsh, even if her words were meant to lend to a guilt trip, and so Tonks simply smiled although it didn't reach her eyes; though it rarely did these days.

"Of course, sorry mum. Mind wandered off there. Work is fine. Can't really go more into it than that, can I? Worked with the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office the other day. That was interesting to say the least."

"Hmm," Andromeda sipped her tea. "How is that partner of yours?"

Besides being a complete and utter wanker, she thought, but didn't say. Despite her usual lack of filter, this was one thought she knew she could keep to herself.

"Wouldn't really know," she said setting her cup down. "We don't really see each other that much anymore. Different assignments and all that, you know? But Dana and Rhiannon are well." That at least she did know first hand, although perhaps saying they were well, was stretching it…Dana was spitting mad and had made her point of view abundantly clear…

Stop thinking about it, she chided herself, do you want a worse headache then you already have?

Andromeda nodded, eyeing her daughter, scrutinizing. She could see that she was having a bad time of it and really who could blame her? She knew that what she was going to say next would probably rile her up even more so, but felt like it was her duty, no her right as her mother. She really did only want her happiness after all.

"Dora, darling, I- how is Remus?"

Tonks had been lost in her own thoughts again, but roused when she heard her other half's name. How was Remus? Now there was a question…how in Merlin's name did she even begin to answer that? Remus was his usual stoic self, he was moody, he was quick to temper, he was preoccupied-he was closed off. Tonks knew that if the situation were different, the circumstances more acceptable, than she should have no problem discussing this with her mum. She should want to. But the situation was complicated and she knew she could not talk to her mum about any of it. Not how Remus was, not the fact that she had now lost another person she loved because of her unwavering conviction that she had no choice other than the one she'd made years ago, not about how at that very moment her convict cousin was on the run and oh apparently innocent. She wondered when she'd become so good at talking without really talking.

I just want to go curl up in a corner somewhere and cry, she thought to herself. Just hide from the world and let someone else deal with the drama that is my life.

"He's fine. I mean, he's obviously not fine, he did get ousted in more than one way, but he's carrying on."

Andromeda nodded, "It mustn't be easy, for either of you. I can see how strained you are."

"Yeah, well we're both just trying to go on with our lives the best we can. It makes things harder I will admit, but its nothing we can't handle."

Tonks sighed, set her cup down again and stood. "I've got to go, I'm sorry. I've had a lot of late nights, they are keeping us all on our toes, covering shifts for the Aurors looking for Sirius. So I think it would be good if I tried to get an early night in."

She hugged her mother, very conscious of where she had been leading the conversation. Tonks was an expert on the art of conversation, Andromeda Tonks nee Black style. She did not have the energy to have an argument with her mum that night. Not over something that would never change. No matter how much she may have liked Remus, Tonks knew that in her mother's eyes, no matter what, he was never going to measure up. It was one of the reasons why she didn't stop by as much. She had her own life now, separate from that of her Parents and really she needed to worry about negotiating its murky waters, and not about pleasing her parents. She would always love them, of course. But the days where it seemed like their approval was the sun and the moon were long gone.

"Come see us soon Dora. Please. Your Father really does want to see you." Andromeda said as Tonks stepped out the door into muggy summer night. She didn't feel guilty at all for trying to guilt her daughter into coming over more. Nor for the thought that crossed her mind as she watched her disappearate. She would have been better off if she'd never met him.+++

"You know something,"

Remus looked over at his companion who had her eyes fixed on her daughter who was running ahead of them, trying to catch the gulls as the flew away.

"You're my soul mate."

He raised a brow, although to his credit he didn't falter in his step. Perhaps it was because after so many years of knowing her he was used to her comments coming out of far left field. Dana glanced at him, eyes dancing, knowing perfectly well what his reaction would be.

"Hear me out," she said, amusement colouring her tone. "I have this theory, and you might think its complete bullocks and I'm way off, and that's fine, but here it is. I believe you can have both a soul mate and a love of your life. Now your soul mate is that person that just gets you. They are the one person who can look at you and you know that they know you for you. They accept you, no pretenses, and no judgment. You see in love there is always judgment, no matter how hard we try not to do it. But someone who is your soul mate knows that you are you and they don't want to change that. You could tell them that you killed someone and the first thing out of their mouth would be, are you ok?"

She looked at him again to make sure he was taking in what she was saying and then without looking away yelled, "Rhiannon, get away from there love, or we're going back to the house!"

The little black haired girl quickly moved away from the curious looking mass she had found and continued her pursuit of the birds.

"How do you do that?" Remus asked, somewhat amazed.

"It's a mother thing. Where was I? Right, anyway. The love of your life is that person you just cannot live with out. They are the one person that sets your heart on fire. When you look ahead at your life you cannot possibly imagine it without them and if you try to it makes you feel a pain so acute that you'd think you were being stabbed. Now if you get really lucky, and very few people do, I know I didn't, then your soul mate and the love of your life will be the same person."

She looked at him shrewdly, "You Remus, are one of those lucky people. And how I envy you for that. Somehow, you managed to find that person that is everything you need."

Remus sighed, taking in all she had said. She was right, Nymphadora was his perfect other half, there was no denying that. He could not imagine a life without her, nor did he want to. She did not judge him, instead taking him always for who he was, hang-ups and all. She stuck by him through everything.

"Are you telling me this because you know that Dora and I have been-"

"Very uncommunicative?" she supplied. "Yes. Look, she loves you right? But there is only so much a person can take before they realize that its becoming too much. What you have is special."

She let him digest that as she ran towards her daughter and scooped the giggling child up. Remus couldn't help but smile watching them. Rhiannon was everything to Dana, especially now that she wasn't particularly speaking to Mark. It had surprised him when the two of them had showed up at his door two days ago. He'd instantly felt bad, and he didn't even need to guess what had brought them there. Dana had shrugged and simply said, "Mark's a wanker. Take Rhiannon for me, I need to go have a smoke and try to remember why I married him in the first place." So he knew then it was bad, because she hadn't smoked since before she got pregnant. Later she told him that when the whole him loosing his job debacle happened Mark had confronted her and she hadn't denied that she'd known about Remus's condition. He had not been happy and had demanded that she never see him again, and especially never brought their daughter around him. This had resulted in many heated arguments over the past month and a half until finally three days ago Dana had packed up her car, closed her book store for an indeterminate amount of time, picked her daughter up from her grandmother's and took off for the coast without one glance back.

"No man, whether he comes from some pure blood family with high ideals or not, is going to tell me how to live my life," had been her dark reply when Remus asked how she was and said he was sorry for any trouble he'd caused.

Dana came back over to him, after blowing a raspberry on her daughter's cheek.

"So," he asked once they started walking again, "are you saying that you don't have that with Mark?"

Dana snorted, although her eyes showed sadness. "I don't have anything with Mark. No, you Remus are my soul mate and that little whirl wind, dancing in the water over there is the love of my life."

"He'll come around Dana, I bet you he's probably missing you both terribly right now."

She flashed him a brief smile. "Maybe. He is a good father, I do have to concede him that. You're a good friend Remus. This is what I mean, you always say what I need to hear, and you're always there for me. For both me and Rhiannon."

"So are you," was his simple reply.


	59. Summer 94

**Finally had a chance to go see HPDH part 2(weeks ago now)…I feel as if my youth is over now. HP was such a big part of it and it was really the last thing connecting me to that time. Now its done and I have a bit of feeling of bereavement. Oh well, Movie was "epic". I don't like to use that word, but in this case I'll make an exception, and it did inspire me to write, so without further angst, here is the newest chap. Hope you enjoy it.**

Remus eyed the phoglass in the corner of the room. He got the distinct feeling that he was being watched, but perhaps that came from the fact that Moody's eye kept whirling, every now and then landing on him.

"Was good of ya to come out here Lupin," he said gruffly, as he sat at his kitchen table, hoisting his wooden leg onto the seat adjacent and readjusting it with a sigh.

"It's no trouble Alaster," he assured him. "Besides its not like I really had much else to do." The last part of his statement came with just a touch of bitterness and Moody smirked.

"Bloody Umbridge. Didn't waste any time with that legislation did she? Next thing they'll be branding ya, just like cattle on a farm."

It was Remus's turn to smirk, "Oh believe me, the thought has entered my mind a few times. Thankfully they haven't come to my house yet. That would cause no end of problems."

Moody opened his flask eyed the contents and took a swig, whipping his mouth with the back of his hand. "It would that. Course they'd probably have to dig those wizards up if your missus had anything to say about it."

This caused Remus to laugh, albeit ruefully. "They would that."

Moody eyed him critically. "How's she been then? Hawksley giving her any guff?"

He sighed and looked at his hands. "She doesn't really talk about it, to be honest and I suppose I've been too wrapped up in trying not to be angry, that I haven't really asked. Well at least not after the first three or four times, when she snapped at me."

Moody snorted, "Stubborn the pair of ya. You've got every right to be angrier then Aberfroth when they confiscate his goats. No one holds it against ya. As for Nymphadora I have no doubt that she can handle anything thrown at her, you tell her to keep her head down though. I didn't put all that time into her for her to go and get herself chucked out for cursing a colleague, if you can call him that. Was never too sure about Hawksley, he comes from the stock that's taught not to trust their gut instinct. Not like you and I that one. She's better then him, always has been."

Remus was somewhat touched; he had never heard Moody make a speech as long as that unless he was berating someone for their lack of vigilance.

"I think Mark feels betrayed more than anything. Both his Partner and his wife were keeping secrets from him after all." He supplied, fairly.

Again Moody snorted, this time in derision. "Weren't their secret to tell now was it? Nah, he's just got a broom up his arse that one."

Remus's lips curved slightly, but that was all that gave away his amusement. "So, Albus has asked you to teach?"

Moody nodded. "Can't imagine it. Me teaching a bunch of school children," he shook his head. "But Albus can be persuasive that's for sure."

"That he can," Remus sighed. "Its good that he asked you actually. Those students were sorely behind in defense, I have to say. I did my best to catch them up, but still…"

Moody eyed him again with both his good and bad eyes. It was an unnerving gaze. "From what I hear you did one hell of a job at catching them up. These kids are coddled too much now as it is. Don't know how to watch their own backs let alone each others. Not like how it used to be. Course, they don't think they have anything to worry bout now do they? Bloody ignorance, its gonna get them killed mark me."

Remus had no reply, although he found he couldn't disagree. Of course he knew a few young people who weren't so blind…

"So. Tell me what I'm getting myself into Lupin." +++

Tonks shuffled the papers at her desk, trying in vain for some semblance of organization. She knew she should just give it up as a bad job, really when had she ever been organized? The idea was laughable. She lived her life in a whirlwind of perpetual chaos, and had always liked it that way. Of course that didn't really translate well when it came to keeping her work area neat. Just this morning as she'd been heading home after a long and tedious night shift, she'd received a memo from Robbards politely asking if she could please remedy the situation that was her cubicle, in a timely fashion if it suited. Another words, she thought wryly, clean up the bloody mess or we will be having words.

The office was strangely quiet, even for the night shift. It was a bit unnerving. Recently she'd found herself assigned to night shift, due to the lack of a partner she was sure. Part of her wished that she could be assigned to a task force, like Kingsley, so she would at least have something other then fielding false reports to contend with. She never was one to just sit back, and so she was finding the night shift particularly boring. One would think that a lot of dark activity occurred at night, and yet in the past week she'd only been to two actual legitimate calls. Tonight everyone who was able to was at the Quidditch World Cup. The ministry had been completely a buzz for weeks with all the final preparations; it seemed almost every department had to be involved in some capacity.

Tonks had turned on the small wireless she kept on her desk earlier, to hear the commentary on the game and had cheered along with the rest of those stuck in the office when Ireland won. Now, the WWN was playing the latest Weird Sisters hit, and she sang along under her breath as she shifted yet another stack of parchment documents.

"Gideon Dockens?" she read aloud glancing at the top report, her slender brow furrowing. The frown turned into a scowl for a moment, before her face smoothed into a look of blank resignation. This was not her report. It was in fact one of Mark's from a few months ago.

"Merlin's bandy old legs," she muttered, already standing and dumping the rest of the stack unceremoniously onto her chair. "I am so bloody tired of this."

In the past it had never been a problem when she found Mark's reports in with hers. It happened more often then not and had always been met with an amused, albeit baleful look from her partner. _Former partner_.

Now though, every time she found one, all from months ago, it caused stress. "This is the last one I deliver to his desk," she told herself as she strode down the hall between offices to Mark's cubicle. "After this, any that are found will be promptly set on fire or shredded. I am not his bloody secretary." Barely glancing at the pictures on his very neatly organized desk, of course he'd have everything lined up perfectly the sod, she placed it on top of a pile of files briefly thought of leaving a note, quickly banished that thought as a bad job and made her way back to her own desk.

Two hours later, just a Celestina Warbeck's whiny voice came over the wireless, a sharp alarm blared through the office. Tonks found her body tensing involuntarily, even as she jumped to her feet, palmed her wand and ran out into the hall promptly crashing into Williamson, who grabbed her arm and pulled her hurriedly back to her feet before propelling them both down the hall. She had not heard this particular alarm in 13 years.

"Quidditch World Cup," Dawlish barked as the seven other Aurors on night duty converged around the lift. "Its complete chaos. Keep sharp, and aim to stun unless there is no other way. We want to bring them in, in a coherent enough state for questioning!"

The Aurors all filed onto the lift, wands clasped in their hands. Tonks could feel the adrenaline already coursing through her, as well as a sick anticipation. It was the feeling that had always come over her upon hearing the alarm. The one that meant the Dark Mark had been sighted. +++

It was late morning by the time Tonks finally made it home. She was sure she hadn't felt this grungy since she was in her twenties and stumbling home from the pub with Remus amusedly trying to keep her on her feet. Her makeup was smeared, only making the dark circles under her eyes appear even more so. Her hair was even more at odds then usual.

She leaned against the doorframe for a moment, taking a deep breath of coastal air and then pushed the door open, stumbled inside and collapsed face down onto the couch. Not even a minute later she felt her legs being gently moved and settled again at a slightly higher angle. Warm hands smoothed down her calves.

"Rough night?"

She sighed and slowly rolled over so her face wasn't completely obscured by the worn couch cushion. She could just see him through the hair that had fallen into her eyes. "Have you read the prophet yet today? I'm sure they've detailed it all."

Remus smirked. "Course I've read it Dora. I was wondering what really happened."

She snorted, laughing slightly. "Pretty much just as they said. Death Eaters showed up, terrorized some Muggles and half the Wizarding population of the world and then buggered off before we could catch any of them. Just like old times yeah?"

She sighed again and finished rolling over on to her back. "Williamson told me something interesting though."

"Hmm?" Remus had been lost in thought for a moment, but quickly tuned back in when he saw her looking at him, raccoon eyes expectant. "Sorry, what did he say?"

"They thought Harry had sent up that Dark Mark."

"What?" he demanded sharply.

Tonks raised a brow and shrugged. "Seems his wand was used for it. Half the ministry was ready to jump on him, poor kid. Crouch was out for him immediately. Course it turned out in the end that it was Crouch's House Elf that sent up the mark; she stole Harry's wand during the match. They were all sitting together apparently."

"A House Elf sent up the Dark Mark?" He asked disbelievingly, as she stood and stretched. "I find that hard to believe."

Tonks nodded, stifling a yawn. "Me too. But who's going to argue with the likes of Bartty Crouch, yeah? This will all get swept away into a neat little file, like nothing ever happened. Like the Death Eaters didn't just attack after 13 years of silence. You ask me none of its coincidental."

Remus nodded, mind already wandering to all the possibilities of what this could mean. "No, not with all that's happened recently."

She leaned over, gripping the arm of the couch to steady her self and kissed the corner of his mouth. "Well I'm for bed. We can discuss all the potential outcomes of last night after I'm actually reasonably awake, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Good." With that parting word, Tonks made her way up stairs and hardly pausing to shuck her Auror robes flopped down onto the bed and promptly fell into a sleep full of the image of a bright green scull hovering overhead.


	60. The tick tock of the clock is painful

**AN: Going to be jumping forward a bit here, nothing else seemed to be working and I've been dying to get to this. As always, anything recognizable does not belong to me. AN 2: I wanted to say that although it is taking me forever to update and will most likely do so for the foreseeable future as real life is mad crazy, I will make the promise that I will never abandon this fic. The moment I posted the first chapter, I made a commitment to finish this and finish it I will. I have a plan, I know exactly what I want to happen, but getting there may take a while.**

The rain pelted down, in heavy sheets, streaking the un-curtained window and casting iridescent light patterns on the walls of the room. The old clock on the bedside table read the hour to be a quarter after three.

The house was quiet, not even the old owl roosting on top of a kitchen cabinet, made a noise, preferring to sit sedately and peer out into the dark. The only sound to disturb the preserved sereneness was the steady breathing of the small woman sitting on the queen-sized bed, legs crossed. She stared out at the rain that was pelting her window, expression fixed, almost unblinkingly. She knew that she should be sleeping, or at least making a go of doing so, lest she be tired for the day ahead, yet she couldn't find it within herself to even want to try.

Turning slightly to the empty space beside her, she sighed placing a hand where the other body should be resting. Would have been, if she hadn't picked a fight. Again. It seemed lately everything turned into an argument. She supposed that this time it had been she who started it, although a stubborn part of her self wanted to refuse that notion. Now, here it was nearing another hour and she was by herself, while her other half, was who knows where. She hoped at least, that he wasn't stuck in the rain.

A sharp knocking at the door of the house interrupted her thoughts. The sound seemed to echo in the stillness that had existed until that moment. The sound was like a shock to her system, instantly her heart sped up slightly, although if she were to look at herself in a mirror then she would see an outward appearance that suggested she was nothing but slightly curious as to whom was at her door on such a horrid night.

Rising, she palmed her wand, which had sat on the bedside table, easily accessible. Part of her wondered if it might be her husband, she wouldn't put it past him to knock on the door instead of coming in. He could be as miserable as they came if he ever felt so inclined to do so. Another part of her mind screamed that the knocking, which had started up again, could only bode trouble. Strange things had been occurring lately, ratcheting her paranoia on high.

As she stumbled down the stairs and tripped over the raised carpet landing with a muffled curse, the pounding on the door only seemed to increase. She supposed, as she regained her feet and lurched towards the door, that if the person on the other side meant harm they wouldn't have bothered to stand out in the rain for so long and bang on the door.

With slightly baited breath and squared shoulders she whipped the door open, wand raised and a spell already halfway off her lips. The figure that greeted her on the other side was thoroughly soaked, that much she could tell. They stood in shadow, the rain obscuring her view of their features. Although after a quick assessment, she could see that they were quite ragged looking, cloths hanging off of a too thin body that looked as if it had once been built for more muscle.

It seemed that her nighttime visitor was also drinking her in, and before she could speak they let out a snort of amusement, shaking their head. It was that slight bit of laughter that gave it away.

"Sirius?" she breathed in disbelief, her wand hand coming down numbly to her side. Vaguely she thought how that had been a mistake, she knew never to lower her weapon until she was absolutely clear on the situation, but she was too shocked to care.

He stepped closer, and now she could see his face clearly. A genuine smile, one she got the impression hardly ever touched that once handsome visage, curved his lips and then his familiar voice was bringing her back to a time when things had seemed so much simpler.

"Nymphadora. You going to let me in, or are we going to stand here all night staring at each other? Frankly I haven't got the patience, not even after all these years."

She stepped back, muttering automatically, "Don't call me Nymphadora," as if it had only been yesterday they'd last lain eyes on each other and not almost fourteen years. He stepped into the house closing the door behind him and shaking out his long wet hair, like the dog he sometimes was.

Coming out of her shock slightly she frowned, crossing her arms. "What the bloody hell are you doing here? Are you crazy, do you want to get caught and tufted back into prison?" she demanded. "What if you had been seen?"

Sirius's eyes were scanning the small living room, apparently taking in the changes and lack there of.

"Lovely greeting," he muttered moving towards the fireplace mantle and the pictures there.

Tonks followed him, still frowning. "Sirius?" she said in a more controlled voice, "Not that I'm not happy to see you, but why are you here?"

He turned away from the mantle, raising a brow. "Are you?" his lips twisted upwards in some semblance of a smile.

"Am I what? Getting absurdly annoyed at you? Yes."

He laughed and the sound of it pierced her heart. It had been too long…

"Same old Tonks," he shook his head.

She eyed him for a moment and then moved closer, wrapping her arms around him. "Of course I'm happy to see you, you berk," she muttered.

He seemed to hesitate staying stiff, but then his arms were around her as well. "I wasn't sure," his voice was quiet. "I thought you might know what happened. I was sure Moony would have told you, but still…"

Tonks sighed, pulling away and whipping away the tears that had formed in her eyes. "Yeah, he told me. Look, how bout a cupa, I could use one, and I don't want you catching cold from being out in that rain."

She led the way to the kitchen, feeling out of sorts. As she got the mugs down and filled the kettle, Sirius settled at the table. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, and the weariness that seemed to radiate off of him was palpable.

"So, I guess I can assume that you stuck it out with Moony then? And you just don't make it a habit of answering your mates doors for them in your nightclothes."

Tonks snorted. "Yeah, as if I'm not already considered enough of an oddity around here as it is." She glanced down at her pink camisole and sleep shorts. "The neighbours have enough to talk bout. But yes, I "stuck it out" much to the distaste of my mum, let me tell you. I'm pretty sure she thinks we should call it a day. She never did seem to get it, try as she might." She sighed, "Whatever, it is what it is yeah?"

If Sirius detected the dejected and resigned tone in her voice, he chose not to comment.

"So, where is Remus?" the question should not have been met with the reaction it received.

Tonks had just been about to pour the tea, but at his question she slammed the kettle down. "How should I know?" she demanded, "I'm not his bloody keeper!" a mug fell to the floor then, apparently shaken by the vibrations from the slamming of the kettle, breaking into tiny shards. "Bloody fuck," she cursed, pulling out her wand to clear it up.

"Trouble in paradise?" he asked mildly, watching her reassemble the mug.

"If this is paradise, I'd hate to see hell. That man is impossible."

"I know," he replied, fondly. "It's why I always loved him the best." He sobered. "But really, do you know when he'll be back? I need to talk to him. Now."

Tonks had finally managed to pour the tea and now brought it over, sliding his mug to him.

"What happened?" she sat, folding her legs beneath her on the chair.

"This is a conversation I only want to have one more time tonight. We'll wait for Moony."

They drank their tea in silence, until some time later, he asked, "So, what did Remus do to you?"

She ran a hand tiredly over her face and sighed, tracing the rim of her mug with a finger. "Nothing. He didn't do anything. It's me that has the problem. We're just so…it's just so hard, you know? You decide you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you love them, but it just never seems like it's enough. I'm just tired, of fighting with my mum, and him being ok with people degrading him. He's so much better then all that, and with each new legislation, I see the anger burning there, I can see it in his eyes, Its that look he gets you know? The one that makes you realize that there really is something else lurking inside. But he always says its fine, he's fine, he'll figure something out. He can't even get a bloody job now."

She looked up at her cousin, "We fight all the time and its like we can't even talk anymore. He's my best friend Sirius and I can't even face having a brief normal conversation with him."

He sighed, "You know what Remus is like Tonks, probably better than anyone else. He's always been an emotionally stunted git. Tell him what you've just told me. Its always been his way to pull away when things get hard, thinks it will spare the people he cares about in the long run."

She shook her head, "I just wish he wouldn't. We were happy, just the two of us, going bout our lives. Until last year. That's when everything started going pear shaped."

"After what happened in the Shrieking Shack," he stated almost bitterly. "Yeah well, things are going to go to hell even more Tonks."

Before she could ask what he meant, the sound of the front door opening and closing reached their ears.

"Honey, I'm home." Sirius muttered. +++

As soon as Remus entered the house, the scent hit him. Being a werewolf had its perks, if you wanted to call them that. Because of his heightened senses, he'd always been able to distinguish people by how they smelt. To him each person had a unique personal scent. The one that greeted him now was very familiar if dampened by the smell of sweat and dirt and brought to mind late nights, too much alcohol and laughter.

Abandoning his wet cloak, shoes and socks, he strode towards the kitchen, his voice preceding his entrance.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

A bark of laughter was his answer as he entered the room and leaned against the doorframe.

"Finally, I was beginning to think you'd drowned out there."

Remus simply raised a brow expectantly, gaze intent on his friend. Tonks let out an exasperated sigh and stood. "Tea?"

"Ta, love." He said quietly, eyes still locked.

She smiled slightly, willing to let her frustration go for now. They would talk later, as Sirius had suggested, but now…

"Well he's here now, so what's happened?" She asked, handing Remus his tea and retaking her seat.

Sirius returned Remus's gaze, his dark eyes intense in their graveness. "Voldemort has returned."

There was silence then, the only sound was the rain beating against the windows.

Finally, "What?" it came out as barley a breath, but both men heard it.

Remus had gone white, a feat for someone usually so pale. His voice though was steady, when he spoke. "I think you'd best start from the beginning Sirius." He sat beside Tonks and took her hand when it sought the comfort of his.

"It was Wormtail," he shook his head bitterly. "It was that Bloody rat." And so for the next hour Sirius told them of all that Harry had told in Dumbledore's office. He spoke of the tournament, the imposter Moody, the portkey, the ritual that had been performed and all that had transpired after.

"Fudge just denied everything?" Tonks demanded. "Even with all the overwhelming proof? What does he think that Harry killed that boy and just made it all up? What the hell is his problem?"

"He's afraid," Remus supplied. "And it's Harry's word against the ministry's. They've always chosen to ignore how severe the situation is."

"And look how well that worked last time," Sirius muttered.

"How is Harry?" Amber eyes met grey in silent communication.

"He's coping. Still in shock, angry. I didn't want to leave him but,"

Remus smirked. "His masters voice. When Dumbledore speaks we all jump."

Sirius saluted him with his mug, "Cheers mate."

"So," Tonks asked. "What's next?"

Sirius shrugged. "We wait for Dumbledore. I've contacted all the old crowd, we should be meeting soon, but until then…"

None of them said it, but they all three sensed it, the change in the air. It was a sick anticipation.

"Nothing is going to be the same ever again," Tonks thought watching her Cousin and Husband as they talked. She couldn't help thinking that there was a very good chance that by the time this was all over they could all very well be dead.


	61. To recruit a colleague

**New chapter! :) Hope everyone is having a Holly Jolly Christmas, and Happy Holiday's, no matter what you celebrate. No Remus or Sirius in this chap, but hopefully its still about any really bad mistakes, punctuation or otherwise, I always think I catch them and then I go back and read and bam! There they are. As always I do not own anything recognizable.**

Number 12,Grimmauld place was certainly aptly named, she thought not for the first time. Throughout her life she'd heard stories about it, her mother had even lived there for a time, she and both of her sisters. Sirius, of course, had grown up in its confines until his escape to live with the Potters. He'd always lamented its utter putridity, and Tonks found that she couldn't disagree, although she did think the house itself could actually be something if taken care of properly.

She had been surprised and she knew Remus was even more so, when Sirius had suggested that the newly constructed order use it as its base of operations. Of course this had come after Dumbledore had forbidden him from any type of fieldwork, and she knew that he had only been trying to contribute something. It was chafing for a man so full of action to know that he would not be able to really do anything. The offer of the house at least was something her convict cousin could do.

Still, she noticed the dark look that had come into his eyes, the melancholy and anger. She'd have to keep an eye on him and make sure Remus did the same.

"You're bein obvious,"

She smirked slightly at the sound of that voice, although it still brought her relief to hear it.

"Wotcher. Yeah, because its not anymore obvious with two people standing here staring at a "brick wall,'" she snarked back. "Really Mad eye, I'd think you would stand out more than me."

He huffed, and she knew his eye was whirling to glare at her. She raised one brow, fuchsia to match her hair, and smiled innocently up at him. "I was just contemplating going in there and having my dear old great aunt yell at me from her beautiful portrait. I would love to cap off my day with taunts about my blood purity and half-blood half-breed filth of a husband."

Moody didn't comment, but she didn't miss the slight up curl of his lips. She was glad to see him up and about and back to his gruff paranoid ways. She had been beyond worried when she'd found out he'd been held in a trunk for almost a year and impersonated by Barty Crouch Jr. She'd almost cried when she'd gone to see him, but managed to hold it in, knowing that he would not want her tears. He'd assured her he was fine and would be back on his feet in no time and here he was true to his word. Still, she knew him well after so many years and she knew it had affected him more than he would ever say.

"I've got something that could delay that encounter girl, if your up to it," he indicated with a tilt of his head for her to follow him and clunked off, so it would not appear as if they were staring at the wall as she'd joked, she assumed. No need to arouse the Muggles suspicions or anyone else's who might be watching for that matter.

Tonks followed, more than slightly curious as to what he could want to talk about. He stopped by a bus bench, just off the street, and sat down indicating for her to do so as well, with a tilt of his head. It was evening, just past suppertime, and the summer air hung like smog, heavy and repressive.

"What do you think of Shakelbolt?"

The question seemed ,to her, to come out of nowhere and it certainly wasn't what she would have expected. "He's alright, isn't he? I mean, we've always got on."

Moody's eye was whirling, as he fixed his hard, direct gaze on her, but she was past finding him intimidating. Rolling her eyes, she crossed her legs and returned his look. "He's a damn good Auror, he's taught me a lot over the years. He's loyal, but logical, never one to jump to conclusions. He's quiet, observant, he sees far more than anyone gives him credit for. Everyone holds in high regard, scrimgeour trusts him more than even Robbards and that's saying something." She smiled slightly, "Why the character assessment Mad eye?"

Moody extracted his flask from his long coat, sniffed the contents and apparently finding the contents to be as described on the tin, took a long swig before whipping his mouth with the back of his hand. "I want ya to talk to him. Feel him out, but don't be obvious; get him alone somewhere and see what his thoughts are."

She nodded. "You want me to recruit him to the Order? Maybe it would be better if Arthur talked to him, I mean he would be far more believable then me I would think. King's always seemed to suspect me of something, as well as we've gotten on."

He grunted, "if he suspects ya of anything Nymphadora, its because you've given him reason. No, it'll be better coming from you, just give him the facts, no dramatics."

Tonks sighed and stood. "I'll go now then, yeah? King's supposed to be working the night. Maybe I can catch him."

She started to walk away, ready to apparate, when Moody's voice stopped her.

"Don't mention anything about Sirius, Nymphadora. Better for him not to know yet, just in case."

She saluted, ignoring his look at the action. "Course, I'm not an idiot Mad eye, contrary to popular belief." Then she turned on the spot and was gone with a crack, knowing that she had just left him grumbling about constant vigilance and people who didn't look before they apparated.

She had to weave her way through the rush of ministry employees calling it a day, many obviously eager to escape their public serventesqe jobs for the few hours until they had to step into the ministries halls again. As a consequence of this mass exodus though, the lifts going up were empty.

She quickly jabbed the correct button, trying in vain to marshal her thoughts. "Merlin' s saggy you no what's, why the bloody hell did he have to ask me to do this?" she muttered to herself. "I can just see it now," she thought, "Wotcher King, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to join a secret organization…now put that wand away, I'm not a terrorist." She rolled her eyes and sighed as the clinically cheerful disconnected voice announced her floor.

The Auror offices were all but empty, only a few of her colleagues were in their cubicles and she knew that there were only a handful of others out working cases and complaints. It was a stark contrast, she mused, to the last time Voldemort had been kicking around. Back then; the night shift was just as packed as the day, if not more so. It was disheartening to say the least.

"Sometimes I really hate this job," she found herself muttering as she strode purposefully down the narrow hall between offices.

"Don't let Robbards here you say that," said a slow, deep easy voice from behind her, "That's considered derogatory against the ministry Auror Tonks; eligible for two weeks suspension."

She whipped around, pushing her hair out of her eyes. His expression was serious, but she could see the slight glint in his eye that told her he was joking. "Kingsley, I was just about to head to your office." She replied, deciding to cut to the chase. Moody would definitely not give her points for finesse or delivery, but if he wanted this handled delicately he really should have asked someone else.

"Oh? Well, its good you caught me, I was just going to head out, got a tip on Black."

She fell in behind him as he started walking in the direction she had just come from. "Really? Where abouts?" she asked truly curious.

He looked at her out of the corner of his eye, "Some old punter says he saw him in a bar on Charring Cross road. He was adamant he talk to me tonight. Of course, it will probably turn out to be another dead end. Last week, I got word he was at a Buddhist temple in Sri Lanka. Now if I were Black, I'd definitely not be frequenting Charring Cross road."

Tonks resisted the urge to laugh. Sirius would love to go to a bar on Charring Cross road; he'd love to go anywhere that wasn't his mother's house. But a Buddhist temple? Now that was truly original. She wondered who had started that one. Still, it was so far away from the truth, that Sirius was hiding in his own house in London and probably sulking with his Hippogriff, a that very moment, that no one would ever suspect.

"Charring Cross isn't that far. We should walk."

Kingsley chuckled, "We?"

They had reached the lifts and as the golden grills opened, she nodded. "Yeah, I want to talk to you bout something."

She expected him to suggest they talk later, after all she wasn't supposed to be anywhere near the hunt for Sirius Black, nor was she even on the clock. Instead he nodded.

"Sure. It's a nice night for a walk."

Starting out she wasn't really sure what to say, but she knew she didn't have a lot of time. Finally, she let out a sigh and decided to just get it out. I'm just going to bugger it up anyway, might as well get it over with, she thought.

"What do you think about all this stuff, about Voldemort?"

If her question surprised him, he gave no indication. "Well that's the thing isn't it? According to the Minister, there is no "stuff" with Voldemort. Just the ramblings of an addled brained attention seeking kid."

Tonks rolled her eyes, "Sure. But what do_ you_ think? I'm not trying to trap you here or anything King, I want to know. Because let me tell you, I believe that addled brained kid; I'd take his word over Fudge's any day." She kept her voice low, her tone casual. To the observer they could have been talking about the weather.

"Should you be telling me this? I could just turn right around and tell Scrimgeour."

She shrugged, "Yeah, but somehow I doubt you would. It's not your style. Now, I've shown you mine…" she trailed off.

"And now its my turn to share?" he shook his head. They were nearing Charring Cross and she knew they didn't have much time left.

"I like to think that I'm observant, a good judge of character. I like to think its part of why I'm so good at my job. I know how the ministry works Tonks, I know how to play the game and how to stay in it; you need to shift with the way the tides going. As long as you do that, well no one notices you noticing things, doing things out of character. You always were good at pretending, a lot better then anyone I've seen in years, so I'm going to take your word now that your not playing me. What do I think?" They stopped walking having reached their destination.

"I think Fudge is nervous, no matter what he says. I've heard some of the things he's been saying about Dumbledore and there are many things I can believe, you could tell me that Sirius Black was having tea with the queen and I'd be more likely to believe that over Albus Dumbledore making up stories. Now Potter, I can't say. It's hard to tell what's true about that kid and what's not. It's hard to tell if what they say about recent disappearances is true either. But I know you, Tonks, and I know the people you know. I know that Mad eye saw something in you that many would have overlooked. If you tell me you believe Potter, then I believe you. Of course none of that does any good for either of us. Its all talk."

Tonks repressed a smile. _He knew_. She knew, instinctively that he did and probably wouldn't be the least surprised at what she was going to ask him next.

"What if it wasn't though? What if I told you that there are people doing something, even as we speak?"

Kingsley fixed his direct gaze on her, "I'd say I'd like to meet these people."

She nodded, the hand that had been clasped around her wand relaxing. "Got any plans for tomorrow night?"

"Thought I might go out, maybe get a drink at the Leaky, I'm working a double shift, could use the break. I'll probably head there right after shift change" he replied mildly.

"Hmm. Well I've got to get going King. But thanks for the talk, I hope you find what your looking for in there," she said with a tilt of her head towards the bar.

"Somehow I doubt it," he returned. "I'll be seeing you, Auror Tonks." With a nod he entered the bar leaving her on the sidewalk.

Moody will be pleased, she thought as she strode away at a casual pace. Maybe I didn't bugger it after all. With that thought she slipped into an alley and after a quick cursory glance turned on the spot, the sound resounding after hardly noticeable on the busy London road.


	62. A single friend, my world

**Here it is! This one took a lot out of me, I hope you enjoy it. :)**

"You're getting a divorce?"

Remus was sure he was hearing things, or at the very least had misheard.

Dana raised a brow, but continued her packing. "If you want to look at it that way, then sure. I'm getting a divorce. Everyone's doing it now a day's; wouldn't want to get left behind."

Her tone belied bitterness that he found oddly reminiscent of how Sirius was sounding these days. He watched her as she carefully folded Rhiannon's t-shirts and put them in her large suitcase. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her normally kept appearance was disheveled; he could tell this had not been an easy decision for her.

"Are you really surprised? I mean, it's happening to me and you seem more upset then I do," she sighed and sat on her daughter's bed. "Okay, maybe it's not really a divorce. Not even, at that. It's more like a separation, where he'll be living in Britain and I'll be living in Canada. Think of it as an extended holiday." She paused and he could see that she was on verge of tears. "Bloody f'n hell Remus, I'm just so tired. I've tried talking to Mark, I've told him how afraid I am, for him, but for Rhiannon most of all. He just doesn't want to listen, says that I shouldn't believe what that Potter kid says, and that depresses me as much as anything ever has. I just have this feeling…I love Mark, I will always love him and the last thing I want to do is hurt him. But I need to do this, for my daughter."

Remus sat beside her on the little bed, taking her hand in comfort. "So you're really going to Canada then?"

Dana shrugged one thin shoulder, " Seems about as good as any place really. Its not like I'm going to stay there, I want to come back one day, I plan to after all this…after all this is over. When it's safe. I've sold my business, told my mum- who doesn't understand at all and thinks I should just take Mark to therapy or talk to her priest- and now I'm telling you." She turned and looked him in the eye; there were tears pooling in her own, "I'm going to miss you, you know. So very much. You are the best friend I could have ever asked for, the twin of my soul. You've always been there for me, especially in the last few years and I know it hasn't always been easy putting up with my oddness, but I love that you have. I'm going to hug you now, just so you know." And she did just that wrapping her arms tightly around him, burying her face in his shoulder as he hugged her back.

Remus had had to make many goodbyes in his life; he was no stranger to loss and heartache. Still, he thought that this was perhaps one of the hardest. What Dana said was true for him as well; he didn't think she knew just how much he had relied on her unfailing, unassuming and unwavering friendship over the years. When they had met, he had just been coming out of a dark place, only just re-finding his footing in a world that seemed so upside down to him. The friendship that grew between them, after her initial infatuation, had been one of the grounding forces in his life for these many years.

"It is I, who should be thanking you Dana; your friendship has always meant more to me then you can ever know," he told her, feeling a bit shaken him self. "I'm not going to promise that everything is going to be alright, but I do know that you and Rhiannon will be just fine." He knew he couldn't promise more than that, not even that Mark would be okay and waiting when she came back.

"You will too. You have to promise that you'll look after your self Remus and that you'll look after Dora and let her look after you. I don't want to hear a month from now that something has happened to you or that worse your dead. I need you in my old age to putter around with me, and listen to me lament my grandchildren."

Remus knew he shouldn't make such a promise; in fact something in her words screamed to him of being a wish, a pipe dream, as if it wouldn't happen. Still, if it would make her feel better…

"I promise Dana, I will look after myself and Dora and I'll let her do the same." That he could promise at least.

"I know you will," she sighed, "I know." ++++

Tonks was sat at the long kitchen table, in 12 Grimmauld Place, silently trying not to watch Mrs. Weasley, or Molly as she had practically ordered the younger woman to call her, admonish her son, Ron, for some misdemeanor. She wasn't sure what it was about as she had only entered the room after the tirade had begun. She'd tried to slip out, but Molly had seen her and right in the middle of her telling off, said, "Oh no, Tonks dear that's quite alright, do have a seat," and then gone right back to her scolding.

She wished Sirius was not hiding up with his Hippogriff again, and instead was sitting there with her. It would distract her from her thoughts, not to mention drown out Molly's voice, although she doubted anything really could. She liked all the Weasley's a great deal, especially Arthur and his penchant for all things Muggle, but she found herself feeling a bit off when around Molly, or rather when she saw Molly interacting with her children.

I'm envious, she realized as Ron sulked off looking relieved to get away from his mother. She has something I can never have, something I want desperately. Despite all pretenses, she had never gotten over not being able to have a child of her own. She didn't discuss it with Remus, she knew it would just upset him, and he had never brought it up, but she still keenly felt the lose of that particular dream. It was why she loved spending so much time with Rhiannon, but even that would be no more.

Molly was fussing around the counter now, banging pots in preparation for dinner after the meeting that evening. She watched her for a moment and then offered, "Do you need any help at all Molly? I'm just at odds sitting here, really."

Molly turned and smiled at her, "Oh no dear, that's fine. You've been working all day and up all last night too on guard duty. No, just have a seat. I should really get Ginny in here to help."

Tonks laughed slightly, "Good luck with that, I think I can hear her grumbling already."

Molly shook her head; "Sometimes those children drive me to distraction. It's a wonder I haven't gone grey already."

"But still," Tonks looked down at her hands, at the chipped polish on her nails. "You wouldn't change it for anything would you. I don't know how you do it, my own mum only had me to worry about and I gave her hell most of the time."

"Lots of patience," she replied as she sent some potatoes chopping. "And when I need a moment to myself I kick them all out into the garden and tell them not to come back in until the sun is setting. Or at least that's what I did when they were younger, now they're all almost grown up and more likely to hide in their rooms when they're home." She put the potatoes in the pot and started on some carrots.

"Still, I'm sure you'll know all about that yourself someday," she hedged.

Tonks stifled a smile. Molly was always trying to find out how old she was exactly, since it was so hard to tell from how she looked, but she would never out and out ask her. In fact she had never out and out asked anything really personal about her. Deciding to throw her a bone and really she figured, what's the harm in her knowing, she said casually, "I don't think that's in our future, although Sirius is always saying that if we ever have a child it should be named after him. He's been hinting at that since we first started dating."

Molly almost dropped the ladle she was using to stir her stew. Trying to hide the surprise that was clear on her face, as she looked at the woman seated at the table behind her, she almost sputtered, "I didn't know- you and Sirius?"

It took a moment for her question to sink in, but then Tonks was laughing so hard her eyes were tearing up. "Me and Sirius? No, oh Merlin no," she shuttered at the thought. "No I don't go in for the whole incest bit, thanks. I meant me and Remus of course."

Now Molly didn't even try to hide her surprise. Tonks didn't blame her; most of the Order knew that she and Remus were married and really, it wasn't like they discussed their lives at meetings. There wouldn't have been a chance for Molly, who was not part of the original Order, to know unless someone had mentioned it in passing. Which clearly they hadn't.

"Who was dying down here?" Sirius quipped as he entered the kitchen, thankfully not smelling of whiskey.

"No one, you berk," she rolled her eyes as he sat two seats down from her. "Molly just said something funny is all. We were talking about me and Remus and our lack of offspring."

Sirius nodded looking slightly disinterested, which really was his usual state of being of late, and said, "I still say if you and the hubby manage to procreate one day, that it has to be named after me. No kid in his right mind wants to be named after their dad or mum, but the uncle with lots of money? Absolutely."

" Thank Merlin it will never happen then, yeah? The world can hardly handle one Sirius. It would be a crime to saddle it with another just to please your vanity."

He snorted, lips twitching into a smile and reached for the evening paper, which someone had discarded on the table.

"You and Remus are married then?" Molly asked casually from her position across the room. " Isn't that against werewolf legislation?"

"Yeah, its why we don't tell anyone. We've been married for 13 years now, and so far no one has really caught on. Well at least if they have, they haven't said anything. Like Kingsley, he knew right from the beginning I swear, but he's never brought it up, always refers to Remus as "my friend".

"He coming tonight?" came Sirius's voice over the paper, which was hiding his face as he read it.

"Who, Remus or King?"

On Grey eye appeared over the paper, sending her a look that said don't be stupid. "King of course. What do I care if Remus shows his skinny arse? No, I had an idea about where I could be hiding, wanted to pass it along to King."

Tonks shook her head, trying not to roll her eyes again. "You are such a child, you know. And yes, he's coming, far as I know."

It had been truly funny when Tonks had first brought Kingsley into the Order. She had lead him into the house, setting off the painting of her dear sweet great aunt of course, and then they made their way to the kitchen where introductions had been planned to be made. What had happened though was this: Kingsley upon entering the kitchen had been greeted by Dumbledore and had been just about to sit down when Sirius had come in behind him. Tonks had stopped just outside the door to retie her boot before entering and, ever her clumsy self, tripped over the step into the kitchen, knocking into Sirius, who in turn knocked into Kingsley who then turned at Sirius's cry of "Bloody hell Nymphie, learn to walk!" And upon seeing the man he had spent two years chasing, promptly stunned him.

What followed were many hurried explanations to a confused and slightly angry Kingsley and Moody's gruff acknowledgement, "Now that is Constant Vigilance!"

Since that meeting and explanation as to Sirius's innocence, King had been taking Sirius's suggestions on places he would be likely to be in the world.

An hour later, the room was full with Order members, including Dumbledore, but excluding Remus, who had guard duty that night, and the meeting was in full swing. Even Snape had made an appearance, to rely his news of "the dark lord". Currently, they were trying to figure out how to get the Dursley's out of the house when they went to get Harry in two weeks.

Tonks was leaning on Sirius's shoulder, falling asleep as her fellow members made one frankly ludicrous suggestion after another. She roused herself, just as Mundungus Fletcher suggested that they send them a teapot that caused whoever drank from it to have severe stomach pain.

"This is ridiculous," Sirius muttered to her, a frustrated edge to his voice. "Instead of wasting all this time figuring out how to fool his aunt and uncle, we should just be getting Harry out of there. Did Remus show you the last letter sent? Merlin's balls he's going crazy there."

Tonks sighed and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "How bout," she began loudly, as Moody was berating Dung, and all eyes turned to her, "We send them a letter, telling them they won something. From what I remember, they're really really full of themselves yeah? So it would be right up their alley if they won, say, an award for best kept lawn or something."

Some more discussion followed this, but in the end it was decided that her suggestion would be it. About time too, she thought as those who weren't staying for dinner filed out and the kids who were pretending they hadn't been trying to eavesdrop filed in. Poor Harry, Sirius is right, he is probably going crazy just waiting.

"You staying here tonight?" Sirius asked, as Molly set two flagons of Butter Beer on the table.

"Nah, I think I'll go home to my bed, especially since Remus isn't there to hog it. I'll stay with you for a bit though, I'm working evenings tomorrow."+++

By the time she got home Tonks was almost asleep on her feet. She just managed to make it upstairs to her bed, barely remembering to leave the window open for Bevin the old owl, before collapsing fully clothed on top of the covers.

She was awoken at three in the morning by a voice yelling up from her living room. For a moment she laid there, her mind still foggy from sleep, until the voice yelled again and she sat up quickly, adrenaline and confusion coursing through her.

"Auror Tonks! Nymphadora!"

She jumped up and half ran, half fell,down the stairs and into her living room, where in the fire was the head of Robards. "There you are woman. Hurry up, we've got a bloody mess to clean up."

"What's happening?" she asked, confused as to why she was being called upon when there would be other Aurors on duty. She shoved her feet into her boots and made sure her wand was still in her robes pocket.

"It looks like someone attacked a family in Surrey. Hawksley was first on the scene, he was supposed to report back. Hurry up, it's 259 High Street." He disappeared and Tonks stepped out of her house, closing the door firmly before disapearating.

When she arrived she could see Robards outside the house talking to Dawlish and looking around. A woman sat on the front step, crying.

Tonks approached, cursing the ministry for their lack of preparedness. She just knew that this was something to do with the Death Eater's and yet she also knew that no one would acknowledge that. In the old days there would have been five Aurors there and another five looking for the culprits. Now they were lucky if night shift consisted of five Aurors.

"What happened?" Tonks asked the woman gently. She felt ill at ease.

"They took my daughter," the woman sobbed. "My husband is dead, they killed him and they took my daughter. My little Anna. I couldn't fight them off. Oh Merlin, I wish they had just killed me too!"

"Mam, please," Dawlish came over, "Calm yourself. Auror Hawksley has gone to search for your daughter, and Auror Robards has just left too."

The woman shook her head, causing her long black hair to whip around her. "They won't get her back! Oh Merlin," she began sobbing again. "It was him, that Greyback they talk about. Him and a woman in a mask. They were Death Eaters I tell you."

"Now mam," Dawlish began, probably about to tell her that she must be mistaken; they couldn't possibly be Death Eaters, when Tonks interrupted. "Did you say Greyback? Fenrir Greyback?"

The woman nodded, unable to speak through her anguish.

"Oh my-" Tonks looked around quickly, now she was really worried. Something was telling her that she needed to move. "Dawlish, I'm going to go find Mark. See if I can help him."

She set off, walking quickly in the direction Dawlish pointed. Her wand was grasped tightly in her hand and her gaze flickered almost erratically around her. She knew, with some sick clarity, that they would not be getting the little girl back. She was probably being taken to Greyback's pack, recruited in as one of the child werewolves, and raised to be nothing but the worst of creatures.

Eventually she came to a wooded area and steeling herself she moved forward, still looking around, her sense of dread mounting. She didn't know what it was, but she could just feel that something had or was about to happen. Fifty feet into the woods, she heard something, a sick kind of spluttering. Raising her wand she moved towards it, heart pounding. At first she saw nothing, not even movement in the trees.

"Hello?" she called, voice clear, her unease not showing. "Who's out there?"

"Ton…Tonks," the voice was low, rasping. Almost as if it were fading.

She looked around again and with a slow breath muttered "Luminous," lighting the tip of her wand. When she finally saw the source of the sound, she found herself wishing she had kept to the dark.

"Oh my…" she fell to her knees, hands fluttering to the gaping wound in his chest. "Mark."

His hand reached for hers,clasping it, holding it surprisingly tight for how weak he looked. He was pale, clearly having lost a lot of blood but he wouldn't allow her to apply any pressure to his wound, or even to try and cast a spell. "No Tonks, it doesn't matter now. Its too late," he gasped.

She shook her head, tears fighting to break free. "No, no. Hawksley, you fight damnit! I will not be the one to tell Dana and Rhiannon you aren't coming home."

He smiled weakly at her. "We all have to do things we don't want to Nymphadora. Look at me, I had to take you on as a partner and that didn't work out so bad."

Wrenching her wand hand away from him she sent up a series of sparks, praying to whoever may be listening that they would be seen and he would be saved.

"Don't know what your talking about, we were horrendous as partners."

"Only at the end. I'm sorry," he said, his breathing laboured.

"I know, great prat. Stop wasting your energy. Please Mark, please hold on." She knew he was apologizing for all the things he'd said, for how he had treated her. She didn't want that, not now if it meant he would be gone.

He didn't seem to hear her. "It was Greyback, he caught me off guard. Wasn't vigilant enough, Mad Eye would be ashamed."

The tears were falling freely down her face now, and she wondered why help didn't come. Surely they weren't that far away. She sent up the sparks again.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. Mad Eye would tell you that. Please Mark, I need you to stay with me. Dana and Rhiannon need you. I need you. I'm sorry I haven't talked to you, I should have tried harder." Her tone was pleading, almost frantic.

"My fault," she had to move her head down to hear him. "My fault," he whispered, "stay with me."

Behind her she could hear the crash of feet and then light dawned on them. Robards cursed. "Hawksley, Merlin man, what's happened to you? Dawlish, help me lift him, we have to get him to Mungo's."

Tonks barely heard them; she only had eyes for her partner, her once dear friend, who now gazed up at her with unseeing eyes. His trials in this world were over, leaving those left behind with a wound that was not soon to heal.

'Tonks, we need to move him," Dawlish admonished.

She shook her head, "Its too late, he's gone." She cried then, like she hadn't cried in years, great sobs pulling at her chest. She cried for Dana who had lost her husband, her love. For Rhiannon who would never really know her father. And she cried for the partner, the friend she had lost. Her first casualty of this new war.


	63. The world will go

**I am so sorry that I haven't updated in quite a while. I am also sorry that this chapter is short and honestly just an emotional one; nothing that will further the story, such as canon events, occurs. At the moment, my heart is just not in this. Real life has thrown me down on the ground and to borrow from many chapters ago, "I feel like my heart has been ripped out, stomped on, put back together shoddily with duck tape and put back upside down in my chest." I just do not have the emotional energy to give this the attention it deserves. I will never abandon this story, I love it too much, but I don't know when I will update again. At this point all my writing will come across as angsty and while some angst is good, that is not the vision I have for this and it wouldn't be fair to you, my loyal readers, if I did not give this the dedication it deserves.**

It was evening, the light outside defused, the sun setting. If she had been at home, it would have been the kind of evening that would have found her in her back garden, or down on the beach, simply taking in the peace of the night. Instead, Tonks was sat at the table in Sirius's kitchen, staring at the glass that had been pushed in front of her by her well meaning cousin, and not really registering anything but the feel of her husband's hand as he gently caressed her hand in soothing circles, under the table.

The day had been exhausting, mentally. Mark had been buried in the cemetery where all his ancestors had been buried, on the family plot. When he was alive, the fact that his family even owned a plot would have been cause for her to tease him. Now though, it was simply depressing to think about. All the Aurors office had come for the ceremony, dressed in their crisp red robes, which while resembling the red robes they wore as regular uniform, were far better in quality.

She had stood with Kingsley and Mad eye, trying to remain stoic; she felt like she had already cried enough to fill a river on the night Mark had been murdered. The rest of that night had been a blur, but she did remember Remus coming home, even though he was supposed to be watching Harry on Private Drive, and holding her as she cried heart brokenly into his chest. She had never been more grateful for her husband then in those hours, as he helped her wash the blood off and consoled her without even having to say anything.

As the casket had been lowered, using magic of course, she had glanced over to see Rhiannon struggling wildly against the hold Dana had on her, crying and then the girl began to scream.

"Daddy! What are you doing to my daddy? Get up!" she kicked at her mother, who looked as if she was about to fall apart herself and would have fallen over if not for the arm Remus, who was standing by her, placed around her.

The scene was enough to make Tonks feel a bile of sickness rise in her and she had quickly turned away, lest she too began crying.

Now, hours later, she found herself stuck in a perpetually numb state of exhaustion. The house was quiet for once; she had the vague thought that Molly had probably threatened her children with all kinds of wicked punishments if they didn't remain thus. But then again, they were probably having a meeting in one of the many bedrooms upstairs. Ron's friend Hermione had arrived a few days before and they had been doing that a lot lately.

With fingers that felt like they were disconnected from her hand she reached out and pulled the glass towards her, wrapped her hand around it and raised it to her lips, relishing the burn of the whiskey as it tricked down her throat. The drink seemed to clear her mind somewhat and she smiled shakily at Sirius, who was watching her intently with shadowed eyes, and gripped Remus's hand tightly for a moment.

"Do you think Dana and Rhiannon will still leave?" Her voice was surprisingly strong.

"Yes." There was no hesitation behind Remus's response and she wondered if he and Dana had already discussed it. "She is even more afraid now then she was before. She wants her daughter safe, and leaving seems to be the best option."

"I don't blame her," Sirius intoned, pushing the half empty bottle of whiskey towards Tonks. "Sometimes I think the best thing we ever could have done was run. Too late now I suppose."

"They still don't want to recognize what's happening," she looked at them both with over bright eyes, although both men knew her well enough to know that the tears would not fall. "The ministry still sees what's going on as a coincidence or some rebel faction thinking they can go back to their glory days!" she slammed her hand down on table and pushed away, standing shakily. "Even when one of their own dies; someone who has dedicated their life to the safety of this community…" she shook her head. "I wanted to be sick today. What was said at that funeral…All Mark wanted was to be a good Auror, to have his family and to have a good life. And because no one wants to realize that there is a bloody problem, he is dead! I should have been there that night, right by his side, but instead I let my own petty feelings of hurt get in the way…" she took a breath, pressing a hand against her chest.

Both Remus and Sirius were watching her and she found herself glad that Molly had vacated to another part of the house for the evening. It was one thing to make a scene in front of them; they had known her for what felt like her whole life and in Sirius's case it was literally her whole life. But to do so in front of someone she hardly knew…

"Dora," Remus said softly, "Please sit down."

She bit her lip and shook her head. "I can't, I just feel so-Merlin, I don't even know what I'm feeling right now. Mark was my partner, whether we had been talking or not. I was supposed to have his back, be there to make sure nothing happened. "

"Tonks," Sirius's voice was rough, holding a tone of earnest seriousness. For the first time that evening she realized that her cousin was completely sober, a feet he had not accomplished for some weeks. "What happened wasn't your fault. This is a war, and we knew going in that there was going to be casualties right? Despite whatever happened between you and your friend, he knew deep down that you cared. And you said that he apologized, yeah? That proves that he valued that friendship. You were there for him in the end and that's more then a lot of people can say. You have to believe that you are going to get past this, as much as it hurts. "

She stared at him, wanting to ask if it was really that easy. If it was that simple really, then why the hell had he hung onto his loss for so long, why was he still hanging on? Blaming him self? Instead she sat back down and leaned against her husband, who wrapped his arm around her snugly. She knew the situation was different, although she was sure she felt it just as keenly. She knew one thing though; she was not going to deal with it in the same way.

Sighing she pushed the previously offered alcohol away from her with one hand and turned her head into Remus's shoulder. "When the hell did you get so bloody insightful?" she muttered in the direction of her cousin.

He let out a slight bark like laugh, "Years of dealing with mopey gits I guess. Couldn't live with Mooney here for seven years and not have gained a little bit of empathy."

She sighed again, and closed her eyes for a moment. Life, she knew from bitter experience, would move forward. It would go on, and the every day trivialities would take over; the world would move forward. And, she knew, she would have to do the same.


	64. It's the terror of knowing

**I am back! Before this begins, I just want to say thank you to everyone for their encouragement and wishes, especially LupinxTonks4ever and AzNerd(who has a great story you should all check out called "We Were Always Meant For Each Other"). I am beginning to feel as if moving forward is possible, if little by tiny tiny little. In that spirit let us move forward with this story!**

**I do not own anything that appears as familiar with in this story, especially any dialouge borrowed.  
**

"Tonks!" the admonishing cry of Molly Weasley was only belayed by the shrill, ear piercing shrieks of the portrait of Sirius's mother. Thank Merlin I never had to the pleasure of actually meeting her while she was alive, Remus mused as he and Molly attempted to close the portrait's hangings and failed. From her position on the floor beside the horrendously ugly troll leg umbrella stand she had just succeeded in knocking into _again, _Dora apologized profusely. If he didn't find her clumsiness so endearing he would laugh at the exasperated look on her face. Of course now was not the time…

"Shut up you horrible old hag, shut UP!" Sirius entered then and his mother turned her attention to him, hissing about how he was "shame of her flesh". With a wrenching tug, his friend managed to pull the curtains closed and then calmly turned to his godson, who had been standing there bewildered, and said grimly,

"Hello Harry. I see you've met my mother."

Suppressing a snort at Sirius's greeting, Remus watched Harry move off towards the kitchen with him, the ringing of Mrs. Black's harsh voice and words still echoing in his ears. He looked at his mortified wife, who had pulled herself up off the floor and made his way towards her as everyone else followed to the kitchen.

"You've got a bit of dust, just here," he said gently, tapping her nose as she brushed her robes off.

"Ta love," she murmured smiling slightly before turning towards the newly erected umbrella stand and giving it a good kick and a dark look. "That thing is a bloody public menace."

He wisely didn't comment and just managed not to laugh, but still she caught the look in his eye.

"I can kick you too you know Lupin; I haven't forgotten that little slip of the name you provided back at Private Drive." She moved passed him towards the kitchen and he followed shaking his head. He just couldn't resist when introducing her to Harry; even after all these years the use of her full name still got her dander up, and it still amused him to no end to see it.

He entered the kitchen just in time to see her knock over a candle and light their blue prints of the ministry on fire. When she then proceeded to knock over a chair not even ten minutes later, he knew it was gearing up to be a banner night. He just hoped that she didn't "accidentally" elbow him in the nose that night in bed, for laughing at her. Somehow though, he didn't think he'd mind; he was glad to see his Dora getting back to herself. She had been truly excited to actually be able to talk to Harry and see him up close for the first time in fourteen years; he knew that was why she had volunteered to help him with his things and he suspected the conversation that had occurred between them had amused her as she had been smiling, truly smiling, for the first time in weeks, when they had reappeared in the kitchen. There was still sadness in her ever-expressive eyes, but he knew from bitter experience it would always be there. It was in the eyes of anyone who had ever lost someone they loved dearly; in his own every time he looked in the mirror and so very obvious in Sirius's.

As they ate dinner, which started out as an awkward affair after Molly mentioned her son Percy, who had decided to disown his family and side with the ministry, while admonishing an over eager Fred and George, he watched Dora interact with Ginny and Hermione. And he knew that she at least, would not become bitter from her loss.

He was pulled out of his musings and into a conversation with Arthur and Bill Weasley and soon dinner was drawing to a close. Throughout, no matter who he was talking to, he kept one eye and one ear on Sirius and Harry. He was worried about them both; Sirius because of his ever-increasing apathy and cynicism and Harry because of the anger he could see just lurking under his skin, like a pulsating mass. Sometimes, being a werewolf had its advantages; he could practically smell the emotion radiating off them both. I'm glad we were finally able to go get him, he thought, especially after that incident with the Dementor. When Remus had heard what had happened, that Harry and his cousin had been attacked, he had never been so glad that he had taught someone something; no matter what the ministry said, Harry had done the right thing by casting a patronus.

Again his thoughts were interrupted as an argument broke out between Molly and Sirius. He knew, without having had to been paying attention to the beginning of it that they were arguing about Harry.

"Its not down to you to decide what's good for Harry! You haven't forgotten what Dumbledore said, I suppose?" He had never seen Molly with such a look on her face before, as if she was ready to physically attack Sirius at the first provocation. Remus looked at Sirius closely, hoping his friend would keep his cool and be rational. Across the table, he could see Dora too was watching her cousin.

"Which bit?" Sirius asked. He seemed calm, but Remus knew him too well to believe it. Sirius too was preparing for battle.

"The bit about not telling Harry more than he needs to know!"

"I don't intend to tell him more than he needs to know, Molly. But as he was the one who saw Voldemort come back he has more right than most to- "

Molly interrupted Sirius, reasoning that Harry was only fifteen and not a part of the Order, no matter what he had dealt with. Remus continued to keep his eyes on Sirius, waiting for the moment that would tell him if he needed to intervene, if Sirius was unable to keep his cool. Thank Merlin he hasn't been drinking today, he thought.

"No one is denying what he's done," Molly was saying, her body trembling with anger. "But he's still-"

"He is not your child!" There was an anger brewing in Sirius's eyes that did not bode well. Under the table he felt Dora kick his leg lightly, and he nodded slightly. This was getting out of hand.

"He's not an adult either; he is not James, Sirius!"

Remus winced inwardly, as Sirius coldly denied her accusation that he was trying to bring his friend back through his godson. Molly was grasping and he could tell her words were just going to become even more hurtful. Still, he did not feel he should say anything yet; Sirius would not appreciate it, he knew.

"What's wrong with that?" Harry asked of her, coming to his godfather's defense.

"What's wrong, Harry, is that you are not your father, however much you might look like him! You are still at school and adults responsible for you should not forget it!"

"Meaning I'm an irresponsible godfather?" Sirius's anger was mounting, his voice rising.

"Meaning you have been known to act to rashly, Sirius, which is why Dumbledore keeps reminding you to stay home."

As Sirius demanded that she not bring what Dumbledore had said to him up, and as Molly turned to her husband for support, Remus caught his friend's eye and raised a brow. His intention was clear; you will not win this one if you allow yourself to be baited. The look he received in return told him all he needed to know; it was time to intervene.

"Personally," he said as he finally looked away from Sirius and Molly turned from Arthur, who had been of no help to her cause, and to him, "I think it better that Harry gets the facts- not all the facts, Molly, but the general picture – from us, rather than a garbled version from…others," he finished mildly, knowing that there were still some of the twins extendable ears lurking around the house.

"Well…well I can see I'm going to be overruled," Molly sounded winded, her anger making her breathless, "I'll just say this: Dumbledore must have had his reasons for not wanting Harry to know too much, and speaking as someone who has Harry's best interests at heart-"

"He's not your son," Sirius said quietly this time, intensely.

"He's as good as," Molly replied fiercely. "Who else has he got?"

"He's got me!"

"Yes," Molly said, her lip curling, and Remus could just sense that what she was about to say was going to be meant to wound. "The thing is, its been rather difficult for you to look after him while you've been locked up in Azkaban, hasn't it?"

As Sirius started to rise from his seat, Remus felt anger and disgust stirring in his chest; the wolf stirring in defense of what it perceived as a slight against one of its own. He knew Molly loved Harry like he was her own, but really this was taking things too far. Sirius's care and love for Harry should not ever be in question as far as he was concerned; she could not begin to understand how hard it had been for him not to be able to be there to take care of his godson.

"Molly, you're not the only person at this table who cares about Harry," Remus admonished sharply, suppressing his anger with the ease of years of practice. "Sirius, _sit down._" He looked at them both, waiting until his friend followed his order and then said, "I think Harry ought to be allowed a say in this; he's old enough to decide for himself."

He watched with mild apathy as Molly finally lost the argument, as Harry declared his intention to know what exactly was going on. This is going to be a long night he thought as Molly ushered an angry Ginny, who was the only one going to be excluded from the conversation, out of the room.+++

After Molly had ushered Harry, her sons and Hermione out of the room, the others soon followed sighting tiredness. Soon only Remus, Sirius and Tonks were left in the kitchen.

Sirius was still seething, Remus could tell, but he refrained from commenting. He knew that if his friend wanted to talk he would say something. Sirius stood and went to the cupboard pulling out a bottle of Fire Whiskey from the back. He silently offered them a measure, but both he and Dora declined. Pouring himself two fingers full Sirius downed the drink quickly and stashed the bottle back in the cupboard.

"Thanks, for what you said," Sirius finally said, sitting down again at the table.

Remus shrugged, "She was wrong," he said evenly. "And what's more, she knows that she was in the wrong in throwing Azkaban in your face. Sometimes we can't help what we say though, when it comes to those we care about."

"No one doubts that you love Harry, Sirius," Dora added. "We know that if it had been in your power, you would've been there for him. You're there for him now and that means a hell of a lot."

Remus smiled slightly at her; it was just like her to know exactly what he himself was just about to say.

Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "That woman just hates me," he chuckled slightly although it was far from mirthful.

Remus shook his head, "You're a threat to her Sirius; before you came into the picture, who did Harry have? It wasn't like any of us had the option of being there for him, Dumbledore made sure of that. No, the Weasleys came into his life and they provided something for him that he had never experienced; a family that loves him and cares about him."

"Besides," Dora cut in again, "Harry is pretty hard not to want to love or care about; has been since he was born."

Sirius shook his head, "Do you think he's going to be alright?"

Remus and Tonks shared a look and he said carefully, "Honestly, I think Harry has a lot of anger lurking inside. I don't think he's really going to be alright until all this over."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed grimly, "that's what I thought."+++

"You seemed upset earlier."

Remus looked over to where Dora was lying in bed, watching him as he spelled their bedroom window. It was a nightly ritual for one or both of them to renew the protection spells around their house. They were taking no chances now that the Death Eaters were skulking about again.

"It was just what Molly said," he sighed, finishing up and climbing into bed beside her. Immediately she moved until she was lying on him, head resting on his chest, her fingers absently tracing a scar on his right bicep.

"She cares about Harry a lot is all; Molly isn't a spiteful woman, you know that Sirius gets her dander up."

"I know love. It doesn't help anything though; Sirius already feels like he is useless, there is no need to rub it in. I like Molly a great deal Dora, how could I not after all she and her family have done for Harry? I just wish that she wouldn't pick at Sirius, as if it's some kind of contest between the two of them. Harry looks at them differently and I know that he sees Sirius as a solid link to his parents."

"And Molly as a mother figure," she supplied, yawing at the end.

He caressed her back through her t-shirt, "Yes. And as much as that may be, Sirius is right; she is not his mother, nor is she his guardian. And I know, that if it came down to it, James and Lily would want Harry to know what is going on and I have to trust that they knew what they were doing when they entrusted Harry to Sirius if anything should ever happen to them. I know Sirius doesn't take that lightly."

"Hmm, no. Your right, it was unfair of her. I really hope that Harry is going to be okay; I know that what we told him tonight isn't going to be enough. I hope he doesn't go broking trouble." Her voice was low, and he could tell she was falling asleep.

"Me too Dora; I really hope so."


	65. Nobody said it was easy

**A/N: Merry Christmas and happy holidays, whatever you celebrate. Hope you enjoy the update. :) Also,**** I am editing some of the chapters, but there will be no major changes to the story, just in grammar and such. Its been driving me mad. :/**  


Tonks stifled yet another yawn as she watched Arthur and Harry quickly leave the kitchen on their way to Harry's hearing at the ministry. She felt horrible for the teenager; he looked like a good wind would have no trouble knocking him over at that moment. She watched out of the corner of her eye as Molly looked after him and then let out a sigh.

"I'm going to see to a few things upstairs before I tell the rest of them to shift it," the older woman said as she left the kitchen. No one replied, but it didn't seem as if she had really been expecting one.

"Will Amelia Bones really be fair you reckon?" Sirius asked as she yawned yet again. She could hear the worry in his voice and when she looked at him he returned her gaze in earnest. As she looked at him, the thought that he had changed so much crossed her tired mind. It saddened her.

"Course I do. I know Amelia, she is always fair, sometimes painfully so. Sometimes I wish she was in charge instead of Scri-mgeour," she yawned again, but they both seemed to get what she was saying.

"Speaking of Scrimgeour, what exactly did he say to you?" Remus asked as Sirius settled into the morning prophet, a ruse really as his eyes stayed stationary at one spot on the page.

She twisted one lock of blond curl around her index finger, eying it almost crossly before wrinkling her nose and having it go back to its "natural" pink bob. "I ran into him while I was leaving after guard duty. He wanted to know why I'd been in so early, when he was sure that I wasn't supposed to be. I told him," She yawned again, holding up one finger to indicate she was going to continue, "Bugger, sorry. I told him that I was working on a case that has been bugging me for a few weeks and not to worry I wasn't looking for over time. Don't think he believed me. Like I said, he's been asking me and King a lot of questions lately; the other day I was taking a report to King and all of a sudden there Scrimgeour was wanting to know if either of us had spoken to Mad-Eye lately. I don't trust him; I think he's sizing up the situation and waiting to show his hand. I know King is good at playing the ministries games, but if it comes to it I'm not bloody doing it. I've never been good at it and it's too late to try to start now,"

Remus smiled slightly, "It would probably just give you away anyway. You should go get some sleep love, your practically falling asleep at the table. I'll wake you up when its time for you to go in for your shift."

"Yeah, before you start snoring at the table. I don't know how Moony puts up with it, I swear I could hear you in Buckbeak's room the other night, you were so loud."

Tonks rose from the table, and stuck her tongue out at her cousin childishly. "I'm going to choose to ignore that little dig for the moment, but only cause I'm so tired. You got lucky this time." She stumbled from the room then, passing the twins on the stairs as they came down for breakfast. ++++

It was late in the evening when Remus returned to headquarters, after completing some business for the Order. He had missed dinner he knew, but he figured that could wait until he was in his own home later that night. His only reason for coming back to number 12 that day was to talk to Sirius; he wanted to know what had happened with Harry. He could hear Molly in the kitchen, but he knew he would not find his friend there. Things were still tense between she and Sirius and as such he tried to spend as little time alone with her as possible. It was sort of funny, in a sad way, that he had taken to hiding away from guests in his own house. Going upstairs he headed for the library first hoping to find Sirius there and not in Buckbeak's room. He hated going in there. It seemed luck favored him though as he found the dark haired man sitting in a armchair by the cold fire place, staring into space and nursing a finger of whiskey.

"You drink too much," he said quietly as he sat across from him in the other armchair placed there.

Sirius, who didn't seem at all surprised at his sudden appearance, saluted him with the glass. "Want one? You can never drink too much Moony. Besides, I remember a time when you could down it with the best of them and not even have a hangover in the morning. Must be the Irish blood." He downed his drink and put the glass aside on the side table.

"I also almost lapsed into alcoholism a few times. Its much too easy a fix," he sighed and ran a hand through his hair tiredly, the ever-present fringe falling forward with the motion. "I didn't come to talk about your abuse of alcohol Padfoot."

Sirius raised a dark brow and let out a low bark like laugh, "Didn't you? I know you've just been itching too. You forget how well I know you Remus, sometimes I think its better then you know yourself. You've wanted to say something for a while, so we might as well have it out."

Remus shook his head, but didn't rise to the bait. As well as Sirius claimed to know him, that's how well he knew his friend. Harsh words were not needed in this moment, although a good swift kick to the arse wouldn't hurt, he thought.

"I take it from your rather pathetic mood that things did not go well," he said instead.

"For Harry? Oh it went well, he's been cleared of all the trumped up charges. Everyone is over the moon."

"Except you," he said shrewdly.

"Of course I am!" Sirius snapped, standing from his chair and moving to the empty fireplace. "No one is happier for him, I swear. I was practically doing a jig!"

"That must have been a sight," he muttered. Sirius shot him a dark look, but Remus only raised a brow in return.

"If you're as happy as you claim, then what's all this about?"

Sirius leaned against the mantle, his eyes closing for a moment, "Do you think I'm a bad person Moony?" He sounded tired and drawn.

"What? No," he said instantly. "You are many things, but never that my friend."

Sirius moved back to his chair and sat, his gaze meeting Remus' almost desperately. "I am happy that Harry is going back to Hogwarts, despite what anyone may think. He asked me if he could come live here you know? If he got chucked out, that is. I never answered him, not really. How can I tell him that I want him here more than anything? Its not that I would have been glad if he got expelled and had to come stay here, far from it. But I wouldn't have hated it."

Remus nodded, he understood perfectly what Sirius was trying to say. "There is nothing wrong with wanting him here Sirius, of liking the idea; it doesn't mean you are a bad person. It's the farthest thing from it. You took a responsibility for Harry the day he was born and James and Lily asked you to look after him if anything ever happened and while you may not have been able to do that for some years, you are now. I know it's hard, seeing him and seeing James; they are far too alike in many ways."

Sirius smiled slightly, "You know Moony, when I talk to Harry and I spend time with him, its Lily that I see. He might look like his father and sound like him and even act like him sometimes, but there is far too much of Lily in that boy to ever mistake him for anything but himself. He is the perfect mix of them both and I think that's what gets me the most. That and I feel like there is nothing I can do for him, not locked up in here."

They lapsed into silence for a time, the room becoming dark as the moon rose. It would be full soon, within the next week; Remus could feel it in his blood and bones, pulling like the tide on the shore.

"Do you remember the time that James thought he lost Harry in Diagon Alley?" he finally asked.

Sirius laughed, the full on bark like laugh that James had always heckled him about. "Merlin's pants yes! And you found him in the "mature section" of Flourish and Blots, sitting there on the floor as happy as could be. James was beside himself; made us promise to never tell Lily."

Remus smiled, shaking his head at the memory. "You teased him for hours after and promised that you were going to tell Harry all about it when he was older. That's what you can do you know. Harry needs you Sirius; there are precious few people who knew his parents like we did. You may not be able to leave the house, or have him live here with you when he's not in school, but you can give him those memories and you can be there for him now. In this moment, he is here with you and he is confused and probably not a little bit terrified about what the future might hold. Be there for him now Sirius; I know you think its not enough, but it will mean more to him than any of us can know."

Sirius eyed his friend for a moment, and the sighed, "Listen to me getting mopey like an old woman; that's your job not mine. I'm supposed to be the smart and devilishly handsome one."

Remus snorted and rolled his eyes, "Nice to see your ego hasn't suffered any."

Sirius smirked briefly, but then turned sober once more. "Thanks Moony. I know I can always count on you for the truth; I realized that a long time ago. Should have never forgotten it, then maybe none of this would have happened and I'd be able to walk down the street like a normal citizen."

"We can't dwell on what ifs Sirius," he replied quietly, "Not anymore."

Sirius nodded, but Remus wasn't sure he believed him. He glanced out the only window in the room; it was now later then he had intended to stay. Still, he didn't feel as if he should leave his friend to his own devices.

"So, how about that drink then?"

Sirius smirked again, "Oh, I thought you were a teetotaler now."

"What can I say, it's the Irish blood, gets me every time."+++

Tonks moved over to the table laden with food after Arthur had finished giving his speech, congratulating Ron and Hermione on their appointment to perfect. She was a bit surprised, she had to admit, that Harry hadn't been made one; it might have given him a confidence boost. She supposed Dumbledore had his reasons though; besides it wasn't like being a perfect was indicative of anything to come in life.

"I was never a perfect myself," she commented knowing Harry could hear her, "My head of house said I lacked certain necessary qualities."

"Like what?" the question came from Ginny who was beside her choosing a potato.

"Like the ability to behave myself," she replied crisply, causing the redheaded teen to laugh and Hermione to choke on her Butterbeer. Poor girl, you think she would be used to the idea of breaking rules by now, she thought bemusedly as she piled food on her plate. Ginny was now asking Sirius if he had been made perfect and Tonks had to bite her lip, so she didn't start laughing; the idea of Sirius as an authority figure was ludicrous.

"No one would have made me a perfect, I spent too much time in detention with James. Lupin was the good boy, he got the badge." If any one else noticed the gleam in his eye as he said this they didn't let on; as it was she almost met the same fate as Hermione as she tried not to snort into the Butterbeer she had just picked up. Oh, Remus had been a good boy alright; he was so good that he never got caught getting into trouble, which he most certainly did. The number of times James and Sirius had been in detention, Remus should have been by their side.

"I think Dumbledore might have hoped I would be able to exercise some control over my best friends. I need scarcely say that I failed dismally," she heard her other half intone dryly.

Soon enough she found herself cornered by Ron, as he insisted on informing her all about his new broom. She nodded in all the right places, vastly amused by the young man and his excitement. Across the room she could see Remus finally extracting himself from Hermione's diatribe on House Elf rights and how they were comparable to Werewolf ones. Their eyes met and he raised a brow nodding at Ron who had his back to him. She shook her head slightly indicting that she didn't need rescuing from conversation with the young Weasley. She found that she liked talking to him and to the others; if she had been able to have a child he or she would have been only just a bit younger than the teen in front of her. She sighed and continued to listen to the boy, smiling slightly. "It sounds wonderful Ron, when are you going to try it out?"+++

"What's that?" Remus asked, peering over Sirius' shoulder to see the photo that Moody had just showed him.

"Its us, the old order. Mad-Eye was just showing it to Harry. Merlin's saggy y fronts I forgot how much of a tosser you used to look." He glanced at Remus and smirked, "Not much has changed eh?"

Before Remus could reply, Moody interrupted saying gruffly, "We should head up stairs. Potters just walked in on Molly; doesn't look good." His eye was fixed on the ceiling above them.

Sirius and Remus exchanged a glance but complied, the three of them thudding upstairs. The sight that greeted them as they came running into the room was something out of a nightmare. There on the floor in front of a sobbing Molly was Harry's body. Of course, Harry was also standing in front of them, so there was only one explanation for what was going on…

"Riddikulus!" Remus said firmly, pulling out his wand and pointing it at the Boggart. It changed instantly into a full moon and he waved his wand vanishing it in a puff of smoke.

Molly's sobbing doubled and Remus' heart went out to her. No one should have to see what she had just seen.

Molly," he said bleakly, moving towards her, "Molly, don't…"

She launched herself forward grasping on to him, crying into his shoulder. Remus patted her on the head soothingly, "Molly, it was just a Boggart, just a stupid Boggart…"

"I s- see them de-dead all the time! All the t-t-time; I dream about it!" she sobbed tremulously into his shoulder. She was trying to wipe her eyes now with her sleeve, begging him not to tell Arthur. Remus handed her a handkerchief and she apologized to Harry for having to see what had just occurred, but he told her not to be silly.

"I'm just so worried-half the families in the order; it will be a miracle if we all come through this-and P-Percy's not talking to us; what if something dreadful happens and we've never made it up with him? And what's going to happen if Arthur and I get killed, who's g-g-going to look after Ron and Ginny?"

"Molly, that's enough," Remus told her firmly. He knew what it was like to loose people the way she was describing; to be so afraid that the at any minute you could find out that the people that you loved the most were just gone. It was hell; but it did no good to dwell on fear. "This isn't like last time. The Order are better prepared, we've got a head start, we know what Voldemorts up to-"

She squeaked at the name and he had to resist rolling his eyes, although not in derision. It was ridiculous how people refused to say it.

"Oh Molly come on," he continued not unkindly, "its about time you got used to hearing his name-look, I can't promise no one's going to get hurt, nobody can promise that, but we're much better off than we were last time. You weren't in the Order then, you don't understand. Last time we were outnumbered twenty to one by the Death Eaters and they were picking us off one by one," he trailed off, but Sirius picked up where he left off, surprisingly, in reassurance.

"Don't worry about Percy," he said, "He'll come round. It's only a matter of time before Voldemort moves into the open; once he does, the whole ministry's going to be begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology," he finished bitterly.

Remus shook his head, but continued after his friend, smiling slightly, "And as for who's going to look after Ron and Ginny if you and Arthur died, what do you think we'd do, let them starve?"

Molly smiled slightly, tremulously, "Being silly," she sighed.

Remus nodded, patting her on the back. "Its alright Molly. It's not silly, not at all. Come on, I'll fix you a cup of tea and bring it up to you. You should go have a lie down." He helped her to her feet and out of the room, leaving Sirius and Moody behind, Sirius no doubt making sure Harry was alright. +++

Remus and Tonks watched as Sirius ran after the departing train in his animagus form, tail wagging. Molly was muttering to herself still about what a fool he had been to come and see Harry off. The couple shared a look; it said that they agreed with her, but what was done was done. Remus was worried though, he was sure Lucious Malfoy had recognized Sirius.

"Get him home safely," Moody said gruffly, gripping Tonks' shoulder. Looking at the two of them, Remus couldn't help thinking that at the moment, in her old woman disguise, his wife looked more like she should be with the gnarled man gripping her shoulder than him. "Bloody fool, gonna get us all caught if he's not careful. Won't do Potter any good if his Godfathers back in prison." He stumped away then and in a moment was gone with a crack.

"I'm off to work then," Arthur was saying to Molly, as Sirius finally ran back towards them. He too disapperated and Molly soon followed after one disapproving look at Sirius; clearly she had recovered from yesterday's ordeal, Remus thought.

"Well love," Tonks said, linking her arm through his, "What do you say we take our doggie here for a bit of a walk. I know a lovely park close by."

Sirius barked his agreement, and Remus could only shake his head in exasperation. "It depends," he said as they headed towards the barrier, "Will I be escorting my wife, or her grandmother?"

"Oh, isn't he such a flatterer, eh doggie? Haven't you ever heard that age is better?"

Sirius barked again, his tongue hanging out, eyes alight with doggie laughter. Remus supposed that it couldn't hurt to allow his friend some more time outside, after all he would only be confined once more within the bleakness of number 12 all too soon.


	66. The way that circumstances go

**Hello lovelies. Sorry this took so long to get up; I don't know where my head has been these past months, with trying to get my thesis done and finishing up all the other crap I need to graduate and dealing with real life. This has been the year from hell personally, but it's all done, so now I have time to get back to this. I hope you enjoy it, and just a forewarning I do not have anything against gays or bisexuals, some of my best friends are gay, the comments in this chapter are just a bit of humor so please take it as that.**

Sometimes Remus felt like he spent most of his time sitting at the table in the kitchen of number 12, listening to Sirius grumble to himself, or banter with Dora when she was around. It would depend on if his friend had been drinking that day and what mood he was want to be in. Whatever the case, he was sure that between the time he spent trying to cheer Sirius up and the time he spent in meetings with the Order, most of his days passed in the confines of the bleak abode. At least he could leave when he wanted, which was more than Sirius could do.

"God Moony," came the moan from the head of the table. Remus was perusing the Prophet, reading about the further reforms Umbridge was suggesting; the woman still managed to dig her claws into ministry law, even while reeking havoc on the students of Hogwarts. Tonks sat across from him, her sock clad feet resting on top of his as she flipped through some reports she had managed to copy and smuggle out of the Auror office.

"This is not how I imagined my life would be at 35," Sirius continued despite the lack of reaction from his friend. "I thought, I don't know, I'd find someone nice, settle down, have a few kiddies, maybe convince you to leave Tonks and join a gay commune with me."

Remus only looked up enough from his paper to see that Dora was grinning as she tried not to break out laughing. "Better men than you have tried and failed," he intoned dryly, eyes returning to his paper.

Sirius, who had been just about to take a drink from the mug in front of him, snorted into his coffee and replied, "I know. Wormtail would have loved that."

Remus ignored the jab at their former friend not wanting to bring up the implications of what Sirius was saying. Dora, it seemed, had no such qualms.

"Are we referring to the fact that he had a huge man crush on my husband? I knew there was a reason he didn't like me."

Sirius nodded, "Oh yeah, the number of times I caught him wanking, Thought he was going to try and jump you every time you took your shirt off" he was definitely trying to get a rise our of Remus now, but he refused to take the bait and instead continued to read the paper. He was not a fool, he had been quite aware that Peter had, when they were teenagers, had some kind of infatuation with him. Apparently Dora had been aware of the fact too as had Sirius. He had never been sure if the other boy had been gay or bisexual, as he had certainly expressed an interest in girls a time or two at least to Remus, but he never acted on it so things never became awkward between them. Leave it to Sirius to bring it up though just because he was board.

"And yet, he never propositioned me to join a gay commune," he finally said blandly, "I'm tired of talking about Peter. It doesn't do anything except make you even more pissed than usual and make you want to get pissed in general."

Sirius smirked, "Shut up moonshine."

"You know its true."

"Yeah, yeah. I'll stop taking the piss out of you. Merlin Tonks, what did you do to him, he used to be more fun."

Tonks rolled her eyes and went back to reading her smuggled papers. Remus sighed, folded his newspaper and threw it at Sirius who caught it deftly and gave him the bird. "Do the crossword or something, I've got to go meet Mad-eye. Do you have guard duty tonight?" he asked Dora as he stood.

She shook her head, "Arthur traded with me, said I should try to get some sleep, what with working the double tomorrow."

"I'll see you at home later then," he started towards the door, but her hand grabbing his arm stopped him. He turned back to find her looking at him with a raised brow, lips quirked in a smile.

"Are you forgetting something?" she asked pulling him down to her height so that she could kiss him quickly, causing him to laugh as she let him go. "Now you may leave." She waved her hand dismissively and as he left the kitchen still laughing, he just caught Sirius' smirk. +++

For once, Tonks mused, I would love to sleep through the early hours of the morning without someone sticking their head in the flue and disturbing what little sleep I get.

"Keep your pants on, I'm coming!" she yelled as she grabbed a pair of hole riddled jeans and pulled them on. The voice coming from her living room was getting more belligerent in its tone, leaving no doubt as to whom it could be,

"Don't you take that tone with me girl, just get your arse down here!"

Shaking her head Tonks descended the stairs, wondering where Remus could be so early in the morning that he hadn't told her about. She hadn't even heard him leave, which was unusual.

"Wotcher Mad-eye," she greeted as she cleared the landing.

Moody scowled at her, and growled, "And how were you sure it was me and not some death eater pretending to be me? You don't even have your wand out girl! Constant vigilance!"

She stared at him deadpan, waiting for him to get to what he had flued to say. His scowl deepened.

"Arthur's been attacked. We're to take the Weasley's and Potter to Mungo's. Your off work today, its all been taken care of. Come by mine first, so I can brief you." And before she could reply he disappeared from the fireplace.

Tonks stared for a moment and then went back up the stairs to get her boots on and grab her coat. Arthur attacked? She knew that he had guard duty, one that was supposed to be hers in fact, but he had traded with her, insisting that she needed the sleep, after so many sleepless nights of late. Still thinking, she headed back down the stairs, grabbed some powder, threw it in, called out Moody's flue direction and a moment later was face down on the heart of his kitchen.

"Sorry, haven't had time to clean that," he muttered from his kitchen table as she sat up and spluttered, black ash in her hair and on her clothes.

"What's this about Arthur?" she asked, brushing her self off and sitting at the table where he had already placed a cup of tea for her. "Ta."

He nodded, his eye whirling no doubt in paranoia. "He was on guard duty, got attacked by that Snake of Voldemort's. Potter saw the whole thing, some kind of vision or something. Arthur's in hospital now, recovering. Dumbledore wants us to take the family to Mungo's."

"Merlin's balls," she muttered, "I was supposed to have that shift, but Arthur traded me."

Moody eyed her sharply, both eyes unnervingly fixed on her. "Don't go blaming yourself because it wasn't you. Could have easily have happened on any night; Arthur is going to survive. What's important is that Voldemort is making a move for the prophecy."

Tonks took a sip of her tea, contemplating all that he had said. "Did you say that Harry saw it happen? Like in a vision or something?" If she sounded skeptical, it was only because as far as she knew Harry did not have the gift of prophecy and the only time she had heard of him seeing things was…

"Kid says he was the snake, that's what he told Dumbledore. I don't know; sounds fishy to me; sounds like someone is messing with the boys mind. He seems to like you, try and ask him what happened casual like sometime today."

She nodded true worry flooding her body. That poor boy, she thought, he probably thinks he's going mad. "I'll ask, but he probably won't be too forthcoming. It might be better to get Sirius to talk to him or Remus. Speaking of my husband, you wouldn't happen to know where he's buggered off to would ya? I know he was supposed to come here yesterday."

Moody's eye was whirling again. "He's getting some information for Dumbledore and that's all I'm going to tell you. And I wouldn't ask him about it when he does show his mug again; its better if less people know about it."

She raised a brow, but kept silent. She'd known Moody long enough to trust if he said that she didn't need to know what Remus was doing, but still he was her husband; she was allowed to worry about him. And she hated secrets between them.

"So, when do we head out?"+++

It was a few days later when Tonks was able to make it to Grimmauld place again, the day after Christmas as it transpired, and as she and Remus entered the house she could tell right off that the inhabitants were in a bit of a mood.

"OH SHUT UP YOU BLOODY HAG!"

"FILTH! SHAME OF MY FLESH! BRINGING THAT SHAME INTO THE HOUSE OF MY FATHERS!" Sirius retched the curtains of his mother's portrait closed and stomped back to the kitchen. Remus and Tonks shared a look and she shrugged. He sighed, smiling slightly and trudged after his friend. Instead of following, she decided to head to the upper floors of the house. She had some files to go over, before she smuggled them back into the ministry the next day, and she wanted somewhere quiet to do so before she dealt with whatever melodrama was occurring in the house that day. When she entered the library she was surprised to see Harry sitting in the corner, staring into space and apparently thinking about something; she'd thought that he would have been holed up with Hermione and Ron discussing the latest developments that had occurred with Arthur being attacked.

"Wotcher Harry," she greeted, startling him out of his revelry.

"Uh, Tonks, hi." He made to stand, "Did you need the room?" he had obviously noticed the files she was holding.

"No, sit down, it's fine. Was just going to go over some notes but I can do it later," She said brightly and sat down on the old settee. Harry seemed hesitant, but he sat again.

"Thinking bout what happened with Arthur? What you saw?"

He seemed wary to discuss it, but eventually he nodded. Tonks nodded too and began picking at a hole in the knee of her jeans. "You probably don't know this, but I was there the day you were born."

He looked at her surprised and she smiled, "Oh, I know I don't look old enough to even remember something like that, but believe me I am a lot older than I look. I remember your dad was so excited, he kept pacing up and down and finally Remus had to tell him to calm down; he was convinced that your mum was going to die in childbirth or that you would hate him. It was a sight let me tell you! I remember going into the room after you were born and everyone was looking at you and passing you around and Remus handed you to me, even though I was convinced I would drop you, and as soon as I had you in my arms you started wailing. Any time I held you after that you always started crying,"

"I'm sorry?" Harry said, the statement coming out as a question.

She laughed and shook her head. " You were smart even then; knew I was afraid I'd drop ya. Never did though, so there is that. That day you were born was one of the best days of my life. It was the day I found out I got accepted for Auror training too."

They lapsed into silence and she was just contemplating getting up and going to Sirius room to work, when Harry said, "It feels like they are all looking at me accusingly, like its my fault. Hermione says that I'm not going mad and that none of it was my fault, but it felt so real."

"No one is accusing you of anything Harry," she said at length, "And if they are, then they obviously don't know you too well. I don't think you're mad or possessed or anything; I've seen enough of that in my line of work to recognize it."

Harry sighed, the type of sigh that says the person wants to believe what you are saying but can't or won't allow themselves too.

"You know what you need?" she asked brightly, "A nice cup of tea and some of those chocolate biscuits Remus has stashed here. My mother -in -law always said that nothing fixes your problems like a good cup of tea, and Remus claims that chocolate is the cure for all ills so, one of them has to be right." She stood and looked at him expectantly, causing him to smile slightly.

"Well come on, budge up. If you want I can tell you more embarrassing stories about your dad; I know a ton of them" She started for the door and he followed, obviously enticed by the prospect of hearing more about his parents.

"Hold on," he said as they descended the stairs, "Your married?"

Tonks' laughter could be heard through the whole house, just before the portrait of Sirius mum went off again. +++

Remus was sure that the pimply-faced conductor of the Knight Bus visibly paled, if someone who was already as pale as a slug could do so, as his wife threatened him.

"If you shout his name I will curse you into oblivion," he heard her tell the boy menacingly as she shunted Ginny and Hermione forward into the bus. Something had her on edge, but she had yet to share it with him. He doubted it was the occlumency lessons that Sirius had informed them of that morning. Later, as they were saying goodbye to the children, Remus pulled Harry aside, he him self worried about the a fore mentioned lessons.

"Harry, I know you don't like Snape, but he is a suburb Occulmens and we all-Sirius included- want you to learn to protect yourself, so work hard, all right?"

"Yeah, all right," the boy agreed, sounding as if the idea weighed tremendously on him. "See you, then."

Remus didn't blame him for dreading having to spend one on one time with Snape. The man was sure to make it unpleasant, but hopefully he would teach Harry properly and not let old grudges get in the way of the boy's safety.

"Ready to go love?" Dora asked, still seeming on edge, although slightly less so now that the kids were gone. They got back on the bus and she shot the conductor another withering look, as if to say don't you dare even contemplate saying a word about who was on this bus.

"What's got you on alert?" he asked as they sat down a little further away from the other passengers, so they wouldn't be overheard. She looked around them, staring down a witch who was watching them openly.

"I think someone is following me."

Remus raised a brow as the bus lurched to a halt; he grabbed Dora's hand and, even though it wasn't their stop, he lead her off the bus quickly. They were somewhere in Scotland, that he knew, but he didn't know exactly where. Nor did he care. "What makes you think someone is following you?"

She glanced around and seeing only people going about their business and that only one person, on old wizard, had gotten off the bus with them, she visibly relaxed.

"I was on my way home from work the other night and this man followed me. I detoured into Diagon and morphed, so I lost him. But yesterday the same man was behind me. And today…well I wasn't taking any chances. And you never know if you- know- who has figured out how we are transporting Harry."

He put his arm around her and began leading her up the street, making it look like they were just a couple out for a stroll on a Sunday afternoon. " Why didn't you say anything about the man before?"

"I didn't want to worry you. I think Scrimgeour is having me watched; he was particularly on edge after Arthur was attacked and he knows that we're acquaintances at least. Its times like this that I wish I were as good as King at being deceptive."

Remus squeezed her slightly. "Its not a bad thing; and you can lie when you have to."

She smiled up at him, "Ta love. I'm going to have to be more vigilant. You should too, just in case we've been seen together. We should get home, I know I haven't been followed _there_ at least."

**A/N: So, why is Tonks being followed? We shall find out next chapter. Don't forget to review. :)**


	67. A lesson in vigilence

**A/N: Okay...I AM SO SO SORRY! (Chanelling a bit of DW there, but its true). I don't know where my mind has been these past months, I am so annoyed with myself for the neglect I have given to this this chapter is much shorter than it should be and I really didn't get into all the issues I wanted to cover in it, but those will have to wait until next time, I just really wanted to get this up before I go to work. I hope it is enjoyable, however brief it may be.**

Tonks sighed wearily and glanced behind her catching a quick look at what she had come to think of as her stalker. She still didn't know who it was, but she knew it was a man and he always seemed to start following her as she left work. For a few days she'd apparted straight home from work instead of heading for number 12, and that had thrown him off for a while, but she couldn't miss her guard duty that night and she knew that her shadow would stick to her wherever she went. It would be all too easy to change her appearance and simply loose him, but that of course wouldn't solve the bigger problem.

"Time to find out who the hell you are and what you want," She muttered to herself as she stopped in front of a used clothing store and pretended to fix her hair using her reflection in the window. In the glass she could see a man stop across the street and pretend to look at a display, only to glance away in dismay when he realized he was looking at a mannequin wearing a sheer fuchsia teddy. Snickering, Tonks slipped into the shop and began browsing through the racks of clothing, glancing periodically, but covertly, at the front window. Her stalker had not crossed the street but he had moved down one shop to stand in front of a pub.

Grabbing a vibrant blue tunic dress from a rack she made her way to the counter. "Do you have a dressing room I could try this on in?"

The girl behind the counter pointed to the right. "At the back there. It's only curtained off, sorry. "

"Ta," She smiled at the girl and quickly moved to the curtained off room, which was little more really than a closet with a mirror on the wall. It would serve her purposes though. Once the curtain was pulled tight, she shed her coat and pulled out her wand. Now came the tricky part; she needed to make sure she altered her clothes enough that she could still fix them after, but that they would be different enough to fool her new friend. After some muttered spells and a bit of cursing, she managed to shrink the length of her coat, change the colour of her pants and transfigure her boots into sneakers. "There go my favourite boots," she lamented to herself as she looked in the mirror and wrinkled her nose, concentrating on making her hair longer and decidedly brown. She then made her nose longer and, mostly satisfied with what she saw, donned her coat and left the dressing room, bypassed the girl at the counter, who didn't even glance at her, and made her way out of the shop and across the street. Her stalker only glanced at her briefly as she neared but dismissed her right away as not being his query. As she came level with him she stumbled, grabbing his arm for support.

"Oh, son of a…I am so sorry sir," she apologized as she straightened. "Wasn't watching where I was going, was I?" She glanced up into the face of her stalker.

"Its fine. Really, accidents happen."

"They do. Again I am so sorry."

She let go of his arm and moved on, walking quickly until she was two blocks over. Then she slipped into an alley and apparated to the park near number 12, where she changed her appearance back to normal and practically ran to the house, knowing she was going to hear it for being late. But at least she knew who was following her. Now, the question was, why was he? ++++

"Wotcher Williamson, you're with me today."

The red haired man looked up from his report and blinked at her, slightly startled to see Tonks standing in the opening of his cubicle.

"Pardon?"

She rolled her eyes, but smiled slightly. " I need to go investigate a report MLE passed on. You're with me." Since Mark's death Tonks had no regular partner and often ended up paired with whoever was available that day, so her statement really wasn't that strange. Still, Williamson hesitated before standing.

She rolled her eyes again and led the way out of the office. They were quite while they were in the lifts, but Williamson had never been much of a talker, and as they left the ministry for the streets of London and then an eerily quite tube station he seemed to loose whatever trepidation that had been pervading him. Which was a shame really, because as soon as he let his guard down he found himself being pushed against a concrete pole, his legs unable to move, with the tip of a wand pressed against his throat and one very angry metamorphmagus glaring into his eyes.

"What are you doing?" he managed to ask, as Tonks divested him of his wand.

"You've been very careless Williamson. Mad Eye is right, all you trainees that came after he left could use a good lesson in constant vigilance."

He shook his head, or tried to, "Your crazy Tonks, I don't even know what you are talking about."

She smirked, the lack of usual cheekiness behind it making the other Auror realize that she was not trying to pull something on him. "Don't play that game with me Williamson," she hissed. "I've been at it a lot longer than you and do it far better. So, I'm going to ask you some questions, yeah? And then your gonna answer them. Simple, quick and then we go back to our day like nothing ever happened."

Williamson nodded slightly and so she took it as her queue to continue. "Why have been following me? And don't even try and deny it; I know you have. We ran into each other yesterday outside that used shop. It was nice of you to help me back up, by the way."

He hesitated, but a press of the wand at his throat soon spurred him into speech. Tonks would be disgusted with herself for intimidating him so, if she wasn't so pissed off that he had been following her. What if he had made it to headquarters? Or followed her home?

"Fudge's orders. He asked Scrimgeour to have anyone he thought associated with Dumbledore watched, to see if they were planning anything against the Ministry."

Tonks shook her head in fake incredulity. "And Scrimgeour thinks that I'm close to Dumbledore? That doesn't even make sense."

Williamson shrugged. "Can you uh, lower the wand? I'll tell you what you want to know, but this is getting really uncomfortable. Besides you have my wand, so its not like I would stand a chance against you."

Tonks looked at him searchingly, considering. "Alright." She lowered the hand that she had pressed against his chest, keeping him to the wall, and muttered a reversal of the spell she had used to lock his legs. He moved them gingerly, sighing as blood flow returned.

"Thanks."

"Yeah, whatever. Now, you were saying about Fudge and his ridiculous paranoia?"

"Look Scrimgeour pulled me into his office one day right? And he said that he's noticed how well I've done these past few years and he thinks I can be trusted to do what is right. So he orders me to follow you; he said that you had been acting in an irregular fashion, and talking to people like Arthur Weasley, who is known to be an ally of Harry Potters, so he must be an alley of Dumbledore's. I asked him why he thought that you talking to a colleague was suspicious and he said that it wasn't just that you've been known to chat with him, it was who you were."

"Who I am?" she raised a brow. "I'm the same person I've always been. I have given the ministry over a decade of loyal service and he's suspicious of me because I had a conversation with Arthur Bloody Weasley?"

Williamson sighed, "He said, the ties that bind can be thick and unmerciful. Old allegiances die hard deaths and it was worth a chance to keep an eye on you. In case…"

"In case I was in contact with Sirius Black, who Dumbledore says is innocent," she finished for him, realization coming over her. "That's what this is about, isn't it? Because before he became a murderer, he was just my cousin and they think that I might just be contact with him."

She lowered her wand and snorted in derision. "I guess you never get away from family eh? Always coming back to haunt you."

"Look, I've never followed you home or anything, I thought that might be a little too personal. I like you Tonks, you've never struck me as the disloyal sort. I think that the higher ups are just being paranoid; they don't know what to do about all the rumors flying around. I'll just tell Scrimgeour…"

"You tell him that I caught you following me and that if there is a problem with me or he suspects me of anything he can bloody well come right out and bring me up on chargers. I am so tired of being associated with that…that animal!" Merlin, please don't let Sirius know I called him that, she silently prayed, even as she kept up her angry façade. " Yes, he is my cousin, yes we share the same blood. But the day he caused the death of two of my friends he became dead to me. Sirius Black means nothing to me and he hasn't for 14 years.; I am the last person who would know where he is or what he is up to. You tell Scrimgeour that, Williamson." She began to walk away and then remembered that she had his wand.

"Here," she threw it back to him, causing him to fumble to catch it. She snorted, suppressing a chuckle. "Oh and Williamson," she said lightly, as she turned away, her anger abruptly replaced by a cheeky smile, "I would go over your stealth training again, your not very good." And then she left him there looking bewildered.


End file.
